you cover up pain with makeup for early morning press conferences
you cover up sadness with smiles with shiny perfect teeth
you cover up emptiness with drinking until you can't remember your own name
you cover up tragedy with things you craft with your own hands to prove to yourself that not everything is destruction
you cover up loneliness with friends that you make for yourself because they won't ever leave you
you cover up heartache with sleeping around and going 12/12, technically anyway
but none of it helps when you end up in a cave
you don't have time to be depressed then, because every ounce of energy you have is devoted to survival
because yes, you want to survive
you may have doubted it before, in your superficial life, but now you really want to live
so you survive and he doesn't and you go back home and it hits you like a brick wall, like the sand dune did when you fell out of the sky
cause you're still depressed
so the first thing you do (okay, maybe second, after the cheeseburger, but it doesn't count)
the first thing you do is shut down weapons production because there is enough blood on your hands, in more ways than one, and it stops now
you patch yourself up because it seems fitting that you never really had a heart
and now that you might have one, it's run on batteries, just like pretty much everything else you love
you build another one, because he told you not to waste it
so you build another one, and you're almost happy, because flying is fantastic
you save some people, and it should make a difference, but it doesn't, not really, because there's so much more you have to do still
you fall and get up a bunch more times, because you know that's what you're supposed to do
you're not sure if you're doing it for any other reason than because you're supposed to
whatever
one of the few people you love tries to kill you, and nearly succeeds
he takes everything that you have away from you
you kind of want to let him, but you don't, because you're already so far into the red you don't know if you'll see the black again
but you try
you save the girl, and you happen to make it too
you tell the world, like it'll make you feel better
(it doesn't)
your life saving device starts killing you and it's justified
a countdown, a time limit, because you've lived too long already
you're overdue
you're dying and it hurts but you deserve this because you're only going down, down
you don't want to take them with you, so you give her the company and him his own suit
you do your best to protect them and you can't, so it's almost justified that he takes everything away from you, using your tech, your ideas
but somehow you manage
you don't die, and it feels hollow, because you deserved to
but apparently some people need you
you're doing better, sort of
it's not all darkness and pain and emptiness
only some of it is
but then there are aliens and you're supposed to be on a team
but there's the man your father adored and you can't possibly measure up to him
you don't bother to correct him when he says those things about you
maybe you want to agree with him
either way, you prove him wrong, and you think it'll be over, and you're almost glad, in an odd sort of way
like a wistful longing for something new
but you fall back into the broken city and everyone seems happy to see you, so you smile and make a joke
and repeat