Iris
Part 1: The Doctor, 2001
"Why do men cheat?" Rachel's sweet voice echoed a bit through the supermarket's hall as they walked shoulder to shoulder, both women dressed in identical long sleeved black dresses.
"I don't know." Santana replied coyly as they walked over to the cashier, pretending to be normal costumers – and it was no use, since no one could see them anyway. The thought ran down her spine as Rachel frowned, taking a deep breath.
After a few minutes of their usual and comfortable silence, Santana spoke.
"As men, do you mean men and women, or just men?"
"Both." The word left Rachel's pink lips, sounding like a bare whisper.
Santana swallowed hard, flashbacks hitting her like sharpened knifes. Just as she observed the humans doing their groceries, she felt an ache, spreading through the middle of her chest, just above her external bone – and burning through her heart, her cold, unbeating heart, until the blood flooded through it again. The amount of pain she felt wasn't physical. It was the first time her heart beat in years, and the sound went from the tip of her toes to her ears, pounding so hard she closed her eyes glistened with shocked tears before she opened them again, her iris black with sadness.
"In that case…" She said, her voice heavy. "I really don't know."
Rachel turned to the tallest. "My host, she...she loved someone."
"How could you possibly be certain?" Santana pretend she didn't know as the organ continued beating, spreading emotional pain through her body. "You know that hasn't happened in centuries."
"Don't make a fool out of me, Santana." Rachel said, the pain on her chocolate eyes denouncing her heart was now beating, too. "I know we're both the exceptions the Lord –
"Don't say His name, you know there are more here." She hissed glancing at the man dressed in black just a few steps away from them, reaching out to squeeze Rachel's hand, feeling the hot skin burning against hers, confirming that both of her hearts were pumping blood and hurting.
The two of them stood inside the small supermarket in a random city in Arizona until the sun was setting down the hills, the sky a mix of yellow, red and pink, somehow something the angels, whom lived up there, would never understand as well as the imperfect and silly human beings.
When the simple owner of the place closed it, not aware of the presence of Santana, Rachel nor the tall, Asian man in the other side of the room, dressed on a black, long coat, the small brunette let out a content sigh, knowing she and Santana would be able to speak soon.
The Asian approached, bowing a little as Rachel and Santana did the same. "Good night." He murmured with a disapproving look as he passed through the walls easily, somehow taking with him a few of the illumination of the place as he left.
"Good night." They answered right after, finally letting out a huge breath neither knew they were holding, although technically, their lungs were dusty from the lack of use.
With desperate tears running on her cheeks, Rachel ruffled her own soft hair with both of her small hands, hiccupping and hugging herself, involving the small body with her tiny arms and breathing in and out harshly.
"You were never good in controlling your pain." Santana said, observing the brunette's actions leaned against the wall. "I remember, back there on training…" She sighed, remembering years ago when they weren't even proper messengers. "You winced and cried in pain whenever they electrocuted your heart back to function." She let out a raspy laugh. "I can't even tell how you manage now."
Instead of insulting Santana back – something Rachel never did, but the woman hoped she would since her words were meant to make the small woman hurt and react to her, in order to make her forget the heart ache somehow – Rachel sighed, letting her arms fall back to her sides and turning to Santana with angry tears on her eyes.
"Who was he, Santana?" Rachel asked harshly. "Who was he, whom you loved so dearly?"
"She." The word fell out from Santana's lips as she turned around, her eyes suddenly interested on a basket of apples, trying desperately to find a distraction so she would seem at least impartial.
"I beg your pardon?" Rachel said in pure shock.
"I said she." Santana cleared her throat after whispering the phrase.
The silence which filled the place between them seemed to give both of the women closure, but there was still a thousand words flying through Santana's and Rachel's minds. The first to break the silence was the shorter one.
"I don't –
Having enough of short explanations, Santana turned around, still too proud to let those tears fall, but managed to swallow the hurt in order to speak.
"Inside my host's heart there is no place for loving men." Santana said, slightly ashamed and half scared. She knew she'd suffer the consequences later, and consequences for messengers of the Lord were inevitable. "There is no place to love anyone but her."
