Author's note: As my regular readers know, I have made it a hobby of late to take passages I find in Harry Potter stories that have one crucial word misspelled or misused, and then write stories in which these malapropisms are taken literally. Now, we all know that such passages are not confined to the Harry Potter subcategory; hence, the present collection of Star Wars tales. As in the original "Minuets", the attributions may or may not be verifiable when you read this, since the authors in question may choose to correct their syntax, change their pen names, and/or delete their stories; still, you have my word that these passages have all really appeared in this subcategory.

A word about technique. Obviously, none of these vignettes actually reflect the intentions of the authors quoted, and in many cases the whole context of the passage has been radically altered. However, I have made it an ironclad rule that any pronoun will refer to the same person or thing in the Minuet as in the original story, and any direct quote will be attributed to the same character. (And of course this applies to OCs and historical figures as well as to canon characters.)

Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas; the stories quoted belong to the authors named; the cover image is by Filippo Baratti; various other allusions to works and persons not my own abound. The stories themselves, however, are strictly my own work. (And the title, of course, should not be taken as implying that I am John Williams, or to implicate him in this in any other way. I just need some way of suggesting Star Wars and music, and his name couldn't not be used.)

Other Minuets collections: If you enjoy these tales, you may also wish to look into "Minuets in Aeolian Mode" (Percy Jackson and the Olympians), "Minuets Assemble!" (Avengers [Movies]), "Minuets by Brain Matter" (NCIS), "Minuets by Guitar Villain" (Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir), and "Minuets with Bombadil" (Lord of the Rings) – and, of course, the Harry Potter series that started it all, "Minuets in B Minor". All are currently available on my profile.

"It was a man, with Jedi Ropes and he had Luke's eyes. It was Anakin Skywalker." –DecryptWriter, "Leia's Second Chance"

"Howdy, li'l missy," he said, tilting back his glowing blue Stetson jauntily. "So you're my boy's new apprentice, hey? Good to see him gettin' out of the funk he's been in since Little Ben went desperado.* Once you've got yourself trained in the ways of the Force, maybe the two of us can go out and wrangle some of these here First Order mavericks with our trusty Jedi Lassos. Here's yours, catch."

Rey caught the luminous rope in a sort of daze, and turned to stare in bewilderment at Master Luke. The latter chuckled. "It's all right, Rey," he said. "My father's just been a bit eccentric since he visited this one remote system on the edge of the Galaxy. Texas, they call it."

"This way gets the least of my troops killed." –Prince Pondincherry, "The SI Awakens"

"I see," said Hux. "Well, that's an imperfection in the plan, of course…"

"Not to me," said Phasma. "The least of my troops is FN-2187, and I hate the sniveling little worm. We'll be all the stronger for losing a weakling like him."

Hux considered this. "But, if he dies, there will still be a least among your troops," he pointed out. "Won't there?"

Phasma shrugged. "I suppose so."

"And then you'll grow to hate him just as much," said Hux, "and approve a plan to get him killed. At which point, someone else will become the least of your troops – and so it will go, until you end up with just one stormtrooper left in your whole brigade. He, of course, will be both the greatest and the least of your troops, so you'll half hate him and half love him; probably you'll approve a plan to get him half killed – down to the waist, maybe…"

"Hux?" said Phasma.

"Yes, Phas?"

Phasma raised her blaster. "Shut. Up."

"Queen Padmé Amidala was standing on a podium with an orb of light that would represent the time of the Great Alliance when Gungans and Nubians joined in one 'light' that penetrated the 'dark' advances of the droids from the Trade Federation." –RavenSparrow, "Twin Souls"

"The choice is yours," the chief battle droid chirped. "Surrender, or be destroyed."

Boss Nass shared a wry glance with Queen Amanishakhete, and stroked his chin in pretended thought. "Hmm-mm-mm," he said. "We-sa choose… SOUL-BOND UNIFICATION BLAST!"

As he spoke the word, he and his Gungans, along with the troop of dusky warriors led by the Ethiopian queen, suddenly blazed with a thousand coruscant auras, which extended and united above their heads into a single radiant dynamo of Force energy. For an instant, it loomed above the battlefield like a mighty ocean wave; then it descended in a furious whirlwind upon the plain, shattering the countless swarms of Federation droids like so many uthgaree shells.

From a nearby cliff, two other queens gazed meditatively upon the apocalyptic scene. "You know," Padmé remarked, "when they build the monument to commemorate this day, of course they'll have my image at the center because it happened during my reign – but, honestly, I've never been less sure that I and my forebears have any claim to be the soul of Naboo. There really is more to our world's aborigines than meets the eye."

Cleopatra nodded. "Yes, I know what you mean, my sister," she said. "I myself, in all my days as queen of Egypt, never suspected that such power lay concealed in the souls of our southern neighbors. I think I shall never look upon the Nubians in quite the same way again."

"'Arrest of traitors, sir,' the captain said immediately. 'Dangerous rouges.'" –Glory Alchemist, "Saber"

"Are you so gullible?" Governor Tarkin snapped, snatching the confiscated makeup containers out of his men's hands. "These rouges aren't dangerous. Look!" He flipped up one of the lids, and began swabbing the contents onto his cheeks. "Tum-te-tum-tum… you see, nothing wrong with me… hmm-hmm-hmm… never better… I feel pretty, oh so… aawwk! Aaagghh! Eee-eee-eeeuuurrrgghhh…"

As the two men impassively watched their superior's cheeks melt off his face, the captain turned to his sergeant and remarked, "Do you ever just despair of our commanders, sometimes?"

*In case anyone's wondering: yes, this was written before The Last Jedi came out.