A/N: I got a prompt from an anon on Tumblr requesting I try writing for Jack. So, here goes. The return of Jack, or at least how I think it could go. Enjoy, beautiful people. Love you!
She can't believe she's doing this. No, she can't believe her scruffy partner convinced her to do this. It's crossing lines on so many levels, and yet she can't bring herself to regret it.
"Admit it, Kens, you're enjoying yourself," Deeks says smugly, a wide grin on his face. Kensi rolls her eyes.
"I might be . . . because of the snow cones," she adds with a smirk.
Deeks convinced her to come with him to this huge Fourth of July picnic he apparently has attended every year since he first became a cop. She had to admit it, it is very nice. It has a "Sandlot Twp" sort of feel to it. Families are walking around hand in hand, holding flags and laughing. There's a dunking booth, fairground games, cotton candy, snow cones (which she has taken much advantage of) and even a large Ferris wheel. The sun is just about to set in the clear sky, which is now various shades of peaches, oranges, and purples. She and Deeks are sitting on a checkered red picnic blanket (she's already informed him of the terrible cliche), munching on the various snacks he's bought.
"I can't be that bad either," Deeks says with a playful wag of his eyebrows. Kensi snorts, but her sparkling eyes give her away. He watches her thoughtfully, and she sighs, knowing what he's thinking about.
"I'm fine, Deeks," she says, poking him in the arm gently. He nudges her back, trying to meet her gaze.
"You sure?" he asks quietly. "This isn't too much or anything?"
"Yeah." He doesn't believe her. At this point, she doesn't really care. It's not like she can ever fool him anyways.
He took her to visit Callen in prison today. They had one hour to see him, and he said little as they filled him in on what was going on. He told them not to worry, and they told him they were getting him out.
Somehow.
She planned on spending the rest of the holiday watching some old movie of hers and trying to ignore the sounds of local teenagers messing around with cheap fireworks, but as they drove back to her place, Deeks invited her to join him on another holiday adventure. His words, not hers.
She was originally going to decline, but then Deeks asked her when his holidays have not been enjoyable.
He gave her the first pleasant Christmas since . . . well, since Jack. She figured he could give her a fun Fourth.
It can't be appropriate, how much time they have spent together in the past weeks. Ever since the deaths of Renko and Hunter and Callen's imprisonment, she's avoided the silence and being alone. It used to be all she wanted in times of turmoil, but now that she knows her alternative, she doesn't want to go back.
Even on her days off, she sees him now.
She's made somewhat of a tradition of watching him surf in the mornings. She wakes up early and drives to his place before accompanying him to the beach. He brings her breakfast and she eats it while he surfs.
It's comforting, having something to look forward to and someone to say good morning to. She'll admit it, she kind of misses their undercover op as Melissa and Justin. He's a fun guy to be around, it's why their thing works out so well. But the op lasted three weeks, and she'd grown used to waking up in his arms and then poking him hard and accusing him of taking advantage of the situation.
And now, waking up alone, she can't help but notice his absence.
With Hetty gone and the Headquarters decimated by a bomb, all work has been is attempting to assist the team in Washington DC with finding Harper Dearing. There's really nothing else they can do. Director Vance is too busy to come to Los Angeles to take control, so their assignments have all come from DC. Sam is their temporary team leader and Kensi is the acting Senior Field Agent. The LAPD wanted to take Deeks back, but he refused.
Her professional life is in upheaval. It's nice to be able to have Deeks there for her in her personal life as well.
It's one of the first time that, in a time of crisis, she hasn't felt completely alone.
She isn't sure whether that scares or comforts her.
This . . . contentment that she feels in his company . . . well, if she's being honest, it's something she hasn't felt since-
"Kensi?"
Oh my God.
She knows that voice. She would recognize it anywhere. It could only belong to one person . . . but it's impossible . . .
Her world stops.
She straightens his collar, attempting in vain to keep her fingers from trembling. Her eyes remain locked with his, trying to memorize every sparkle in his green orbs. His hand comes up to her face, brushing a stray strand of her hair behind her ear and then lingering on her cheek. She leans into the touch, allowing him to feel the large tears on her cheek.
"H-have to look good for the other Marines," she says finally, removing her hands from his collar and giving his chest a gentle pat. "I don't think they'd like wrinkles very much."
"And I don't like frown lines," Jack replies, his hand moving from her cheek to gently poke her nose, "So smile while I'm gone, okay?"
"If you send me letters, I probably will," Kensi whispers.
She's twenty-one years old. The beautifully simple engagement on her ring weighs down on her left hand, forcing to drag her down with worries. She doesn't know why the Marines would decide to take Jack away from her. They could at least give them enough time for a small wedding. But no. He has to go.
