(A/N: I do not own Friends).
Ross Geller sat in his apartment, looking out the window at New York City. It was a quite a sight of the city that never slept. Any person would dream of being in Ross' shoes. A great apartment, good friends, a PhD, a promising future. However, none of these could give Ross any satisfaction at the present moment for he was morbidly depressed.
It started when Emily, his now ex-wife, had filed for divorce when he didn't the promise to see Rachel again. That was something he couldn't bear to do: Choosing between his wife and friends but it was a decision he had to make and he decided that no woman that made him choose between her and his friends was worth it.
He then started getting more and more sad as the days went by, thinking what might have been. Over time, he started taking more day offs from work, he started going out less, he started eating less. This didn't go unnoticed to a certain group of people.
His five friends: Chandler Bing, Joey Tribbiani , Phoebe Buffay, his sister Monica Geller and his ex-girlfriend Rachel Green all noticed the signs early on. They started asking where he's been and he always had the same reply "Just at home, working" but they knew that was a lie. They knew he was depressed and they knew it was only getting worse by the day.
They started devoting more of their time to him and sometimes only him. One night, they dragged him out of his apartment and toured the city with him. They went to restaurants, comedy shows, the girls even swallowed their pride and went to see strip clubs. While this did give momentary pleasure to Ross, it did nothing to help remove the dagger that remained firmly in his heart.
A few weeks later, they decided to give up...it was obvious what they were doing wasn't helping as he became more depressed as time went by despite their valiant efforts. They decided that this was just a phase in a very early part of some temporary divorcee depression thing and that he would get a hold of himself soon. How wrong they were.
Ross didn't get any better than how he already was. As a matter of fact, it got worse (As if that was possible). Some nights, he wouldn't even turn on the television or use his laptop or even look at his fossil slides which he loved very much. He would just look ahead and stare. Not at anything particular...just stare. He didn't know why but if a psychologist looked at it, he/she would probably describe it as a slow death of spirit.
Today was the final straw for Ross. He had received notice that Emily was already planning on getting married. This hit Ross like a brick in the face. He knew he shouldn't care. He was the one who dumped her in a way by choosing his friends over her but even so, it didn't make a difference. The fact that he was that dispensable, so easily replacable, it made him feel as tall and important as a common house rat.
He knew the world could be cruel but it was as if there was this growing notion in his mind that this was a conspiracy that God, should he even exist at this point, was trying to make Ross as miserable as possible just for his amusement. Well, he didn't want to be used like this anymore. After 2 divorces, countless breakups and losing any shred of happiness he had left in his entire body, he couldn't take it anymore.
He went to the kitchen, opened the drawer, grabbed the sharpest knife he could and went to the bathroom.
He rolled up his left sleeve and move the knife to the wrist area under his left arm. His skin and the knife's blade touched, just a tiny push more would pierce his skin. Ross closed his eyes and breathed in a long breath and slowly started cutting himself.
Slice after slice, blood oozed out. First, an insignificant amount, then a little less than a pint, then a pint, then more than a pint.
Ross started getting light headed, the loss of blood getting more apparent to his body. He lied down on the floor and closed his eyes. He hoped that when he woke up, he would finally, finally be at peace with the world.
* 5 minutes later*
Chandler Bing went up to Ross' door and knocked on the door. He decided to stray from his other friends on this and deal with this matter himself.
"Ross! Open up! It's your best friend, the Chan Man. We're going out!" Chandler exclaimed.
A few seconds of no response later, he knocked again. "Come on dude, I know you're there. Let's go get drunk man, we got some strippers to see. I heard one of them say you're cute!"
Despite his enticements of alcohol and scantily clad women, it didn't open the door.
"Look, Ross. I know you're still upset and I guess I would be too but what are you going to do? Stay in your apartment the rest of your life? That's not a way for anyone to live. Now stop ignoring me and let's go!" Chandler insisted, getting more frustrated.
Still no response. Chandler huffed in anger, rolled his eyes and said "You know what, I know this is not excactly legal, but I'm busting this door down and dragging you out by your neck"
He started kicking the door. Hard. He kicked until the door busted wide open. He might get in trouble for this but at this moment, he didn't care. He just wanted his friend back.
"Alright, where are you?...I know you're here. I really do" Chandler said.
Ross wasn't in the den, he wasn't in the kitchen, he wasn't in his bedroom. The only room left was the bathroom and the door was closed. Chandler smirked and stood in front of the bathroom door, back facing the wall.
"Oh gee. I guess he really isn't here. I guess I better go now" Chandler said before quickly turning and opening the door.
The light was off but a horrid smell arose from the room. Chandler winced in disgust and flipped on the light switch. What he saw….it froze him in pure terror.
Ross Geller lay flat on the floor, blood surrounding him with scars on his arm and a knife in his hand.
Chandler quickly went out of his stunned phased and lifted him up and dragged him out the bathroom. Blood was running down his arms and onto the floor. More blood was following them as he dragged him out the bathroom. He ran to the kitchen, grabbed a cloth out of one of the drawers and ran back to the sleeping body of Ross Geller.
