Wasted Love

Rating: M – You guys know why.

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, except for my dirty thoughts and Desmemoriward.

Acknowledgments: My sweet girl Re - without you this story would be locked in my computer.

This chapter is unbetaded, and english is not my first language. Please, keep that in mind.

CHAPTER ONE

"God, I love you." I moaned loudly.

"I hope you're not talking to your bathtub again." Angela walked into my bathroom unceremoniously. I glanced sideways at her, sliding deeper into the warm water.

"Excuse me? This is true love."

She just rolled her eyes."Hey, let's go out with me. You never leave this house." My sister was dressed and ready to party – we had this conversation pretty much every weekend since she moved in with me.

"Thank you but no, thank you." Closing my eyes, I tried to ignore her - knowing that Angela wouldn't give up, and that I wouldn't change my mind.

"There are people and fun outside this household, you know?" She joked. "You could say yes to it once."

"I could," I shrugged. "But I won't."

"Yeah, Bells," She huffed, making her way out. "Enjoy your bath…"

"I will."

"… and don't wait up!" She shouted and I heard the front door closing.

"I never do." I murmured to myself, finally relaxing against the back of the bathtub. I reached for my wine glass, but before I could take a sip my phone started to ring, and I answered already annoyed by my sister's insistence.

"Angela, I'm not going out!"

"Excuse me," I unknown voice replied to my rant. "May I speak with Mrs. Isabella Cullen, please?"

The mention of my married name - as of my married status - ripped me right out of my mood. I dropped my glass into the water in the rush to cover myself, suddenly self-conscious. "Ye- Yes. It's her." I said reluctantly, stepping out of the water. "Who is this?"

"Mrs. Cullen, my name is Caroline Lee, I'm calling from the Seattle General Hospital on behalf of your husband Edward Cullen. You are listed as his emergency contact."

"Edward?" I searched blindly for my robe. "What happened?"

"Mr. Cullen was involved in an accident."

"Accident?" I mean to say it out loud, but my voice was low, filled with panic. "Is he okay? Where is…"

"Mrs. Cullen, I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to give you details about your husband's conditions over the phone, but the hospital is requesting your presence as soon as possible."

"Yes, of course." I stammered, gathering the details of the hospital before ending the call.

Taking a few steps back, I felt my knees hit the bathtub and fell limply on the edge, trying to wrap my head around the phone call I had just received. I haven't heard a word about Edward's whereabouts in almost 3 years; not a phone call, not a text or an email - just like he promised the last time we saw each other, it was like he never existed.

I had no idea he was in Seattle until now, but he was indeed - in a hospital, probably hurt, maybe even... Holding back my feelings, I scrolled through my contacts list with trembling fingers until I found Emmett's number. I had to call him.

"Dr. Emmett Cullen," He answered immediately.

"Emmett?" I said reluctant. "It's Bella."

"Bells?" Emmett's voice was full of surprise. "Is everything ok?"

"No." I sighed, gathering the courage to spill the guts while I was still able to talk. "I just got a call from Seattle General Hospital; You brother has been in an accident and was admitted there. I'm on my way, but I live in Portland now, so will take me sometime to get to Seattle."

"Edward? What? How—what happened?" Emmett stuttered and I could hear him moving around.

"I don't know anything, they couldn't give me details over the phone. Can you be there?"

"Of course, I'm leaving right now." He stayed in silence for a moment. "Bells… Why they called you?"

"I'm still his emergency contact." The tears I've been holding threatening to spill once again. "I don't know what to do, Emm."

"Breathe." He said quietly. "Let's get there before we drive ourselves crazy trying to guess what is happening, ok?"

"You're right." I took a deep breath. "I'll meet you there."

I drove aimlessly, barely able to follow the signs.

My mind was filled with images of Edward while I tried not to cry; his face smiling at me first thing in the morning, his off key voice singing with the radio while we drove down this very same road. I had to keep my emotions in check, at least until I saw him again - alive.

"Please God, let him be alive." I prayed.

After what felt like forever, the hospital came into view and I focused again in get to Edward as fast as I could.

The sound of my heels echoed through the hospital lobby as I crossed it and a middle-aged woman welcomed me from the other side of the counter. "Can I help you?"

"Yes, please, my husband was in an accident and..."

"His name?" She asked, cutting me.

"Edward Anthony Cullen." She verified my identity quickly, and handed me back a badge with the word visitor written on it.

"Your husband has already been moved for a privet room, Mrs. Cullen."

"He-He's alive?" I whispered, grabbing the counter for stability. My legs were shaking; I was terrified to ask this question, but if they moved him to a room, he had to be. The lady smiled sympathetic at me behind her glasses, patting my hand.