"Tell you what, Kensi," Jack says, wrapping his arms around her waist, "Let's play ten questions. You can ask them all, and I'll answer honestly. How's that?"
"Your flight leaves soon . . ."
"I don't care." She allows a small smile and leans in to give him a gentle peck on the lips. "Now ask away."
"I'm not good at thinking on the spot-"
"Yeah, you are. Bring it on, I can take it." Kensi giggles, biting her bottom lip and thinks for a short moment.
"Will you write me every day?"
"Might not send them, but I'll definitely write you," he says, an impish grin on his face. "And you can read them all when I get home." Kensi smiles.
"Will you tell your comrades any embarrassing stories about me?" she asks, arching an eyebrow. Jack laughs.
"That's actually a very good idea, baby. I'll have to do that sometime-"
"Jack!"
"Kidding, gorgeous, kidding. Well, kind of." Kensi pokes him hard in the chest before smoothing out the fabric gently.
"Promise not to be too messy?" Jack smirks at her.
"That a question?" he asks.
"A request can be phrased as a question, so yes." He chuckles, caressing her face gently.
"Well then I'll have to say no. Why do you think our apartment is such a mess? We're both slobs, babe."
"Not true-"
"Only because you're in denial, beautiful." Kensi rolls her eyes and smiles up at him, admiring his new Marine-cut hair, which frames his toned and square face perfectly. Like a sculpture.
"Will you not get hurt?" she asks in a small voice. He gives her a pained smile, his grip on her tightening.
"I can't promise that, Kensi. You know that."
"Please?"
"That counts as a question, you know."
"Then let it." He sighs.
"No to both. I'm not lying to you, baby. The truth can hurt." She shuts her eyes for a long moment, resting her head on his chest.
"Come home to me?" she whispers. "Please?"
He tilts her face up so he can look her directly in the eye, his own gaze intense and fervent. "I promise. Could I ask a selfish question?"
"Of-of course," she whispers. "Anything, Jack, anything." He hesitates for a short moment.
"Wait for me?" The words, so small and broken, absolutely break Kensi's heart. She throws herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a fierce kiss. He holds her close, as if he never wants to let her go. When they break away, a call for his flight resounds.
"I'll wait for you forever," she whispers. He pulls her in for one last, gentle kiss.
"I love you,' he murmurs, "See you soon." With one last kiss to her forehead he picks up his luggage and turns around, walking proudly towards security. Like a true Marine.
"Love you too," Kensi whispers, knowing he can't hear her, but understands all the same.
Kensi feels like she's in some sort of daze. Time seems to slow down as Jack-her Jack- emerges from a small crowd gathered around a hot dog stand and walks towards her. She has to be imagining things, she has to be.
Ninety-nine percent of her heart has resigned to never seeing his face ever again, not knowing. Ninety-nine percent has given up trying to find him. However that mangy one percent of her heart, that one percent she jammed to the farthest reaches of her mind, is jumping for joy. That one percent that keeps her from engaging in serious relationships, that one percent that still, after seven years, holds out hope that he'll come back to her.
"You okay, Kens?" Deeks murmurs, jerking her back to reality. She glances over at him, her mouth still slightly parted in shock. He frowns. "Kens?"
He's reached them, and after giving Deeks a wary once-over, looks over at Kensi. "Hi." She can only blink at him for a long moment, and it's once again a gentle nudge from her partner that brings her back to reality.
"H-hi," she whispers back. She can practically feel Deeks' confusion and curiosity radiating from her side. For a long moment she simply stares at Jack and he stares back, speechless.
"Um, Deeks, this . . . this is Jack," she whispers, and can see the confusion drain away and some strange protective expression take its place on Deeks' face. He shifts closer to Kensi and she meets his concerned gaze, nodding quickly, affirming that she's somewhat okay. "And Jack-" Oh, how strange it feels to say his name again. "-this is Marty Deeks. My-my partner."
Deeks stands up and Kensi joins him. He holds out a hand to Jack and they shake, staring each other down as they do so. Kensi's not sure what the hell to do, seeing the two most important men in her life (she might as well admit it) having a war with their eyes.
"So you've heard of me," Jack says cautiously.
"Oh yeah," Deeks replies shortly, still shaking. "I've heard plenty." Kensi wants to bury herself in a hole and never come out.
"And you're the partner," says Jack, pulling his hand back. "What kind, exactly?" Kensi decides to step in.
"We work at NCIS together." Jack stares, shocked.
"You're a federal agent?"