Chandler wrapped the cloth around his wounds and wrapped it in a knot to keep more blood from spilling out. He felt his pulse. Thank god, it was still there but only barely. He needed medical attention and he needed it now.
He went to Ross' landline and dialed 911. The operator barely had time to say "What's your emergency?" before Chandler started screaming for an ambulance to Ross' apartment.
Minutes later, the room filled up with paramedics.
"Please step away from the body, sir" One of them said.
"Yes sir. Could I please have a police escort to the hospital?" Chandler asked.
"We'll see what we can do. Just wait here if you would" the Paramedic said as they lifted Ross from the floor and carrying him from the room.
"Oh Ross….I had no idea it was this bad….I'm so sorry" Chandler said, feeling horribly guilty.
*Hospital*
Soon after the Paramedics carried Ross out of his apartment, the police granted Chandler's request of a police escort to the nearest hospital. Chandler was in the waiting area for visitors, waiting for his friends whom he had phoned and told them what happened. It was without a doubt one of the hardest things he ever had to do.
He looked at his watch and sighed. It was only about 30 minutes after he found Ross in his current condition. He still couldn't believe it was true. Ross, his best friend, tried to commit suicide. It was…..both amazing and frightening.
Suddenly, the doors opened and in came his other friends.
Monica came running at him, covered in tears. "Chandler, where is he?"
"A Doctor's with him now" Chandler said.
Monica started crying in his shoulder while the man merely placed his arms around her and held her tight.
The others didn't look so good either. Rachel's hair was a mess and looked worn out, both mentally and physcially, Phoebe looked like she was about to throw up and Joey…..well...the fact that he wasn't acting like Joey right now said all that needed to be said.
Despite what one may think, it was actually Rachel that was taking this the hardest. While Monica was crying on Chandler's shoulder, she was crying inside and almost out and blamed herself for this. She should have never gone to London in the first place. If she had only listened to Phoebe that day, this probably never would have happened. She didn't know what she would do if Ross…...didn't turn out well from this.
The Doctor looking after Ross came into the room and Monica stepped away from Chandler and ran up to him.
"Doctor, how is he?" Monica asked.
"Well the good news is he'll be alright" The Doctor said.
The group sighed in relief from hearing this.
"And the bad news?" Chandler asked.
"Well….the bad news is I've seen cases like this before. Suicide victims don't generally give up just because they've been stopped one time. In my professional opinion, Mr. Geller should be put on suicide watch and be subject to psychological therapy for a long period of time" the Doctor stated.
"Yes sir, doctor. He won't leave our sight from here on out" Monica said.
"Good. He's awake now if you want to see him but I really must insist you keep some distance. We're still injecting him with AB blood. Thank god we had just enough or else I don't know what would've happened. We also had to….restrain him just in case….well…..you know" the Doctor said.
After shuddering at what the Doctor said, the 5 friends went to Ross' room and opened the door. Ross laid on a bed in patient clothing. His hands were tied to the bed so he couldn't move them. His eyes moved toward the group and he meekly said "Hi"
Monica, sadness suddenly turning to anger, she marched up to him and gave him a stern slap in the face.
"You know, if these restraints weren't here, we'd definitely throw down" Ross said.
"Enough joking, Ross. You scared all of us to death" Monica said.
"Well, I'm sorry to have scared all of you….I'm not sorry for what I did though" Ross said.
"Don't say that, Ross. Don't ever say that. What could make you do something like this?" Phoebe asked.
"The world. You happy with that? The world. Over my entire life, I've been mocked, bullied, betrayed and left. I lost my first wife to a lesbian after 6 years of marriage and now I've lost my second after only a few months and I didn't even get a damn honeymoon. I feel like I'm only here to be laughed at, to only be entertainment for people much better at this life thing than me….there's nothing on this planet for me. Nothing" Ross said.
Monica sat down on the bed beside him. "Ross...that isn't true. We're your friends. We're here for you. Mom and Dad are here for you. You have a son for Christ's sake. How do you think he would feel if he found out you died?"
"What would it matter? Susan is practically more of a father to her than me. I see Ben only a little less than half a year. What difference do I make in his life?" Ross asked.
"Ross, you are his father. He loves you. He needs you. You can't just leave him" Monica said sternly.
"Well, that's just may be true and I'll be sure to say sorry to him when he finds out one day" Ross said.
A few moments later, Chandler said "That's it? That's all we get?"
"Well what else do you want me to say? I'm depressed, alright? I'm miserable and depressed and while I appreciate you guys being there for me, I'm not getting happier" Ross said.
A nurse came in and said "I'm sorry but it's time for Mr. Geller to take some medicine. Would you excuse us for a minute?"
The group hesitated but they complied with the nurse's request. They left the room and went back to the waiting area.
"Wow…..I didn't know it was that bad" Joey said.
"That's what I said when I found out. None of us did" Chandler said.
"He feels all alone in the world. He feels like nobody cares about him" Phoebe said.
"Well he's wrong. Totally wrong" Chandler said.
"But he doesn't know that" Monica said.
