A/N- WOOOT! Guess who's back! ME! I told myself I would never write one of these...but I did. Sigh. Luckily, it's not a Mary Sue. Woot. BTW, this is the writer formally (and still) known as Rumbottom. Lady Rumbottom. Other fics will be put on momentary hold. (This is "Chelsea's" account. Jamie has the OOCs, interpreted differently than normally. Out of Character, meaning OUT of character, instead of "out of CHARACTER." Got it? Great. Normally, the top will be Jamie's section, but as this is her first fic (huzzah!), I'm kinda taking over.
Disclaimer- We don't own anything you recognize. Which means *deep breath* Legolas, Pippin, Frodo, any and all LotR characters, settings, languages, any quotes that are vaguely recognizable, etc. etc. etc. BUT WE DO OWN VALANDIL, AND THAT MAKES ME ETERNALLY PROUD!
And now, without further ado... LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE FANGIRL!
*Chelsea's POV*
So another Gold Day dawned: boring, bright, and…gold. I had just left the Math Lab with Stepho, complaining. "Well, I'm off to History. See ya later!" I said, waving as we parted paths. I tripped into the land more commonly known as the Realm of Eternal Boredom.
"Blahdiddyblahblahblah…."
Oh, sigh. I was uber bored. To sum it all up, history was historic.
At the end of the day, I was singing to my locker as usual. Jamie walked up just as the locker door gave way.
"Hey," she said, ogling my Paris of Troy picture.
"Hello, my ferret friend!" I said, shoving my science book in. Jamie sighed: "Why am I a ferret?"
"Erm…. i dunno," I replied, gazing off into space.
"Only 96 more days until Troy!" Jamie grinned.
"Parappetizer?" I questioned.
"Definitely."
It was quiet as I threw my other numerous books n. I picked up the last one, savoring the weight of the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. Jamie eyed it suspiciously. "Where did you get that?"
"Flea market!" I said happily.
The leather bound edition was dirty and mangled on the outside, but the inside was as good as new. Or so I thought. I'd never really seen it…
My fingers pried it open, and indeed it was perfect… Save for a note written in an intricate script.
Reader, beware,
Within these pages lurks dangerous warfare
Reader, heed
Beyond this point you will not be freed.
It was silent, and I could have sworn I heard thunder rumbling outside. But it was perfectly sunny outside.
Jamie laughed nervously. "What find of freak would write something like…?"
But I didn't hear the rest, as I was too busy throwing down the book and screaming "HYAH, EVIL BOOK!" Jamie looked somewhat amused, somewhat scared. I turned back to my locker to see every one of my Lord of the Rings pictures glowing bright blue.
"What's going on here?" we said in panicked unison. I turned around to see the book…was gone.
Oh, crap.
I leaned in for a closer look at the now-seemingly radioactive pictures, and felt a gust of wind and unfamiliar voices.
It wasn't until I heard some anonymous passerby scream I noticed we were being sucked into the book, which was levitating in the air.
"CHELSEA! I DO NOT LIKE THIS!" Jamie screamed, reaching for her stuff.
I copied her actions and screeched in reply, "LIKE I DO?!" Holding tightly to our backpacks, we were thrown into a black vortex.
Thump. Thump.
Jamie and I fell. "Where are we?" I heard her say. I slowly stood up and looked around. Rivers, mountains, light woods, flowers…and lots of rivers were ahead. It looked just like…but no…it couldn't be…
FWAP!
"OW! JAMIE, WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT FOR!!!!???" I screamed.
"So that hurt?" she said anxiously, wielding her science folder.
"YES! WHY WOULDN'T IT!?"
"Stop yelling a minute, would you?" she hissed, throwing her science folder down.
Then it dawned on me.
"Um…Jamie? We're not dreaming."
"I know. You can't be hurt in dreams or nightmares…"
I was still rubbing my painful head. Mrs. Hedrick must give a buttload of work…
"We're in Rivendell," I whispered, watching a little river flow by as we walked on in confusion.
"What?" she squawked.
"Rivendell."
"What?"
"RIVENDELL!" I screamed. A bird (or twenty) took flight as my voice echoed throughout the foreign landscape.
"Isn't that the Elfy place?" Jamie blinked.