"The best," Deeks confirms, a sort of possessive pride evident in his voice. Kensi manages to smile just a little bit, nudging Deeks gently.
The trio stands in silence for a few tense moments. Deeks finally breaks the silence, glancing over at Kensi. "You good?" he breathes. She meets his gaze and nods quickly. "Okay," he murmurs, nodding at Jack. "I think I'm gonna get myself a new snow cone," he says pointedly. "You kids play nice." With that, he walks away, glancing over his shoulder a few more times.
Kensi half-wishes he hadn't left her alone, for she's never given any thought to what she would say to Jack if he ever came back in her life. She crosses her arms and bites her bottom lip, regarding him with caution.
"Haven't seen that expression before," Jack remarks carefully.
"Comes with the job," she replies curtly.
"Mmhmm," Jack murmurs, sticking his hands in his pockets. He watches Kensi for a few more long moments, eyes so damn soft and careful.
She racks her brain for something coherent to say. Something she prepared from back when she had hope of a future with him. In the end, all she can come up with is the blunt question that's been burning inside for years.
"Where did you go?" His eyes widen, but he seems to have expected that question.
"Home."
That simple word shouldn't sting so much as it does. He says he went home? She thought they had a home together.
Guess not.
"You're lying," she murmurs, eyes dark. He frowns. "First place I searched was your parents' house. You weren't there."
"Never said I went inside," he deflects, "I watched them through the front window. I was going to go inside, but they looked so . . . happy. I knew I'd just bring them down, like I did with you-"
"Don't say that," she whispers. "I loved you, I wanted-"
"-me to be happy? That wasn't going to happen, beautiful." Kensi deflates, hearing the implications in his words.
"Then where have you been?" she whispers, "I-I looked everywhere . . ." He chuckles softly.
"Not everywhere." Jack gives her a small proud smile. "After seeing them . . . well, I got up, turned around, and walked all the way to rehab."
"Rehab?" Kensi asks, her voice cracking. Jack pauses, glancing around.
"Want to ride the Ferris wheel?" he asks cryptically. Kensi studies him curiously for a moment and then nods. Jack offers her his arm, and although she really wants to take it, she spots Deeks, standing near a large tree, watching them. So she shakes her head, ignoring Jack's surprised expression.
They're silent as they board the ride. Kensi watches a young couple, not too dissimilar from how she and Jack used to be, as they hold hands and boar the cart behind them, sitting as close to each other as possible.
She can't bring herself to scoot closer to Jack. As the wheel begins its ascent, she spots Deeks back at their picnic blanket, eating his snow cone and holding a doughnut he doesn't appear to be eating.
"Want to play our little game?" Jack asks finally. Kensi's mouth twitches into a smile. "I remember, you shortened it to ten questions instead of twenty because you thought that-"
"-twenty dragged on," Kensi finishes softly. "Can I start?" He motions with his hand.
"Go ahead." She takes a shuddering deep breath.
"Why did you go to rehab?" she asks softly, "Was it the PTSD?" Jack nods.
"I needed to find peace, or at least make it with myself. I wasn't strong enough to do it on my own."
"You weren't on your own though," Kensi murmurs, "You had me. The psychiatrist, your medicine, I listened-"
"I needed more than that, Kensi," Jack interrupts, "And so did you." She opens her mouth to reply, but can't.
"I-I . . ."
"My turn," Jack says softly. "When did you join NCIS?"
"Several years ago," she answers, "I solved my father's murder, you know. NCIS gave me the chance to do that."
"I'm happy for you," Jack says sincerely. "Go."
"What about you? What have you been doing?" she asks.
"I found some work in construction in Texas," he says, "It's nice. It keeps my hands and mind busy. I need that. It helps a lot." Kensi nods in understanding.
"You seem more like yourself," she observes softly, "It's . . . refreshing, in a way. You don't . . . you don't look like you've hit the ground anymore."
"I've confronted my demons," Jack says simply, "And I found a way to let go."
Kensi nods distantly. "Your turn," she says softly.
"Have you been engaged to anyone since-"
"No." The answer is firm and simple, yet it speaks volumes. She meets his gaze resolutely, making it very clear that what he did hasn't left her heart yet.
"Your turn," he says finally. Kensi nods.
"Are you-are you better now?" she asks softly, "Did rehab help? Are you back to how you were before-?"
"I can never go back to who I was before my deployment," Jack says, "That me is gone forever. I'm changed, now. But my PTSD is no longer a major problem. I can control it, live my life. I don't let it rule me."
"Typical," Kensi murmurs fondly. "Okay. Your turn."
He hesitates. "I don't know if I have any right asking this . . . but how much damage did I do by leaving you?" Kensi's heart skips a beat and she has to look away, out at the large picnic, her eyes seeking out something solid to focus on to regain balance.