"What a bitch…."Rachel whispered.
"What was that?" Monica asked.
"That stupid bitch Emily is the reason why he's like this. If she didn't react the way she did and get so jealous, Ross wouldn't even be here right now" Rachel said.
"While that's all well and true, Rachel, that's not exactly helping our situation right now" Joey said.
"I guess not. I just wish someone would tell her so she could see for herself what she caused" Rachel said.
"Rachel, enough of the Emily bashing. It's getting us nowhere. We need to find a way to get our Ross back" Chandler said.
"Excuse me, I need to use the restroom" Monica said and excused herself from the group.
"Does anyone have any ideas?" Phoebe asked.
"I have no idea. We just need to show him that we love him and care about him….something I should have done a long time ago" Rachel said, looking straight ahead at nothing.
"Well, let's just let him get some rest right now and we'll figure something out later. I'm headed home" Chandler said.
"I'd better go with you" Joey said.
"Should we head out too, Rache?" Phoebe said.
"I guess so, let's just wait on Monica to finish first" Rachel said.
*10 minutes later*
Rachel looked at the clock and sighed. Where was the woman?
Monica came out of the bathroom.
"Jesus, Monica, did you have a big lunch or something?" Rachel said.
"Sorry. I just got a bit….distracted" Monica said.
"How? It's a bathroom. What's there to be distracted by…..actually, don't answer that" Rachel said, realizing that her answer might not be one she'd want to hear.
They all went out the hospital together. It was going to be an eventful week (A lot more than they had originally thought).
*The next day, 2:00PM*
The 5 all found time to show up together at the hospital and went to Ross' room, all with happy smiles on their faces.
"Hey!" Chandler said.
"How you doin', big man?" Joey said.
"We've come to cheer you up" Phoebe said.
"Whether you like it or not" Monica said.
Ross lightly chuckled. "Thank you, guys"
"Hey, you're smiling" Chandler said.
"Am I?" Ross said.
"Yes and that's the Ross we want. The Ross that know's he loved and cared for" Monica said.
"Well. I'm feeling a little better but I mean a little in the truest sense of the word" Ross said.
"Well baby steps are always a good sign" Chandler said.
"But we're looking for big giant manly steps. Like 'Fee Fi Fo Fum' and all that" Joey said, acting out the steps he was describing. That got a laugh out of Ross, he had to admit.
"Well it's good to know none of you guys changed in the last few weeks" Ross said.
"Well there's plenty more of me to go around" Joey said.
"I'll keep that in mind….Monica, I have a favor to ask" Ross said.
"What?" Monica asked.
"...Please don't tell Mom or Dad. Or Carol or Susan" Ross said.
"Why should I not tell them?" Monica asked.
"Monica, I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm just looking for a purpose" Ross said.
"We are your purpose. Mom and Dad are your purpose. Your son is your purpose. The fact that you're here right now is your purpose" Monica said.
Ross sighed. "Well, that's one way to look at it, I guess….I see it slightly differently….please don't tell any of them"
Monica sighed. "Alright. Fine"
"Thank you" Ross said.
Ross' eyes turned to Rachel. He smiled and said "Hi"
"Hey" Rachel said, moving in closer. She looked down on him with a small but genuine smile on her face.
"How are ya?" Ross asked.
Rachel giggled. "I'm fine. I should really be asking you that"
"I'm alright" Ross said.
"Um…..listen….I have something to tell you and I really want to say it to you in private" Rachel said.
Everyone looked at her oddly. In private? Just what did that mean?
Ross looked at his guests and as kindly as he could, gestured for them to leave. Everyone but Rachel groaned as they all left the room.
"Sorry….." Rachel said, sheepishly. She closed the door in front of her and went back to Ross' bedside. She kneeled down.
"What is it, Rache?" Ross asked.
"Well….It's kind of hard for me to say. I've been keeping this to myself the last month and a half and I feel like now is the probably the best time right now to say this….Ross. I…." Rachel stammered. She knew what to say but she couldn't say it.
"You what, Rachel?" Ross asked. He was getting worried.
"I...I lov-" Rachel almost said before a nurse came into the room.
"Mr. Geller. Oh. I'm sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything" The nurse said.
"Oh no, you're fine" Ross said.
Rachel frowned. Damn her for being so cowardly.
"I just wanted to inform you that a Ms. Emily Waltham is here to see you and was wanting to know if she had permission to see you. Your friends were very surprised to see her" The nurse said.
Both Ross and Rachel widened their eyes.
"E...Emily is here? Uh...yes, of course. Let her in" Ross said.
Rachel turned her head and looked at him with a shocked expression on her face. He was letting her in?
Ross noticed and simply shrugged his shoulders.
A few moments later, his ex-wife came in and ran towards him, pushing Rachel to the side.
"Oh, Ross. I heard what happened. I'm so-so very sorry" Emily said, hugging and holding him tight. Ross would hug her back but he was still restrained.
"Emily, I-" Ross tried to say until Emily's lips met his in a passionate kiss. Ross went wide-eyed at the lip lock. There wasn't exactly a way he could get away from it so he just laid back and let it happen.