"Yes. It's that Elfy place…" I said sarcastically. "WE'RE IN MIDDLE EARTH!"
We blinked in silence for a while. "Mi-" I began to repeat. A hand was clapped over my mouth, and I almost fainted from glee.
"ELVES! ELVES, JAMIE, ELVES!" is what I tried to say, but it came out sounding like "MMLS! MMLS, MMIE, MMLS!"
"You are intruding on the land of Elrond Halfelven, the land of Rivendell," the taller elf (mine!) said, frowning charily. I beamed.
"Mae govannae! Sut naa lle?" I said, attempting a curtsy (my attempts rewarding in toppling over at the elves feet.). Looking around, I saw 3 elves behind me, arrows raised. 2 stood in front of Jamie and me. They all appeared taken aback. "See? I knew Elf Day would come in handy!" I whispered to Jamie. She gave me a Look, one that said, "SHUT UP! If you talk anymore, they might kill you! And possibly me! Not good!" The elves conversed amongst themselves in, no surprises there, Elvish.
A few minutes later, they turned to us and said: "Your fate is no longer ours to decide. We will take you to Lord Elrond, and there is where your destiny lies," the taller one said. He looked vaguely familiar…
As we walked away, I realized it.
"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE GLORFINDEL!" I screeched. He winced. "JAMIE! IT'S GLORFINDEL!"
"I can hear you fine from right here, Chelsea," she grumbled. I did my happy hobbit dance. "We're going to Rivendell! R-I-V-E-N-D-E-L-L! GOOO RIVENDELL!" I began to cheer.
"Chelsea, please, for Will Turner's sake, stop cheering," Jamie sighed. "Well, if it's for Will…" I considered, and shut up, humming "Into the West" under my breath.
**Jamie's POV**
As the elves led us away, I too screamed when Chelsea did. Her screeching surprised me and after a bit of calming down, I tried to ask her a question.
"Who is Glorfindel?" I whispered into her ear. More screeching.
She practically yelled in my ear, "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?" I glared at her with a look clearly telling her to "shut up".
"Ugh, I mean, Argh, grossness," I sighed as we pushed through a nasty, muddy bog. Chelsea's loose-fitting flip-flops were bogging her down, so she "let 'em fly". The brown gick was oozing through her "weird" toes. It gave the impression that we had painted our toenails a gross poop-brown.
All was quiet except for the mud sucking at our feet and Chelsea's muttering of, "Hehe, toenails are funny. Hehe, very funny."
The elves barely got their boots dirty as they pranced over the goop.
We approached the boundaries of Rivendell.
**Chelsea's POV**
"Oh it's BEAUTIFUL!" I whispered in awe of the Elves' home. Jamie was in awe too, or she just really liked Elves. I turned to an Elf: "Do you have anywhere to wash my feet?" I wriggled my toes for emphasis, and the Elves winced in disgust. We were led inside.
Joy, rapture, transient bliss.
Let me just say this: the movie did not do Rivendell justice. There, everything looked very CGI. In real life, it's much prettier. I tripped several times, walking and gawking. We neared the House of Elrond, and again the elves muttered amongst themselves.
"Why didn't I take that online Elfish course?! WHY?!" I fake-sobbed to Jamie.
"Chelsea, you do realize we are in Middle Earth, right?" she said quietly. I nodded, and looked back down at my muddy feet, flip-flops in hand.
"This is…revolting," I muttered. Jamie nodded in agreement.
"Elrond will see you now," another Elf said. (Glorfindel had left…aww…he was hot too. Yes, I have a very one-track mind.). We were pushed towards a very recognizable looking garden. There were no people of any kind as Jamie and I walked forward.
"This seems vaguely familiar…" I frowned.
"We're going to the Council of Elrond," Jamie shrugged.
"Really?!" I squeaked.
"Um…I don't-"
She was cut off by my squeal of, "YAY! WE'RE GOING TO MORDOR!"
"Well, not technically, depending which way we take, if we are even GOING with the Fellowship…." As she talked, our guard elves reappeared. "Excuse me, Mr.…" Jamie began.
"EXCUSE ME MR.! BUT I'VE BEEN WAITING IN LINE AND I'D LIKE TO BUY SOME OF YOUR TIME!" I started singing, head banging. All of them gave me quizzical looks. Ah, No Doubt. How I love thee…
We were shoved into a clearing where an array of elves, dwarves, humans, and hobbits were discussing the One Ring. We had reached the Council of Elrond.