Her gaze finds Deeks, who is still holding that doughnut, and her heart slows down a bit. She turns back to Jack.
"I thought I had nothing left," she says softly, "I looked and I looked for you. I felt like such a failure, and so alone . . ." she trails off, fighting tears that threaten to pool over. "First my dad, and then you. I became afraid of attachments, because I thought that everyone I loved would leave me like you did. Even worse, you wanted to, and I-I felt like I wasn't good enough, that it was all my fault." A single tear escapes. "You compared me to hitting the ground, Jack."
"I'm- I am so sorry, gorgeous. But you know why, now. You know why I had to go."
"Doesn't mean I have to agree," she says. She takes a deep breath, wiping away tears. "My turn." She thinks for a moment. "Have you found anyone else?"
"Her name was Beth," Jack replies reluctantly, "We dated for a year, but beyond that . . . nobody. I guess . . . I guess none of the girls could compare to you." Kensi's heart leaps.
"Don't say that."
"Say what?"
"You know what."
Jack sighs. "Look, Kensi, I know our time has passed. We aren't perfect for each other anymore. But you know me, and I know you. You'd hit me if I lied, so don't stop me from telling the truth." Kensi stares, mouth agape, before sitting back and watching him with a hint of defiance.
"Fine. Your turn."
Jack thinks. "Why do you look so . . . different? I mean, you used to wear all of these cute peachy colors and your hair was always long and curly . . ."
"Long and curly doesn't do shit in a gunfight," Kensi answers, "But I do wear my hair down."
"If you say so," Jack says. "Your turn."
Kensi takes a deep breath. "Why was I not enough for you?" she asks softly. Jack's eyes soften and he reaches for her hand, but she pulls it back. "Answer me Jack, please."
He pauses for a long moment, searching for words. "I was damaged goods. What you were offering . . . a future, a family . . . I wasn't ready for it. For finality. I still don't think I am. After seeing the things I saw and those experiences . . . nothing compared. I couldn't settle. And baby," this time he doesn't let her pull her hand back as he takes it. "-it had nothing to do with you. I was beyond help . . . beyond any of it. I wasn't good for you then, I couldn't let you throw away your chances for happiness over what I thought was a lost cause. You deserved, you still do, in fact, better." Kensi nods, unshed tears breaking free again. She wipes them away as discreetly as she can and motions to Jack.
"I never do this anymore," she chuckles without humors, "Cry."
"Shame. You're cute when you cry," Jack says gently.
"Final question for you. Make it count," she says. Jack nods, pursing his lips.
"What's the story about you and this Deeks?" Kensi's mouth drops open. Out of all of the questions in the world, this one is not one she's prepared to answer.
"We-we're partners," she replies. Jack arches an eyebrow.
"You've never been a good liar, gorgeous." He looks into her eyes. "There's something else. Something more, isn't there?" Kensi sighs. No point in lying to Jack. He knows when she's lying to him and to herself.
"He's the only constant thing in my life," she says, "We call whatever is between us our 'thing'. He . . . he always has my back and he's the only person I really, truly trust with anything. He's always there for me, and he can always make me smile."
She doesn't mention their kiss, pretending to be married and all of the suppressed desires that op spawned. She doesn't mention how much she has clung to their partnership throughout this entire ordeal with Callen and the Chameleon. She doesn't mention watching him surf every morning.
She doesn't need to.
"You in love with him?" Jack asks, even though he's out of questions.
Kensi hesitates. "Maybe," she whispers finally, leaving herself a loophole to hide in. She looks out again as the ride begins to slow, about to end. Deeks is still seated on the picnic blanket, watching the sky as the sun finally completely disappears beneath the horizon. Jack stands and exits the cart before helping her off. They begin walking back towards Deeks and the blanket.
"You have the last question," Jack says. Kensi mulls for a moment.
"Do you plan on staying in my life?" she asks. "You finding me wasn't an accident, was it?"
"Technically that's two questions."
"Well then we would be even." Jack smiles.
"Okay, okay, Kensi." He purses his lips. "I'm on vacation from my job in Texas. I go back tomorrow. But I felt like I've finally reached a point in my life where I can come back and explain everything without losing my sanity." He takes her hand and presses it to his lips. "I hope to see you again though. I've never stopped thinking about you." Kensi smiles softly.
"Ditto," she murmurs, leaning up and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "So is this goodbye?"
"For now," Jack says. "And for the record, I think you should tell him."
