Title: A Secret Needed To Be Told
Author: mikipau
Rating: T
Fandom: The 100
Pairing: Abby/Raven (Doctor Mechanic)
Disclaimer: I do not own the 100.
Summary: Abby and Raven are more than housemates, but no one knows.
A/N: Doctor Mechanic Week. Day 3: Roommates/Housemates AU. Someone is stupidly stubborn.
"We can't keep doing this." Abby's voice was gravelly, her throat dry from the gasps and moans Raven had elicited from her.
"What exactly are you saying?" The pads of Raven's fingers travelled the length of Abby's naked thigh, up over her hip, coming to rest at the small of her back. "Are you referring to the thing I did to you two minutes ago or that special move that made you scream my name about an hour ago?" Raven wiggled her eyebrows suggestively up and down.
"Oh, stop it! You're so full of yourself." Abby couldn't keep the smile on her face from showing, but as quickly as it had appeared it was replaced by a solemn grimace. "You know what I mean."
Raven's lips followed the path her fingers had just taken. She went further, placing soft kisses along Abby's neck and shoulders.
Abby sighed both in pleasure and slight irritation. "Raven, you know what I meant. Either we come out and say it, I don't like sneaking around, or-" Abby fell silent, the muscles in her back shifted minutely under Raven's lips, tensing.
Raven drew back, reluctantly parting with the wonderful skin she'd been tasting. "I'm not hearing the other option here?"
"That's because I don't want it to be an option."
Raven sat up, her back against the headboard, she felt tears prickle her eyes and she blinked to try to keep them from falling. "Is this some sort of ultimatum? Tell Clarke or end it?" There was a lump in her throat, she tried to swallow and it hurt. "Is that what you want? For me to move out? To give up my home; you?"
Abby sat up, the sheets bunching around her waist leaving her upper body exposed. She didn't seem to care about her nakedness, instead reaching out to cup Raven's face with her hands.
"Honey, you know that's not what I want. I'd never run you out of your own home, and this house is as much yours as it is mine. I love you."
Raven couldn't meet Abby's eyes, she fixed her sight straight ahead, unfortunately that meant her focus came to land on a hickey she'd left above Abby's left breast. The mark mocked her, the fact it might be the last mark she would ever leave on Abby's body sending a wave of fear through her.
"Raven, look at me." The plea was met with silence. Abby waited patiently, still lovingly holding Raven's face in her hands, one thumb moving to capture an escaped tear.
Eventually Raven lifted her eyes to meet Abby's. Seeing that she had her attention Abby moved her hands to grasp Raven's, entwining their fingers and mirroring an action from only minutes ago as she'd felt pleasure rip through her and Raven's hands had anchored her to the here and now.
"We've been dating for eight months now and lived together for five. The only nights we haven't slept in the same bed since you moved in has been when Clarke's been home from university. I want to make this, us, official. I want us to live together, openly, as partners, lovers. Maybe even as wives one day."
At the mention of marriage Raven's eyes grew wide. Abby felt one corner of her mouth turn up in a small smile. "But we can't have any of that unless we tell Clarke."
She'd wanted to have this talk for a long time, but the right moment had never presented itself. Clarke was coming home for the weekend, arriving at the train station in a few hours and Abby felt like it was now or never. She couldn't spend one more weekend pretending to only be Raven's friend and housemate. Relaxed from their lovemaking the words had slipped out and now she was faced with the very real possibility of her own impatience and Raven's fears causing an end to their relationship.
"Raven Reyes, I know you love me. Please give me the chance to love you back. Openly."
With no reaction forthcoming Abby continued. "I understand that you're scared. I know your history. I know of your mother, the abandonment issues and the constant fear of not being good enough. You have to believe me when I say that you are everything I've ever wanted. What I feel for you is something I never thought I'd get to experience, never even thought existed. I'm asking you to give us a chance, a little leap of faith and we can have it all. No more hiding."
Raven remained silent.
Abby sighed. "I don't want to live in this limbo anymore. It hurts me and I know it's hurting you too. You're just too afraid to admit it."
Raven drew back, slipping out of the bed to make her way towards the bedroom door. "I'm going to take a shower in the guest bathroom."
Staring at the empty doorway, knowing Raven wouldn't come back, Abby threw herself back onto the pillows. What a disaster. Why couldn't she have kept her mouth shut? She wanted to cry, to run after Raven and tell her that they could keep hiding their love. She wanted to tell her that she could continue to lie to her daughter, that she'd settle for having Raven when alone and within the walls of this house, their home, though she knew that it wouldn't be the truth. Abby wanted more for them.
. . .
