A/N – OMG, pronouns are hard in a fic like this. I've largely left Bruce as a "he," since even though he's in a female body, he is still himself, and considers himself to be a man. My apologies if anyone is offended, I tried my best to be respectful while letting the characters have a bit of fun.
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If Tony wasn't seeing this with his own eyes, completely sober, there's no way he would believe it. But he is and he does. By the time the bright blue glow has faded from Bruce's body, he's crumpled to the floor under his lab coat and Tony is rushing to kneel beside him and make sure he's breathing.
"What the…" Tony says, losing the capacity for words at a rapid pace as he takes in the sight.
Bruce Banner, seemingly out of nowhere, is suddenly and very inexplicably, a woman. Tony wonders if he isn't drunk after all.
"Bruce?" Tony asks, shaking his shoulder roughly, "Bruce, you have to wake up now, I'm really only good with conscious women…"
That earns him a groan and Bruce opens his eyes slowly, looking up at Tony in confusion.
"That was bad," he says, eyes going wide at the change in his voice, "Shit, Tony, what happened?"
"I…" Tony replies, before words fail him and he just gestures wildly at Bruce's new body.
Bruce looks down and actually yelps in shock as he sees himself. His lab coat is draping over the suddenly baggy shirt and trousers. His belt keeps the trousers on, at least, held in place by his newly rounded hips.
"Tony?" he says, looking up at his friend with a growing sense of panic in his eyes.
"Hey," Tony says, hurriedly, "Don't freak out. Or, you know, Hulk out. We'll fix this. Stay with me, OK?"
Bruce takes a deep breath and nods, skin shimmering pale green for just a moment before fading back to normal.
"So, what do we do?" Bruce asks, his genius mind buried in the impossibility of the situation.
Tony considers the question for a moment before grinning and standing up, reaching out a hand to Bruce.
"First, we stand up," he says, "Then, we run some tests."
Bruce nods and accepts Tony's hand, pulling himself up.
"Science," he says, slightly calmer, "I can do that."
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While Bruce is studying the diagnostics carefully on one of the screens, Tony takes the moment to sit on one of the stools and really look at him.
Or her, as the case may be.
He's a little shorter now, but only by a few inches, maybe just under five and a half feet. His shoulders are more slender, hips a little wider, limbs a little longer. The baggy clothes are hiding much of everything else, and Tony can't help but wonder about the rest.
Bruce's face is rounder and softer, with higher cheekbones but the same full lips. His nose is smaller, more suited for his new face, and his eyelashes are just a bit longer and fuller, framing his familiar brown eyes.
His still-dark hair reaches just below his collarbone, falling in loose curls. Tony smiles as Bruce runs his hand through his hair in a practiced gesture, even if the situation is all wrong.
In short, Bruce is kind of a babe. Tony isn't entirely sure what to do with that information, so he shoves it to the back burner and returns his attention to the task at hand.
"Well," Bruce says, pulling off his glasses and tucking them into his lab-coat pocket, "I'm definitely still human. Well, as human as I ever was. And definitely female. Nothing else seems to be of interest in the blood tests."
"Well if it's not science," Tony muses, "It must be magic. Think Loki is fucking with us?"
"How could he?" Bruce says, leaning back against the counter and crossing his arms under his breasts.
"Well, those exist now," Tony says, blatantly staring for a second.
"And who knows?" he continues, "We don't know how tight Asgardian security is. He could be running loose all over the universe by now."
"Then why would he bother with this?" Bruce asks, gesturing to himself before crossing his arms again.
Tony sighs.
"This means we're gonna have to talk to Fury, doesn't it?"
Bruce laughs and nods.
"Yes, it does. But first, I need to find some clothes I'm not tripping in."
As if on cue, the door swooshes open, and Natasha walks in, medical case in one hand and a smoothie in the other.
She tilts her head as she takes in the scene, before looking at Tony with a smirk.
"I know you've got a thing for Bruce, Stark, but dressing up some poor girl in his clothes borders on really freaking creepy, you know that, right?"
Tony has the decency to sputter incoherently for a moment while Bruce flushes scarlet.
"Ok, first of all," Tony says, "I do not have 'a thing' for Bruce. Secondly, this is Bruce. Well, kind of. We're working on it."
Natasha looks genuinely surprised, which Tony is pretty proud of. She takes a long sip from her smoothie before moving to place it and the medical case on the counter near Bruce. She invades his personal space, taller than him in her heeled boots, and scrutinizes his appearance.
Bruce just stands still, letting her assess him, meeting her eyes with a quiet defiance when she reaches his. She studies his gaze carefully for what feels like forever, before finally stepping back.