Score.
"Lord Elrond…" a younger (yummier) elf said, bowing low to the ground. Captain Forehead looked up. Jamie kicked me, and we bowed.
"These intruders were caught off the western border…"
"Hey, who are you calling an-" I stopped talking when I realized every eye in the courtyard was on me. "Umm…mae govannae, sut naa lle?"
Thank God for Elf Day, that's all I have to say. A few faces relaxed, but the others remained distrustfully stony. I looked around as Elrond and the other Elves that had brought Jamie and I here muttered in Elvish. I recognized many faces, which was odd…
Oh my god! It's Aragorn! And over there, Gandalf! Next to him, FRODO! Aww…hobbits are even cuter in real life! Boromir, a bunch of elves I don't know…This is too weird! I thought, looking around.
"Where are you from?" I heard Captain Forehead ask, his Amazing Eyebrows of Disaster arched.
"America," Jamie answered before I could say anything.
The murmuring started low, like a drone of bees. Steadily, it increased, until the entire place was arguing about the Ring (woah, big subject change, hmm?)
"What do we do?" I hissed to Jamie.
"We can't run…I have no idea where we are …or where we can go…" she said, more to herself than to me.
"I have a plan!" I muttered.
"Oh, no, Chelsea, no more singing, please…"
As the argument continued, I screamed, "I CAN'T BREATHE!" and fell backwards.
Of course, I didn't see the stone bench behind me. It connected with my head, and I blacked out.
"When we get back to our world, I am so taking your Elvish butt on Judge Judy! Your benches gave my friend a concussion!" I heard a voice yell.
"Mmm…elves…" I murmured sleepily. The yelling ceased to exist, and I opened my eyes.
"You're not dead, then!" Jamie smiled. Elrond was near me too, looking confused by Jamie's "Judge Judy" threat.
Let me just say how big his forehead is. We're talking Enrique's mole big (before it was removed). Gargantuan big. Scarily big. So big it caused me to gawk for several minutes, and shudder.
"Welcome to Rivendell," he said, massive frown lines showing.
"Dude…you said that to Frodo too…" I yawned.
"You are in the House of Elrond…"
"I know, Halfelven. I read the books AND saw the movies," I snickered.
"What?" he said, utterly bamboozled again.
"She's still delusional," Jamie assured him. I looked around to see another familiar face…
"Gaaanndalf?" I said stupidly, like Frodo in RotK (which yields no offense to the Frodo Fans).
"Yes, I am Gandalf the Grey…"
"GANDALF!" I screeched.
"Chelsea…calm down…" Jamie groaned, burying her face in her hands in ignominy.
"You're sooo cool! I've always wanted to meet a Wizard! And you helped Bilbo with that quest he took and the trolls and AAAAAH!" I gushed. Gandalf appeared embarrassed. He doesn't have many fangirls, you know.
Gandalf and Captain Forehead left a few minutes later, after ensuring I wasn't dead. "So, spill. What happened?" I said, standing up and jumping around. Elvish medicine r0x0rs, I'll tell you that right now.
"Well, I told our story to the Council while you were out, and they asked a lot of questions. Your diversion tactic worked though, and nothing changed. Well…"
"But what about Legolas?" I smirked, interrupting. Jamie grinned.
"10 million times better than he was in the movies. Oh, sigh, I'm in love…"
"Elves have that effect on people," I nodded wisely.
"Oh, and one more thing…changed, I guess you could say," Jamie said, picking up some Elvish something or other on the nightstand next to me.
"Yes?"
"In addition to the 9 members of the Fellowship, there are to be two more…"
"Oh?"
"Us."
I dropped the pencil I had been using to pick out dirt under my nails (charming habit, innit?).
"US?!"
She nodded.
"On the quest to destroy the ring?"
Nod, nod.
"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Is it entirely proper for young maidens to scream so loudly in the morning?" I heard a voice from the doorway say. I felt my eyes bug out.
"Shiver me timbers and call me Larry…" I whispered.
It was Legolas. And yes he was 10 million times better than the movie.
