Castiel was never one to see himself fall in love with a person.

He had some fleeting crushes back when he was in elementary school and middle school, but they never really lasted or seemed real. That was to be expected. He was young and still learning who he was. When he entered high school, he thought it was finally over. Now in a new state with new students he wouldn't have to bother with pains from old crushes. Now he was free to be a new him.

The first semester or so of Freshmen year had been more or less blissful. Castiel hadn't found himself longing for someone (Which was always a point in his book) and he had recently discovered himself to be asexual.

Looking back at it, Castiel should have realized things wouldn't always be this peaceful, and feel so right. He should have realized it was the calm before the storm, but Castiel had always been rather naïve.

That winter he auditioned for the Spring Musical and got in as ensemble. A part in the school musical was a dream come true for Castiel. He had wanted to be an actor for years now, but never really got a chance.

He knew two people at the cast party. Everyone went around and introduced themselves but Castiel didn't remember much past him introducing himself as a fanboy. He hadn't taken much notice in anyone at that party. Choosing to show more interest in the collection of comic books the party host had instead.

That was when Castiel first met Dean Winchester. He didn't see anything special about the boy (however looking back the boy must have been watching Castiel for a while to notice his interest in the comic books) when he turned around in surprise at the sound of someone addressing him.

"There are more comic books upstairs. If you want to look."

Nor did he pay much attention to him as he quietly nodded and then (waiting until the boy was focused back on his friends) snuck upstairs to check out the alleged comic books.

Castiel regretted little to nothing about that party. Instead of really finding the comic books, he ended up talking to Dean Winchester's parents. They were friendly folks and eager to talk to Castiel about his life. In the midst, Dean made a few appearances, catching falling chairs and touching fire. To this day Castiel still wasn't sure how Dean had managed to be so impressive. He also wasn't sure how come his crush on Dean hadn't started upon first sight.

With everyone else Castiel had ever had a crush on, it had been upon first sight. Dean wasn't on first sight. Nor was he a second sight crush. After the Cast Party Castiel was left with memories of talking to Dean's parents, (something Dean would later tease him for) and the lasting Euphoria of finally making it into a musical on stage.

The first-time Dean and Castiel really spoke to one another was during rehearsal.

Castiel had noted thoughtfully that Dean had this way of staring at Castiel from across the stage. Castiel still wasn't sure if it had actually happened or not but he was sure that Dean had stared at him often during rehearsals. Probably for a week or two before they really spoke to each other. So, by the time they were placed directly beside each other for a scene, Castiel had learned to be a bit nervous when near Dean.

Castiel didn't say the first words to Dean, Dean spoke to Castiel first. Dean's determination to befriend Castiel was probably the only reason Castiel got up the courage to talk to Dean. Castiel had been purposefully staring in the opposite direction of Dean when suddenly Dean spoke.

"Nice dragon."

From that moment on, Castiel supposes he was a goner. Maybe even before that moment. Maybe from the moment that Dean noticed Castiel he was gone. Maybe it wasn't till after that, when Castiel realized that the two had something in common. The exact moment was hard for Castiel to pinpoint, but Castiel figured it must have happened sometime around then.

Castiel was shy by association.

When it came to meeting new people, Castiel had trouble saying the right thing. He stuttered over words, and overthought what to say in his head. Take that and try to have conservation with someone who already made Castiel nervous and Castiel was a wreck. Later that day, Dean would continue to attempt conversation (Accidentally knocking over Castiel's violin case in the process) and asking him about his trench coat. The conversation didn't last long, but for Castiel it meant the world. In his old-school people, had stopped noticing him. It was nice to be noticed again.

Castiel had many moments with Dean that he didn't know how to comprehend. Moments where Dean would sit near Castiel and stare at him or near him, obviously wanting to start a conversation that Castiel could never bring himself to start. Moments where Dean would sit directly beside Castiel on one of the props, so close their shoulders could touch and wait but Castiel still wouldn't be able to say much to him. He knew that Dean only sat there to talk to him, there was no one else around for Dean to talk to, and many other places he could have sat.

Castiel wasn't able to say anything more than a comment once Dean's friends were back and talking to him. He figured that it must have been frustrating from Dean's point of view. To be trying so hard to befriend someone who didn't even seem to like him.

Dean was genuinely a funny and kind person. He was playing Gaston in the musical, and his ability to act and sing always stunned Castiel. He couldn't really comprehend how someone so talented and kind could want to be friends with little old Castiel.

Not that Castiel didn't see himself as worthy of another's affections. He was just surprised that someone so… Spectacular seemed so interested in Castiel.