Rachel's gaze fell immediately and the walls of protection and friendship between them grew stronger. The sound of a moving truck passing quickly through the streets made them both jump a few inches from the ground.
"I'm so, so sorry." Rachel shook her head, reaching out for Santana's arm and gently caressing it with her thumb.
"L—Leave it." Santana's voice shook as she snapped her arm away from Rachel's and walked towards the refrigerators, not bothering to break its locks. Her hands passed through the glass smoothly as she grabbed a can of soda and opened it on a heartbeat. She took a long sip, letting the sweet and gassy drink drain through her chin.
"We're not supposed to do that." Rachel rolled her eyes, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "You know we can get into much trouble if –
"I suppose if I already had intercourse with a human, and even worse, with a woman, it can't get worse than this." Santana said through long sips.
"But either way, that kind sir who owns this place has four children and I'm sure everything you've been eating and drinking around here will make a huge difference on his paycheck. You know the Lord will punish me for watching you and not reporting you to the peacemaker angels and –
Santana interrupted her with a laugh. "I'm sorry to tell you this Rachel, but the Lord's system has failed even before the old Egyptians' society grew." She told her, shaking her head as she finished with the drink. "And that's fucking why I'm gonna be electrocuted to death in a few weeks, and if I'm lucky perhaps I'll still be a messenger when I get out of the Law building."
Rachel leaned on the biscuits' shelf, closing her eyes momentarily before opening them back again. "I'm sure they'll spare you." She nodded. "You didn't fall on sin with the human because you felt it. It was simply your host and her previous, unease feelings."
"I wish." Santana hissed, putting the can aside. "I wish it was my host's business, oh did I."
Logically, the woman didn't thought about the consequences of the act before speaking, therefore, Rachel burst out in fake laughter to protect them both from a severe punishment. "Oh San, sometimes you make me laugh with your silly jokes." She shook her head with a smile Santana knew it was fake, but nodded as a 'thank you', knowing she had just saved them both from a raw, old fashioned beat up.
When the Latina figured she had nothing else to say, she played with the can and with her own knuckles before sitting down besides Rachel as the small woman stared at her from above, biting on her bottom lip lightly as she demanded an explanation.
"She was a doctor." Santana rubbed her eyes with her hands, her heartbeats thankfully decreasing. "And her name was Brittany."
"W—Was?" Rachel stammered, thinking of the worse on how Santana used the past tense.
Santana nodded. "She doesn't mean anything to me anymore." Her voice sounded hard, but her body denounced the exact opposite.
"I understand." Rachel said professionally. "I'm glad you no longer feel for her."
"It's almost midnight." Santana interrupted the matter quickly. "We should go somewhere else."
"Well, I agree. This place is bothering me." Rachel stated simply. "Where would you like to go? You should choose this time. Maybe somewhere with not many messengers in order to give us more privacy to talk…"
Santana shook her head. "I want quite the opposite." She stated, looking at Rachel with a secret glance, carrying a billion of unsaid words. "Let's go to New York."
"But why would we go there? We would have to be around the other angels just as often as here and you know how you don't need that, now. The peacemakers have their eyes on you and…"
"I don't care." Santana stated honestly. "The peacemakers said it's all about healing, and I need to go to New York in order to heal."
Rachel rolled her eyes, rubbing her delicate face on her hands, not daring to say no to Santana, but not agreeing either. "You confuse me sometimes, San." She told her friend with a weak smile. "But I do hope you heal."
Both left the small supermarket exactly at midnight, making their way through the sky as they passed through the clouds, the cold air hitting their faces. When they got to the Big Apple it was about nine or ten in the morning, therefore, they decided they'd go where usually the angels spent their time bathing in the sun, an old helicopter runaway, no longer used by anyone.
Rachel left by noon, saying she had gotten a signal to head over to a nearest apartment of an elder woman – although Santana was sure her friend just realized she should be alone for some time. The Latina set herself on the borderline of the runaway, facing the sea miles and miles away, the blue color illuminated and highlighted by the yellow sun remembering her golden lavender scented hair and the bluest eyes in heaven and on Earth.
"Damn you, Britt." Santana hissed under her breath, rubbing her temples with her fingers. "Why would you make me come back?"