When Emily parted her lips from his, she revealed her teary eyed face and held him.
"I'm so sorry. It's all my fault. I never should have left you. I should have known you had every intention of marrying me and only me. I'll never leave your side again. I swear it" Emily said.
Rachel, glaring down at the sight beneath her asked with venom in her voice "What are you doing here?"
Emily looked up and gave a glare of her own and said "I'm here to see my husband if you don't mind"
"Excuse me? Husband? Need I remind you that you divorced him a month ago?" Rachel said.
"No, I didn't. I never officially signed the divorce file and I'm sure as hell not going to sign it now. I broke it off with Collin. For good this time. I'm coming back to him so we can be together again" Emily said.
"Well that's not going to happen because I'm getting back together with him and unlike you, I actually love him" Rachel said.
Ross blinked repeatedly. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Now ladies please, I don't-" Ross tried to say.
"Shut up, Ross!" Both women said.
Ross groaned and rolled his eyes. Those three words were the story of his life.
"How dare you imply I don't love my husband!" Emily said.
"You left him and asked for a divorce 2 months after you married him" Rachel said.
"That was a mistake. I had every intention of fixing it. I was going to call him and ask if we could have a second chance" Emily said.
"Well you blew your second chance when you went off and planned a marriage with that Collin guy" Rachel said.
"I told you I blew it off with Collin and I have every intention of taking my husband back" Emily said.
Rachel scoffed. "How'd you even find out anyway?"
"Monica phoned me yesterday and told me. I got on a plane the first opportunity I had" Emily said.
"What are you talking about? Monica never left my sight yesterday. She never could have-" She stopped mid-sentence and just remembered. Her long bathroom break.
Emily looked at her, stunned.
"Excuse me, while you were babbling on about nothing, I was in the middle of kissing my husband" Emily said and kissed Ross smack in the face.
"And I was in the middle of kissing my boyfriend" Rachel said, pulling Emily from Ross and kissed Ross in her place. Ross couldn't believe what was happening. He had a dream similar to this in his teenage years….but he didn't remember it being in a hospital. The restraints were on the money though.
"How dare you kiss a married man" Emily said, pulling Rachel from Ross and smacking her in the face. Ross gaped at the scene like a trout.
"Don't smack me" Rachel said, smacking her in the face back.
"Don't lay a finger on me, you slut" Emily said.
Rachel gasped. "Oh, I'm a slut? At least I'm not going around marrying 2 different people at once, you tramp!"
"Sod off on that. I had the decency to come back to him when I found out he needed me. You were hung up on that Joshua fellow just before you found out that you were 'in love' with him" Emily said, put air quotes around 'in love'.
"Being with Joshua helped me realize how much I loved Ross" Rachel said.
"And being with Collin helped me realize how much I loved Ross" Emily retorted back.
They both turned to Ross who had been watching the heated exchange.
"Uh…..Anyone up for an afternoon coffee?" Ross asked with an embarrassed grin on his face, not sure at all what to say.
*Visitor's area*
"I'm confused…..you called Emily last night? Why?" Chandler asked Monica.
"I felt like she was the only one who could help Ross right now" Monica said.
"Well from what it sounds like in there, it sounds more like a catfight than help" Joey said.
"I love it when they sound all distressed. 'Oh. I need to see my poor Rossie'" Phoebe giggled.
Everyone looked at her oddly. Soon, they continued on with their conversation.
"So does this mean Emily is back in our lives?" Joey asked.
"Oh, I hope not. After what she did to Ross. Unforgivable" Chandler said.
"Well guys, it may not be up to us. It's all up to Ross to decide how this all ends" Monica said.
*Ross' hospital room*
Arguments filled the room and the 2 women were very close to doing more than just slapping each other.
"Ross is my husband and I'm going to be with him whether you like it or not" Emily said.
"And I can tell you that Ross is the love of my life and I'm not going to lose him to someone like you" Rachel said.
"Someone like me? Excuse me, but weren't you the one that ignored him and treated him like dirt his entire life and then started being nice to him just a few years ago?" Emily asked.
"I was a different person then. I changed" Rachel said.
"I never had to. When we first met, the night and the rest of our relationship was like magic. We went to Vermont on our first date, for Christ's sake. Did he ever do that with you?" Emily asked.
"Well...no…but-" Rachel said but Emily interrupted.
"Did he ever pour his heart out to you and then ask him to marry you after only 6 weeks of dating?" Emily asked.
"...No…..that doesn't matter! Any of it. What we had was very special and he knows it too. Or did you forget whose name he said at the altar?" Rachel said with a smug smile on her face.
That did it. A punch was thrown in Rachel's face.
A fight brewed between the two. They rumbled on the floor hitting and scratching each other.
"Emily! Rachel! Stop!" Ross said.
His pleas were drowned out by intense fighting. Seconds later, 2 security guards came in and ripped them apart.
"You dreadful bitch!" Emily said, being held by one guard.
"Cunt!" Rachel said, being held by another.
"STOP!" Ross shouted. The two women stopped going at another and looked at Ross.
