Author's notes: This story was originally posted a while back, but I got stuck. So I've taken it down and reworked it. I have a clear direction in my mind now.
It's AU. Timeline: starting after the season 1 finale. Assume Kate and Rick were in a relationship season 1. Your constructive criticism and feedback it is greatly appreciated as I am rather new to writing. However, if you want to bash it, keep it to yourself. Hope you like it.
2. I am not a doctor, so any mistakes are mine. Just go with it for the sake of the story. As one slightly famous once said, "Don't ruin my story with your logic."
Richard Castle stares at the blinking curser willing it to move across the page on its own fruition. But it's useless. He feels useless. He slams the lap top closed and pushes himself out of his desk.
He had killed off his golden goose, Derrick Storm, with the hope of bringing to life a new character. And he had. Nikki Heat was vibrant, sexy, and smart. She was everything he was looking for and she came with a real life inspiration, Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. Kate was different from any other muse he had worked with before. There was a mystery around her, a softness that lay hidden under her tough exterior. He had seen it shine through a couple of times and the result was a brilliant smile that lit up her eyes like sparkling embers. And those small glimpses into her soul had urged him into exploring every facet of her being. He didn't just want to know her, he wanted to understand her inside and out.
And it didn't help that she was hot. The immediate attraction between the two of them was undeniable. And he knew she had felt it too. The electrical charge behind that first kiss, the way she came apart in his arms time and time again. A simple touch and he was ready to combust.
Things had been going so well until he unequivocally screwed it all up with his inability to stay out of her personal life. She had kicked him to the curb without a second thought and with that, the inspiration for Nikki Heat along with it. So instead he had returned to his safety net, and spun off a series based on Clara Strike. They had done well, his publisher was happy, the money was good, but now it was done. He was done. He needed to move on.
He rubs his hand over the week old stubble in frustration. At this point, who is he kidding? It's more like a beard. He needs to shave and shower; he thinks as a takes a whiff of the shirt he is wearing. What he needs is a plan. Perhaps he should get out a bit, explore the city, and seek out the inspiration instead of waiting for it to come to him. Alexis. He would start with his daughter. Maybe she would be up for a movie night later. He knows she worries about him. She always worried when he was in a funk. He needs to get it together, if not for him then for her. His mind made up, he sets down his computer and picks up his phone to call his daughter. As he swipes his finger across the call button and hears a voice call out from the other end.
XXX
Kate Beckett has always considered herself a strong, independent, self reliant woman. She is not a coward. But as she stares at the phone in her hand she knows that it's all a ruse. When it comes down to it, professionally she is a bad ass detective who looks fear in the face and challenges it straight on, personally, not so much. She is just as scared and needy as the next person. She knows without a reasonable doubt that the phone call she is about to make will change her life forever. It is possibly going to be her salvation and her damnation. Because Kate Beckett had learned a long time ago, that actions have consequences. And oh boy, the clichés are coming out now. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
"Castle?" Rick doesn't recognize the number, but the voice has an oddly familiar ring to it.
"Yes, who's this?" For a moment he is tempted to hang up. It wouldn't be the first time some diehard fan has gotten a hold of his number. God he hopes it isn't the case; he really doesn't want to go through the trouble of changing his number, again.
"It's Kate.., Kate Beckett." She holds her breath half expecting to hear the click of the disconnecting line. When she doesn't, she takes it as a good sign and barrels on. "I know it's been a while..."
"Almost four years, Detective..." He interrupts. She doesn't miss the acerbity in his tone, but decides to ignore it for now. She swallows determined to carry on.
"I know I have no right to ask anything from you at this point, but... do you... would you be willing to meet with me?"
"If I recall correctly, the last time we spoke you were quite clear you never wanted to see me again." He challenges. The hostility in his voice surprising even him. He wants to take it back immediately a part of him rejoicing at hearing her voice again. But the other part, the one is jaded and if he is honest a little hurt, urges him to stay quiet.
She should have known he would be angry. Hell, she's still angry at him for being such a meddling fool. Why couldn't he have left things alone? Now she's a little piqued as well. Not sure if it's at the hurt that the memory of his betrayal still causes her, or at the fact that the bitterness in his voice gets to her. She closes her eyes, settling herself before proceeding.
"Look, Castle. I wouldn't be asking if this wasn't important."
"Beckett, I don't think..."
"Please, Rick. It's ... just ...please. Give me a chance to explain." She interrupts before he can finish his thoughts. She isn't beyond begging at this point.
'Rick?' If she is using his first name things are definitely serious he thinks. He can count on one hand the number of times she's called him Rick. And Damn it. With those two words alone 'please Rick', he's done, sucked back into her vortex.
"Fine, when and where?" Resigned, he agrees.
"New York Presbyterian, 8th floor. One hour?"
