Authors' Notes: Since writing 'Cravings' I kept thinking about the growing process of a dragon in the Slayers universe. Most people write baby Val as being an ancient dragon but in his human form. This didn't seem right so that's how 'Cravings' came to be. This is not a continuation of 'Cravings' but does take some ideas established in it and elaborates on it further. Basically this fic started out as being a thought process to explain in my mind how dragons (both ancient and golden) are conceived, born/hatched and grow. So you will find many 'explanations' on how the process goes, but this is all from my mind and not Slayers fact. But hey if anyone likes the way I chose to do this and wants to do a similar conception/hatching/growing cycle as I have for your own fic then go for it. I don't mind. And as you can guess this is going to be a Xellos/Filia heavy fic. Except don't expect in your face romance right from the starting gate. That's going to take some time.

Half Innocent Half Evil

Part One, It's All His Fault

By Relm

It was all his fault. It always was. Ever since Filia had that first encounter with Xellos it had been one fiasco after another.

With Dark Star defeated Filia settled into a life of a shopkeeper and a foster mother to be. She had Gravos and Jilas to help her out if needed. And when Val finally hatched from his egg everything seemed like it was going to be fine.

But then Val grew too fast as a dragon and Xellos would pop up pointing out everything she was doing wrong. Like as though he was some sort of expert on how to raise an ancient dragon. He was especially pestering when Filia was forced to put that transformation collar on Val to make him stay in human form. Xellos had a field day with that one.

If it wasn't the parenting skills, Xellos would criticize her business, or her home, her cooking... etc. Filia was constantly in a state of extreme irritation that she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. Not that she could, it would surely get baby Val wailing. And Val's cries were louder than hell itself.

But then Xellos went away suddenly. He just disappeared with no explanation to where he was going or doing. It was quiet, peaceful...

It unnerved Filia.

She couldn't stand the quiet and the tranquility. She had become too accustomed to chaos.

His chaos.

Filia was vaguely aware of some peril facing the word far away from her home. She assumed it was another one those save the world quests that Lina got roped into dealing with. And Filia was right; Lina Inverse not only saved the world once, but twice during that latest adventure. Filia assumed that Xellos had been aiding or hindering Lina in that quest. And she assumed that he would go back to showing his face once the world had been saved.

But she was wrong.

The world kept turning and went back to way things were but no Xellos. It was like Xellos completely forgot about Filia. Either that or something horrible had happened to him. And that made Filia worry. Of course that made Filia disgusted with herself.

It was hard not to think about that annoying trickster priest. She tried to so many things to try and keep her mind off him. But nothing seemed to work. No matter what she did her mind kept going back to him. It was frustrating.

So when Filia got that invitation in the mail to a grand party in Sailune she was more than keen to go. Filia arranged for Jilas and Gravos to look after Val and off to Sailune she went.

The party was a reunion of sorts that Amelia set up. It seemed like every person that had travelled with Lina on her adventures were there. Filia met people she didn't know (Sylphiel and Pokota) and got see people she hadn't seen in a while.

The party had been going just fine for Filia until he showed up.

Xellos apologized for his lateness and immediately went to annoying Filia.

And it wasn't much that got Filia going. Just the sight of Xellos was enough to get her anger going. It had been almost 3 years! 3 years since she last saw him. But he went on acting like it was nothing.

The rational side of Filia's mind pointed out that 3 years wasn't really long for a golden dragon's lifespan nor a monster's either. So really him not explaining himself wasn't that horrible of a thing. 3 years was like a second for immortals. And also that she had no reason to be angry in the first place. She didn't want to see Xellos so why should he have to explain himself anyway?

But that rational side could have been screaming away and Filia would pay no heed to it. She was angry.

To quell her anger and her nerves Filia took to drinking. Before that party Filia really hadn't been one to drink heavily. In fact she rarely drank at all. So when she started on this drinking binge it hit her like a ton of bricks. Though drinking was a bad idea it did work, she was less angry and agitated with Xellos. She was almost enjoying his company.

Of course Xellos wouldn't have that, so he just tried harder to get Filia's anger going. The drunker Filia got the more he tried to get her goat.

Filia kept drinking and drinking to deal with the situation. But the more she drank crazy ideas started to pop into her head. Of things she could do to get back at Xellos. To really make him really squirm. One idea stood out from the rest. It wasn't something Filia would have ever considered sober. Not in a million years. But the more she drank the better the idea seemed. Something that would surely wipe that smug smile off Xellos' face.

Towards the end of the party Filia stumbled off to a secluded area. She didn't try to lure Xellos away; she just went off on her own. But she knew that he would surely follow. And follow he did.