"Jack it's-"
"Complicated? The thing is, it isn't." Kensi tilts her head to the side, intrigued. "When I was at war, all I thought about was wishing I had one more moment with you. Time with someone you love is precious. Don't waste any of it."
"Your therapist tell you that?" Kensi asks with a small smile. Jack nods.
"My therapist is a pretty wise man." He gives Kensi a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Bye, beautiful." Kensi closes her eyes and smiles.
"Thank you," she murmurs as he turns and walks away, disappearing into the crowd. She turns to see Deeks watching her from the blanket, still holding that damn doughnut. She walks over and plops down beside him. He offers the doughnut to her.
"You good?" he asks again, craning his neck so he can look into her eyes. She nods, taking the doughnut.
"You saved this for me?" she asks. Deeks shrugs casually.
"You would be bothering me all night with hunger complaints if I didn't, so I figured-"
"Thank you, Deeks," Kensi interjects. "Really." He watches her, surprised, a smile creeping onto his face.
"You're welcome," he responds. "So . . . you and Jack." Kensi raises an eyebrow.
"Yes?"
"You two are . . . back together, then?" he guesses, "I see why, I guess, I mean, he was 'the one' at some point and maybe he still-" Kensi's mouth drops and her eyes go wide.
"Deeks, I-" He ignores her, rambling on.
"I won't be in the way, or anything. Not that I have a reason to be, I just tend to do things sometimes that-"
"We're not together!" Kensi finally interjects loudly. A few families spare them a curious glance. Deeks stares with wide eyes and blinks a few times.
"Really?"
"Yeah," she affirms, slightly exasperated, "You might know that if you'd just shut up and listen!"
"Why?" he asks honestly, confusion etched in his face. "I always thought . . . if he . . . that you would-"
"We're different people now," Kensi says, "We want different things." Deeks stares for a moment, eyes contemplative.
"And what do you want?" he asks, brows furrowed.
What's with men and their blunt questions? Conversations are so much easier in subtext. Kensi takes a deep breath, debating with herself on whether or not she should be totally honest with her scruffy partner who is watching her with openly kind eyes.
The fireworks begin. Kensi hadn't noticed how dark it was- there are so many twinkling lights strung up around the park that she never noticed that the sky is now pitch black.
"You going to stay for the fireworks?" she asks quietly, although the words she says carry so much more depth than staying for a spectacular display.
If she's going to try this, she needs to know he won't leave her. She needs to know he won't be another Jack. Somewhere inside, she knows he isn't, but she needs to hear it all the same.
The fire in his eyes tells her he understands. "I go where you go," he says simply. She wants to kiss him right there, but she reigns herself in, wanting to do it right.
She suddenly finds the perfect opening for the conversation in subtext, a way for her to start this thing she should have known would be inevitable.
"You see that Roman Candle?" she asks, pointing to the sky, where bright red and blue Roman Candle fireworks are shooting into the night. "That's me. Direct. Intense." Deeks chuckles.
"You left out loud," he quips, and she elbows him gently.
They watch the Roman Candles as they shoot into the sky, and Kensi finds another opening upon seeing strobe-like fireworks, brief flickers of color scattered across the sky. "The strobe fireworks are like Jack," she says, "Beautiful, mystical, but barely there and gone in a flash. I don't need that." He nods in understanding, and she can see his mind trying to figure out where she's going with this.
The fireworks continue, and Kensi can't help but grin at the almost child-like grin on Deeks' face as it is illuminated by the various colors combusting in the dark. She finally finds the last opening she needs to get to the point she has to make.
"See those feathery bursts?" she asks Deeks, pointing to the soft, golden fireworks now exploding in the sky, the pattern like bright blowing streamers. "That's you."
"How?" Deeks asks, his face lighting up with something other than the glow of the fireworks.
"You're warm. Comforting. Beautiful in a real kind of way," she answers simply, "And Deeks . . . " she takes a deep breath, "I think that is exactly what I need right now." She meets his gaze, willing him to understand. "Catch my drift?"
She tries to put in everything she isn't ready to say yet into her eyes as he looks into them. The gratitude, the desire, the hope that he can help her fix things.
He smiles at her, taking her hand in his and then looking back up to the sky, not even bothering to hide his wide smile.
She's just begun watching the fireworks display when she hears his reply.
"I think I do." And with those words he leans in and captures her lips with his.
And the fireworks from the kiss far supercede the fireworks in the sky.
I was writing until after midnight XD
Okay, well, I took some liberties with Jack's characterization and such, so I'd love to know how you like my take on him! I figured after all of these years he'd be a) dead from drugs or something tragic like that or b) fixed, in a way
Love you all! Hope this baby doesn't disappoint! Hugs and kisses,
-Gab