*Jamie's POV* *rewind a little*
I heard a voice from the doorway.
"Is it entirely proper for young maidens to scream so loudly in the morning?"
I wheeled around to look at the doorway, but before I could see anything, Chelsea whispered in my ear.
"Shiver me timbers and call me Larry…"
As I got a better look at where the voice came from, I…*thud*
All I remember is the sound of Elvish boots padding on the floor and drool sliming down my cheek.
A few hours after fainting, I woke up in a place vaguely familiar to the place Frodo was kept in when he was stabbed by the Nazgul. Except this time…he was here.
"Are you alright, milady?"
"Now I am, if I wasn't before."
"Well, that's good to hear."
At this point, I've heard him speak 3 times, and it is extremely hard to keep from fainting everywhere.
"Where is Chelsea?" I asked.
"She is safe, my brother, Valandil is keeping her company."
"Yoo-y-yo-you have a br-bro-brother?"
"Yes, milady, and I shall mention he is my twin."
*thud*
"Woah. What happened?" I questioned.
"Oh my GOD! Oh my fricking GOD!" screamed Chelsea.
"Woah. Slow down. Speak. I demand you tell me everything."
As I looked at Chelsea's dazed expression, I got the idea that she was "out of it" to say the least.
"Chelsea? Cheelllllseeeaaaa? CHELSEA?!?!"
"Hmm?"
"Tell me everything!"
"Oh! Yeah! He is so hot! And he's got the cutest expression when he's confused or angry!!"
"When is he angry? And which one? Where's Legolas?"
"EEEEEEEK! Slow down. Legolas is fine, he's riding his horse, Nerion, around. And Valandil was the one that got annoyed at his horse. Originally, they were going to go together but then his horse did…something or…whatever. You should feel very lucky right now. I had to pry Leggy from your side." (OOC: Sorry, I had to…lol…)
"Awww. Hehe, I can't picture that. Hey, do you know when he is returning?"
"Um…he mentioned something…about that. Like, 'when the sun is highest in the sky.' I think that means noon."
"Uh, yes. Okay, do you know what time it is now?"
"Hmm…judging on where the sun is now I would say about 11:00."
"Okay, where are they?"
"I think they're getting an Elvish manicure or pedicure or something."
"So how are things going between you and Valandil?"
"Um…let's just say we're…close?"
There was a *thud* and I looked down to see Jamie, knocked out on the ground. "JAMIE!" I yelled. No response.
Enter prancy elf…. #1.
"Is she all right?" Legolas Greenleaf said, nudging Jamie with his boot. She muttered something about "Legolicious…", but remained out cold.
"Sure! She's KNOCKED OUT, but NOT DEAD! That's all right!" I shrieked. He winced again, as he took her pulse (or something. I never was good at that medical mumbo jumbo), and picked her up.
"Come. We must get her to a place so she can rest," he said, striding towards the door. Come? What am I, a dog? Use my name at least, pompous elf.
I mimicked his prancy style of walking.
A few minutes later, we stopped in yet another room where I saw two beds, numerous Elvish clothes, and Jamie's and my backpack.
"This is where you will be staying until our leave," he smiled (in the movie or books he never smiles. How freaky is that?), sitting down by Jamie. I walked around, picking up random, beautiful dresses.
"I never quite managed to acquire the full story about what's going on," I said, stopping my pacing and looked at Legolas, "You're Legolas, right?"
He nodded. "Yes, milady."
"Don't call me that. Call her-", I pointed to Jamie, "-that! My name is Chelsea, thank you very much."
"Very well, Chelsea. I take it you know about the Ring?" I nodded. "…And the Fellowship?" I nodded again. "Lord Elrond has said we must destroy the ring. We are to set off in two months, more or less. The original fellowship was to be 9, but since you two have come, our total is eleven. It is likely we will perish in the quest, but if it will save the world, so be it."
Gag, gag. I hate pep talks. Most of the time.
It was silent as Legolas gazed (Ahaha.) at Jamie.
"Her name is Jamie Kahne, she's a Scorpio, loves to run and loves poles, can HTML, loves Simple Plan, and Orlando Bloom. But you don't need to worry about him. He's taken," I grimaced. Legolas seemed beyond the Valley of Befuddlement and into the Sea of Confusion. "Go for her," I whispered, winking.
