A/N: Please let me know what you think and if there are any mistakes ! Reviews are welcome !
Memories
You stand in front of the door like it's the last place you would want to be. You look so tired but you still came all the way here. The travel took days that felt like years. Your tear strained face went back to the usual blank, cold expression. You left your old friends in Japan and you returned to the ancient tower of the Black Order.
When you arrived in London, you saw all this lively people, going with their lives as if the Holy War never even happened. But you know that no one will remember this dark times. Not even the Bookmen who didn't exist anymore. With the Noah gone, Lavi had decided to build a life and he disappeared. Komui, Lenalee and Reever wanted to come with you, but they understood that you didn't need any company. They gave you an address, located in China, "in case you would want to visit us" they said.
You told your goodbyes to everyone out there and couldn't help to list all of those who weren't there. In the final battle, too many had died unknown.
Just before leaving Japan, you came to General Tiedoll and asked for his remains. If you couldn't save him, at least you'll fulfill his last wish.
Light stream down the cold floor and fall on the bed. Allen's eyes are like two little moons, deep and silver. He hasn't notice the dark eyes watching him yet. Not that their owner minds. If Allen knew, he would put up a mask again and the fake smile that the other man knew too well would hide his despair again. But right now, while he's alone with the moon, all the hidden thoughts show on his face. It's this time of night when he's the most vulnerable.
Allen turns his head to the sleeping form next to him and his darkened gaze meets the unreadable one of his lover. He smiles. A small, but warm smile that almost looks true. But his eyes are empty again.
Allen.
The name, even if you whispered it endlessly on those nights, seems foreign on your tongue. By an unspoken agreement, this five letters were not to be pronounced after the final battle. Even this day seems so far away.
You push the door open and enter the room. It looks empty with just the bed beside the broken glass window and the dust covering the stone floor. Your steps make no sound as you walk toward the windowsill. There's no glass on the ground anymore, no blood stains on the stones. You washed it all, at the sound of cries. It had been one of the hardest nights.
Allen wakes up screaming. He looks frightened and he is scratching his skin with his nails. The man next to him, awake and alert, tries to tear his hand off his face and he wraps his arms around the young boy trembling shape. The tears fall down his pale cheeks, and stain in red the white sheets. Outside, dark clouds cover the moon.
A candle is lit and the warm flame projects shadows on the wall. In the arms of his partner, Allen rocks and mumbles, the remnants of his dream lingering in his mind. He can't fall asleep. If he does, it will return. The demon lurking in the depth of his soul. It takes over his body, it tears off his inside and destroys his head. A thousand needles dive into his bones.
When he wakes up again, he is being held tightly by his comrade. He's not asleep but his eyes are shut and he seems shaken. The room is a mess.
There's blood everywhere, stains on the walls and a cold rain enters by the now empty window. Looking back at his body, Allen sees all the bandages wrapping his feet and hands and a closer look to the other man makes him realize the blood on the sheets isn't only his. Tears stream down his face and dark eyes, blue when looked up closely, watch him with a worried and sad expression.
You sit on the bed and just let the memories flow in your head. You've spent countless nights in this room. You were sometimes alone, when sleeping in your own cold bed was impossible and Allen was gone on a mission. You sometimes came back from one, exhausted and hurt, and you crashed next to him. He would always worry too much and bandage your wounds even if in the morning they would have healed. Nights like this usually became lazy mornings and soft kisses. And there were some times when you would pass Allen on the hall, going back to his room, and you would find yourself following him silently. You always made sure no one saw you and you would push the door left open for you to come in. As soon as it was locked, Allen would be on you and night was full of bliss and lust.
Those nights were the best. It wasn't a burning passion like after a fight. It wasn't a desperate ardor like when Allen returned from a tough mission. It was love, soft and slow, when the both of you savoured each other trying to remember every corner of skin and every bit of heart. Those times you made love to him, forgetting everything about the Black Order and the Noahs. Those times, death left you alone with him so you could enjoy your life.
There was blood and bodies everywhere. Explosions sent flying bricks all over the city and the clamor of fight swallowed everything else. Nobody could hear the cries and yells. Nobody could know how many had fallen and how many still fought.
Allen was fighting with all his will but he felt his forces declined. When the Millenium Earl fell, the Noahs became demented and the fight, momentarily stopped, flared up more devastating than ever. Allen had saw groups of Finders being blown up right in front of his eyes and rage kept him moving. Noahs had to die.
You harden your grip around the wooden box. The ashes fly on the wind, taking with them the last proof of Allen's existence. He now only lives in your memories and you'll hold tight on them. You feel a single tear fall from your eyes. You saw the blow coming right at him, you screamed at him to turn around... The last thing you saw before everything turned white was his smiling face. He was looking right at you across the field. His eyes filled with tears sunk deep into you and his lips moved to form a single word.
Sorry.