A couple of months have passed since the attack against Mt. Weather and since Clarke left to be off on her own. In that time many things have happened including a new conflict against new enemies, changes in governing and the return of Clarke.
Clarke had returned to the people of the Ark, her people, several weeks ago and was welcomed back with open arms, for the most part. Her friends were a mixture of worried and angry but in the end they decided not to hold it against her.
Everything quickly settled itself out and a shift in routine was easily accept, but quick and easy has always been the only way to really stand a chance at survival. Within a couple days everything seemed normal and Clarke was back with her people, almost. One small thing was making everything feel completely off balance, Bellamy.
Since she got back he didn't look at her, not in the eye at least. They have only interacted a few time and every time he looked away.
The day was amazingly clear making everyone in Camp Jaha a bit calmer than usual. The guards were still on high alert but the general atmosphere of camp was a lot more at ease. Not everyone wanted to stay at camp though, at the first chance he got Bellamy snuck off into the woods, with a gun of course. He managed to escape into the woods without obstacle but his departure didn't go completely unnoticed.
It didn't take long for Bellamy to find a place for his escape; close enough to be at ease but far enough to be out of sight. The foliage was light and the trees weren't super tall so he had a clear view of the sky.
Suddenly the peace was broken by the sound of broken twigs, most likely stepped on. Intuitively Bellamy became guarded and aimed his gun towards the disturbance.
There was a movement in the bush and out emerged a blonde hair girl.
Hands casually up Clarke looked at Bellamy, who looked ready for blood, and simply said "Hey."
Bellamy dropped down his gun and turned away from her before stoically saying, "It's just you."
"It's just me," Clarke repeated as she moved closer.
Bellamy kept his back turned away and Clarke continued to feel off balance. She knew something was wrong, that something was bothering him. She finally gave into her desires and asked him "is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine," replied Bellamy still looking away and keeping his stoic composure.
Clarke knew that she should probably just leave it alone but something inside her wouldn't allow it so she tried again. "Are you sure? I –"
"I said everything is fine. Just leave it alone," bursted Bellamy, instantly regretting it but still hiding his face.
He didn't scare Clarke away though. She hesitated but then in a soft voice responded "Bellamy, I can tell something's up with you. Just tell me."
Bellamy turned and looked intensely at Clarke, he knew she wasn't going to let up. He lowered himself against a tree until he was on the ground. Not looking up he said in a low yet intense voice, "You left Clarke."
Clarke hesitantly moved towards Bellamy, noticing no revolt from him she slowly lowered herself next to him.
She looked around hoping for some kind of sign that could tell her what to say but then she thought against it. She though to herself, 'this is Bellamy. If I can't just truthfully explain myself to him, then I can't explain it to anyone.' Clarke spared a quick glance in his direction before realizing, ' Besides, even if I tried to lie, he would probably know it.'
Clarke sighed looking up at the clear blue sky before bluntly saying, "yeah." There was a long silence before Clarke continued.
She looked at Bellamy and said, "I know. I know I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have left our people but –"
Bellamy quickly cut Clarke off and blurted out, "I'm not talking about how you left our people."
He final broke his gaze from the ground and looked at Clarke. "I'm talking about how you left me."
The remark took Clarke by surprise, but that wasn't the only thing that shocked her. She finally saw his eyes; they were different than before. Instead of his usual mixture of confidence and courage and trust and humanity, she saw only his pain.
Bellamy continued, his hurt still emanating, "What happened in Mt. Weather, we did that. We did it together and I just… I thought –" His final words unable to escape.
"Bellamy," said Clarke in a soft, gentle voice, while she debated what she should say or do next. Bellamy turned so he was looking down again, then Clarke placed a reassuring hand on his knee in a hope to comfort him.
With that Bellamy found his voice again and said, "You just left Clarke. You left me when I needed you more than anyone. I just, I figured you would've realized that a long time ago."
Clarke didn't know what to say, she just looked at him for a moment. She knew she couldn't lie, not this time, not to Bellamy; deep down she may have known that leaving was selfish but at the time it seemed right. She finally sighed and said, "I'm sorry. I just… I thought everyone would be better off. I thought I would be better off."
Realizing where the conversation was heading, Bellamy didn't let her continue. "Look, I understand why you did it and I forgive you for leaving, but it doesn't change how it felt, how it hurt," said Bellamy, slightly fearing that he may be speaking too honestly.
"It hurt for me to stay Bellamy," responded Clarke. "I left for more than just what happened in Mt. Weather. All the fighting, the desperation, it broke me. I killed Finn. I let a bomb drop on Tondc, killing hundreds of people. I sacrificed your life, Octavia's life, the lives our people. I sacrificed my humanity because I became so desperate."
Clarke began chocking up at the end; it was all true but she never wanted to admit it. The desperation and the places she had reached, she felt as though she didn't deserve understanding. Clarke wasn't able face Bellamy after admitting her truth so she dropped down her head and closed her eyes. She was sure that after saying it all Bellamy, and probably everyone else, would see her differently, maybe even fear her like she sometimes feared herself.
But what happened next was something Clarke could have never predicted. Bellamy gently placed a hand on her shoulder and in soft voice responded, "Clarke. None of those things are your fault. Look at me." It took a moment but soon Clarke opened her eyes and faced Bellamy, which allowed him to continue. "They may have been desperate decision but in the end they were the right ones. Those choices are the reason our people, our friends, are alive."
Clarke finally relaxed a bit, and though their current position was slightly awkward with Bellamy slightly holding her, she couldn't help but notice one thing, the look in his eyes. She was afraid that all she would see in his face was a void but now she saw what she needed most; he was looking right at her with his eyes filled with strength and security.
The serious moment passed with Bellamy giving his sheepish grin and releasing Clarke's shoulders before giving his final words of encouragement. He kept her gaze and said, "As for sacrificing your humanity, I sacrificed mine a long time ago for way less and I got through it. I had someone calling me out on my crap and still forgiving me. I had, have, someone that trusts me and that I can trust back."
Clarke couldn't help but smile. After everything that had happened and that had been said she finally felt like there was a chance of normalcy again. It was all thanks to Bellamy, with him she knew that she would have someone she can trust and who will always be there for her.
The two leaned back against the tree and looked to the sky, both feeling balanced again.
Without looking Clarke asked, "What now?"
Bellamy turned his head slightly and said, "I'm not sure, but whatever it is we do it together."
His response sounding more like a question than an answer to which Clarke turned and responded, "Together."