Sarah vs a title
Disclaimer: Don't own Chuck, if I did they'd already be filming a third season.
Spoilers for Chuck vs the Colonel I suppose.
I suppose it all started in the beginning, that first day I met him. I walked into that Buy More knowing and thinking of him as a mark, someone I needed to get to fall for me. Seeing him I figured it wouldn't be difficult; I knew his file, he wasn't exactly a success story, he would be pretty easy to seduce a nerd like him probably didn't get much attention let alone some from someone like me. Talking to him seemed easy enough, but he was a little different I guess he doubted my sincerity and I had to go back and ask him out again.
The Asset's cover wasn't the first time I'd pose as someone's girlfriend; I figured he'd be happy with it to. At this point—the first days I knew him—I didn't foresee any of the problems that would eventually plague the operation. I foresaw problems, lots of them, but I figured they'd be along the lines of attacks on the Asset not emotional problems. That was how I thought of the intersect as The Asset. Which isn't surprising after all that's how I thought of every new Asset, just as The Asset nothing more nothing less; keeps things less complicated in the event they turn back or don't pan out.
In retrospect I suppose it's wholly unsurprising that I came to think of the intersect as Our Asset. Our of course referred to the CIA and NSA and I eventually came to think of almost every Asset that way, but what was surprising was the speed with which he moved from The Asset to Our Asset, four days that's all it took him. It would have been fine if I had continued to think of him as Our Asset, I didn't. I don't know when it changed but that Our metamorphosed from meaning CIA and NSA into meaning me and Casey's Asset; again he wasn't the first who I thought of like that, there'd been a few others who I thought were my personal Assets, but it had barely been a week by the time I was thinking of the intersect as Our Asset. Me and Casey, that's who he belonged to. The other Assets who I thought of like that took years before I began to think of them like that. Chuck had taken a grand total of nine days before I thought of him as Ours.
It should have stayed like that, but as I'm sure you can guess by this point it didn't stay at that. By the end of the second week I began to think of him as My Asset. Not Casey's any longer, just mine. I don't know if Beckman and Casey noticed how I changed the way in which I referred to the intersect. It became more personal, and warmer. He was My Asset and I'd be dammed if I let any harm to come to him. That was the point at which I should have started to check my emotions and make sure that I remained detached, made sure that I didn't become attached to him. I didn't, I ignored the possible problem, ignored that it existed and pretended that I was completely unattached.
It stayed like that for a grand total of three weeks, that's when I stopped thinking of the intersect as an Asset. He became him in my mind. He was no longer just an assignment, it'd taken him a little over a month to become a him in my mind; he was now entering uncharted territory, no one had ever gotten me to drop the Asset label from my cases. He just had. I should have known at that point that I needed to get out run away from him; he was having an effect on me. I should have realized that this was the beginning of the end.
It didn't take him long to change how I thought of him again. Him became Chuck in my mind. I started to realize the danger I was putting us in, I can't afford to think of my assignment's by their names. It's completely unheard of. And not even like him where I might have occasionally thought of an Asset like that once or twice; I've never thought of any assignment or Asset by their name. It's unprofessional. I definitely should have requested a transfer immediately, I was thinking of Chuck not as an intersect, but as a person, a man, maybe even as a friend. It hadn't even been two months into my assignment. I didn't know all that much about him, but what I did know I…uh well I liked. He was so trusting, and caring and his eyes oh his eyes. I was compromised at this point, I should have left gotten a new assignment, but I didn't want to.
I continued thinking about him as Chuck for a long time. I thought I had finally hit a plateau in how I thought of him. He would be Chuck, my friend and colleague. Fulcrum changed that. They had him, captured and ready to torture him. I felt angry as I heard his yelps, angry at Fulcrum for hurting my Chuck, I didn't like it when people threatened my boyfriend. I snapped, I burst into the room and dispatched everything in that room that wasn't Chuck. Nothing was going to stop me from rescuing him. As I escorted him out I realized what my thought meant, what I considered him now. Our cover relationship had moved from a pseudo one into a very real one. Or at least a real one to me; I wasn't sure if he thought of me in the same way anymore. He'd made his feelings quite clear long ago, but he'd also broken up with me. I'd hurt him, a lot and hoped I hadn't completely broken his heart and destroyed any chance for a real one. As we exited the building towards the van where Casey should be waiting I interlaced my hand with his. Sure it might not have been a declaration of undying love, but I'm not Juliette and he's not Romeo; well I guess, he is my Romeo.
I've tried to subtly let him know that this is no longer just a cover relationship, but a real one for me. I'm not sure if he picks up on my signals; he should have gotten the most recent one that I just threw away my career for him because I lo..I care about him. We settle into the motel room and I wish I could be with him, but I'm tired from the driving and the long day. Waking up wrapped in his arms feels better than any other morning I've ever had. It's like Christmas, the first day of vacation, and my birthday all rolled into one beautiful, blissful, perfect morning. Well there's one thing that'd I'd like, or specifically one person and he's lying right next to me. Hell he's no longer my asset, might as well make my feelings for him absolutely clear. I stop the hand game we'd been playing and turn over to face him. We erupt like Krakatoa. He stops us for a second to get a condom; I lay there waiting for him to return he encounters some problems, then Casey, Fulcrum, and finally more problems. The rest of the day is pretty much a blur for me, until the end that is…
I stare at him across the courtyard; he was talking to Casey about going to the dinner and then he turned to face me. He stopped dead in his tracks staring at me. I knew I looked good, but it still made me feel elated to see his reaction. I knew we hadn't even gotten to do anything yet, what with rescuing his father, running from Casey, and dodging an F-16 air strike but as I stood holding his hand preparing to go to a rehearsal dinner I realized I didn't want to go to Ellie's wedding rehearsal, I wanted to go to mine and Chuck's, and soon. That could be a problem, if I hadn't seen the ring he hid in his pocket on the surveillance video. It might be quick, but we waited long enough to get together in the first the end of the night I know he'll no longer be my boyfriend, he's going to be my fiancé.
A/N- Hope it was ok for my first Chuck fic. I kinda struggled with writing first person as a character of the opposite gender. I've also never seen most of the first season. I had to go with the happy ending, this place seems to have a lot of sad fics.
Post hoc ergo propter hoc