"Thank you for stopping them. Can I speak with them alone, please? I swear they won't start a round 2" Ross said.
The guards looked at each other and released the two. Emily and Rachel weren't exactly sights for sore eyes. They were bruised, scratched and ruffled.
"We'll be outside just in case. If they start again, they're out of here" The guard said.
"Thank you. It won't happen again" Ross said.
The guards left the room and left the three together.
"Thank you Emily for coming. I really do appreciate it" Ross said.
"Anything for you, my love" Emily said.
Rachel sneered at the Englishwoman.
"And I thank you Rachel for comforting me" Ross said.
Rachel smiled. "I'll always be there for your, Ross. Always"
"I don't exactly know how to feel right now. I have feelings for both of you….I know I can't be with both of you but I also don't want to lose either of you from my life. You're both very, very important to me" Ross said.
Emily went to his bed and sat by his side. She ran her fingers through his head.
"You'll never lose me Ross. Ever. I'll never leave you again" Emily said.
"I never left you once, Ross. I'll never leave you ever no matter what happens" Rachel said.
"I'm glad to hear it. I want to ask a favor from the two of you if you don't mind. I know I've been asking a lot but I want just this one last thing" Ross said.
"Anything" The two women said in unison before giving a glare to each other.
"Would you please spend some time together? Actually get to know each other and stop fighting?" Ross asked.
Rachel and Emily went wide-eyed and looked at each other.
"Us?" Rachel asked.
"Spend time together?" Emily asked.
"Yes. Please. I know the two of you obviously don't like each other but I think the only reason for that is that you never really got the chance to know each other. You started off your relationship on the wrong foot and it hasn't changed since. I feel that if you just actually talk to one another, you can probably find a lot in common with each other. I'm begging you. If you won't do it for each other, do it for me" Ross said.
Emily and Rachel just stared at each other in disguest of each other. Just how in the world were they supposed to talk to each other rationally after all they've been through. They weren't sure if it was even possible.
"Well….if that's what you want Ross, I'll do what I can" Emily said.
"Same. I'll try my best to even enjoy it" Rachel said.
The two straightened themselves up. They each took a turn in kissing Ross goodbye and left the room. Ross let out a deep breath. If this was being popular with women was, it was probably for the best that he wasn't during his school years.
*Visitor's area*
Rachel and Emily went to the group who looked in shock at the 2 battered women.
"Oh my god!" Phoebe said.
"I knew it. Catfight! Rawrr!" Joey said, making tiger noises. Chandler hit him in the shoulder.
"What did the two of you do?!" Monica asked frantically.
"We….ran into a disagreement" Rachel said.
"A big disagreement" Emily said.
"Well….what happened?" Monica asked.
"Well as you know, I was in the middle of a private conversation with Ross and she comes barging in and starts kissing him uninvited. It could actually be counted as sexual harassment" Rachel said.
"That's a dirty lie. The nurse said that Ross said I could come in and he didn't at once deny me. She was the one who forced herself on a married man" Emily said.
"I'm sorry. Married? You filed for divorce, didn't you?" Chandler asked.
"Well….I did but….I couldn't bring myself to sign it. It was too painful. I actually was going to call him during the next week and see if we could try again" Emily said.
"But wait, aren't you getting married again soon?" Phoebe asked.
"No. I called it off….Really, I only accepted the marriage proposal to stop the pain of nearly divorcing Ross...I didn't have any idea of the pain Ross was going through" Emily said.
"Shows how much you know about him" Rachel whispered.
"I heard that, Green. Just where were you when he…?" Emily asked, not even daring to finish the question.
Rachel just glared and Emily glared back. If looks could kill…
"Enough! I'm sick of this. Ross is my brother and I'm worried about him and it seems like the only people who can help him understand his worth are the two of you. So shut up and start getting along with each other" Monica said with anger and a sense of plea in her voice.
After the passionate plea, Rachel and Emily and looked at each other. This time with a neutral look. Emily held her hand out and Rachel took it. They shook hands as if they were meeting for the first time ever.
"Now….go out and enjoy New York City. Go to Central Perk, go to a pizza shop, go see a movie, do anything together and get along. Please" Monica said.
They both hesitantly nodded and left the hospital, hand in hand out to the city that never slept.
Monica turned to her friends who simply looked at her with surprised looks.
"So…...does this mean we have to go back to work?" Joey asked.
*Central Perk*
Emily and Rachel sat on the sofa. Rachel had a macchiato while Emily had a latte.
They avoided eye contact as often as they could. They knew one of them had to break the ice….they each just hoped it would be the other.
Finally, Rachel gave in. "So…...how's London?"
Emily sighed, both in relief and frustration. "Well to be honest, not so good. I sort of fell under pretty bad after Ross and I's fallout. I cried myself to sleep for weeks"
"Sorry to hear that" Rachel said, nonchalantly.
"Pardon my saying but I find that hard to believe" Emily said.
"Well it's not really easy for me to get along with someone who tried to keep me from one of my best friends" Rachel said.
"You know perfectly well why I did that" Emily said.