"Well, fuck," she says, before a truly terrifying grin spreads across her face.
"Clint is going to love this," she says, laughing, "Oh God, please don't tell him. I want to see him hit on you. It'll be great."
"No," Bruce says, shaking his head in exasperation.
Tony, however, positively lights up.
"Oh, oh, I like this idea. Natasha, do you have anything he can wear?"
"I'm not doing this," Bruce says, but they ignore him.
"Come with me, or I will carry you," Natasha says, and he's honestly not sure if she's joking or not.
Bruce sighs and allows them to lead him away.
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None of Natasha's jeans fit him, and he refuses to wear a dress, so he ends up in black sweatpants, topped with a light blue t-shirt that clings like a second skin.
In one of the most bizarre thoughts Bruce has ever had, he takes a moment to be grateful that Natasha had a bra that fit him. She'd helped him hook it, after they made Tony turn around, and she had kept her snickering to a minimum. Also, she'd helped him tame his eyebrows, as they suddenly looked enormous on his smaller features. He appreciated it.
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But now they're heading to Fury's office, Natasha and Tony on either side of him, in a strange sort of protective guard. Which is, of course, when they run into Clint as he steps off the elevator.
"Tasha, Tony," he greets them, "Who's your friend?"
He shoots Bruce an easy grin, eyeing him with interest. Bruce flushes slightly, feeling extremely uncomfortable, even though Clint is being perfectly gentlemanly.
"Cute, isn't she?" Tony says, wrapping an arm around Bruce's shoulder.
"I'm going to kill you," Bruce says, simply, shoving Tony away.
"And feisty!" Tony continues, "I like that. Bet you do, too, Barton, huh?"
Clint smirks and looks over at Natasha, who is watching the whole thing with carefully controlled glee.
"That I do," he says, keeping his eyes on Natasha.
And then he's waving as he goes, leaving them to board the elevator.
"Well, that was disappointing," Natasha says, pouting slightly.
"Manners," Tony says, "Who knew?"
"Still going to kill you," Bruce says to him, glaring.
"You are just adorable," Tony says, barely restraining from booping Bruce on the nose.
"Don't patronize me," Bruce says, getting rapidly irritated.
"Tony," Natasha warns, as Bruce's eyes start to flash green.
"I mean, you're always adorable," Tony continues, ignoring Natasha, "It's just magnified now."
Surprisingly, that seems to halt Bruce's flare up, and he looks up at Tony in surprise.
"Since when do you think I'm so adorable?" he asks, and he can't help but laugh at the notion.
Tony shrugs. "Since right about the time I jabbed you with a stick and you didn't punch me in the face. Adorable."
"This is the longest elevator ride ever," Natasha butts in, feeling increasingly like an intruder.
The elevator dings, breaking the tension of the moment, and the three head to Fury's office.
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"You have to be fucking kidding me."
Bruce shrugs and tries to tuck his hands into his nonexistent pockets, before shaking his head ruefully.
"I wish I was," he says, plopping into the seat between Natasha and Tony.
Fury sighs and rubs his temples.
"Alien robots weren't enough for one year? Now someone is fucking with my Agents' sex? This has got to be Loki's doing. Natasha, go find Thor and see what you can find out about his nutcase brother."
"Yes, sir," Natasha says, before standing up and taking her leave.
"You two," Fury says, staring pointedly. "Just… keep this quiet for now. If anyone asks, Banner is your visitor. Cousin, friend, hooker, I don't give a fuck. Just don't let word spread, the last thing I need is a bunch of terrified interns girding their loins."
Tony can't help it, he laughs.
"That's a great mental image," he says.
Fury glares.
"Out."
They go.
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Steve's heading into Fury's office as they head out and Bruce braces himself for any signs on recognition.
"Stark, Ma'am," Steve says, smiling politely and holding the door for Bruce as they're leaving.
"Thank you," he says, out of habit, and only then does he catch Steve's attention.
"Do I know you?" he asks, looking at Bruce with friendly curiosity.
"Just one of those faces," Tony says, tugging on Bruce's arm, "We're running late."
Steve shrugs.
"Must be," he says, waiting until the door clicks shut before sitting down.
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"I'm hungry, are you hungry? We should get pizza."
Bruce laughs at Tony's rambling before nodding.
"I could eat," he says.
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They eat at a tiny Italian place that smells like sweet sauce and spices and is decorated with comfortable, worn in booths and smooth wooden tables.
"You know," Tony says, thoughtfully, as they're finishing up, "You're taking this a lot better than I expected. And a hell of a lot better than I would be."