"I believe he is, darling. Take the elevator down the hall, room 1880. The doctor will fill you in." Thanking her, I walked into the elevators, taking a deep breath.

The fact that I was going to see Edward after all this years was eclipsed by the fact that he was alive – that I was going to see him at all. I watched as each floor passed through, until the doors opened on the eighteenth floor and the first person that I saw was Rosalie; sporting a pregnant belly that wasn't there the last time we saw each other.

"Oh my god, look at you!" I cried, making Rose look at me. "You look beautiful!"

She got up, meeting me in the middle with a tight hug – as much as we could with her stomach between us. Rose made me feel welcomed from day one and our bond grew stronger with time; when I met her, she and Emmett had just got engaged. She was an amazing friend and a straightforward woman from who I could always expect the truth.

I missed her immensely, but things were really hard after the divorce – hard enough for me to need distance from everything that linked me to Edward.

"Oh shut up! I look like a whale!" She whined, hugging me. "Fuck you, Isabella!" Rose cursed, slapping my shoulder lightly and I couldn't help but smile at her - still - foul mouth. "I've missed you so much! I don't care if you left that idiot, you shouldn't have left me!"

She took a step back and her eyes were shinning with tears.

"You are right, I'm so sorry." I said, hugging her again. "I can't believe I've missed this of all things!" I looked at her belly, feeling the baby move under my hands and for a second I forgot about the shitty situation that had reunited us.

Emmett touched my shoulder, bringing me back to reality and smiling at me."Hey, Bells."

He looked taller if that was possible, but he was still him, dimples and all.

"Hey you," I hugged him, noticing his bloodshot eyes. "How is he, Emm?" I looked at the door behind Emmett and realized Edward was there, six feet away from me. "What happened? Can I see him?" I asked looking at Emmett.

"He's good - much better than I thought he would be. He's stable now, sleeping." Emmett ran his hands through his hair, a habit that his brother had inherited from him and that gave me that familiar tug in my chest - the one that came every time I allowed myself to remember those little things about Edward.

"Can I see him?" I asked once again, taking a step towards the room, but Emmett stopped me before I could reach the door.

"Bella, wait. We need to talk before you see him." I frowned, confused."Just let me brief you in."

Emmett led me to the green chairs next to the nurse's station, pulling me by his side and holding my hands oh his.

"Bells, Edward's bike got hit by a truck outside Seatlle; the impact broke his right leg, two of his ribs and caused some internal bleeding, but that's not all. Edward wasn't wearing a helmet and he suffered a pretty serious concussion. Apparently, he went unconscious for a while and came back very confused." He spoke softly while I gaped, speachless. "When I got here he was stable and had already been moved to a room. He was half awake and recognized me just fine, but... when he asked me where you were, I knew something was wrong. Edward never talked about you, ever." My heart sinked to the floor."Then I talked to the doctor and understood what was."

Emmett took a deep breath, but I was still holding mine.

"Edward's suffering from amnesia." He stated. "We don't know much about it yet, how it happened or why it's happening - and as far as we know it can be a temporary situation, but… "

"What…" I tried, perplexed. "What this mean?"

"It means that somehow his brain seems to have erased part of his memories. Although he knows who he is, who we are and where he is, Edward's confused about many other things."

"Like... What?" I babbled, and the next sentence that came out of Emmett's lips, turned my world upside down.

"He thinks you guys are still married." His words fell between us - my mind trying to process it all.

"How —how come?" I whispered back, rubbing my chest and trying to easy the ache.

How could that be happening?

Edward - my husband, the love of my life, completely unaware of the worst days we lived... of the things that set us apart.

"We don't know yet. As I said, he was very confused when he regained consciousness; he knew his first name, but kept asking about you – so much that at first the paramedics thought that you were in the bike with him. They searched around for another person for hours." I sat in there, gaping at Emmett and trying to come up with something to say, but my voice couldn't keep up with my mind. "He didn't have any documents with him, so it took them 48 hours to get a hold of who he was through fingerprints. That was how they found you listed as his emergency contact."

"We never went through with the divorce." I acknowledged it in a soft voice. I've never had the strength to do it, and neither had Edward.

"He looked so lost, Bells. When I came in, he…" Emmett sighed, heartbroken. "He just held my hand and stared at me as if he was terrified that I was going to disappear." My eyes filled with the tears I had been holding until now, but he continued. "When he wakes up tomorrow they must be able to tell us more, but he has to rest. Up to now, we are working under the assumption that the amnesia was caused by the trauma." He shrugged. "Until we know more tho, the doctors think that we should keep the situation as... away as possible from him."