Surely Xellos had a snide remark or two for the golden dragon but she didn't give him a chance to utter a word.

The moment they were alone Filia pulled Xellos into the most intensely passionate kiss that she could manage.

Oh the look on Xellos' face had been priceless. There were many emotions prevalent on his face. Confusion, resentment, disgust... to name a few.

Filia smiled smugly at her tormenter. He clearly hadn't been expecting that kiss. The conflict in his open eyes brought mirth to Filia's. She was so pleased with herself that she couldn't help it. She just had to kiss him again.

And that's when things got terribly wrong.

Sure it started off as just a kiss. But somehow the two ended up teleporting in a room with a bed. And somehow their clothes ended up in a pool on the floor. And it was morning when Filia woke naked in bed with Xellos with the worst hangover to end hangovers.

Yes it was his fault, it was always his fault. She had grabbed her mace and gave the monster a good pounding before getting dressed and going back home.

She chose to forget what happened and treated the whole night like one bad nightmare.

Perhaps it was the utter shame of sleeping with your enemy, but Xellos also decided to pretend their little tryst hadn't happened.

That had been two months ago, and since then Filia had gotten back to her normal life looking after a toddler ancient dragon and running an antique shop.

...

"Are you sure you're alright Boss?" Jilas asked Filia quite concerned. Since that party Filia had been dreadfully tired all the time. It made Jilas ad Gravos worry about her.

"For the hundredth time Jilas I'm fine. And stop calling me Boss!" Filia huffed.

"But you haven't been quite right since you came back from Sailune." Gravos insisted. "I've never seen you so tired and such."

"It's Val. He's rambunctious. And he doesn't like sleeping through the night. No he'd rather scream and throw toys at the wall for fun at all hours of the night just to see if I'll come into his room." Filia let out a yawn. That was true; Val wasn't really letting her sleep. Of course the little ancient dragon took several naps throughout the day so he was fine with being up at all hours at the night. Unfortunately Filia didn't have the luxury to nap all day.

"Well there are... other things..." Gravos mumbled.

"Like what?" Filia barked.

"You've been a little... moody lately..."

"I haven't been getting enough sleep!" Filia protested.

"And you've been eating strange things lately... And you seem..." Gravos trailed off.

"I seem what?"

"Like you've gotten... bigger."

Filia's eyes turned a murderous red as she got out her mace and gave Gravos a good thwack to the head sending him flying. On the way out of the house Gravos took out a window flying with him into the sky. This was not the first time Filia had sent her staff/aid flying into the air.

Satisfied Filia stormed out of upstairs to her room stomping with each step. "The nerve of him telling me I've gained weight!" Filia slammed her door shut with so must gusto that it almost knocked it off its' hinges.

"Well you have gotten a bit plumper than usual." Xellos mused sprawled out on Filia's bed. "But then I've seen the junk you eat so it's not a surprise you'd get bigger. Really a girl like you should know the hazards of eating unhealthy."

Usually in this sort of situation Filia would have gotten angry, changed into a dragon and proceeded to attempt to kill the pesky monster on her bed. But Filia didn't do that. No instead she just crumpled into a ball on the ground and started to cry a river. "I'm not fat!" She cried out in between sobs.

Xellos hadn't been expecting that. He expected her to get angry. In fact that's what he wanted, to get her angry. Not to make her cry. "Now Filia have some pride. Really crying on the floor like a baby."

"Yeah a big fat baby!" Filia wailed some more.

This was quite distressing to Xellos. Sure feasting on Filia's sadness was always a rare treat, but this didn't feel normal. Something felt very strange about this sudden sadness. 'Is she possessed by something?' "Come now Filia get off the floor. Do you really think it would be good for Val to see you so pathetic?"

Filia managed to gather herself and reduce her wailing sobs to a couple sniffles. But as she got up to her feet she immediately latched onto Xellos crying into his shoulder. "Do you think I'm fat?"

At this moment Xellos genuinely feared for his life. Filia was acting far stranger then he had ever seen her and she was latched onto him pretty fiercely. He was really considering the idea of some demon or monster controlling or possessing her. It wouldn't be the first time someone had tried to get at him using someone he knew.

While Xellos was mulling over the situation in his mind Filia was getting upset by his lack of answer. So with her anger aflame Filia went for her trusty mace and smacked him right through her window and flying in the air.

"Great now I'll have to replace another window. Stupid monster!" Filia growled.

...

Maybe the first two months Filia had been able to ignore the signs, but when she hit the third month a startling revelation hit her. She hadn't had her time of the month since that party. The weight gain, the fatigue, the mood swings, those strange cravings for junky foods...