"Tony," Bruce says, smirking in such a Bruce way that Tony almost forgets the woman's face that he sees, "If you spontaneously turned into a woman, you would never leave your room."
Tony laughs, loud and sudden, because he's right. Well, almost.
"Wrong," he says, grinning wickedly, "I'd lock myself up at first, and then I'd go find me some horny fella and bring him back for a few days. And then a lady. And then maybe both."
Bruce looks at him curiously.
"I didn't know you were into guys," he says, making sure to keep his tone light.
"I'm not," Tony says, "I'm into people. And sex. Guy or gal is irrelevant."
He says it so nonchalantly that Bruce isn't quite sure how to process it, but he can't help but feel like he's just learned something important.
But Tony's moved on and is finishing his soda, so Bruce says nothing. They go to the counter to pay and Bruce endures the older woman working there commenting on what a cute couple they are, and even laughs when Tony wraps an arm around his waist a places a loud kiss on his cheek for the lady's amusement.
"Stop," he says, when Tony tries to kiss the other cheek as Bruce tries to lead them out and Tony does, giving him his best puppy dog look.
"Would you rather I kissed you on the mouth?" he says, and it doesn't take a genius to figure out he's only half kidding.
But that's too much for Bruce to think about at the moment, so he just smacks Tony across the head and gives him a little shove to the door.
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Bruce is grateful for both his bed and his solitude at the end of the night. His pajamas are baggy but familiar, and the lack of underwear isn't anything new. He finds himself relaxing for the first time all day. Only when he closes his eyes do his earlier words to Tony flash through his mind.
"…You would never leave your room.."
All at once, the urge to explore his new body hits him in a rush, and he couldn't stop himself if he wanted to. And he really, really doesn't want to. He pulls off the pajama top without grace and tosses it to the floor, pants following quickly. The air is cold as it hits his skin when he shoves aside the comforter, but it only serves to excite him more.
His hands feel foreign and familiar all at once as he trails his fingers across his breasts, gasping as his nipples harden at the touch. His breasts are full and soft and pretty damn fantastic, if he does say so. The lack of chest hair is disconcerting at first, but fascinating as he maps his body with his fingertips, tracing over curves and softness. He reaches his damp pubic hair, dipping his fingers into the wetness there, gasping again at the sensation. Sure, he's pleasured women before, he knows what he's doing, but this is a new experience entirely.
He dips one finger inside of himself, and outright moans at the feeling. It isn't long before he's fucking himself with three fingers, curled together just right. He's panting and writhing and everything's on fire in the best way, but he can't seem to get over the edge.
And then he remembers. He slicks the fingers on his other hand with his own wetness and finds his clit out of pure instinct. He jumps at the first touch, he's so over-sensitized, but he keeps going, rubbing with increased speed as he pumps his fingers in and out of himself.
His orgasm hits him like a truck, sudden and hard, and he clenches around his fingers, rubbing at his clit until he can't stand the touch anymore. Before he can think about it too much, he pulls his fingers out and licks them clean, still shaking.
"Holy shit," he says to the empty room.
His thoughts drift to Tony's reply at the diner, and he suddenly wants nothing more than to find someone to fuck him senseless. Guy or girl, it doesn't matter.
He doesn't get much sleep that night.
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Breakfast is a strange affair, as Tony's introduced him as a distant cousin but said nothing else on the matter. Or given him a name, even.
"So, where are you from…" Steve asks, trailing off as he realizes he doesn't know her name.
"Alice," Bruce says, scrambling, "My name is Alice. I'm from Rhode Island."
"Alice here is just visiting her big cousin for a while," Tony says around his pancakes, before swallowing. "I'll be sure to show her all the sights. Speaking of which, we should get going."
Bruce takes the opportunity to leave willingly and follows Tony out.
Steve looks over at Clint, who is staring after the pair as they go.
"Anyone else think Tony was staring at his cousin a little too closely?"
Clint shrugs. "Maybe they're really close. Like, really close. If you know what I mean."
"We all know what you mean, Barton," Natasha says, not bothering to look up from her book.
Steve frowns. "That's just…awkward," he says, wrinkling his nose.
"Not even close to the weirdest relationship I've seen," Clint says, shrugging again.
"Grew up in the circus," he reminds them, "kissing cousins was the least of our freakshows."
"On that over-sharing note," Natasha says, "I'm gonna go beat up some punching bags. Anyone want to join me?"
"Sure," Steve says, moving to put his dish in the sink before following her out.
Clint is left alone with his pancakes and trashy romance novel that he'd hidden with a plain blue cover. He sips his coffee and smiles at the peace and quiet, before getting back to the heiress and her naughty stable boy.