"What do you mean?" I freed his hand, sitting straight.

"We will tell him about the accident, but not about the amnesia. At least fow a couple of days, until we've gathered more information about it." I stayed in silence – mostly because I was still unable to form actual words. "Bella, I'm aware of how… Fucked up this is, for a lack of a better word, so you got know that we would never, ever ask you to compromise yourself in this way. I know you have your own life now and you don't have to be a part of his."

"How are you planning to do this without me Emm?" I snapped, resting my head between my hands, and closing my eyes for a second.

"Baby, we're worried about you as much as we are about him." Rose muttered, touching my forearm tenderly. "We don't want you to get hurt and if you choose going into this mess, there's a huge possibility that you will, because, Edward thinks that you're still his wife and he will treat as so. Can you handle that?"

Did I really had a choice? Could I walk away without at least seeing him? As if all of this didn't concern me too?

I knew I couldn't.

"You guys don't have to ask me to be part of this," I said squeezing her hand. "But you know that I could never walk away from Edward like that."

"I know," she said, smiling sadly at me.

"He's my husband." I said as matter of fact and Emmett nodded, closing the subject. "Have you called your parents?" I asked, imagining how Esme – the super mom herself – wasn't here already.

"Yes, I did, but they are in London. They'll catch a red eye and be here in the morning."

"Good." Standing up, I looked at Emmett. "Emm, if that's all, I would really like to see Edward now."

"He's still sedated." Emmett warned me as we approached Edward's room, again. "The doctor said that they will wake him up, again, in the morning."

"Ok." I whispered, stopping just outside the door to get a hold of Emm's forearm, before he could open it. "Are you sure that this is the best way, Emm?" I asked. "Lying to him?"

Emmett exhaled slowly. "I am, Bella. But try not to think about it as lying to him; we're just keeping from him what he can't process right now." He turned the knob, walking ahead of me. "He will be out like a light tonight, you won't be able to talk to him."

"I don't care." I stepped in and the antiseptic smell hit me – something that never failed in get me sick. My stomach lurched, but then I saw him... and nothing else mattered.

As Emmett said, he was asleep; Edward looked peaceful and comfortable in the large hospital bed, but the injuries along his body told a different story. His broken leg was resting in a cast and now there was a wide bandage across the right side of his skull, where they shaved a big chunk of his reddish hair.

"Oh my god, baby." The words escaped me as I got closer, my voice broken. "What have you done?"

His hands and arms had bruises and burns from the impact as far as I could see, and his ribs were also covered by bandages. There were thin tubes and a large IV coming out of his forearm; I could hear the faint bip of the machines behind the bed monitoring his vitals and even though I knew I shouldn't touch him, I couldn't resist stretching my hand to hold his.

The fire that had kindled inside of me when I realized that he was alive was now burning everything - all my reservations, all my regrets - and it felt like not even a day had gone by. His hands were warm and I let myself be invaded by the sensation: love, sadness and relief crashing inside of me, wave after wave.

My tears now were running freely.

He was here, alive; he would open those big green eyes, smile at me and joke about the fact that I was wearing high heels in a hospital.

In that moment, there was only one thing I was sure about it: I could learn to live in a world were Edward wasn't part of my life, but I couldn't live in a world were he didn't exist.

I had no idea how long I stayed there, just crying while holding Edward's hand but Emmett let me be. "I'm sorry, Emm." I said, whipping my tears and trying to recompose myself. "I'm just…"

"Don't worry about it."

"He will be ok, right?" I turned around, searching for assuredness.

"Well, the Doctors feel really hopeful about his…" He started but I stopped him.

"I don't want to know how they feel about it, Emm. I want to know how you feel about it. You're the one doctor that I trust."

"The worst part is over, we just weren't here too see the first 24 hours." Emm said, stepping closer."Edward is healthy, young and his body is healing fast after the surgeries - that's always a good sign. And I'm trying not to worry about the amnesia until we have a position from a neurologist." He sighed deeply. "It won't be easy, but I think he's gonna be fine."

"Thank you." I mumbled, hugging his arm and resting my head on his shoulder. I missed Emmett; and I never gave so much value to his degrees as I did right now.

After a few moments, Rose knocked on the door. "May I come in?" She peeked through the door.

"Of course, he's asleep." Emmett said, extending her hand and pulling her closer. "You look tire, honey. We've had a long day."

"I'm fine." She answered while ywaning, and I laughed.

"You two should go home." I said, getting closer to put my hand over Rose's belly.