She didn't want to believe it. She couldn't believe it. He was a monster after all. How could a monster get a dragon pregnant? It had to be something else, Filia was sure of it.

For days Filia tried many tests she could think off to explain her situation that didn't involve the obvious. She could have done a simple pregnancy test, but no she wanted to rule out everything else first. Or rather she wanted to try everything else hoping that something else was the cause of her strange symptoms.

Thankfully Xellos after being spooked by that last encounter chose to stay away from Filia. So he wasn't present for the battery of tests Filia was putting herself through.

But Gravos and Jilas were. And they had no idea what Filia was doing. She kept it a secret. And why wouldn't she? She was a golden dragon after all. No self respecting golden dragon would let herself get knocked by a monster of all things.

Filia had a lot of anger building for Xellos in those days. How dare he take advantage of her while she was drunk! But of course in Filia's blurry memory she couldn't remember who teleported who, and took off whose clothing. She knew she made the first move by kissing him. It was quite possible that Filia in her drunkenness was the one that dictated everything that happened with Xellos just obediently following along.

Still she was drunk and it would have been wrong for Xellos to go along with it. But when do monsters care about what's right and wrong? Or rather when do monsters ever try to do the right thing? Going along with the seduction would have been the only course of action his monster self would have been compelled to do anyway.

She wanted to scream at Xellos. She wanted to beat the ever living crap out of him. But then she'd have to admit the situation and he would undoubtedly throw the fact that she had started off seducing him at her. So she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Find another answer to explain the situation.

But test after test and Filia was left with only one possible conclusion. She must be pregnant.

Never before had Filia been so scared. She didn't want to be pregnant, not with a monster's baby! But as she put a couple drops of her blood in the bowl with the testing potion the once clear water didn't turn yellow to signify a negative result. No it turned blue, a vibrant blue saying without a doubt that Filia Ul Copt was pregnant.

Despair, it was such a strong feeling that it made Filia feel weak. She found herself sitting on the floor lacking the strength to get up. It was as if someone had stolen all of the life out of Filia. She looked down at her growing abdomen wondering what creature was growing inside of her.

Normally with humans when they got pregnant they gave birth only when the baby was ready to be born. With birds and reptiles they laid eggs and would look after the eggs till they hatched. Golden dragons were different. Of course as Gourry had stated once long ago, that dragons are all 'just a bunch of lizards', in part that was true. For a normal pregnant golden dragon they would indeed lay an egg. But the process was different. The male dragon would impregnate the female and the female would lay the egg after carrying it for 4 to 5 months. Once the egg was laid the female would care for the egg till it hatched 4 to 5 months later. In total from pregnancy to hatching the process was roughly 8 to 10 months.

If this were a normal golden dragon pregnancy Filia would expect to carry the egg for another one to two months before she laid the egg. But this wasn't a normal pregnancy. The baby growing inside her was half monster. Instead of a pure innocent dragon it was tainted with evil monster blood. And not any monster but him.

Of course getting pregnant from just having sex with someone once was somewhat unlikely Filia knew that Xellos had to be the father. It had been ages since she'd be been intimate with anyone.

And to make matters worse she had gotten pregnant in her human form to boot! Her mother always told her that if she was ever to try and have a child to never do so in a human form. Once pregnant in a human form it was dangerous for the egg to switch back and forth between forms. Of course Filia could lay the egg just fine as a human, but it was 100 times easier to do so as a dragon. The process as a human was... painful. And you were always limited to just one child. Getting pregnant as a dragon would mean a higher chance of having multiples.

'I can't change into my dragon form until I lay this egg. Or I put its' life in jeopardy.' Filia thought miserably. She could go months at a time without changing into a dragon and be okay with it. But knowing that have the ability to change but can't was depressing. 'That's assuming I want to keep this child...' Filia mulled over that new thought carefully. If she repeatedly changed back and forth then she would surely loose the child. 'No one would even know I had been pregnant, and I will be free of his awful spawn of evil.' Yes the idea seemed more attractive the more she thought about it. But then she looked down again at her swollen abdomen. There was a life in there. A life that was half created by her. Could she really damn that child just because of her hatred of its' father?

Tears welled up in her eyes as she hugged that lower part of her body. 'How could I ever think that? I'm not a murderer! How could I ever knowingly take a life? The life of my child...'

In her mind she heard Xellos' mocking voice. Calling her names pointing out her faults and failures as a mother.

"No!" Filia declared rising to her feet. "I will not be a failure! It doesn't matter what he or she is, I will love it unconditionally!" Though she yelled this with so much conviction it was an empty statement. For the fear of the unknown was great and growing at the pit of her stomach. Could she really love a baby that is half monster?