A/n: I just finished the last book of the Percy Jackson series when I had the idea for this. I mean, being the god of the uneventful dead must be pretty tough, plus your brothers won't even let you come to Olympus except when they have to. Then there's that treaty that keeps him from chasing women... his life must be dreadfully boring, just as I felt bored when I got the idea. I can totally relate to him, which is why I wrote this. The entire time I got this uneasy feeling I was writing about myself... well enjoy! And if you have the time, review, review!
An Average Day In Hell
Hell is an unpleasant place. Even the god of the underworld agreed, as he sat boredly on his throne, waiting for his turn to have his wife Persephone. The blue flames, that took place of where eyes should have been, were trained on a procession of tiny souls, most of which belonged to pick-pocket children who had been hanged for their petty crimes.
"Lord Hades, where shall we place these children's souls? Keep in mind they have all committed theft."
"And exactly what did the majority of them steal?" the brother of Zues, asked apathetically as he picked at a drop of blood on his robes.
"They stole from Noble's pockets, sir. Usually a few coins or dollars, maybe an elaborately embroidered handkerchief," the skeleton ward answered, equally as bored.
"Well have them sorted into groups by what they stole, and how much it was worth to the person or persons whom they stole it from."
His skeleton guard shepherded the children's ghosts into columns, each having more than the last. "This one here," and the guard pointed at a boy alone in his own row, "tore a wedding dress right off the bride's body after pick-pocketing everyone attending her wedding. He also stole from many poor merchants, causing their foreclosure after a loss of their money-box. Then there's the matter of defiling his own sister..."
Hades scratched at the fire he had for a goatee. "A few hundred years in the more forgiving parts of Tartarus, particularly the ward meant for people just of his sort."
"Very good sir, I'll have him sent there right away. As to not waste your time, I recommend to just allow all the rest of these ghosts to spend eternity in the Asphodel fields, as none have done much but steal unnoticable amounts from rich men."
"I trust your judgment Mr.... uh..."
"In the mortal realm I was named Kennedy Sims Tanner, Lord Hades."
"Well then I trust your judgment Mr. Tanner," Hades said with a nod that indicated Mr. Tanner was excused.
"Well if you'd excuse me, sir, I will have the children sent to their according places." With a clacking of bones, Kennedy left with the solemn children staring at their shuffling feet.
Hades watched as the group trooped out of the Pavilion of Judgment, one of which would go spend a couple of centuries rotting in torture, the rest wallowing away in the uneventful fields of Asphodel. He let out a sigh, wishing he could capture a few entertainers with pomegranate seeds just as he had captured his Persephone. But alas, he had found no such entertainer that could actually catch his interest. "In the dictionary," he mumbled to himself, "the word 'eternity' has the definition of boredom under it."
"Very funny sir," fake-chuckled a sallow skinned zombie.
Hades stiffened. "What business do you wish to have with me?" he asked accusingly, not liking how the creature had snuck up on him.
"None in particular, other than to recommend a visit to the mortal realm. I heard in this generation, you'll have more than one woman catch your eye." His eye lid flashed over an empty eye-socket as he attempted a wink, and Hades grimaced.
"I have a wife, and I also have the ability to smite you and your impertinence," grumped the god, but he knew that in a way, the zombie was right. Women in the world above were somewhat entertaining, at least more so than his sulking wife. But Hades didn't want a 'somewhat', he wanted an 'extremely' before his entertaining.
As the zombie fled, the lord of the dead thought to himself, "Perhaps I can cause an uproar with my brothers, maybe send a few hellhounds to Zues' mistress and tear her to shreds. Perhaps then Hera may actually stop glaring at me whenever I visit!" But he knew it'd be useless. The last time he had killed his all-powerful brother's girlfriend, he had been beheaded twice, and Ares and Zues had played a game of volleyball with his head.
Indeed hell was boring. Or perhaps it was just his endless life that bored him.
Suddenly a fit of rage consumed him, anger that he, a respectable god with awesome powers, was just as low as those in the Asphodel Fields. They too just sat around all day, bored for eternity. And was Hades a commoner sitting in those fields? No! He was supposed to be above them, the one who sat at a feast, surrounded by female company, laughing at their boredom. Which his brothers were probably doing, no doubt. Why wasn't he?
He got up out of his throne, and decided he would visit Olympus, rules or no rules, and demand something interesting for him. But with a sigh that shook the entire underworld, he realized just how silly and childish he sounded, and settled back down into his throne for another thousand years.
God, he hated being a god.
A/n: So what'd ya, think? Make you yawn? Rather short, I know. Well hope you enjoyed!