Castiel had never been one to keep himself a secret. He didn't mind telling people about him, because he didn't think he had anything to hide. Things such as his asexuality. Castiel recalled announcing to a small group of people that he was asexual before rehearsal one day, because they were talking about odd sexualities. Dean was in that small group, and Castiel recalled being nervous about it once he realized that Dean had heard him.

He tried not to fret about it, but after rehearsal during notes Dean had approached him and asked: "Can I ask you a personal question?" Of course, Castiel agreed, and so went the most mortifying ten minutes of Castiel's life. He could still remember how he stumbled over his words explaining his asexuality as he shook like a small cold dog. Castiel wasn't sure if Dean noticed how Castiel choked on his nerves as he spoke but if he did even after three years of knowing each other he never said a thing about it.

After that Castiel started to reconsider his asexuality, spending his Halloween weekend panicked and lost, afraid that because of his crush on Dean he may not be asexual after all. After a weekend of fear and uncertainty, Castiel relaxed and accepted himself once again. He refocused on Dean and rehearsals.

He could recall a time during notes, different from the asexual questioning crisis. It was probably a week or so later, but the time line had become blurry for Castiel. He supposed that by then they had become familiar with one another's presence, and Castiel made a point to be near Dean whenever possible. As a silent way to show that he did wish to be friends. He remembered that Dean had laid back and closed his eyes, and Castiel remembered just staring at him. There was something about Dean that had made him want to stare at him for ages, like he would never get enough of his face and would never not want to stare at him. He was open about his staring as well. Dean must have felt his eyes on him because soon his eyes were open and Dean was staring at him. Castiel was too embarrassed to simply look away and prolonged eye contact for a very long moment. Finally, it became too much for Castiel and he looked away. Dean closed his eyes again and everything was okay until it wasn't.

At some point during rehearsals Dean stopped acknowledging Castiel's presence.

The entire incident was a lot more distressing on Castiel's part than he liked to admit. For an entire month, it was as if Castiel no longer existed. During that month, Castiel befriended a girl named Rhonda who was in the musical as well.

In reality, Castiel may have overreacted but in his downtime, when Castiel wasn't worried about rehearsals and schoolwork he was wondering what he had done wrong. To him, the only rationale behind Dean's ignoring him was that he had done something to deserve such treatment.

Never before had Castiel felt so alone, even though he wasn't alone at all.

Dean didn't acknowledge Castiel's existence for an entire month, until one day during rehearsals they had happened to be beside each other waiting in line for something. Castiel, who had been trying to distract himself by reading something on his phone had placed his phone to his lips in thought, purposefully pointing the screen towards Dean. Not long later, Dean was leaning towards Castiel, saying: "What are you reading?"
Never before had words as casual and innocent as those meant so much to Castiel. Their conversation couldn't have lasted for more than a few minutes but for some reason it was almost revolutionary to Castiel for Dean to be talking to him again.

It made him feel unexplainably whole.

Castiel was not foreign to the realization that in school "love" was more like an obsession people went through that barely lasted a month. When Rhonda told Castiel that she had a thing for Dean, Castiel wasn't surprised in the least.

He had learned over a short amount of time that Dean was a popular boy. People either liked him or hated him, there wasn't really an in-between. Rhonda obsessed over Dean for two weeks' top. She spoke of him whenever Rhonda and Castiel were together, which Castiel didn't mind. He already thought of Dean constantly, why not listen to someone else talk about him constantly.

It was common knowledge that Dean was wrapped around the finger of his pretty girlfriend Lisa Braedon (known to be quick to jealousy) so when Rhonda spoke often of "her and Dean's undeniably awkward flirting" Castiel didn't take it very seriously. Castiel knew Dean's school persona fairly well by that point. He was a flirter, he flirted with girls without really realizing it. He was truly in love with his girlfriend, and probably didn't even realize that he was sending mixed messages to people like Rhonda.

Castiel didn't say a word to her about it. In the end that was a good choice, considering Rhonda wasn't "in love" with Dean long. She moved on, leaving Castiel behind to pin for Dean in the shadows. (This sort of thing occurred another time Castiel's junior year in high school when a friend of Castiel's from Florida formed a crush on Dean through the little time he actually spent in the group chat and continued to grumble about his lack of interest in her for the next few months. Castiel got used to girls telling him that they liked Dean, and nothing ever coming of it.)

After the musical ended Castiel figured his Dean problems would disappear. He only ever saw Dean on A days in transition from second to third period. Castiel wasn't even sure Dean really noticed him then.

