Same Old Lang Syne

Ridiculously Long AN, feel free to skip.-

I was done writing fan fiction. (Do you hear me Meyer, done!) I left behind unfinished fics, (and sorry to everyone who reads those, but I have absolutely no idea where they would go, and I no longer have much interest in those fandoms) but it was ok, I was still done. I had almost kicked my reading of fanfiction habit too. But then I read this stupid series called Twilight, and now I can't get the damn thing out of my head. Not just how terribly written they were or how bad they are for young girls (my boyfriend leaves me so I should throw myself off a cliff) but also that Jacob and Bella don't end up together, and I firmly believe that they should. So, I've been avoiding writing a fic for months, but it keeps bugging me, so I'm going to write it. My writing style seems to have changed a bit, which isn't all that surprising, since it's been at least 2 years since I've written fiction, so I hope it's better than it used to be, since I cringe when I read my old stuff, but it's probably not great, since it was written in about 2 hours without a Beta.

-Based on the song Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg, which I heard earlier tonight and can't get out of my head. I own nothing, not the song or Twilight (thank God.) Goes AU after Eclipse. Bella tells Jacob she doesn't love him enough to stay with him, Jacob leaves but doesn't come back, and Bella, well, you'll see. I didn't use all the lyrics, just the ones that fit.

Rating: PG-13 for language (though I'm sure I'll be writing Bella/Jacob lemons within the month.)

Met my old lover in the grocery store

The snow was falling, Christmas Eve

I stole behind her in the frozen foods,

And I touched her on the sleeve.

Jacob sighed as he walked through the grocery store, looking for the cranberries, something Rachel just had to have, otherwise Christmas just wouldn't be the same. (Frankly he thought that cranberries were a Thanksgiving food, but he wasn't about to argue with his pregnant sister.) So he had grudgingly left the house after helping to put to bed his overly excited niece, who was filled with sugar and dreams of Santa Clause, and was currently trying to navigate the extremely crowded grocery store at 9:30 at night, filled with people grabbing whatever it was that they needed to complete their meals tomorrow. It was Christmas Eve, and he just wanted to grab the food, and get the hell out of here. It wasn't that he didn't like Christmas, he wasn't a Grinch, but apart from his father, and his sister and her family, he was alone. He didn't have anyone special to share it with. More importantly, he didn't have her to share it with. Bella. The one who got away.

He still remembered the day she ripped out his heart. He had been lying in bed, his bones mending themselves, bones that had broken when he was fighting for her, fighting to keep her safe. And she had sat on the edge and told him that she loved him, but it wasn't enough, she loved him more. And then she had left. A few days later, he received her wedding invitation in the mail, and it broke him, and he ran. He ran for over a year before he finally came back home, and only then it was because he had to, because he had no choice. Sam had alpha ordered it, because Billy was getting sicker, and he needed Jacob to help him. Jacob returned home, feeling immensely guilty for not being there for his father, but his father understood, and he accepted Jake back home with open arms. As for Bella, she was gone, where exactly no one really knew. Charlie thought that she was at Dartmouth, but it was far more likely that she was somewhere more remote, learning to control her animal instincts. She was alive, (as alive as one could be when their heart wasn't beating) this he knew, because she called Charlie every couple of months. But she had never called him, and that broke him just a little bit more. Jacob shook these thoughts out of his head. It had been five years since he had last seen Bella, and her face was still the last thing he saw each night before he went to sleep.

He had dated a little, here and there, but he never found anyone who he had been on more than a couple of dates with, and, to everyone's surprise but his own, he had never imprinted, though he knew perfectly well that he never would. She was the only one for him. He sighed and turned the corner of the store, willing the thoughts of Bella to leave him alone, for just one night. He knew that he had done everything he could have, but that didn't stop her from haunting him. He scanned the shelf in front of him, trying to find the cranberries, when a smell he hadn't smelled in years assaulted his nostrils.

"No," he thought to himself. "It couldn't be." But as he turned towards the direction of the smell, he realized that it was.

"Bella," he breathed out softly.

She didn't recognize the face at first

But then her eyes flew open wide

She went to hug me and she spilled her purse

And we laughed until we cried.

