"How we need that security. How we need another soul to cling to, another body to keep us warm. To rest and trust; to give your soul in confidence: I need this. I need someone to pour myself into."
― Sylvia Plath.
Surrender to My Heart
one.
Words got around quickly.
Normally, Shikamaru's okay with those. Because normally—none of it have his name in them. Not that the newest gossip has him in it either, but it's got the name of his friend, or two, he's not very sure about the latter one very much, and then there might be a mention of a certain Uchiha. It's all very—well, what's the word again?—troublesome. The guy hasn't even been back for a month, and things are already looking... gossipy.
"Are you okay, though?" Shikamaru asks when he pays for the Tiger Lily, distracting himself from the meaning behind it, and watches as Ino barely flinches. She's strong like that. Has been stronger now.
"What? Of course I am." She says like she's insulted he'd even come to think to word that question out to her, punching the damn old machine to get back his needed change. Shikamaru doesn't interrupt—again—to remind her that the thing is his, by the end of the day, his one sole true enemy, gravely thinking about the thirty dollars that fucking thing ate up for him that one time. "Look, it's like—it's stupid, okay? It was a one-time-thing and now it's... It's a whole mess. It was like... fuck, I don't know! It's a mess. One whole damn mess. All because of one stupid—fucking—night—KAMI!"
Ino begins screeching at the cash register while Shikamaru tries his best to not comment on anything further, acknowledging lazily that while he never know the whole story, he thinks he's got a better grip on it now. "Look. I'm sorry. The machine's stupid."
Well, the machine can't hold any intelligence since it's an inanimate object, but he's corrected on Ino once before. A mistake he swore he won't repeat again. So, he settles with: "I told you," while Ino grunts, now ducking down to scrap any money Inoichi must've kept in between the drawers.
"She overheard us. When I was talking to the Fifth." Ino confesses quietly when she's bend on her knees, knelt to the ground—perfectly where he can't see her, or her face at least—and Shikamaru holds his breath, staring blankly at the Tiger Lily that's placed strategically next to the elbow he's put on the counter, a glare slowly descending itself across his expression.
"Which explained why Sakura has vanished for the past three days to the unknown." Shikamaru supplies by the end, just as Ino stands up, tossing out few coins across the counter. She's short of three more, and huffs when she sees him refusing to budge.
"I don't know, okay. I hate this." She shakes her head, "I hate being in this place."
There's a few questions Shikamaru manages to think of, but he swallows it down as soon as it surfaces, fearing for his life more so than he enjoys entertaining his curiosity. Ino sighs again, finally giving up and reaching down to her own pockets to see if she has the change he needs—"I wish she would know that I don't mean any of it to happened. We were so good, you know? We were finally, really good with each other. And I didn't even like him anymore!"
"It shows," Shikamaru says before he can stop himself, finally shaking his head after Ino only manages to toss one more coin, the other two—like the girl in question—vanishing into the unknown. Damn old cash register. One of these days, Shikamaru solemnly swears, sniding a short glare towards the machine, he will conquer it.
"And now I'm—" Ino looks down at her hands, but doesn't cry. She doesn't even waver. "I'm knocked up with that bastard's child."
Shikamaru actually takes a moment to think about it: Ino with a child. Sure, he's thought of it before. But he'd always calculated it'd be years ahead. When one of them bears a more obvious scar, perhaps. Older. More mature. Ino would probably get married first, or Chouji. He would be the last, if he could help himself. Ino would have the first child among the three of them, Shikamaru would like to be next, then Chouji would come last. But it wouldn't matter, by the end of the day, the arrangement, because their children will be a better version of them, bearing their name all the same, and it would be nice. Because they would be together somehow. Through their own respective legacies.
But—now—Shikamaru has miscalculated. He doesn't know if he likes that feeling very much. Being wrong.
"Hey, look. I know you suck at doing this, but I don't want you to worry okay. Don't kick anybody's ass. It was my choice too." Ino looks him dead in the eye, and only then did the meaning behind those words sink in. Oh. Yeah, of course. He'd yet to think about slicing Uchiha into pieces—Chouji would probably want to—but now that she's brought it up, he does sorta feel annoyed. Agitated. Like, he'd probably punch the shit out of the guy if he sees his face. But Shikamaru won't. Ino was right. If she said it had been her choice to do what she did, then he can't fully blame Sasuke. Not even if he wants to.
"Say hi to Temari for me." She says finally when Shikamaru finally picks on the Tiger Lily, and the annoyance shift immediately into something else. Girls and their damn instincts.
"Fix the cash register." He reminds her, and easily exits himself out of the shop.
Mostly, Shikamaru tries not to over-think stuff. Oh, he thinks plenty when he's supposed to, but when he's not needed, he tends to let his mind relax and focuses on the easier aspect of what life has to offer. The least lethal things. Like grass, or clouds, or sleeping. So he tries not to think too much about how he keeps twisting the Tiger Lily between his forefinger and his thumb, almost like, he's nervous or something. Or how his hands are starting to get clammy even though it's one of those colder-than-usual autumn days. Or how he might've gotten the date wrong, or time wrong, or anything wrong on that matter—when he spots a familiar twinkle of pink appear in his eyesight, before it disappears a second later, nearly fooling him that, for a moment, he might be seeing things.
He tries to focus on other things. Like the conversation with Ino, or about the unborn child inside of Ino's womb, or about the foetus' fate and whether or not he or she could survive being one of the many expected Uchihas that will carry the hope of reviving its dying clan. But those thoughts aren't strong enough, and Shikamaru dwells with the time—he still has three hours to kill, he considers—before turning his heel, pockets the Tiger Lily into one of the many pouches his standard shinobi's pants could offer and runs to a specific direction.