XXX
Castle isn't sure what he had expected when he walked off the elevator on the 8th floor an hour later. But it sure isn't the colorful pictures children's handprints adorning the walls. He is so taken back that he is about to step back into the elevator to make sure he had gotten off on the right floor when he spots her. She has her back to him, her arms crossed against her chest as she listens to whatever information the doctor is currently giving her. Her hair is longer, a bit lighter as well, he can tell, but he would recognize those long legs and that ass anywhere. Images of their last time together swirl through his mind, and he has to physically shake himself to remove the memory. He isn't sure if it is the ring of the elevator or the fact that he can still feel the electricity between them even at this distance that has clued her in to his presence, but suddenly, she is turning around and staring at him. A flash of what appears to be relief flashes across her face. Hum? What was that about, he thinks? Had she thought he wouldn't show? Whatever it was disappears as quickly as it appears. And then she is walking towards him, the smile he had dreamt about so many times staring back at him. Wow. After all this time, she can still take his breath away.
Kate turns at the sound of the elevator and her heart stops. He's here. She wants to run across the room and jump into his arms. She wants him to hold her and tell her everything is going to be ok. She wants to be anywhere but here about to bring his world crashing down. She's missed him. She can admit that to herself freely now as she takes him in. He looks good. He's got that bad boy persona going on with the scruffy beard. Oh how she loved the feel of that beard against her skin. Kate, get a hold of yourself. She mentally reprimands herself. She needs to get it together quickly. He's looking at her now with that mega watt smile and it takes every inch of effort to put one foot in front of the other and move forward. He may be smiling at her now but she knows the goodwill won't last long after she speaks with him.
"Hey."
"Hey." They both say in way of greeting.
"Castle, thank you for coming." Kate states. She stops herself a few feet from him digging her hands into her back pockets to stop herself from hugging him. They don't hug anymore. She made that decision for them a long time ago. Castle seems to sense her hesitation as he nods to her in greeting and offers her one of the coffees he holds in his hands.
"Thanks." She says again raising her cup in salute and taking a sip. Perfect, just the way she likes it. It is good to see things haven't changed all that much. Perhaps things wouldn't be so bad.
"You remembered?" She asks referring to her coffee order.
"I never forgot." He states simply. His stare is too intense and she drops her gaze. She knows he is not only referring to her coffee.
"You look good." They both say simultaneously and then laugh nervously.
"Castle." She begins hesitantly. " I... I need your help."
"Yes, I figured as much, Detective. We haven't spoken in almost 4 years so this must be big. Don't tell me I have another copy cat killer? Because, as honored as I am at the attention, it's been done. You know the drill. You can contact Paula and she'll get you my fan mail..."
"Castle." She interrupts reaching out to grab his arm and his full attention. "This is personal, not work related."
"Oh, so you finally realized that you couldn't live without seeing my ruggedly handsome face again?" he jokes wiggling his eyebrows.
"Rick, focus please. This is important." Seeing her again is scrambling his brain. Her scent is bringing back unwanted memories of their times together. Her touch is sending little shock waves through his body. It is a sensory overload of Kate Beckett and it's too much. So he is reverting back to his old coping mechanism in hopes of distancing himself from her. At the sound of her tone, however, he takes a step back releasing his arm from her grasp.
"Ok, Beckett, I can see this is serious. But, I don't understand. What are we doing here?" He looks around the hospital waiting room confusion crossing across his features. They are in a waiting room with lounge chairs and a toy box in the corner, and the TV is currently playing an episode of the wiggles. The children's ward then, Castle notices increasingly perplexed.
"Let's go down the hall. There's a little chapel were we can talk in private." Kate starts down the hall expecting Castle to follow. When she notices he hasn't moved, she turns to address him over her shoulder.
"You coming, Castle?"
"Not until you tell me, what's going on, Kate." He says standing his ground. She turns and walks back to him again.
"I promise, I'll tell you everything, just not here, Ok? " They are quite for a second. He holds her gaze and looks into the swirling pool of her eyes trying to read her expression. But her guard is up and all he can see is the steely determination he has admired so often in her before. A part of him wants to turn around and run. He doesn't need any further distractions at this point in his life. What he needs is simple and uncomplicated. And Kate Beckett is anything but uncomplicated. The other part of him, the writer wants, no, needs the story. Why after all these years has she reached out to him? As if sensing his dilemma, Kate places her hand on his chest.
"Please?" Again, what's with the begging? Who's he kidding? He could never say no to her. And so he nods his assent.
Kate smile lights up her face as she lets out the breath she didn't know she was holding. God, that smile. He would follow her anywhere as long as she continued to smile like that he thought.