He found himself walking towards her, his legs moving without conscious thought. She wasn't facing him, but was instead studying the label on a jar of something he couldn't quite make out. He reached out and touched her arm, and she screamed. The jar went flying into the air before crashing on the ground, and Jacob was so stunned to see that it was indeed her, and not some cruel trick that his mind was playing on him, that he didn't even attempt to catch it, even though his werewolf reflexes could have caught it before the jar of creamed corn splattered all over aisle nine. He could hear the pounding of her heart as she turned to face him, and that stunned him more than anything else.

"Jacob?" she said, sounding completely shocked. Her hand was over her chest, and he heard that her heart was continuing to pound, and he thought that there was no more beautiful sound in the world. "Oh my God, Jake!" she exclaimed, before rushing at him, forgetting about the slippery mess of creamed corn. She slipped before she reached him, but this time, his superhuman reflexes kicked in, and he grabbed her before she hit the slimy ground. And then he brought her to his chest, and he was hugging her, and five years of suffering suddenly meant nothing, because Bella was here and she was alive and she was chanting his name, like she couldn't believe that he was real.

"What the hell!" an extremely irritated voice exclaimed. They broke apart to see a pimply faced teenager glaring at them, and it took Jacob a moment to realize that the kid was angry about the mess. Jacob reached into his wallet, grabbed a 20, and pressed it into his hand, before grabbing a jar of cranberries and pulling Bella to the front of the store.

We took her groceries to the checkout stand

The food was totaled up and bagged

We stood there lost in our embarrassment

As the conversation dragged

We went to have ourselves a drink or two,

But couldn't find an open bar

We bought a six-pack at the liquor store

And we drank it in her car.

Jake quickly paid for the cranberries and the things in Bella's basket, and they walked outside together. He led them to his Rabbit, and they got inside. They sat in silence for a good five minutes, both too scared to speak, but Jacob decided that somebody had to, so he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.

~Jake POV

"You're alive." I mentally rolled his eyes at myself. Not that it wasn't a valid point to make, but I could have started out a little slower, rather than just jumping in.

"Yes, I'm alive," Bella replied, and I thought that the beating of her heart and those words falling from her lips were the two greatest sounds in the world.

"Why?"I asked, again without thinking. "I mean, not that I'm not glad," I hastily amended, realizing that his question sounded rather harsh. "I mean, it's the best news I've gotten in five years, but I'm curious. I mean, the last time I saw you…" I trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud, but needing to know.

"I know," she said. I waited, but that was apparently all that she was going to say

"So, what happened?" I asked her after what seemed like a suitable amount of time. She continued not to say anything, and I looked over at her. She was shaking, whether from the cold or the conversation I didn't know, so I started up the car, because while my temperature may run at 108.9, hers didn't, and we should have this conversation somewhere else anyways. I pulled out of the parking lot and drove to Bella's house, since I knew that Charlie was at Sue's tonight. (Charlie was at Sue's most nights, but he held on to the house. He said it was because they weren't officially living together, but everyone knew it was for Bella, so she'd always have somewhere to come home to, if she ever would come home.) Pulling into the driveway, I turned off the car, and got out. She did too, and we walked silently up to the front door together and I opened the door, (the door that was never locked, just in case she came home when he wasn't there and didn't have a key). We went into the living room and sat down, and she looked around the room.

"It's different," she remarked, initiating conversation for the first time since she'd slipped on the creamed corn.

"Yeah, it's different. Sue didn't like the bachelor pad look." She didn't look extremely surprised at the mention of Sue, so I assumed that Charlie had mentioned that he was dating her. She continued to look anywhere but at me, and just when I though I would burst, she spoke again.

"It was the cake," she said confusing me completely, but she continued before I could ask her to clarify. "We were planning the wedding, it was about two months after you had left, and one day we were trying to pick out a cake, and he made some excuse to the woman in the store about why he wasn't trying any of it, and I realized that I loved cake. I loved cake, and chocolate, and sunlight, and warmth, and these were things that I would never have if I became a vampire. But more than that, it was that I missed you. I missed you so bad that it ached, and I'd been denying it for two months, because you were gone, and it was because of me, because of my choice, but I couldn't deny it any longer. Edward knew as soon as we got home, because my future had disappeared, but he understood, he was happy for me." She stopped there, but I was still extremely confused.

"But, that was almost five years ago. Where have you been?"

"Dartmouth," she said simply. I looked hard at her, and she continued. "I had already hurt you so much Jake, that it didn't seem fair to you. You are the best person I know, and you deserved so much more than me, you still do. I wanted you to have a normal, happy life, with someone sweet and good and beautiful and undamaged, so I told Charlie not to tell you that I'd called off the wedding, and Billy too, and I left, because I knew that if you found out, you'd come back to me."