It was both a relief and a disappointment to be able to sink back into academics just in time for exams and midterms. In classes like Orchestra, they didn't do anything so Castiel began going to the first lunch period instead of the fourth one. It was alright with his teacher, and all his friends had that lunch period.

Including Dean.

To Castiel's misfortune (or perhaps luck) Dean and Castiel would talk a little bit before lunch really started and after it was over. Castiel would always walk Dean back to his class before returning to his own. One of those times is when Dean found out that Castiel's name wasn't just Cas (as he told everyone but those close to him) but Castiel. Dean would end up being one of the few people that primarily called Castiel, Castiel over Cas.

Castiel liked it more than he would ever say.

Once Summer came around Castiel once again thought it would be an out. Dean was a year ahead of him, and Castiel assumed that because of this Dean would forget about Castiel completely.

Except that Castiel's friend gave Dean his phone number and Dean actually texted him. Also, considering that Castiel was a better person to text than talk to, he ended up messaging Dean just about every day. If Castiel could actually talk to Dean in real life he might have considered them to be close friends, despite that they only talked about a television show they had in common.

When Sophomore year of high school came around the most Castiel really saw Dean was at football games. Dean was on the football team, and Castiel had decided to attend every game that year. With his best friend at his side, Castiel watched Dean play from the sidelines, and every game he texted him to tell him either: "Good luck" or "good game".

Sometime around the end of the season, Castiel began to actually invite Dean to hang out with him and his friends outside of school. Castiel loved to listen to Dean talk and when Dean hung out with Castiel's "squad" Dean spoke a lot. It was never specifically to Castiel, but he still liked it.

It started to become customary for Dean and Castiel to talk to each other whenever they happened to see each other and if Castiel was hanging out with friends he would invite Dean and Dean would try his best to come. They had a good system going. Dean broke up with Lisa and got with a new girlfriend a few months later. Her name was Cassie, and she was very nice. Castiel liked her a lot.

In fact, Castiel liked them a lot. They were a cute couple, and Castiel was glad to see them both happy together.

For a while he ate lunch with the pair, before they eventually got together. Castiel remembered that Dean had flirted and messed with Cassie a lot, and one day she had exclaimed how annoying he was. Castiel had not really been a part of the conversation and he was sure that even he hadn't really noticed just how much he had been paying attention to them.

"Well, you only have to put up with him for another two years."

Cassie had given Castiel a confused look.

"Why two years."

"Because that's when he graduates."

Dean took that chance to pick fun at Cassie again and Dean was left to himself again. Looking back on it Castiel hoped Dean hadn't noticed how Castiel clung on that. Just two more years. Two more years and Castiel wouldn't have to worry about this crush and he would never see Dean again.

That summer Castiel and Dean hung out enough times for Castiel to count on one hand. Castiel was away a lot, and Dean was busy a lot, and frankly whenever Castiel wasn't doing anything he just never asked Dean to hang out. They went downtown once to play Pokémon Go with a friend and they went to watch a movie with a group of friends another time. That was it.

Junior year rolled around and so did the return of football season. Castiel, of course, decided to attend every game again that year, and attend them he did. At the beginning of the year, at one of the first home games Castiel had been in the stands with a friend. Dean always made a point to look in the stands during the third quarter of the game, and Castiel never knew if he was looking at him or somebody else. He was pointing this out to his friend and they were both staring at him. They were huddled close to one another, shivering in the cold, very blatantly staring at him and pointing a little bit. When suddenly he winked at them.

That became a good memory for Castiel, one of those things that made Castiel remember how they were friends. All his other memories of crushes had been utter failures. His elementary school crush had been as any would be, in that it was utterly nonexistent while his middle school crush had always believed him to be an utter psycho.

Dean's presence in his life was a constant reminder that Castiel had succeeded in something, and that was in being friends with someone he liked. A friend who didn't think he was creepy. A friend who wanted to trade Pokémon with him. A friend who offered him rides places and to come over to his house. Even a friend who answered his texts.

Of course, answering a person's text did not seem so abnormal except that Dean did not text a lot of people but a ton of people texted him. He just did not answer everyone. He only answered a select few and somehow Castiel had become one of those select few. He did not know how or why but Dean would reply to him. When he would take days to reply to others and it was around then when Castiel eventually fell in love with Dean. It was like Castiel and coffee.

Coffee was a beautiful creation with the ability to wake people up from an exhaustion slump. Castiel had never liked coffee all that much, but he was constantly trying to get himself to like it and his method was working to a point.