"Well I'm sorry I don't see it that way" Rachel said.
Emily lightly chuckled. "Well, it's not exactly nice for someone to come to a wedding just to steal away someone's fiancee"
"What are you talking about? I did no such thing" Rachel said.
"Oh, don't play dumb with me. If you really wanted to come to our wedding and wish us luck like any decent wedding guest, you'd have accepted the original invitation but you came in as the wedding was about to start. You don't exactly have to be Einstein to put it all together" Emily said.
Rachel looked down and sighed. "Alright, fine. I admit it. I came to tell Ross I loved him but can you really blame me? I never had a boyfriend like Ross. He's funny, kind, sweet, caring, just a perfect guy"
"He is pretty charming, isn't he? I guess that's why we both fell for him" Emily said.
"How'd you even end up in Vermont after your first date with him anyway?" Rachel asked.
"Well, to be perfectly honest, it wasn't a perfect date at first. I was miserable at the opera because I was soaked in the rain. Thanks, by the way" Emily said, eyeing her.
Rachel gave an embarrassed look. "Sorry"
"It's fine. Anyway, after the Opera, he offered to take me to the countryside of New York and I accepted. There wasn't much to do in the flat anyway. We talked and the more we talked, the more we….clicked together I guess I could say. Anyway, his car broke down and he called for a tow yard. They said they wouldn't be able to fix it until morning so we went to the nearest bed and breakfast we could find in Vermont. The next day, we spent the day at the park, he took me to the river and he even set up a picnic for us. It was a very romantic day" Emily described.
Rachel listened, fascinated by the scenery of the description given. It did sound like a wonderful day.
"Then at the end of the day….I couldn't hold it in. I kissed him straight on the lips. Of course, I was seeing someone at home so it wasn't really appropriate but with Ross, I couldn't help myself" Emily said.
"I guess I can see why. I never really had a real boyfriend until I met Ross. I was a bit of a spoiled rich girl growing up" Rachel said.
"You don't say" Emily said, not surprised at all.
Rachel gave an annoyed look at Emily. "Right. Well….when I ran away from my first wedding, I came to see Monica who was my friend growing up. I needed someone to help me after running away and she was the only one who was ever really there for me growing up. It was actually when Ross' first wife Carol left him for Susan. The second night, we started talking and I started to really get to know him….I didn't know it then but…..I was falling in love. Soon after, he gave me the support I needed to pursue my own path in life not rooted by my father's money"
Emily listened carefully and couldn't help but be a little touched by it.
"Why did you run away?" Emily asked.
"I guess I was tired of having my life set out for me….it was like they didn't really believe that I could do anything for myself….that wasn't really the life I thought I wanted when I was a teenager. The only real reason why I was marrying Barry, who was my fiance, was so I wouldn't be living off my father anymore. When I realized that I wasn't in love with him…..I took off" Rachel explained.
"Well I guess Ross Geller is more than meets the eye, isn't he?" Emily asked.
"He really is. I regret not realizing that growing up" Rachel said.
"So…..do you want to go somewhere so we can talk, really talk? Not being insulting to one another?" Emily asked.
"That works for me" Rachel said.
After paying their bill, they walked side by side out the coffeehouse
*Monica's Apartment, 6PM
"None of you guys heard from Rachel today? Or Emily?" Monica asked.
"Nope" Chandler said.
"Nuh-uh" Joey said.
"I did but when I went over to see them, it turns out they weren't them" Phoebe said.
The group looked at her as they usually did when she said or did anything odd. That was their Phoebe alright.
"Well hopefully they'll make up before Ross' release tomorrow. They're really the only shot we have" Monica asked. She unlocked the doors to her apartment and opened it to see Rachel and Emily on the couch….laughing.
"So wait, you what?" Emily asked.
"I went out and got dressed in this Princess Leia bikini and he started saying 'Damn Chandler. The Bastard Ruined my life' then it turns out Chandler told him that sometime he saw his mother's face before sleeping with a woman" Rachel said.
Rachel and Emily shared another laugh.
Monica, Phoebe and Joey turned to Chandler with weird looks on their faces.
"...It's just a habit, that's all" Chandler said.
"So….when you and me….?" Monica asked.
"There came a short time but overall, no" Chandler said.
Monica nodded. Something to think about later. She turned to the two women.
"...Hello?" Monica asked.
Rachel and Emily turned to the group. "Oh, hi everyone"
"So….what's going on here?" Chandler said.
"Oh, well Rachel and I started talking and we started realizing that Ross was right. We didn't really get to know each other as well as we should. We talked about our childhoods, our jobs and, well, Ross of course. She also told me about the misunderstanding about Ross and I's honeymoon and how she wasn't really there to take my place" Emily said.
"It turns out we actually have a lot in common" Rachel said.
"Well that's good...so...how are you going to settle the whole Ross thing?" Monica asked.
"Well, we sort of talked about that as well. You see, we don't really want to give Ross a seemingly impossible choice so we decided the fairest thing for us to do was to not really give him an option at all" Emily said.
"What do you mean?" Monica asked.
"We're going to share him" Rachel said.
