Chapter 1
18 months on from their last meeting…
A lot had happened in the last eighteen months both good and bad. Whilst getting ready for this evening Charles had time to reflect on the turn of events.
When he had opened the front door of his parents' house all that time ago his world had turned upside down. He'd been speechless in that moment, seeing Molly for the first time in 3 months. Little did he know that the next 24 hours would see it turn upside down again.
They had consumed one another for hours both physically and mentally. There seemed so much to say and convey that once the dawn had come, sleep inevitably took hold of both of them.
On stirring from his slumber, Charles was aware of an absence beside him. It was mid-morning now and the autumn sun was low in the sky, penetrating his gritty eyelids. A smile crept upon his lips and calmness settled on his once wrung out brow – Molly – she'd come back to him.
Charles found Molly downstairs in the kitchen; her back was turned towards him, unaware of his approach and unaware that he could hear her. He retreated a little deciding to make more of his advance, to give her time to right herself after a long night.
Startled, Molly turned round with lips swollen, eyes red and skin inflamed from the excesses of the previous day and night, Charles assumed. Her beauty heightened by her innocent, vulnerable face.
"I've been thinking…" she started.
"Oh Dawes, that does sound dangerous" Charles chuckled.
They both smiled at the memory of a previous conversation enjoyed at the beginning of their first tour together.
"Please Charles, this is important" there was steeliness to her voice that made him uneasy.
"Whilst I've been away I've spent more hours thinking about you, us than I care to admit. I've lost sleep and my mind trying to reconcile a future for us. Trying to understand how we can overcome the shame of our beginning, the differences in our lives, and backgrounds. Whilst I would give my last breath to have just one more night with you, I truly believe that leaving it now whilst we still have our memories and positive thoughts of one another is better than soiling an uncertain future." A single tear escaped from her puffy eyes, she wiped it away roughly with the back of her hand.
Lost for words once again, the colour draining from Charles' face…..where to begin, was this really happening?
"Molly, please don't do this, have you forgotten about yesterday, about how it felt to be together after so long?" He wasn't one to plead but he had nothing to lose. But if he knew anything about Molly, it was that she was decisive and incredibly stubborn.
They talked on for another hour or so, some of the time the exchanges were heated, but mostly a feeling of resignation and sadness enveloped them.
In all honesty, what she had said wasn't something that he hadn't thought of himself, but once again she had taken the lead trying to do the right thing. Now all he had were memories of their tour together and two perfect days.
The intervening 18 months had indeed been eventful and try as he might, Charles did want to move on. Life was too short he was keenly aware of that, but it had been almost impossible to achieve the same level of calmness that Molly Dawes' presence offered.
The need to find employment had been the most pressing task once he had completed his rehab. It had been a lot harder than he expected, but he did manage to eventually settle into his role at a consultancy firm. The job didn't offer the same challenges he was used to in the Army. This was offset by the fact that he was able to see Sam regularly; so frequently in fact, that he and Rebecca had fallen into an awkward liaison that lasted more than 6 months. It was careless on his part to embark on a relationship with her, totally unfair on both her and Sam. At the time there was a belief that they were doing the right thing, trying to put Sam's needs ahead of their own.
Being a civilian again had taken some getting used to. The routine and monotony of day to day life messed with his head occasionally. He'd ensured that every weekend was busy visiting old friends from university and Army colleagues that were home on leave. Too many Sunday mornings were spent nursing a hangover and occasionally waking up in unexpected places. He believed that he was making some sort of progress; life was on the whole good. Although his thoughts too often strayed into difficult territory, not helped by former colleagues sharing stories of Molly and her continued progress and success.
Charles had thought about the last day they'd spent together too frequently and wished that he'd said more, fought harder and had more belief that they could succeed. Getting in touch had been an option of course, but Molly had insisted that it was the right decision for both of them. Self-preservation of sort; although she would have never phrased it like that. He smiled at the thought of her quizzical face when he said things that she didn't understand. Part of her charm.
This evening's events should be interesting and if nothing else eventful, Charles hadn't seen some of these guys for a long time and there was always plenty of banter, ribbing and camaraderie. In the confines of his hotel room he poured a whiskey to steady his nerves…nerves, what did he have to be nervous about? A drink with old friends, that was all that this was. He looked over his appearance. Many of them wouldn't have seen him dressed so casually and he felt less in command (of himself and emotions) as a result. It had been a while since he'd met up with some of these soldiers; he was looking forward to seeing them, but was still full of apprehension about the guest list and the coming hours.