Hello! This is a one-shot from Katniss's POV. She's realizing that Peeta's lost, anf of course, that's devastating... :) Enjoy.
Hijacked. Hijacked. The word bounced off the walls off my head as I leaned against a wall, felt my knees collapse, and sunk to the floor. The Capitol had taken Peeta, tortured him, and stained all his memories of me with a deadly kind of fear and delusion. We couldn't get those old memories back. He wanted to kill me now.
I hadn't thought Peeta's perception of me could be reached by anything that didn't solely belong to him. Weren't memories supposed to be buried too deep to be stolen?
For me, Peeta was so much a part of who I was that it seemed impossible for any evil to change that. It was like he was programmed into me as Peeta: the boy with the bread. The boy who loved me, saved me, who was a better person that I could ever wish to be. And the boy who I think I loved in return. I didn't think any poison could cut deep enough to steal that perception away. It was just too much mine. I would have thought his memories of me were too personal to be blurred, to special to be broken.
But the Capitol found them.
From the second those men dragged Delly out of the room where Peeta raved, I knew that we had lost him. No amount of tests, drugs, therapy, whatever Thirteen could pull out of their briefcases could ever reach him.
And what killed me was just knowing. Knowing all these things now that I could never not know. It killed me to stand here, realizing that all those visions I'd ever had of Peeta in my life from this day forward were just visions; visions that couldn't ever live as realities. Knowing that a piece of my life had just been ripped out of it, an aching, bleeding gash that would never heal completely. Knowing that, up to today, I had given up or been prepared to give up things of mine to save Peeta, things like my life, and I always knew that the sacrifice was worth it because it would save him.
But knowing, this time, that I could do anything, trade anything, be anything, and it would never, never be enough for Peeta.
Please review! They make me so happy!