The Most Unlucky Grunt
A/N:
This was something created in Ninja Chronicles: Halo, a fanfic I had posted but deleted, to ensure I wasn't breaking the rule about having author's notes as chapters when I announced the story was on hiatus.
It was funny to type, and so I re-posted it as its own story, made extensions to it, and it is no longer a crossover.
Flipyap, a member of a short, stocky, and stubby limbed race of vertebrates called Unggoy, or Grunts; slept upright against the wall on the purple metal floor of the Covenant CCS-class battlecruiser Truth and Reconciliation.
The ship was one of several that had arrived at Halo Installation 04, also known as one of the 'sacred rings' to the Covenant, in pursuit of the UNSC ship Pillar of Autumn. Damaged during the battle, the ship was forced to make an emergency landing on the ring for repairs.
The teams on-board were on standby, and had received a key prisoner known as 'Keyes'. Several teams of Humans had tried to save him, but all ended up dead.
Some feared it was only a matter of time before the 'Demon' showed up to save him.
The Grunt next to Flipyap started to whimper in a nightmare. Mutters of "demon", "run away", and "save us". He fell over and kicked out repeatedly, striking Flipyap on his side.
Flipyap's eyes snapped open and he jumped to his feet. "What?!"
The Grunt awoke with a scream. "Demon!" He jumped to his feet and ran away flailing his arms around.
The other Grunts heard him and woke with a start. Some stood in place shaking with their plasma pistols at the ready. Others ran much like they did in the battlefield when fleeing, waving their arms over their heads while they ran screaming from where they assumed the unstoppable green one was.
Flipyap quickly ran to the door leading to the room where the Elite Major was, nearly getting bowled over by panicking Grunts.
The door opened with a beep.
The noise soon woke the sleeping Elite Major, N'thasan Tedomee, from his sleep. "What?!" He stood up from the makeshift bed and saw a Grunt standing in the doorway and the others running around in the room behind him. "What's the meaning of this?! I am trying to get my sleep!" The Major wasn't a morning person at all, especially when disturbed like this.
N'thasan was a member of a race named Sangheili or Elites- a bipedal saurian race known for being tall and muscular.
Flipyap nearly jumped. "He cried 'demon'! I think it's here or something!"
Demon? That can't be right. "Who did?" He saw the Grunt looked like one who thought they were going to be punished. "Apologies, just cranky. Won't punish whoever pulled this, I imagine what the fool did...watched that movie."
The Grunt paused. "It was Kliz! He seemed to be having nightmares and kicked me awake! Them screamed 'demon'! Scared me!"
N'thasan sighed. Of all the foolhardy things to do… He gently pushed the Grunt aside and stepped into the Grunts' temporary sleeping quarters. "Order!"
That did the trick, for the Grunts came to a halt and looked at the Elite. While those not panicking stood still.
N'thasan folded his arms. "Kliz, come here."
The mentioned Grunt walked to the Elite, looking like someone who knew he was in trouble.
The Elite looked down at the Grunt. "Did you watch that movie?"
The Grunt squeaked. "Y-Yes...that was a bad idea..."
The Elite's exasperated sigh was heard across the room. "Yes it was. There's a reason Grunts of your rank are not allowed to watch it." Even his own brother of Major rank was too scared to finish that movie. That should say something about how scary it was, considering nothing else except the Demon scared him the slightest.
And that movie? The Demon 2: Unholy Slaughter, featuring the Demon tearing everyone apart, so many gruesome kills and deaths. And worse, he wasn't dead at the end, indicating the terror wasn't over.
"Everyone, back to sleep." He looked at the Grunt. "You can sleep in here, just not too close. I'd get cranky if you kicked me awake."
Kliz audibly sighed in relief. "Thank you for not punishing me." He went off to a corner and sat down.
Hope I can get a few more hours of sleep. He laid on the bed and soon was asleep again.
Flipyap and the other Grunts slept without further incident, and when time came to wake, headed to the mess hall.
Flipyap walked down the halls of the Truth and Reconciliation. He stopped at one of the side hallways, and knew it was a shortcut to the mess hall and would avoid the Jackals going down the main corridor to where he was going.
He quickly walked down the passageway.
Little did he know the floor was recently cleaned by an Elite Minor...who forgot to put the 'Caution: slippery when wet' sign stand on the floor.
Just when he reached the start of the downward ramp, Flipyap slipped and fell on his butt. He slid down the ramp flailing his arms and screaming in a high pitched voice.
