I Didn't Have to Think

Disclaimer: Me: Bosco is all mine! Mine I tell you! Bosco: Like hell I am! Me: pouts Okay, I don't own any of them. clings to Bosco Yet! (I'm making no money here, so I can't quite buy Bosco yet….)

Summary: As Bosco lies in bed in the hospital, waiting for death to claim him, he thinks over the events caused by Mann.

I don't believe that people actually start out bad. We are all born here on this earth with a voice, a chance to be good. Some just get swallowed by the evil you encounter here. God, have I seen some of the worst.

Mann. Mr. Mann. Mr. Donald Mann. A guy who killed so many innocents to get to me. I never thought he would.

But he did.

He set up bombs to try to get us, just because his son was such a bad guy. That's not the way car chases usually end, but it's common enough. I guess it's not quite the ending I depict for most of the guys that I don't particularly care for, but it's better than getting off scott-free. I would rather them end up in the slammers with a nice, big guy named Bubba tailing after them. Mann needed someone to blame. Well, the NYPD seemed eligible.

Cruz, Yokas, Narcotics, me—we were all targeted for doing our jobs. Mann didn't care who he hurt as long as we were pushing up daisies by the time his son went down. Laura was literally blown away by him. He killed Cruz's whole team trying to get to her. He almost killed my poor mother at Mikey's funeral.

I imagine he was pissed when he heard that he didn't get us. I can picture him punching holes in the walls and his people's faces. But bad boys don't give up. They never do.

So he had his men hit the hospital. The hospital where children go for broken legs and bleeding wounds. Where women go to give birth to new life. Where old guys go to die.

Where children are supposed to be safe.

I never could stomach when these killers and kidnappers got to children. It makes my blood boil. I hear doctors and nurses talking about a little girl who almost got shot when those buffoons came in with their shiny guns. She would have if that paramedic chick, Holly is it, didn't get her out of the way. The thing is, I don't think Mann would have cared if he had hit her. How sickening.

When those guys surrounded our room, it was as if time stopped. I remember thinking, 'Here? In the hospital? There's so many cops around though!' I imagine everyone else thought more or less the same thing. That or, 'Damn!'

The guns sounded as the glass shattered, showering around us. Everyone jumped for cover.

I didn't have to think.

Faith is a mother and my partner. She is also one of my best friends. It was not her time. I was not going to let her die like this because some hard-ass gangster wanted revenge.

I don't think she realized that I jumped on her. I shielded her with the only thing I had. Myself. I don't regret it at all. I have almost forgotten the agony of being riddled with bullets. I am getting used to the torture of not truly being awake, of only hearing things, only being able to talk and concentrate in my self conscience.

Mann is dead. I suppose Faith got a nasty shock when I rolled off of her, probably covered in more blood than you would encounter in a blood bank. I want to think that I had nothing to do with Faith killing him, but that's nearly impossible. She told me so herself. Denial doesn't help anyway. "I just want you to know that I took care of that for you, okay?"

The doctors keep saying that if I live, my job is over. It's not as much of a relief as you might think. The bad guys only show you the hard part, but what about the ingratiating part of seeing children go with great foster parents, or their own? How about saving someone's life? I do make a difference, and I know that.

I might not even be able to talk or even feed myself. Such simple things that I've been doing since I was young. But do I regret it? Never. Not one single bit.

Faith, don't feel guilty. We each have choices to make, whether for the good of yourself or others. I chose you. Live your life and never look back. Remember me as I was before now, when I was on the streets kicking ass and helping the community. Remember that I care for you, my partner, and that I am giving you this chance to reunite with your family and yourself. My best friend, know that I didn't have to think. It was my choice and I would do it again. You cannot change the past, so live the future.

I didn't have to think.