Everyone opened their mouths wide open.
"Lucky bastard" Joey said.
Chandler concurred with a nod. Monica turned and smacked Joey in the arm.
"H-how will that work?" Monica asked.
"Well, it was kind of hard for us to come up with a conclusion that benefitted us all so we decided to compromise. We'd both get Ross and we'd also share each other" Emily said.
They turned and peck each other on the lips.
"She's a real good kisser" Rachel said.
"Oh stop it, you're better" Emily said.
"I am not, your lips are simply gorgeous" Rachel said.
The two playfully bantered for a bit while the others just started, amazed.
Joey and Chandler looked at each other. This was really happening right now? Ross was going to be the luckiest guy in the world?
"Wow….I don't know why but this is kind of turning me on" Phoebe said.
"Same" Joey said.
"Agreed" Chandler said.
Monica rolled her eyes. She made her way to the couch and sat by the both of them.
"So….you're both fine with this?" Monica said.
Rachel and Emily looked at each other and nodded.
"You're not going to fight anymore?" Monica asked.
"Not at all. That's all behind us" Emily said.
"Well….alright…..I…..I guess that's fine" Monica stammered, trying to find the right words that best fit this scenario right now.
"If you don't mind, we need to go shopping for some….swimwear" Emily said.
"What? Why?" Monica asked.
"Well, you see. Ross and Emily never really got a honeymoon so…..we're all going to go together to the Bahamas for a week starting Monday. We're all going to go….together" Rachel said.
Joey and Chandler both fell to the floor, unconscious.
Rachel and Emily stepped over the bodies of the two perverted men and left them with their thoughts.
"Well….that was an unexpected ending" Monica said.
"Yeah….almost sort of sounds like a bad fanfiction" Phoebe said.
Both Phoebe and Monica looked straight ahead with grins on their faces for a long amount of time.
"Why are we looking this way?" Monica asked.
"I don't know. It just seems like we always ignore this part of the room for some reason so I kind of feel bad" Phoebe said.
"Well let's stop. It's weird" Monica said.
"Agreed" Phoebe said.
"Well, I'm beat from work so I'm going to take a bath" Monica said.
"What are we going to do about those 2?" Phoebe asked.
Monica looked at a seemingly unconscious Chandler and Joey.
"Leave 'em out in the hall. They live across the way anyway. Odds are they'll wake up before midnight...maybe" Monica said.
Phoebe dragged the 2 men out in the hall and shut the door behind her, leaving the 2 men laying on the floor.
A couple that just moved in past by. They looked at the 2 unconscious bodies and looked at each other.
"Sweetie….where did you hear about this place again?" The woman asked.
The man didn't answer the question but he just moved him and her along, both with disturbed looks on their faces.
*The next day*
"Alright….I'm going to release you from these restraints on the assumption that you won't do anything like this again. Do you agree to that?" The Doctor asked.
"Yes I do. I won't do it again" Ross said with a smile. A solemn smile but a smile nevertheless.
"Alright. That does it for me" The Doctor said. He undid the restraints and Ross could finally move his hands after 2 days.
"Sorry for the restraints to begin with….but when you go and do something like you did, you didn't really leave us much of a choice" The Doctor said.
"I understand...it's just that life never really has been a friend of mine over my time on this earth" Ross said.
"Life can be hard but no man who has friends is a failure" The Doctor said.
"I guess not. Anyway, Doctor, I don't mean to leave as soon as possible but I would like to leave now. I have some matters to attend to" Ross said.
"Of course, sir. I've been in contact with your place of employment and you're not to come into work until next Monday so you can rest" The Doctor said.
"I understand, Doctor" Ross said.
"Good. Nurse, bring in a wheelchair" The Doctor said.
The nurse did as such. Ross had to let out a chuckle.
"Doctor, there's no need. I can walk" Ross said.
"I know that, Mr. Geller but it's policy. All patients must leave in a wheelchair. It's strange but there's a reason for it" The Doctor said.
Ross sighed. "Alright"
He got up from the hospital bed and sat down in the chair and the nurse wheeled him out.
Outside the entrance of the Hospital, 6 people were out waiting for him. 6 people he knew well.
"There he is" Chandler said, walking towards him.
"The big man himself" Joey said.
"Hey guys" Ross said, he fist bumped Joey and hi fived Chandler. Phoebe also came and they gave each other a friendly kiss.
Monica pushed them both out of the way. She hugged her brother and kissed him on the cheek.
"Hey Mon" Ross said.
"Ross, I'm so happy you're alright" Monica said.
"Thanks, sis" Ross said. He rubbed his hands on her back. When the brother and sister parted, only the two women he was in a way the closest to remained.
"Hello ladies" Ross said.
"Hello, Ross…...we have a surprise for you" Rachel said.
"Oh you do? Well, let's wait until we get back to my apartment so we can talk about us first" Ross said.
"Well, actually….that's sort of the surprise. You see, we're not going to your apartment...we're going to the airport" Emily said.
"Wh….Why?" Ross said.