"Humans are very… forward…" he frowned.
"Yeah! Tell that to Aragorn, who's making out with Arwen any time Daddy isn't there!" I chortled.
"Are all future girls so…strange?" he questioned.
"Where have you been, Eggo?! Of COURSE NOT!"
"Well, that's a relief…" he sighed.
"I'm off to explore Dude-You're-Getting-A-Dell. Send word it the Elf-Fancier wakes up, alrighty?" I said, putting on my now cleaned shoes. There was no response as I left, shutting the door.
"Well, the first Elf I want to stalk would be Elladan, but he and his brother aren't here…Elrond would be fun. But he'd banish me or something…and I don't wanna die! Maybe Glorfindel… yes, Glorfindel!" I muttered to myself as I paced along the paths of Rivendell.
"Or maybe hobbits. I haven't seen any of them ye-OW!" I felt something crash into me. I looked down to see…
Merry and Pippin! Aww!
"My most dear and beloved hobbits! I cried, bending down so I was eye level. They appeared terrified.
"W-w-what are you?" Merry stuttered. I smiled.
"You're so cute in real life! I'm Chelsea, Queen of the Twilight Zone!" I said, extending my hand. Pippin shakily stuck out his own, and we shook, a smile warming his face. (*touches Pippin's face* OW! It's hot!).
"Pippin Took. And this is…"
"Meriadoc "Merry" Brandybuck!" I smiled.
"How do you know my name?" he said suspiciously. I laughed airily and patted his head.
"Oh my young hobbit, I know ALL! Now that I've met you two, my day is complete! Have a nice stroll!" I said, bowing and hobbit-dancing away.
"I met hobbits! Oh joy! Oh rapture! Oh-" THUNK! "OW! Who is it THIS time!?" I said, extremely annoyed, rubbing my nose, which had crashed into someone's upper body.
"Excuse me, milady…" I heard a voice say.
"Why is everything "milady" around here?! Can't you just delete it from your vocabulary!?" I ranted. See what happens when people crash into me/vice versa? Yes. Watch the Evil Master of Evilness expose itself. I looked up, aggravated.
My eyes widened again.
"Who are you?" I whispered.
The most gorgeous, beautiful, and above all else HOT Elf was standing in front of me. He kinda looked like Legolas, only better…He laughed.
"I am Valandil, son of Thranduil. I was looking for someone called Chelsea-", he looked at me intently, "-Are you she?" I nodded, mouth slightly agape. "Word comes from Mithrandir that you and your companion, Jamie, are to see him in two days time for information on the Quest you are about to embark on…"
"At what time?"
"8 o'clock in the morning."
I almost fell over. "YEEEEEEP! 8AM?! THAT'S EARLY!!! What about breakfast?!"
"You may congregate in the Breakfast Hall prior to your meeting, or it will be served to your room when you call for it."
"Ooh. Room service…"I considered this. "That's alright then, I suppose. Oh, and Valandil?"
"Yes, milady?" Grr, what did I say about that word?! MY NAME IS CHELSEA!!! CHELSEA!!!!!
"Are you single?" He gave me a quizzical look.
"Single…?"
"Girlfriend? Engaged? Married?" I clarified.
"Oh, no…why, interested?" he smirked.
Yes, yes, yes!! Take me to Nepal, you hot, sexy, hot of elf you!… is what I wanted to say. But instead, I just said, "Maybe…" and walked away…
It was growing dark, so I decided to prance on back to my/Jamie's room. When I arrived, I saw Leggy was still by the still unconscious fangirl.
"Legolas?!" I hissed. He looked up. "What in the name of Tolkien are you still doing here?!"
"Waiting for her to wake up," he said simply.
"Well, that's sweet and all, but you see, I'm tired. can you please leave and come back tomorrow?" With your uber hot brother, I added silently.
"Can you tell her I will return when the sun is highest in the sky?" Legolas said, stealing one last look at Jamie.
"Yeah, yeah. Now scram, my Elvish chipmunk!" I said, ushering him out of the door. Sleep…is what I did.
The next day, Jamie was still asleep/unconscious. Oh the power of love…after pulling on a blue Elvish dress (with a corset! WEEEEEEEE!), I strolled out for a spot of breakfast.
