I've written a lot of BtVS short stories/drabbles today. Here's another one.
Disclaimer: BtVS. Definitely not mine.
Feel or die
She had to feel. She had to prove herself that she was not dead anymore, it was not Heaven or Hell. That everything was real, the Apocalypse was on its way, coming in their direction, again. She had to make herself feel in order to protect everyone. To save their lives. All of them relied on her strength, physical and mental at the same time. She had to pull herself together. She was a leader.
What was the solution? She had to find one, Spike was no permanent solution. He was some kind of parasite, he made her feel something, pleasure, pain, sadness and (she wasn't sure if that was the best word for it) happiness, but she made him fall in love with her, and it was wrong.
No one was able to give her a permanent solution to this, and she had to feel,or else they'd end up dead.