The door in this particular hallway was also unusually sensitive, for its motion detectors opened the door from further away than it should have.
Flipyap slid right through the doorway at high speed, and bowled over a group of Jackals.
The Jackals knocked to the floor quickly picked themselves up.
The leader of the group, Thap Tez, snarled at Flipyap. "Dirty methane breather! You'll pay for that!"
Thap was a member of a race known as Kig-Yar, or Jackals- saurian, bipedal, bird like, though shorter than Elites.
Flipyap backed into the wall, cowering. "I-I-I'm sorry! Floor was slippery! Didn't know!"
Thap's friends shot menacing glares at the unfortunate Grunt.
Thap Tez stopped forward. "How about we teach you a lesson?!"
Down the hall, an Elite's voice echoed. "Stop! Attention!"
Flipyap noticed, still cowering. "Good! Stop and leave me alone!"
Thap chortled. "After we have taught you the lesson you richly deserve!" He pulled out his blade from the holder at his waist.
The snap-hiss of an energy sword was heard.
That was all it took, for the Jackals backed off and turned their attention to the Elite.
The Elite looked quite mad. His glowing plasma sword held by a purple hilt in his right hand, eyes narrowed, and mandibles clenched tightly. "Explain!"
Flipyap took a few steps forward. "Sorry, slipped on wet floor, Door opened and I bowled over Jackals."
The Elite sighed and deactivated his sword. "Let me check." He walked to the door, eyeing Thap who still had his blade out.
The Jackal quickly put it away. "Sorry!"
The door opened on the Elite's approach, and he saw the floor was indeed quite wet, he could almost see his reflection. "Whoever was in charge of cleaning today forgot to put the sign up..." He facepalmed with a loud sigh. "Go along, I am going to find out who was responsible for this mistake."
"Thank you!" Flipyap hurried off to the mess hall away from the Jackals almost as quickly as one would run from the Demon.
Flipyap reached the mess hall without further incident.
He quickly made his way to a door, and it opened. An energy field separated the air most of the Covenant species breathed from the methane inside the special room.
He entered, took off his mask and let it hang down his front, and took a deep breath.
The grunt quickly headed to one of the food nipples- free standing food-dispensers with long tubes and receptacles ending in a nipple.
He stood in front of one of the food nipples and pressed a switch next to the tube, however, the blue bubbling paste didn't move down the tube. He tried again, nothing.
Out of frustration, and fed up with his bad luck so far, he kicked the device multiple times. "Work, you stupid machine!"
It appeared to work, the paste started to move down the tube. But then Flipyap knew something was wrong the moment the machine shook. A torrent of the paste rushed down the tube, far too much for it to handle.
The force of the flow caused the nipple and receptacle to be blown off, striking Flipyap and sending him flying back. The paste gushed out, spraying all over the unfortunate Grunt. Moments later, the geyser became a waterfall, then seconds later trickled off to drips.
Flipyap quickly stood up, shaking his fist in the general direction of the malfunctioning food nipple device. "Blasted machine!" He walked to towels hanging on the wall, and used one to clean the goop off of himself.
Now clean, he walked to the next device with care. He pressed the button, and luckily, it worked.
The intercom crackled. "Alert! Intruders in the ship! Possibly intending to rescue this 'Captain Keyes'."
Flipyap, having finished his meal, quickly put on his mask and ran out of the room.
He heard his commander, who was near one of the doors leading out of the room. "With me!"
Flipyap joined N'thasan along with his Grunt squad members.
They ran down the halls, Flipyap noticed another Elite, Jackal, and Grunt with them. "Why are they here?"
N'thasan was quick to reply. "Like you, they had terrible luck and wanted to go with us."
It wasn't long before they reached the engine room. A squad of Elites were there as well.
Flipyap sat on the floor by a crate and turned his attention to the Elite, Grunt, and Jackal that came with them. "I heard about you having bad luck. Me as well." He told his bad luck story, the other three listening to it.
After Flipyap was done, the Elite was first to speak. "May as well share mine." He paused, obviously embarrassed. "I...watched that horror vid. The Demon 2: Unholy Slaughter. With the lights off. A bad move, for I had a nightmare, was on the bottom bunk, and disturbed one of the most short-tempered Sangheili I've known. Ropa. He always sleeps with his sword close, and I kicked his bunk hard, was having nightmares about the movie. And he didn't just scream in rage and fury, he stabbed the sword through the bunk. Good thing there was enough space, sword points burned my armor." He pointed out the two burn marks on his armor.