"No -"

"That's not necess—"

I stopped them both mid sentence. "What can you guys do here? Emmett, you said it yourself: Edward won't be awake before morning. You should go home and rest Tomorrow will be much more trying."

There was no reason why the three of us should spend the night awake.

"So that means that you're staying?" Rose inquired, raising a brow.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I didn't tough you would." Her hands covered mine and I smiled fondly. "Do you want me to bring you anything?"

"No, it's ok. I'll have Angela bring me anything that I need I still have to call her." Emmett got their coats while Rose hugged me again.

"Use this time to think, ok?"

"I will," I promised, letting her go.

Emmett kissed my cheek. "Call me if anything changes. My phone will be right beside me. I'll pick mom and dad at airport and we will be back in the morning."

"Don't worry. We'll be fine." I said, walking them to the door. "Rest. You've to deal with mother tomorrow." Sighing, Emmett closed the door behind them.

Esme wasn't anyone's piece of cake.

I got back to Edward, bringing the plastic chair by the door with me so I could sit by his side. His chest moved lightly, up and down, and I focused on the movement letting my mind wander. My life had change irrevocably in the last few hours, and yet it felt that this was only the beginning.

Suddenly, the weight of this day fell over me; work had been kicking my ass this week and my plans of a relaxing friday night, now looked like an unreal dream. Resting my head over our joined hands the bed, I let sleep claim me.

Someone opened the door, waking me up with a startle.

I lifted my head in a quick movement and tried to situate myself in this strange room; the hospital smell hit me once again and everything that happened last night came back in a flash.

I sat up straight, wide awake. My back was hurting from the position that I had spent the night – sleeping/sitting on the chair besides Edward's bed, with my head lying close to his chest on the mattress.

"Good morning," Mrs. Beckett, the nurse that I had met during the night rounds, smiled at me. "I didn't mean to disturb you, but I do need to check on Mr. Cullen."

"Of course." I got out of her away, waiting in the corner and watching intently while she checked him.

"We are wearing off the medication," She said, checking something over the monitors. "Dr. Volturi should be here soon."

"Ok, thank you." I rubbed my eyes, lightheaded by the lack of decent sleep.

I really needed coffee.

"You should eat something, Mrs. Cullen." Nurse Beckett said on cue. "We have a cafeteria on the 5th floor, your husband will be ok by himself for a few minutes."

"Bella, please, Mrs. Cullen is... my mother-in-law." I answered automatically, and almost stopped mid sentece when I realized it. I'ts been years since I answered anyone like that. "It's ok, I don't want to leave him alone. There's a coffee machine around?"

"Down the hallway." Thanking her, I made my way out of the room. to the coffee the first sip – even this shitty coffee would have to do - I stretched, walking around for a second and watching the morning through the windows.

I knew that when Emmett came back, he would bring Esme with him... and I wasn't looking forward to that.

I've always tried my best to not think about Esme as a bad person; she was an over protective mother, especially of Edward, and naturally suspicious about any girl in their lives. Once she realized that we were serious about each other, though, she warmed up and we lived in peace - that lasted until I left Edward.

Of course she was blindsided - besides the fact that Esme was unaware of all the facts that led our marriage to an end, she had to watch her son suffer - and I knew he suffered, as much as I did.

My mind couldn't help but wander back to our last morning together.

"Is that what you want?" Edward asked, standing on the edge of the bed.

My things were packed when he woke up. I had come for an empty house again last night, but for the last time.

We hardly even talked; he was in the office as much as he could, and this house was no longer our home.

"Is that what you want, Bella?" He insisted, getting closer.

I wanted to shout 'NO, THAT WAS NOT what I want'; I wanted to talk, maybe work out this thing that was slowly killing us both –that had killed our marriage - but I hadn't the strength within me anymore.

I was tired of feeling like drowning - trying to keep my head above the water. I was tired, period.

"I can't do this anymore." I whispered, avoiding his eyes.

"You don't have to leave" He said, after a beat. "I'll go and stay with Emm." My eyes filled with tears at his words.

That was it - he had given up of us too.

"No," I said, my throat suddenly dry. "I can't stay in this house without you. I'll go."

I barely turned around before I felt his hand on my forearm.

"Bella," He said low. "Don't go." I looked down at his fingers on my skin, relishing in the feeling one last time.

Letting it go, I picked up my bags and whispered.

"I'm sorry. I have to."

"How did we messed up this bady, baby?" I whispered, staring at the window, my mind still lost on the past.

"Bella?" My trip down memory lane was interrupted by Nurse Beckett calling my name. Turning around, I saw her peeking out of Edward's room. "Your husband is awake."