This time he follows as she leads the way down the hall to small room, the chapel she had referred too and takes a seat towards the back. Castle notices the picture of saints, the cross at the front, and the pews where people can come and contemplate, pray or just have a moment to themselves. It's currently empty, quiet, dimly lit, and peaceful. He's never been very religious but he can see the appeal this room might hold for those with a lot on their mind. And once again he wonders why Kate has brought them here. Never the less, he joins her, taking the seat next to her, waiting for her to begin. She clearly has a lot on her mind. When she doesn't speak, he begins unable to hold back any longer.
"Beckett, if this is about your mom's case and you want help all you have to do is ask. You know that, right?"
She looks at him then really looks at him, and he sees the flicker of pain dash across her eyes, but in a moment it is gone. "It's not about my mom... but thanks. " She lowers her gaze again. He waits for her to continue, sees her biting her bottom lip, and has to stop himself from reaching across and rescuing it. This isn't the Detective Kate Beckett he is used to, the tough-as-nails detective that could block out her feelings at a whim. She is not here at the moment. The woman before him is vulnerable; he can see the weight of her worry on her sagging shoulders. And when she looks up at him the tears she is fighting to hold back are making her eyes glisten. He wonders what is behind the change and if it's the reason for her summons. He wants to reach out and hold her, but instead he sits, and using his very last ounce of restraint waits for her to continue.
"I..." She begins, stops, swallows and then continues..."I have a son, Castle. He turned three in October." Oh, so not what he was expecting her to say. He knew when they broke up that Will Sorensen was potentially back in the picture. Perhaps she had gone back to him after all.
" I don't understand. What does this have to do with me, and why did you ask me to come? Is this about Will?" A look of confusion flashes across her face.
"Will?" She asks perplexed.
" Sorensen." He replies. "Is the child Will's?"
"No, Castle, Will is not the father." She leaves it hanging, waiting for him to catch up to her. A look of understanding registers and then is replaced by anger. He grabs her arm, forcing her to look at him.
"What are you saying, Kate?" She means to stand up, but his grip on her arm is keeping her immobile. "Answer me!" He yells.
"Keep your voice down." She commands shrugging out of his grasp and standing to pace the room, fingers combing through her hair.
"I never intended it to work out like this." She starts and then stops in front of him. He is up now backing into her space.
"Kate, are you telling me the boy is mine?" He hisses, not sure what he wants her to respond. She simply nods. And then he is furious.
"Kate, you know about my childhood. You know I grew up without a father. You know what that did to me. And now you are telling me that I have son? A little boy who's been growing up fatherless? How could you do that to me? How could you deny me that?" The hurt in his voice is too much and she has to look away, then down to at the floor anywhere but at him. "Answer me, dam it!" She flinches at his tone. God, this is such a mess. But she owes him an explanation, and she owes it to her son.
"When we broke up..." She starts.
"When you broke it off..." He corrects.
"Ok, fine! " The fire is back. She needs to stay strong; she needs to stay in control of her emotions. She walks forward, backing him away from her personal space. "When I broke it off, it wasn't really about you or what you had done. It was about me and where I was at that point in my life. Just the thought of re opening my mother's case sent me on a tailspin. The first couple of years I was on the force, my mother's case possessed me day and night. When I wasn't dreaming about it, I was fantasying about bringing those bastards to justice. If it wasn't for Montgomery and his insistence that I get professional help, I would have drowned." She pauses wanting to make sure he understands the significance of her statement.
"And, I went and dredged it all up again." She nods. "Fine, I get it. I overstepped. I messed up. But why not tell me that? Why did you push me away?"
"Castle, you were like this beacon of light offering me refuge from that storm. But I couldn't take it. I couldn't be the person you needed without feeling like I was letting my mother down. I was messed up, broken, you didn't need that in your life." She looks at him hoping for understanding.
"And so you found out you were pregnant and left me, as what, punishment for loving you?" She's shocked at his words. Love? But this is not the place and definitely not the right time to discuss that statement. And so she does what she does best, ignores it and continues.
"No! No, I didn't know I was pregnant until after. By the time I found out... the papers were filled with pictures of you and Gina getting back together. It was too late."
"Bullshit, Kate. That's bullshit and you know it. You know I would have done the right thing by you."
"The right thing by me, Castle? What, marriage? We barely knew each other. "
"Kate, we may have only been together a short while, but you know it was more than sex for me. I lo...cared about you." She can hear the honesty in his voice and it makes her shiver. The truth of the matter is that she "cared" about him too, much more than she was willing to admit to herself at the time. And as she stands there before him again, she is having hard time keeping those thoughts to herself. But she has to. This is not about them; this is about Tommy and making things right for him.
"Castle, I didn't bring you here to talk about us."She sighs. Her throat tight with emotion and Castle thinks that she sounds defeated. He is as perplexed with her actions now as he had been 4 years ago.
"Why did you? Why are you telling me this now? I don't understand. You could have kept it to yourself. I would have never known." He challenges.
"Castle, Tommy is sick and I don't know what to do. I can't do this alone anymore." And then she proceeds to breakdown in his arms.