A/N: This is my first crack at writing for the comic Titans. I've been a bit reluctant to do so because, frankly, I'm not sure how good my grasp on them (particularly the W/P Titans) is. I came into the fandom via the cartoon, and back issues are hard to come by in my neck of the woods, alas. But then I had some ideas for filling in some overlooked issues and mysteries from Geoff Johns' run that wouldn't leave me alone, and thought I might give it a shot. Anyway, let me know what you think - I appreciate concrit, particularly with regards to characterisation on this one.
Catharsis
"Raven?"
Koriand'r entered the almost bare room with an ill-fitting hesitation, an armful of clothing carried before her like a shield. She'd knocked twice already and gotten no answer, leading her to fear that her empathic friend may have done something stupid - like leave them. The sound of running water and wisps of escaping steam, therefore, came as something of a relief: the shower.
She made her way over to the bathroom and, again, found herself hesitating before entering, or even knocking. She wasn't entirely sure which Raven she was going to be dealing with. Once upon a time, Raven had been so shy and retiring that it was astonishing just to see her wearing something other than her all-concealing cloak; once upon a time, too, she'd swum naked with Kory under a hot Tahitian sun. Were this Raven the former, her presence here would not be welcomed; the latter, and she may as well just head on in to the steam-filled room.
Of course, this Raven could be someone completely different altogether.
She heard the shower shut off and, neatly solving her momentary dilemma, Raven emerged from the bathroom. Still dripping and clad only in a fluffy beige towel, her visible skin was too pink, as if she'd been scrubbing it raw. Koriand'r knew with sudden insight that she had been.
"Hello, Koriand'r," Raven said softly, not quite meeting the taller alien's eyes.
"I knocked," she said, feeling a sudden need to defend her presence, "but I didn't get an answer. I was-"
"You were worried that I had spurned your offer of help and home and fled," Raven supplied. "I promise, I have no such plans... not now, at any rate."
She looked up, holding Kory's gaze, as if trying to convey her honesty Her eyes were purple now, not the vivid blue Kory remembered, but they still had that same strange intense quality to them, as if she were looking into your head and reading what was written there. Once upon a time it had been disquieting, even disconcerting, but Kory had long ago learned to ignore it. It was just the way Raven was.
"And you need not fear intruding either," the empath continued shyly, eyes downcast again. "You are one person whose presence I will always welcome."
"I'm glad to hear that," Kory said, and knew this to be true. She was glad, despite everything that had happened to and between them, to have one of her dearest friends back in the flesh. She pushed her former uncertainty firmly aside and focused on that feeling of pleasure, knowing the empath would pick up on both. On further impulse, she dropped her burden of borrowed clothing to pull the comparatively slight girl into a hug. "And I'm even happier to have you back."
She could feel Raven's surprise, a sudden tenseness at the contact that relaxed moments later as she leaned into the hug, head coming to rest against the much taller alien's shoulder.
"It is... good to be with the Titans again."
Kory frowned, looking down at the top of the startlingly bald head. With Raven, you often had to listen to what she wasn't saying just as much as you did to what she was. She almost never outright lied, oh, not Raven, but she'd never had any compunction about indulging in the sin of omission.
"But not good to be back?"
"It is too soon to say," Raven sighed. Her next comment was almost wry: "It has certainly not gotten off to a very good start."
Forcibly re-incarnated? Held captive for who-knew-how-long by a psychotic teenage cultist? Who wanted to 'marry' her, impregnate her and then use her to kick-start the end of the world? No, not the best of beginnings, Kory had to agree, but they'd had a talk, she and Vic and Gar, not even half an hour before. Raven was not to be allowed to brood too much. The damnable priests and priestesses of Azarath who'd raised her, for their sins, had gifted the gentle empath with nothing so much as a terrible sense of self-loathing, coupled with a deep-seated belief that she was unworthy of friendship or affection. Left alone with her doubts, Raven tended to spiral ever inwards, a situation which rarely led to good outcomes. With the Titans she was to be made to feel as welcome and secure as possible. And she needed to be kept occupied, at least until the initial shock had worn off.
"But it's improving, right?" she suggested gently.
"Well, yes," Raven conceded, pulling away. As she stepped back, her feet tangled in the clothing the taller woman had unceremoniously dropped seconds before. She looked up quizzically.