"Of course I would have!" I exploded, unable to take anymore. I stood up and began to pace. "God damn Bella, I have missed you every fucking day for the last five years. And now you stand here, alive, more beautiful that ever, and tell me that I could have had you? What part of that is fair to me? Did you ever stop to think that maybe I didn't want anyone else, that I would only ever want you! That I would only ever dream of you, and that you would haunt me every day, because I thought that you were dead! Jesus Christ Bella!" I fell back down on the couch, trying to calm myself down before I phased.

She moved closer to me and put her hand on my arm, soothing me. "You didn't let me finish," she said softly. "You weren't the only reason I left, though that was a big part of it. I left for me, because I was so royally fucked up, and I needed to screw my head on straight. Yes, I wanted you to have the life you deserved, without me messing it up, but I had spent so long being dependent on Edward that I needed to learn to just depend on me for a little while. So I went to Dartmouth, and I got my degree, and I learned how to live my own life."

"And now?" I asked, wondering why she was here, torturing me, if she was never going to let me have her, for my own good.

"I missed you," she said simply. "I missed you, and Charlie, and the pack, and La Push. I got my degree last week, and the second I did, I packed my bags and started driving. I just got here a couple of hours ago, and the house was empty, so I decided that I would surprise Charlie with me and a meal tomorrow, so I went to the store, and yeah," she trailed off.

"So after 5 years of nothing, you just suddenly decide to come home?" I ask, and it comes out a little harsher than I meant it, but I'm not in a very charitable mood with her.

"Well, it's a little more complicated than that, but, basically, yeah," she says softly. "It's stupid, and selfish, but, that's what it is. I love you, and I missed you, and I couldn't stay away any more, even though I should."

"And you're just hoping that I was waiting for you, huh?" I said, venom pouring from my mouth, and I have no idea why, because she is everything I've ever wanted. "I mean, I have a life you know. I could be married, have kids, and you just come back here and expect that everything is fine, that five years means nothing?" I look over at her, and her eyes fill with tears.

"Oh, God, Jake, I'm so stupid! Of course I didn't think you would wait for me! All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, and I'm glad that you are! I should never have come back, I mean, I hoped, but it was stupid, and you have a family, and I'm just going to go." She stands up rapidly, and I wonder what the hell it was she just said, because it didn't make much sense, but what is making sense is that she's heading for the door, and I'll be damned if I let her get away again. I cross over to her and take her in my arms.

"Bella," I said softly, looking into her eyes, her soft brown eyes, eyes that will always be soft brown, and all my anger at her is forgotten. "I have waited. Not intentionally, exactly, but I never found anyone else. There has only ever been you. There only ever will be you. I'm mad as hell at you for leaving, that we missed so much time together, but it doesn't matter, because you're here now, and I'm never letting you go again." And with that I bring my mouth to hers and kiss her, and she kisses me back, and its five years of sadness and longing rolled up in one long, powerful kiss. One day I know that we'll have to talk about it all, talk about the last five years of our lives apart, but right now, it's Christmas Eve, and I'm kissing the woman of my dreams, so everything else can wait. Except, apparently, my sister.

Jingle Bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, blares out of the phone in my pocket, and I break apart from her, swearing softly. I pick up the phone, cursing my sister's ridiculous ringtone, and answer it.

"Yeah," I ask irritably.

"Jake, where the hell are you? You've been gone for over two hours! All you had to do was pick up some cranberries!"

"Sorry Rach, I ran into Bella, and we've been catching up," I say nonchalantly.

"Bella, Bella Swan?" she screeches.

I hear Paul in the background. "Oh God, is the leech lover back in town, what the fuck is going on?"

"I'll be home later Rach," I say, and hang up before she can protest. I turn my attention to Bella, whose heart is pounding again.

"Jake," she begins, but I don't let her finish.

"Not tonight honey. We have tons to talk about, believe me, I know. But not tonight. Tonight, I just want to hold you." She opens her mouth, but then closes it, nodding. I lead her upstairs to her old room, the old room that hasn't changed one iota since she left, and we lay down on her small bed, and I hold her tightly, and I never plan on letting go.

-Well, there it is. I'm not overly thrilled with it, it seems sort of choppy, but I'm tired and I know that if I decide to fix it tomorrow, it will never get done. Please review and let me know what you think!