Later that night after dinner, Clarke and Raven had cleared the table and were now placing the used plates and cutlery in the dishwasher. Abby had left to pick Clarke up from the train station without having talked to Raven. After her exit from their bedroom she had stayed in the room that was decked out to be hers, but was only ever used when they had company. The door had been firmly shut, music blaring to drown out any attempt at reconciliation that Abby might make.
"What's going on?" Clarke said as Raven placed the last plate in the dishwasher and closed it.
"What do you mean? Nothing's going on?" She busied herself with wiping down the counter so she didn't have to meet her friend's eyes.
"Raven, I'm not stupid. I can tell something's wrong."
Raven shrugged noncommittally.
"You barely said a word during dinner and mom's obviously upset. Did something happen? I thought things were good between you two."
Rinsing out the dishcloth repeatedly and folding it neatly kept Raven's back to Clarke. She remained silent, shrugging once more.
"I admit I thought it strange at first, you moving in with my mom, but it turned out great. It's a good arrangement; it's affordable and you get to live closer to work, without the weird roommates and roach infested apartment. Most of all I'm happy that mom hasn't been alone. She has you here and she's been smiling again… well, until now."
The silence stretched on between them. Clarke tried again for some kind of reaction from Raven.
"I wish you'd tell me what's wrong."
Raven turned around, eyes to the floor. "I'm tired, I'm going to bed."
Clarke was left alone in the kitchen, eyebrows drawn together in a frown, confused about what had just happened.
. . .
"Mom, are you awake? Can I come in?"
Abby used the back of her hand to wipe the tears from her face before sitting up in bed. Clarke stood in the doorway, barefoot and dressed in pajamas she reminded Abby of when she'd been five years old and afraid of the dark.
"I'm up, come in." Abby patted the mattress next to her invitingly, trying her best to ignore how cold it felt without Raven there beside her. "Is everything okay?"
Clarke sat down on the edge of the bed. "Funny, I was going to ask you the same."
Abby bit her lip, not knowing how to explain to her daughter what was going on. "It's… it's what it is. I can't talk about it."
"Why not?" Clarke's eyes begged for an explanation. "I want to help and I can't until you tell me what's wrong."
"I know honey, but it's not my secret alone to tell." Abby fiddled with the duvet, she felt torn, wanting to tell her daughter, yet not being able to betray Raven's trust.
"Does this have something to do with Raven?"
Abby let out a sigh. "Clarke, you know I can't answer that."
"I just want the two of you to be happy. I don't understand. Last time I visited you were doing great. I don't ever think I've seen you smile like that, not even when dad was alive." Clarke's voice grew in volume, she was clearly upset and frustrated about being in the dark. She took a deep breath, calming herself and then reached for her mother's hand. "Now you're sad again and I can't help because no one will tell me what's going on."
"Abby can't tell you because of me." Raven stepped into the room, she'd been lurking unseen in the hallway. After tossing and turning for what seemed like hours she'd finally gotten out of bed to talk to Abby. She didn't know what to say; maybe ask for just this weekend of secrecy, they would tell Clarke the next time she came to visit, she'd be ready then. Overhearing Clarke's words to her mother, as well as the sad conflicting emotions in Abby's voice had changed Raven's mind.
"She's been wanting to tell you something for a while now and I keep holding her back. I-" Raven heard her own voice waver, but continued on anyway. "I've been afraid. Everything has been going so well I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop, for disaster to strike and for me to lose all that I hold dear. All that I love."
"I don't think I understand." Clarke's confused eyes darted between her mother and her friend.
Raven straightened her back and with a quick glance at Abby her eyes returned to Clarke's. "Clarke, I'm in love with your mother. We've been dating since Christmas, but I've been horrible about making it official. I understand if you're angry and can't accept this. But it's the truth. I love Abby and want to spend my future by her side, if she'll let me."
Tears ran down Abby's face but she was smiling again. It had only been hours since Raven had last seen that smile, but the pain the lack of it had caused her had been immense.
"Abby, please forgive me for being a coward."
"There's nothing to forgive." Abby steadily held Raven's gaze. They smiled at each other, happy and relieved for having taken this step forward.
Clarke's eyebrows rose towards her hairline, her mouth opened, closed, then opened again. She shook her head, swallowed, cleared her throat, got out of bed and stood staring wide eyed at the other two women in the room.
"I think I need some time to wrap my head around this." She blinked. "I mean I knew you made each other happy, I just didn't know you-" Her eyes fell on the bed and her voice broke off. A blush came to her cheeks and she quickly averted her eyes. "I'm happy for you both, I don't mind you sharing a bed when I'm here, just… Raven please don't mention sex and my mother in the same sentence. Ever."
Clarke quickly turned around and left the room, the door softly clicking shut behind her.