I don't know what Elizabeth Swann was thinking, but corsets aren't that bad. Maybe it wasn't tight enough or something…but I didn't faint. Chelsea, 1. Elizabeth, 0.
Halfway to what I thought to be the breakfast hall, I encountered the Mirkwood princes. I walked past, head held high, the prime paradigm of an English noble lady.
"Hello, my fair Elvish twins. How art thee today?" I said in an English accent. Bizarre looks ensued.
"She's a bit touched, isn't she?" I heard Legolas mutter to his brother.
Teehee.
"Well, I'm off to the Breakfast, so TA!" I said, bounding off.
"She's so…"
"Strange?" Legolas supplied.
"No…"
But I didn't get to hear the last word. Curse you hunger, curse youuu!
I ambled around for a while longer later that day, still eyeing the beautiful Elvish architecture. Jamie was probably awake by now, but I found I didn't want to go back to an enclosed space. Even if it did have a portico.
As I walked around (and almost got lost more than "a few" times), I found myself near some stables. Very nice Elvish stables, might I add. Quite a number of horses were housed there, big ones, little ones, brown, black…etc., etc…
It was about 3 o'clock I guessed. I looked at my watch and saw I was right! "Woo, hoo! Score one for my team!" I cheered. I heard raised voices, and ignoring the lovely proverb "Curiosity killed the cat", moseyed in.
It was the Twin Gods of Hotness. The Greenleaf Twin Gods of Hotness. I stood and gawked for a minute behind a tree.
I didn't really understand what was going on, because I am not a horsey person, therefore do not get horsey terms. But the large and short of it was that Valandil's horse was being athletically challenged. I stepped out from behind the tree and watched, amused.
"So finally the mysterious girl of the Future reveals herself," Valandil grinned.
Don't faint, Maynarde. Don't do it…
"You knew I was here?" I said incredulously.
"Of course. You're not exactly inconspicuous, you know," Legolas smiled from atop his horse (Nelion), a purdy white one with a black nose(Dear God, this was not the books or movie. He never has any emotion in there…).
"Erm." Wow, I'm such a conversationalist.
"My brother and I-" Valandil glared at his brother. Teehee, sibling rivalry is fun… "-Were about to go riding, but my horse-", he glared at his horse, "-will not comply with my wishes."
Trying not to burst out laughing was very, very hard.
"Aren't you Elf-kind? Can't you be all "ooh, look at me, I'm magic!"?" I said, miming with my hands being…magic. Oh, Lord…I'm not the shiniest Diet Coke can in the fridge.
"I would, but I find it works best to train your animal to trust you, and not your "magic"," he said. The horse eventually moved, but not after many exciting facial expressions had been done by Legolas and Valandil, Twin Gods of Hotness.
"I know originally, it was to only be us brothers, but would you like to join us?" Valandil offered from his horse (Nolion. Black. All black. Dear God, even his HORSE was cool.).
Without a moment's pause, I accepted (Even after considering I was "acting a Mary Sue". Stop accusing me!). Valandil dismounted and got me a horse (chestnut with a white tail and legs. WEEE!), and we set off.
I never said I was much of a rider.
After I had fallen off several times, we set off.
There. Much better.
After the "exciting" horse ride (meaning I had almost died myriad times and made a complete fool out of myself in front of Twin Gods of Hotness), I walked back to Jamie's/my room. Jamie had finally awoken. Turns out she had woken up once before to Eggo. Sigh.
So after talking and a bit of lying (*twitch, twitch*), she asked the life-altering question…
"So how are things between you and Valandil?" she asked.
I considered my answer. We had talked a lot that day… and learned about him and the other Twin God of Hotness. But…I really didn't know…
"Um…let's just say…" pause, pause. "…we're… close?"
"Oh? Like how?"
"I'll never tell! Bwahahahahha!" I cackled.
Oh, the irony.
A/N- *wipes away a tear* I'm so proud. It gets better (or worse, depending on how you look at it...). I promise. The first chapter's always the hardest!
And I'm not quite sure...but I've had two very reliable sources inform me Leggy isn't an only child. *cackles* Oh, the irony. So yes, my co-writer and I gave him a twin. A very hot twin. AHAHAHAHA!
So, what did you think? I need your honest opinion! REVIEW!