"Cassie - Wonder Girl - said you could borrow some of her clothes until we get a chance to go shopping and get your old gear out of storage," Kory began. "I picked out some things that I thought you might like."
There wasn't a lot. Well, truth be told, there wasn't anything, not really. Raven had never been very keen on western clothes in general and pants in particular, and Cassie was still something of a tomboy who probably didn't own a skirt that hadn't been bought for her by someone else. Kory had even considered about going through her own, mammoth wardrobe, but her mental review had come up equally short – or long, rather, as she was certain the few items Raven might appreciate were miles too large for her current frame. Perhaps they'd do for sleeping attire?
"She had some jeans that looked about your size," she continued, scooping them and the other items off the floor and holding them out, one by one. Raven eyed the denim dubiously, but accepted the pair anyway, along with the t-shirts, underclothes and pyjamas, all in muted colours, that followed. The blue hoodie was met with slightly more pleasure, as she'd suspected it would be - it was even the right shade of blue, almost. The final item though-
"And Bart - Kid Flash - donated this."
Clutching the other items to her towel-covered chest, Raven eyed the beanie with something that could only be described as suspicion.
"It can get cold here in the mornings," Kory prompted, still holding the item out. "And since you're currently..." she gestured towards Raven's bald head, trailing off as Raven reached up to gingerly touch her scalp, an unnameable but decidedly dark expression flickering across her face.
"Please thank him for me," the empath said after a moment, voice exactingly level, "but that is-"
"Not 'you', huh?"
"... yes."
There fell one of those awkward, chilly silences that Raven - the old Raven - could be so very good at, and Koriand'r suddenly found herself again remembering the days they'd spent together in Tahiti. It seemed like it had been several lifetimes ago, not just a handful of years. Raven had been so happy then, and open, and they'd talked for so long, shared so much... However, conflicted she might be about what had happened after that, the destruction of her world by an evil version of this woman, to see her friend withdrawing back into herself this way was painful. Hopefully it was only temporary, a reaction to her captivity and the shock of being made corporeal again.
Raven looked away, staring out of the window.
"I... cannot afford to be as I once was," she said and Kory wondered, not for the first time, if she could read minds as well as hearts. "It is dangerous again."
"Dangerous? How?"
Raven moved now, turning away completely, and started towards the bed.
"I told you all that my dark side has been re-awakened," she said, starting to lay the clothes out there with military precision, her voice cool and distant - the old Raven, once more, "and that is true. That is one danger. I told you, too, that I must re-learn the extent of my abilities. I fear that my ability to influence the emotions of others - consciously or otherwise - has increased. If I feel too strongly, I may make others feel what I feel, without meaning to do so. Another danger. Sebastian used my terror and despair to instil fear in his followers."
Finished layout everything out, Raven glanced over her shoulder, giving the Tamaranean a significant look. Kory sighed inwardly, but took the hint and turned around, back to the other woman. She heard the towel hit the floor, followed by the whisper of cloth.
"Finally," Raven continued, much more slowly, "I am not certain if it is an effect of the ritual used to bind me to this body, or if there is some other, hidden cause, but there is a... hunger... in me now."
"Hunger?" That didn't sound good. "For what?"
"Emotion. I feel your concern for me, and your affection," she said, voice starting to waver slightly, "and a part of me wants nothing more than... nothing more than to take it from you. Consume it. Fear and anger, sorrow, distress, anguish - they call to me even more strongly. They feed me, make me stronger. There is a temptation to nurture those feelings in others, bring them to full flower and then harvest them." A slight sigh. "Another danger."
"What will you do?"
"I will not go back to the way I was when you first met me. I could not tolerate it, not now. But I must remain in control."
Koriand'r heard the bed clink as Raven sat down on it with a heavy sigh, and took this as a sign that she could turn back around. She found Raven sitting on the edge of the bed watching her, her lost, even overwhelmed expression emphasised by the overlarge clothing that looked alien on her frame.
"I'm tired of being a victim, Kory," she said, her voice little more than a whisper. "I'm tired of being hurt, and being used to hurt others, and of prophecies and cults and small-minded fools who want the world to end because they suffer imagined slights, and of all the things I must or must not do or be or feel."
Kory took up a seat on bed beside her, and put her arm around the other woman's shoulders. Raven trembled under her touch, eyes squeezing tightly shut.