Flipyap eye's widened. "And I thought my commander was cranky when woken up rudely!"
The Grunt sitting on the floor to the Elite's left was next to speak. "Was helping to transport grenades in crates on an anti-gravity tray. Suffered a malfunction. Tipped over and crates fell. One's lid popped off. The grenades rolled down the hall and a ramp. And into another hall. Anyone not paying attention stepped on them and slipped. Thankfully, no booms."
Flipyap was glad to not have not been there. "Terrifying, if one of those had gone off..." He squeaked in fright and shivered.
The Jackal to the Elite's right spoke. "Not nearly as bad as the others. But I apparently slighted one of the cooks. In revenge, he left the bones in my favorite meat. Nearly broke my teeth, think one cracked."
Flipyap couldn't help but wince. "Ouch!"
Everyone stayed alert, sometimes making conversation.
Eventually, after a while, the intercom crackled. "The prisoner has been freed! All teams to the launch bays! Stop them from leaving!"
N'thasan stood up on his feet. "Everyone, with me!"
Everyone in the room headed out for one of the launch bays.
Flipyap entered the room along with the rest of his team and those that came with them. He squeaked. "Bad feeling! Bad feeling!"
He looked up to the second floor near the purple-violet control console. And saw some Elites gathered around it.
The Elite's eyes widened upon seeing the many grenades, green pineapple shaped Human and purple round Covenant, wrapped around a Jackal's dead body.
A trap placed by a UNSC marine as a very deadly final goodbye gift.
The Elite heard hissing and let loose a skyward roar.
Flipyap felt a sudden chill down his spine. He spun around and made a frantic dash for the door while waving his stubby arms.. "Run away! Run away! Trap!"
A tremendous blue and orange conflagration engulfed the Elites near the trap.
What had been a roar of anger followed by an explosion was now replaced by cries of terror.
Grunts ran everywhere in blind panic.
Jackals ran to the corners and used their arm energy shields for protection against any more traps.
Elites attempted to get order in the room, however, even their loud voices were drowned out in the cacophony of sounds.
Flipyap himself was hurled through the air. "Aiyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
An Elite's burnt and blackened corpse flew into the hapless Grunt, knocking off his methane tank.
Flipyap landed hard on the deck, looked up, and saw his methane tank a few feet away. He quickly stood up, looked upwards, and screamed while shaking his hands. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Moments later, his broken methane gear stuck to his back acted like a propellant, launching him into the air. "Someone stop me!" He flew towards the ceiling, did a half loop back to the floor. He helplessly watched as he changed course yet again, heading for the open hangar bay.
N'thasan, staggering from the blast, looked up in time to see the rocket Grunt hurtling at him. His eyes bulged out. "Wort!"
Flipyap slammed into the Elite front first, carrying the Elite with him, his expression scared and sorrowful. "Sorry! Can't stop myself!"
The Elite was too shocked to even yell at the Grunt. Soon, he started sliding off and hung onto the Grunt's legs with both hands for dear life.
Flipyap spun around uncontrollably. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Someone stop meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
N'thasan lost his grip on one of Flipyap's legs, and waved his free hand and legs widely. "Ack!"
Flipyap squeaked in his tiny voice. "Hang on!"
The Elite lost his grip and was flung away upwards. "Wort! Wort! Wooooooooorrrrrrrrrt!" He fell hundreds of feet before slamming into the ground near the ocean, dead.
Flipyap felt sadness for his fallen comrade. "Sorry! Can't stop myself!" He saw how high up he was and his eyes bulged out in fear. "Someone stop me!" The helpless Grunt hurtled towards the water. "No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He leveled out feet above the ocean's surface.
Moments later, the methane stopped gushing out of his ruptured tank. "Now what?"
He plummeted into the freezing cold water. And through the darkness saw a shape.
Out of the darkness, a gigantic shark-like creature swam towards him, only visible by its pair of glowing red eyes.
Flipyap screamed in terror, spun himself around in the water, and frantically swam away. "Noooooooooo! Don't eat meeeeeeeeeeeee!"
The creature opened its maw, revealing razor sharp teeth.
Flipyap, the most unlucky Grunt, was sucked into the creature's mouth, down its throat, and into its dark, damp, and smelly belly.
Where he would spend the next thousand years in darkness being slowly digested while being kept alive.
He didn't suffer for long, as only days later, Master Chief detonated the reactors of the Pillar of Autumn to destroy Halo, ensuring it didn't fall into Covenant hands and the Flood didn't escape.