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It happens when he's least expecting it. He and Tony are playing Uno, a tradition of sorts in the past few months. It's just mindless enough to be fun, but just interactive enough to have some challenge to it. Usually, they'd rope some of the others into playing, but with Bruce being not quite himself, they decided to keep it between them.
So, they're sitting at the expensive table in Tony's bedroom, playing peacefully when Tony places down a draw-four, snickering.
Now, usually, Bruce just curses at him and glares before drawing, it's not even a blip on the radar. But this time is different. He's not sure if it's the stress of the whole female-situation or the increased hormones coursing through him, or a mixture of both, but the end result is the same. One moment he's fine, the next, he's hulked out, falling to the floor with a loud thud as the chair and table collapse beneath him.
Tony yelps and scrambles away from the table, all while looking at Bruce for signs of impending disaster. Bruce, however, seems more confused than angry, looking over at Tony with wide eyes. This hulk is also very female, and suddenly very naked. She seems to realize this and draws her massive knees up and tucks her chin on top of them, shielding herself.
"Ok," Tony says, approaching her carefully, "Not gonna smash anything, right?"
Bruce looks at him forlornly, shaking her giant head. "No smash," she agrees.
"Whew," Tony says, relaxing. "Alright, well, let's just chalk that up to new hormones. You're safe, and we're done playing, so Bruce can come back any time now, ok?"
"Sleepy," she says, yawning loudly.
Tony watches with interest as she ambles over and lies as carefully as she can on his bed. It holds her, but barely, and Tony is grateful for the money he put into making his gigantic bed as sturdy as he could.
She's asleep in the next moment, and Tony watches for a while until the transformation finally starts. As soon as Bruce has shrunk to a manageable size, Tony covers him with the blanket, knowing he'll be naked and vulnerable when it's over.
He turns and assesses the damage to his room before shrugging and decided it could have been much worse. He scrawls a note for Bruce and puts it on the pillow next to him. Then he grabs some clothes and heads for one of the spare rooms, locking the door behind him.
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Bruce awakes suddenly with the sun, eyeing the pile of wood and metal on the floor with horror. Thoughts race through his head as he tries to piece everything together, and he hopes nobody got hurt. Hopes that Tony isn't hurt. He sits up, hand falling on the crinkle of paper as it settles on a pillow. Bruce picks up the note and reads it, laughing with relief.
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Bruce,
Nobody got hurt. Nobody else even noticed. But we're not playing Uno again until you're back to normal. The clean-up's a mess.
Tony
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He looks down hopefully, frowning when he sees he's still a girl.
A quick call to Fury gets no results, as they still haven't located Loki or Thor, and have no other leads. He knows that if this goes on much longer, he's going have to tell the others. But he's not ready to accept that yet, so he tries not to think about what-ifs, and focuses on now.
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"I have to say, Doctor Banner," Tony says as Bruce walks into his workshop, "You do look good in my clothes."
Bruce just rolls his eyes. The faded t-shirt and drawstring shorts were the best he could do without leaving the room. Luckily, his flips flops had survived the hulking out.
"Sorry about your furniture," he says, running his hand through his hair in embarrassment.
"Don't worry about it," Tony says, waving the apology away.
Bruce sits down on one of the stools, hooking his legs on the rung and sighing.
"What if I'm stuck like this forever?" he asks, quietly.
He's expecting Tony to laugh or mock him a little or ramble on about how awesome it would be to always have breasts. But he does none of these things. Instead, he puts down what he's working on and wipes his hands on a rag before coming over to stand in front of Bruce and put his hands on his shoulders reassuringly.
"You won't be," he says, locking eyes with Bruce. "But if you are, then everyone will just have to get used to it. You're still you. You're still Bruce Banner, whatever your anatomy says. You're brilliant and kind, and ok, maybe you have some anger management issues, but who doesn't?"
He finishes with a half smirk, and Banner feels like he might cry from the kindness. Damn that estrogen influx. Or so he tells himself.
"Thanks," he whispers, letting Tony pull him into a hug. And oh, it feels so nice to be enveloped like this, warm in someone's arms. He hadn't realized how much he missed it until now, but it feels so good that he doesn't want to move ever again.
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A week goes by, and they're no closer to finding answers. Bruce has settled into a routine of sorts. The others think he's gone away to help in an ailing country, and everyone but Natasha still thinks he's Tony's cousin. He gets up and has breakfast with everyone, making as little small talk as possible, before following Tony to his workshop and doing as much work as he can without his own lab. He doesn't want to be in his lab for too long, in case it raises any suspicion, but Tony's shop is safe as long as Tony is there. They work for a few hours, before Tony inevitable gets bored and drags Bruce out to do something.