He finds her in the middle of a field near the Nara forest, an area where, had she walked further, she would find the river that would separate the lands.
He thinks about saying something, maybe in a way to formally announce to her of his presence, but she looks preoccupied, and it's not like she doesn't notice him, so he stands there for a couple of minute, watches while she hugs herself on one of the large branches of the willow tree.
He climbs to a branch near hers, a little higher, but that's the closest to where she is right now. "Hey," he says anyway, because he doesn't know exactly what to say, and glances at her once to see if she'd turn. She doesn't.
"Hey," she replies weakly, voice nearing to a whisper, devoid of any obvious emotions. "Did you hurt yourself, or something?"
Well, he hurt himself because he walked into his goddamn door while trying to sleepily get himself to the bathroom this morning, but he convinces her that he's convinced he's not concussed or anything, and maybe she'd smile at that. Or maybe she didn't. He doesn't know which would be better. She asks some more: "Did-did Ino send—"
"No." He cuts her off, because he doesn't want to give the pink-haired any wrong ideas. Because he doesn't want to instantly regret the decision to follow her. "I followed you. They say you've basically disappeared for three days."
"So, you were worried." She sounds sarcastic.
"Naturally." He replies without thinking much, and could practically hear the gears in her head are turning.
"Naturally." She deadpans, not buying it.
"Yes. We were teammates before, weren't we?" Shikamaru tries to say it like it's a sigh, because it's his trademark or something, and he notices that Sakura's gradually turning to him. "And you've saved my life, more than I could count. Thought I'd repay the favour."
"I'm fine." She insists typically, and he resists from rolling his eyes. Through the leaves, he catch glimpses of the sky. Shikamaru could feel his stressed muscles relaxing itself just as he leans back, his spine resting against the bark—one hair, he takes notice, falling down to his chin, escaping from the hold of his headband. He murmurs in his head of how troublesome that has become.
"Okay, good." Shikamaru responds with ease, "Then I'm glad."
"You're not..." She sounds helpless, "You're not going to go away anytime soon, are you?"
"I will," he tries to assure her, closing both of his eyes gently. "Not yet."
"Shikamaru, I—"
"You still like him." It comes out as a fact, and then Shikamaru realises this; so he opens one eye, huffs and tries again: "You—still like him?"
"I'm not discussing this with you." She scoffs, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Which, he thinks, it would probably is.
"I didn't know you still have feelings for him."
"I didn't know you care."
"I don't." Oh no, wait. Shikamaru frowns. That sounds wrong. He opens both eyes, turn to face the heat of Sakura's glower. "I'm curious."
"Curiosity kills the cat, you know."
"Hm," he acknowledges that, but also: "Good think I'm not a pet, huh."
"You. Unbelievable. Look—why does—why are you suddenly so interested? You're—are you even Shikamaru. Good lord. Just—can't people leave me alone."
Shikamaru thinks about leaving again. Then he thinks about the Tiger Lily still pocketed nicely in his pouch, and he thinks about how his stomach drops in a strange flip of anxiety. So, he says: "Ino doesn't mean it, by the way. What happened between Uchiha and her. She was—still is—a good friend."
"Drop it, Shikamaru."
"She doesn't even like him."
"Goddammit—"
"Think about it, Sakura."
"Shikamaru, I swear to God—!"
"Look, I'm just saying—" He faces, half-agitated, frowning down. "You're a smart girl, Sakura. She doesn't mean it. You know that."
Sakura doesn't immediately bite back, only glaring down before she has to turn her oddly bright green eyes away, something looking like guilt or remorse or whatever's in between flashes through her expression, and Shikamaru suddenly notes on how red she's getting. Shit. Shikamaru lands himself on the bark she's standing on, reaching out but not yet touching. "Fuck. Crap. Look, Sakura, I'm—I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean it. Don't, uh—cry."
"Of course you meant it. I heard you." She wipes at her eyes, though Shikamaru can't tell if she's actually shed a tear, turning her head away. "Shut up, Shikamaru."
"Are you—you're not—are you going to cry?" He takes a second to think back about his experiences with the opposite genders and crying, and he's suddenly afraid to think of the results. "Cause, I mean—please don't. I'd, uh... appreciate if you don't—"
"You're talking too much. It's out of character for you, don't you think?"
"Well, yes. But—" Shikamaru scratches the back of his head. "Tch. I don't want you to cry."
"Oh yeah?" In her voice, there's a mocking challenge. "What happens if I do?"
Shikamaru frowns hard at her, noticing that her gloves are a little wet, but her eyes, for the most of it, are dry. Good. "Doesn't matter. You're not."
"Crying comes like magic to me. I can do it in zero-point-three seconds—"
"Don't." He groans. Troublesome women. "Please don't."
She laughs a little—a little fake, a little real—and Shikamaru wonders how this was a good idea to begin with. Sakura starts to look at a certain direction, eyes having those far away kind of look, before she wipes her cheek, then whispers into her palm: "I'm so mad," she says, low, more to herself than to him, but it's intended for him to hear, he thinks. Though she doesn't glance his way to study his reaction. "I'm just... I'm so mad."
Right. Shikamaru ponders, then holds onto his right earring. "You want a smoke?"
She gives him a look to suggest if she's crazy, and he thinks back about the moment she shrieks into his ears when she caught him smoking in one of the hospital wards. He sighs, then shrugs a shoulder. "Fine. Do you know how to play shogi?"
Her brows shot up, and Shikamaru actually has to resist himself a grin.
"Come on," he nods towards a direction. "I'll teach you."
Author's Note: I'm pretty at one point I actually had great plans for this, now I don't know what this actually is.