A/N: I was reading a Byakuya x Rukia earlier today, and it was good, but I couldn't really get into it because I can't help but think that no matter how much Rukia could ever find herself actually loving Byakuya, I feel like she would just be a replacement for what he had lost when Hisana died. This is the darker side of the Byakuya x Rukia fandom. Read and review!
Some people might hate me for this – but it's just what came into my mind – it's also a song fic. :-)
Suggested listening: "Water from the Moon" by Celine Dion
Water from the Moon
I've looked everywhere I can
Just to find a clue
Oh to get to you
And make you want me
And I've run circles around the sun
Chasin' after you
Oh but it's no use
Rukia sat, moonlight pooling around her bare shoulders, the sheets clutched tightly to her chest as her hair hid her face, hid the tears sliding down her cheeks.
Next to her, he was right next to her.
And yet, he had never felt so far.
Can't you see that I'm going out of my mind
Trying to find a way to get through to you
Oh you don't know how hard I try
And I try and I try
What do I gotta do
She could touch him, let her finger tips trail down that smooth skin, the muscles rippling under the caress, trace the gouges left by her fingernails as she clung to him in passion.
She felt violated.
She had known, known from the first time Byakuya had come to her, thunder crashing down around them as the skies rebelled against nature, lightning shattering the darkness. He had reached for her face, closed her eyes with soft fingertips because her eyes bothered him.
They were different, not the same as Hisana's – not the same shape, slightly lighter. And as he had peeled her robes from her body, his own joining hers as she had cried out in pain and pleasure, she had heard him murmur her name.
"Hisana"
Do I gotta get water from the moon?
Is that what I've got to do?
To make you love me, make you love me
Do I gotta turn the sand into the sea?
Is that what you want from me?
I've done everything that I can do
But get water from the moon
And even then, even then, she had craved his attentions. Every time he had come needy and wanting, she had opened her heart to him, given him her body. She craved his touch, craved his wanting, craved his needing.
But it wasn't her that he wanted.
I've reached high up in the sky
Tryin' to steal the stars
Oh to win your heart
But even that's not enough
And I've searched every book I know
Just to find the words
Every time she was nothing but a golem, a replacement, some sort of band aid to make the wound on his heart better.
But she knew. She just tore it deeper. Every time he touched her, he betrayed the woman he held on to so desperately inside.
Every touch he gave her ripped that wound open until it yawned wide, a gaping chasm that threatened to swallow her.
Oh to touch your world and get some love out of you
I've already given all I can give
And I don't, I don't know what's left to try
And I try and I try
What do I gotta do?
Nothing would close it. Nothing.
Her words of encouragement were not spoken in the right voice, the right tone.
They weren't from the right body, the right set of lips, lips that he had never kissed.
And no matter how hard she tried, she would never be the person that he wanted most.
The person he cried silent tears for into the pillow next to her head, the person whose name he gasped so pleadingly into the still air of his bedroom.
Do I gotta get water from the moon?
Is that what I've gotta do
To make you love me?
Do I gotta turn the sand into the sea?
Is that what you want from me?
I've done everything that I can do
But get water from the moon
It wasn't that he didn't love her.
It was that he couldn't love her.
So, as the sun peeped through that window, those curtains floating in the breeze wafting through the windows, Rukia left.
Love me, how do I make you love me
How do I make you see that I'm going out of my mind
She went to Ukitake and asked to leave.
She was assigned to a small prefecture outside of Tokyo: Karakura Town.
Maybe away from him she could forget. Maybe away from him that hole would close.
And I've tried, and I've tried, and I've tried
Do I gotta get water from the moon, Baby is that what I've got to do?
To make you love me, make you love me
Do I gotta turn the sand into the sea
Is that what you want from me?
And when she someday faced him again, after her time in the real world, maybe he would have forgotten her, forgotten Hisana.
Because without that, there was nothing she could do to make him love her.
I've done everything that I can do
But get water, water from the moon
A/N: No flames please :-) I think that this fic is very true to Byakuya – I just feel like Rukia would only be Hisana's replacement, and would always be second string to Byakuya, because he's not the sort of person to give his heart up lightly after it's been broken before.