Castiel loved the Caramel Frappe at McDonalds and one day he ordered a medium frappe, froze it overnight and drank it for energy through the school day. It didn't kick in until 3rd period and by then he was actually in hysterics.

The coffee and sugar must have loosened him a lot because he was suddenly quick to giggle, would thoughtlessly state what was on his mind and was prone to sing children's television show theme songs.

His friends were a little (jokingly he was sure) concerned by his nature but Castiel couldn't bring himself to care. It was a good distraction because at least then Castiel wasn't thinking about what he had texted Dean just the night before.

Love you 3 3 J

Whenever Castiel let himself calm down even a little he thought about it. He remembered how the conversation went.

Dean: Dean's been a bad boy.

Castiel: Wow, please never say that again.

Dean: Dean's been a bad boy.

Castiel: I am so glad you graduate this year.

Dean: R u d e

Castiel: y

Dean: It's not okay

It took a full day for Castiel to figure out a good response to that. Finally, he just pretended it was someone else, another friend. What would he say if he was just talking to another friend?

Love you 3 3 J

Castiel didn't let himself think about it. He sent it and then fell asleep. In the morning, he avoided looking at his text messages, and maybe that's why he accidentally left his phone at home.

And of course, it was fine for Castiel to leave his phone at home. What was not fine was that he knew he'd see Dean but he didn't know what he had responded. He worried relentlessly about bumping into Dean until finally it happened. In transition from Castiel's lunch period to his fourth period his eyes landed on Dean. The hallways were crowded, packed from wall to wall. Dean had been talking to someone, but once he saw Castiel he gave him a devious smirk and ended his conversation.

It freaked Castiel out to no end since he had no clue as to what Dean wanted from him.

Dean pushed in front of Castiel's friend, took his hand into a tight grip leaned in close and whispered: "I love you too."

This was the most intimate Castiel had been with anyone and this was a completely platonic exchange.

Castiel's face must have lit up after the exchange because the rest of the day he was inexplicably light-hearted. He hugged friends he never hugged and drew hearts on a friend's script until they made him stop.

The next day, just thinking about the exchange, about Dean sent butterflies fluttering uncontrollably through Castiel's stomach.

You know that saying from (probably) The Fault in Our Stars (but maybe it was from something else) that says, "I fell in love slowly and all at once". Castiel ever understood that until now. It felt like over the span of three years Castiel had been building up to this moment. Every day he spent getting to know Dean was another day he had spent falling for him until finally, all at once, on January 24, 2017 Castiel was in love.

He couldn't deny it, he didn't want to.

All at the same time, he wanted to stay in love, in bliss forever, but he also wanted to fall out of love quick, before he inevitably got hurt.

Have you ever felt unworthy of a person's affections?

Castiel felt like that often when it came to Dean. Dean was smart, and popular. In Castiel's Junior Year Dean was one of the school presidents. He was nearly valedictorian (his ex-girlfriend had taken the valedictorian title leaving him as second), he was on the football team, and he was in the school musicals every single year. Even so Dean didn't hang out with many people out of school.

He didn't have many friends.

Anytime Castiel was talking about his group of friends they would always stop him at Dean's name. "Dean? You mean Dean Winchester?" Always surprised that Dean Winchester would hang out with Castiel and his friends.

Of course, in the end the friendship probably wouldn't work out. Dean would be leaving for college, and he likely wouldn't care much for his old friends after he was gone. Castiel would of course always remember Dean and there was no doubt in Castiel's mind on whether or not Dean would be successful in life. However, Castiel never even allowed himself to consider the thought that Dean and he had a future past high school. Not to be dreary, Castiel knew he would eventually learn to live without Dean.

Besides, this is a story in the present, who knew what the future held for Castiel and Dean. His future could indeed contain anything. Only fate could ever know the true fate of the pair, and in the end only time can tell of the end of this story.

Author's Note

Well this story is based on true events I guess. I've had a crush on this guy for three years now and only now do I realize that I'm in love probably, and I don't use that term loosely. I spilled my heart in this one guys. All my feelings for this guy and everything is all in this fan fiction. What do you guys think? Are my feelings real? Am I crazy for liking this guy? And look, I probably won't but he graduates this year, and I'm stick in sort of a rut. Should I tell him how I feel or should I just not? Leave your opinions in the comment section or completely ignore this Author's Note. Only thing that differs between this fic is that the guy I like is straight, and I'm a girl lol. Anyways, thanks for reading this fic and all of my feelings for this one guy that have accumulated over these few years! I hope you enjoyed this!