Summary: Shikamaru constantly complains about his father's house being ruled by his mother. Shikato is so whipped. That'd never happen to him . . . ShikaIno
Rating: PG-13 (just in case )
Note: Seeing as how the "Rescue Sasuke" arc worked out I am going to tweak the Narutoverse a bit. Still after the Chuunin exam but it branches off from there. After the war but before Sasuke runs off to be bosom buddies with Orochimaru.
Dedication: A late Christmas present to Ellio. Because she said I could give her a ShikaIno fic instead of a KibaHina because my lazy muse wouldn't hit me over the head with any ideas for that pairing ; I'll probably get to it eventually.
Don't look at me that way.. I know its February. I just happen to have a problem with procrastination.
Anyway please leave a review on your way out.
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:You Are So Whipped:
Chapter 1: The Proposition and the Threat
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I've always believed life was about strategy. Move slowly and carefully and you'll catch all of the favorable outcomes. It's the way to get the life you always wanted. The cardinal rule: Avoid anything complicated.
I had it all planned out. The average life. Become an average ninja with an average family. Move on to old age and eventual inevitable death. I didn't want to be anything special. I just wanted to get by and get on with it.
It had worked pretty well up until now. But with life there's always that tiresome 'unpredictable'.
The unpredictable always comes up to ruin a perfectly normal and relaxing day for me. I always need time to respond to it. I try to evade anything I can't predict like the plague.
But then again if its unpredictable you can't predict when its going to show up, can you? It figured it would show up today. When I finally get some rest.
Now how to respond . . .
If your unpredictable, hot-tempered blond team mate shows up at your door at an ungodly hour of the morning to 'girl talk' your ear off about Uchiha Sasuke (again), how do you tell her you really don't care and want to get back to bed before you really have to get up for training without her blowing up in your face?
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"-so I want you to be the mastermind behind the operation." Noticing the blank look on the boy's face the blond kunoichi on his doorstep blew up. "Are you even listening to me, Shikamaru!"
Yamanaka Ino tossed her hair haughtily, though there wasn't much to toss, being that she had chopped most of it off during the Chuunin exam. It was probably one of those hasty decisions Shikamaru claimed she was always making. She hoped it hadn't lost its dramatic effect.
"I'm talking about very important LIFE stuff here! I don't know why I even bother with you!" Ino would've gone on about the virtue of listening to every single word that came out of her mouth but he would probably just tune her out again, and she really did need him for this to work.
The Nara boy wasn't really looking his best this morning. The usual deep shadows under his eyes were even darker if possible, his hair was sloppily tied up in its customary ponytail, and his clothes were hopelessly wrinkled, leading her to believe he'd slept in them. All in all he looked like he had just crawled out of bed, which he had assured her, though she hadn't been listening, he had.
After smacking him 'lightly' over the head to make sure she got the full attention she deserved she continued her one-sided conversation. "AS I WAS SAYING, I was walking across the bridge this morning. You know the one where Team 7 meets for training. Purely coincidentally of course. I was running some errands."
Shikamaru nodded to humor her. He didn't seem in the mood to be smacked again. The world was as it should be.
"And I was admiring how Sasuke-kun's hair catches the light from the sunrise JUST right." Ino sighed happily remembering the dreamy image. "His hair's always so perfect you know? I wonder if the blue highlights are natural. They go so great with his dark eyes . . ."
The Chuunin groaned inwardly. Once Ino got going about Sasuke it was near impossible to get her back on topic.
". . . And big-forehead-Sakura was hanging on him SHAMELESSLY. I mean they're team mates! They're not supposed to-"
"I'm going back to bed." Shikamaru started to close the door while backing into the house.
The blonde blocked the door with her foot and charged into the Naras' living room with all the force of nature that was her trademark.
"I was leading up to my point!" she informed him while poking him in the chest in annoyance. "That was when I got this BRILLIANT idea." She paused as if waiting for a drum roll while taking a seat on his couch.
Finding that she wouldn't get a real reaction out of him, she continued while he was still at least half-listening. She didn't have the patience to explain this a third time. "The Annual Summer Solstice Dance is coming up next month. I heard the village council was already planning it." Deep breath. "I need you to help me get Sasuke by then."
This did get a reaction. Both eyebrows reached his hairline. "You want me to what?"
Ino put on the best hopeful expression she could muster. It was a hare brained plan but it would work! "When I was little I swore to myself that I would be with my true love before the summer solstice this year." Maybe puppy dog eyes will work.
Shikamaru blinked at her for a couple of seconds. "Ino? We're thirteen."
