Forty days and counting
His business in the Capitol kept him away often. She would stay home, rocking herself back in forth, afraid for him. Sometimes she would hide under a blanket, sometimes she would write him letters she could never send. She always crumpled or ripped or burned or buried them, knowing she wouldn't give them to him when he got back.
I'm going to sleep.When I wake up there will be thirty nine more days left
Sleep was the only time she didn't remember how much she missed him. Sometimes she could trick herself into thinking he was actually there when her blankets were especially warm. She based her days and nights around when he would come home. When he would be back for her, it was a fire that was constantly burning into the back of her mind.
When I fall asleep I feel you with me
Sometimes, she would go to sleep in the middle of the day. It's something he would reprimand her for if he ever heard about it, but she didn't care. He wasn't with her. She needed to feel him around her again.
When I fall asleep I feel you with me. When I fall asleep I feel you with me. Until I fall asleep and you are with me.
In those few minutes before she fell asleep, while she let herself be at her most vulnerable, when she was engulfed in her blankets that still almost smelled like him from when he would lay in bed with her, she could breathe in deep and close her eyes and pretend he was there.
Thirty days and counting.
It always hit him the hardest after some time had gone by, when it was harder to remember where, exactly, the freckle next to her eye is in comparison to her nose. When he realized that anything could happen to her while he was gone if he screwed up with just one client, when he realized what he's doing to her just to keep her safe.
I'm going to sleep When I wake up there will be twenty nine more days left
Sometimes he would go to sleep early in the nights, he would convince the highest bidder to watch a movie with him or a recap of the games from a few years before, something he found especially disturbing was when they rewatched his games with him in the room, and he would fall asleep on the bed when they pressed themselves against him. All he wanted was for the night to be over, and he found that sleeping was the best way to make that happen.
When I fall asleep I feel you with me
He felt disgusting, beyond repair, on these nights. He was left alone with his thoughts, and the only way that he knew to get out of his head was to sleep. In those few quiet moments when he would try to force himself to fall asleep before the highest bidder would come back into the room, those few minutes he had while they put on their makeup, even for sleep. He would try to convince himself that she would forgive him, if she were here. That her arms would wrap around him while he fell asleep.
When I fall asleep I feel you with me
Some nights, he would imagine her lying in her bed, wrapped up in a blanket. The same moon shining through their different windows on different sides of what felt like the world. It would make him want to cry, thinking of her all alone during the day, but somehow, nighttime was different. Nighttime made it easier to picture her.
When I fall asleep I feel you with me
Sometimes she wouldn't sleep at all when she caught his smell. She would lay and close her eyes, but she wouldn't allow herself to sleep. She wanted the feeling of falling asleep to last for as long as it could so she wouldn't lose his smell by the morning.
Until I fall asleep and you are with me
It was hard to wait to be reunited, but neither ever slept more soundly than on those first few nights they had one another again.
When I fall asleep I feel you with me.
When I fall asleep I feel you with me
When I fall asleep I feel you with me
Until I fall asleep and you are with me
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