"You could fight," she offered gently. They'd had this debate before, exploring the diametrically opposed philosophies of their home societies. Tamaranean culture was a warrior culture. Azarath, on the other hand...
"Fighting goes against everything I was raised to believe in," Raven replied softly, but without her usual conviction. Kory looked down at her in astonishment. The gentle empath abhorred violence, to the point of refusing to learn even self-defense, and not just because she literally felt the pain of others.
Sensing her shock, Raven's lips quirked upwards in a fleeting, bitter smile, and, eyes slipping back open, she looked away, out the window once more.
"I've had a great deal of time to think of late," she continued. "Not everything I was taught as a child was right. Does hurt only ever beget hurt, or can the cycle be broken? What is the greater evil? To hurt someone, to cause harm to prevent harm, or to do nothing and thereby allow it?"
"You already know my answer to that," Kory answered, even though she got the impression that Raven wasn't actually looking for a reply.
"I do. And perhaps it is the right one. In any case, it should not matter. I am damned already; perhaps I should-"
Kory felt her frown deepen. This was exactly the sort of thing they'd wanted to avoid.
"Raven," she interrupted firmly, "you are not-"
"Damned?" Delicate eyebrows arched sceptically, but the eyes beneath them flashed with something very akin to anger but a heartbeat away from despair. "I spoke the truth. I wandered this world and others these past years not because I wished to, but because there was nowhere for me to go. I am too good for Hell, but Heaven will not take me-."
"-Raven-"
"-due to my parentage. I was damned in the moment I was conceived."
Kory let out her breath in a short, frustrated sigh. For all her talk of it through the days and years, Raven had never actually been one to allow herself to be ruled by 'destiny' - not willingly, anyway. She'd always fought it, tooth and nail, with determination and quiet ferocity. And, while she'd lost several battles along the way, leaving them all with the scars to prove it, she'd ultimately won the war. Her father was dead, she was free, not only from him but from those in Azarath who'd so abused her trust and left her permanently damaged.
She would fight this, and the matter with Blood. What's more, with the Titans at her side, she would find a way to win in the end. She just needed to be reminded of that.
"You know I don't believe that," she said, firmly. As an afterthought, she half-turned, reaching out to place her free hand in the center of Raven's chest, ignoring the way she started away from the touch. "And I know you don't really either. You may not get to choose who your parents are, but you do get to choose the person you become. And you've always chosen to be good."
Raven dropped her gaze to her lap, but Kory wasn't having any of it. She reached out, again ignoring the flinch, and grasped the girl's chin, forcing her to look upwards.
"And we're here for you, no matter what," she said as their eyes met once more, conveying the sincerity of that statement with heart and mind and voice. "We love you."
She'd honestly hoped the last would be too much for Raven to endure; enough, at least, to trigger tears and the release of all the unhealthy emotions she knew were building behind those purple eyes. It was, very nearly. The slender body trembled once more under her hands; eyes squeezed shut anew left two trails of saltwater down pale cheeks. But nothing more was forthcoming.
"I... perhaps you are right," Raven said finally, releasing her tension with another heavy sigh. When she opened her eyes again, they were clear. "Perhaps I simply need more time. To meditate on it in a... less oppressive environment."
"Time and space we can give you," Kory smiled, sensing that the moment had passed, and dropped her hand. She sensed, too, in that instant, just how much her own awareness and understanding had developed since the two of them had first met. If she pushed Raven any further, as she might once have done, she would simply be pushing her to withdraw further into herself. Humans, even part-humans like Raven, could be funny like that. So very different to her own people. "If you want to get outside a bit, there's the roof - the sunsets are something spectacular from up there. You're welcome to my garden as well. There's a grassy spot by the waterfall you might like for meditation."
"I think I would like that." The smile was slight, but genuine, touching her eyes. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it," she replied as she stood, glancing around the all but bare room. They'd need to go shopping for more than just clothes, by the looks. But that could wait until tomorrow, at least. "My room is right next door if you need me. Just come on in, any time."
"I will."
"And lunch is in an hour. If I don't see you there, I'll come and get you myself," she added over her shoulder as she started for the door.
"Yes, Koriand'r."
"Good."
" Koriand'r?" The empath's soft voice caught her just as she reached the doorway. She paused.
"Raven?"
"Thank you. For everything. I... It means a great deal to me."
"As I said, don't mention it. See you in an hour."