He has a few outfits now, basic jeans and shirts that actually fit. He's still not sure how to dress his new form, but he doesn't want the attention anyway, so he goes for simple.
Today, Tony's decided they need to see a movie. It's some action-comedy with no discernable plot, but Bruce finds himself enjoying it in all its ridiculousness. Tony turns to make a snarky comment every few minutes, and Bruce begins to look forward to it, replying with matching remarks.
The sun has set by the time the movie is over and they decide to walk for a while, enjoying the night breeze.
"This kind of feels like a date," Bruce says, because he can't not. He looks up to see the moon shining brightly against the blackness, as if from a painting. Even the sky is conspiring against him.
"Isn't it?" Tony says, grinning, but oh, Bruce can see the uncertainty in his eyes as clear as day.
There's a lot that goes through Bruce's mind before he can answer. Because yes, this feels like a date, and yes, he's enjoying it. And god yes, he wants to kiss Tony, and more. And no, it's not because he's in a woman's body. It might have taken some time to admit to himself, but he's been attracted to Tony since they met. But that's the thing, he thinks, what if Tony only wants him as a woman.
"Why didn't you ask me out when I…before?" he settles on, stopping and turning to look up at Tony.
They're in the middle of the sidewalk, people muttering as they have to pass them, but they don't care.
"I'm an idiot," Tony says, simply. "A genius, but an idiot. Sometimes."
"And you'll want to keep doing this, whatever this is, once I'm back to normal?" Bruce asks, because he needs more than anything to know.
Tony smiles softly and moves to thread his fingers through Bruce's hair, cradling his head and tilting his chin up so they're looking eye to eye.
"Absolutely," he says, "In fact, as gorgeous as you are like this, I kind of miss the real you."
"Good answer," Bruce says, relief clear in his voice.
"Can I kiss you now?" Tony asks, "Is that ok?"
Bruce doesn't answer, just grips Tony's shirt and pulls him in, wrapping his arms around him and holding on as they finally kiss.
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They spend the night wrapped up in each other, in every way they can think of, and then some. It's every combination of hard and fast and soft and slow and hot and it's very nearly perfect. Multiple orgasms are amazing, Bruce decides, as Tony's head is buried between his thighs and he's clutching the sheets because it feels so damn good.
They exhaust themselves at last as a storm starts up, heavy rain lulling them into sleep.
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A loud crack of thunder startles them both awake. It's dark in the room, save for the arc reactor, which casts a blue glow over their immediate area.
"At last!"
They look up to see Thor standing there, grinning like a loon, illuminated by the timed lightning.
"What the hell, man?!" Tony yells out, "I know things are different where you're from, but you can't just appear in people's bedrooms here!"
"My apologies," Thor says, but he looks anything but sorry. "However, it seems to me that you are enjoying my handiwork."
Tony and Bruce exchange looks of incredulity before turning matching glares at Thor.
"You did this?" Tony says, as Bruce is demanding to be turned back.
Thor looks genuinely surprised by their anger, and takes a step back.
"I only wanted my friends to admit their attraction to one another. It seemed as though Banner was having a crisis of conscience with attraction towards a man, so I thought he might like to try seeing it from a woman's perspective."
"That's…kind of sweet," Bruce admits, "In a really, and I do mean really, twisted way."
"FIX IT," Tony demands, "Sweet or not."
"This is what you want?" Thor asks Bruce, who nods enthusiastically.
"Very well," he says, and points his hammer at Bruce, surrounding him with a blue glow.
When the light is faded, Bruce is back to normal, and he's grinning widely.
"I didn't even know you could do something like that," Bruce says, stretching happily.
"I have many friends in Asgard," Thor says. "This magic was a favor."
"As fascinating as this is," Tony says, "Can you maybe… leave? I have a certain doctor to ravish. Again. And I'm not opposed to voyeurism, but maybe not so early in our relationship."
Thor just smirks and twirls his hammer before disappearing into the air.
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"Relationship, huh?" Bruce says, taking advantage of his re-broadened chest to pull Tony against it.
"That's what you react to?" Tony says, laughing, "Not the voyeurism?"
Bruce shakes his head and leans down to kiss along Tony's neck.
"Everyone who has ever been on youtube knows you like voyeurism, Tony. But I don't guess many people know you even know what a relationship is."
"Lucky for me," Tony says, "I don't care about many people. You're part of a very small club."
"I'll make t-shirts," Bruce says, dryly.
"Only if I can rip them off you," Tony says, turning to face him, "Now, about that ravishing…"
Bruce grins.
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THE END