She scowled. "I know that." Time to switch tactics. She batted her eyelashes and gave him a pitying look. "This really really REALLY means a lot to me! I promise I'll never ask anything of you for the rest of my life!"
He rolled his eyes. "That's what you said last time. And the time before that. And the time before that . . ."
"But I MEAN it this time! Please?"
She just HAD to use that face. Shikamaru sighed inwardly with the look of a man accepting his impending demise. ". .What do I have to do?"
Got him! "Nothing much . . ." She began carefully. Ino prided herself at being the queen of manipulation. She'd present a reasonable argument and he'd see reason or she'd make him. "All we have to do is convince Sakura- CHAN that I'm over Sasuke and our rivalry. She's really only after him because I am, of course. So if she thinks I'm off the game she'll go after someone who actually likes her. And then I'll move in for the prize. I'm actually doing her a favor, she never would've gotten Sasuke-kun anyway."
The lazy shinobi looked doubtful. "What did you need me for?"
A 100-watt smile. "You get to pose as my boyfriend!" The straightforward approach was sometimes best with lazy bastards.
His usually apathetic expression formed an incredulous one. "No, really. What's my job?"
"You're cute when you're flustered, Shika-kun."
Blanching at the nickname he quickly regained composure. "No. No way." Flat out.
Ino was not deterred. Shikamaru could be stubborn when he wanted but she had been prepared for this. "Its only for a month and you already agreed. I didn't think you were one to go back on your word."
"I'll make an exception for this." The boy gestured to the door. "Is that all you came for?"
He's too damn stubborn! The girl moved on to temperamental sulking. "All I asked you for was one teensy favor. If you won't do this for me I'll- I'll tell everyone you have a nylon fetish!"
Shikamaru looked blankly from Ino to his black, nylon, fishnet shirt. He had to have at least twelve in his closet. "I think they could've guessed that already."
Dammit! Shikamaru had to help. She didn't have anyone else she could ask/make do this! Of course she HAD to have this great idea when all the cute guys were out on missions. .
Ino desperately searched through the archives of her mind for blackmail material. For as long as she could remember her's, Shikamaru's, and Chouji's parents had been friends. And for that long the three had always been shoved somewhere together to go play while the adults had their get- togethers. There had to be something good . . .
And she found something. She hated to sink that low but Shikamaru had left her no choice. "I'll tell everyone about THAT time . . ."
He knew immediately what she was talking about and turned white despite himself. "You promised you wouldn't. Ever." It had been a long time ago, but that memory was still mortifying.
Ino let out a long suffering and obviously overdramatic sigh. "I'm being denied a lifetime of happiness. All I wanted was for my best friend-"
Slit-eyed look. "Sakura is your best friend."
-my best MALE friend to help me out. I trust him with my life and my body everyday. And he can't even look out for his team mate. To ensure that SHE is happy. The grumpy bastard only wants to drag everyone else into his dark cloud of miser-"
The boy groaned loudly. This was getting ridiculous. She had even summoned a couple of tears for her theatrics. He'd have to keep that in mind next time she was crying over something . . "Fine."
"Really! Thank you so much Shikamaru!" the girl shrieked in delight and hugged him jumping up and down excitedly as if she had never been on the verge of a breakdown.
Shikamaru looked visibly pained. "Its only for the month right?"
Pushing her out of his face he felt as if he had just sold his soul. "What's involved? Is Sakura the only one out of the loop or-?"
Ino put her finger on her chin in contemplation. She hadn't really though of that. "Actually Sakura's a good gossip. She'd probably hear about it if everyone else knew so . . the only way to be sure would be to fool everyone."
"EVERYONE? The whole town? Even our parents?" Yamanaka Inoshi was extremely hostile to anything male that moved near or around his precious daughter. It probably wouldn't matter that the guy had known him since before he was out of diapers.
"Yup. Not even Chouji should know about it. He has a pretty big mouth." Ino also had the sneaking suspicion that Asuma-sensei used him as a spy. They were awfully buddy-buddy and their teacher never seemed to run out of barbeque coupons.
Shikamaru was still having doubts. "There are too many variables to this plan. . Why am I doing this? Its a lot of effort just to get Uchiha to go to a dance with you."
The kunoichi only grinned. "Because you want people to keep respecting you and you care about my happiness somewhere deep inside." Might as well pour it on thick. "Besides which, you're the lucky one. You get to be on the arm of the sexiest ninja alive for 30 days!"
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After Ino left, Shikamaru crawled back into bed again, completely drained and his day hadn't even begun. But he didn't get back to sleep. The boy just stayed up pondering as the sun rose higher in the sky and he heard the sounds of his mother getting up to cook breakfast.
Jeez . . . What have I gotten myself into?