"Well, last night, Rachel and I were talking and realized that you were right. We were acting childish and decided that the best thing for you was for us to not really give you a choice between us" Emily said.
"...I don't understand. What do you mean?" Ross said.
"Ross Geller...You are our new boytoy" Rachel said.
Ross' eyes widened. Did he hear what he thought he heard?
"It's true, Ross. Instead of fighting over you, we are going to share you" Emily said.
Ross blinked repeatedly but inside, it was like all the wet dreams he ever had came true. "I….I don't know what to say….this is a...pretty interesting position to be in"
"Well, we knew you'd be a bit gobsmacked by this so we decided to show you something to help you make up your mind about this" Emily said.
Rachel revealed a bag she was holding. They both turned around and started ruffling for something inside it.
Ross tried to look but they kept it hidden well.
Moments later, they turned and revealed two skimpy looking bikinis.
"You see, darling….since we never really did get a honeymoon, we're going on one. Today" Emily said.
"What do you mean?" Ross asked.
"We're going to the Bahamas, Ross. You, me, and Emily" Rachel said.
"In these" Emily said in a rather seductive way, waving her new swimsuit around.
Given that Ross was a red-blooded male, he wasn't going to deny this.
"But what about my things?" Ross asked.
"Done. We raided your apartment and packed you a weeks worth of clothes….nice Batman underwear, by the way" Rachel said.
Joey and Chandler burst out laughing while the women started giggling. Ross blushed beet red.
"Oh, don't feel bad, Ross….I think they're cute" Rachel said.
"We can even do some roleplaying. I can be Catwoman, Rachel can be Harley Quinn" Emily said.
Ross' eyes were about to come out of their sockets.
"Now let's get you out of that chair and into my car and tonight, we're going to have the ride of all our lives" Rachel said, pulling Ross out of the chair.
"And that will be the start of a long and prosperous relationship" Emily said. They both dragged him to the car. He had a shocked but happy expression on his face.
As they got in and drove off, everyone looked at the car.
"So he tries to commit suicide, fails, ends up in the hospital and ends up having sex with 2 smoking hot babes…." Joey said.
"...You think that could work for us?" Chandler whispered.
"I don't know but one of us needs to get dumped and get miserable afterward or else it won't work then we call the other and say when we're going to do it. We'll get a week off work and a vacation with two gorgeous women" Joey whispered back.
"Alright, I want to go first" Chandler said.
"No, I want to go first" Joey whined.
"No, I'm going first" Chandler said.
"No, I never get any real action nowadays. You're doing Monica so it's only fair" Joey said.
"What are you two arguing about this time?" Monica asked.
"Uh, nothing. Just guy stuff" Chandler said, throwing his hands down.
"Yeah, Sports. Steak. Babes" Joey said in his usual Joey way and Chandler nodded along, the 2 obviously hiding something.
"You know what, I don't want to know. Anyway, I got to go to work….I assume you all have jobs to go to as well?" Monica asked.
Everyone nodded.
"Yeah, of course" Chandler said.
"You kiddin'? I got a long work day ahead of me" Joey said.
"Yeah and I have to do….things too" Phoebe said.
"Alright. I'll see all of you tonight" Monica said, walking away.
When she was far enough away, Chandler asked "Central Perk?"
"Central Perk" Joey and Phoebe said.
The three friends walked away to their hangout.
*1 year later*
Emily moved to New York and moved in with Ross after the unofficial honeymoon with Rachel. It was a great week for all of them. They had sex, went to the beach, had sex some more, went to dinner, had even more sex, went shopping (Not exactly Ross' favorite activity especially with women with expertise in that field), oh and did we forget to mention sex?
Ross quit his job and accepted a position as a University Professor at NYU. Rachel continued work personal shopping at the fashion designer and Emily received a new job as an advertiser for a firm near Ross' and her's apartment.
As for Ross, he almost forgot about what he did last year. It never crossed his mind anymore and he had never been happier. He was in an untraditional but great relationship with two wonderful women, had great friends and a great new job. His life was almost perfect but then again if this wasn't perfect, what was?
Monica and Chandler officially announced their going out a week after the honeymoon. Ross at first didn't take it well with Chandler's history of humping and dumping women but he eventually got around to it. They got engaged a few months ago and Ross decided Chandler would make a good husband…..somewhat.
Joey and Phoebe were still Joey and Phoebe. Joey starred in more acting careers and Phoebe wrote more songs….although the group wasn't really sure if they were number one hits.
As for everyone's relationship with Emily, they still didn't get over the fact that Emily almost divorced Ross over a complete misunderstanding but as time went by, they realized that she was in love with Ross and accepted her as the new member of the group.
They were all really one big happy family. They were a weird and somewhat mismatched family but a happy one. And little did they know….their family would soon expand.
"You're WHAT?!" Ross asked.
"You heard me, Ross. We're having a child" Emily said.
Ross widened his eyes. His life was about to get a lot more interesting…..
(A/N: I do not in anyway endorse any methods of suicide. Every humorous mention of suicide was strictly for that: Humor. If you are ever feeling suicidal, please contact a suicide hotline. You are loved. You just don't know it).