Ninja Cadets meet Rurouni Kenshin!
By: Cam Kagerou! Ha-cha-cha! [Insert Gong noise here.]
"Pochi, could you please stop skipping? It's just that it's a little… Strange."
Sakura stated, trying to look away from an overly-joyous Pochi, who acted as if they were going to Disney Land to get wasted with Madonna on a Saturday morning. This, however, was not the case-I mean, why would it be? Does Disney Land even exist in the world of anime and all that is Ninja Cadets? I doubt it. So, basically, this whole paragraph has been one shamelessly ridiculous pop-culture reference. And not a very good one, at that. But I try. At least it's not my day job. Actually-I don't even have a day job. I go to school. Something should've stopped doing in 5th grade. That's right. FIFTH. Anyway, on to the story!
Even after Sakura's unabashed comment on Pochi's… Jubilation-he continued to skip. And trot. And jump rope. But I guess it's okay, since he read ahead in the script. Yes, young Pochi is the only cadet that knows where they're going-to the setting of Rurouni Kenshin! Umm… Wait a minute… How is this possible? Ninjas and Samurai didn't even exist in the same time period. This doesn't make any sense! It's like having Sanosuke Sugara smuggle a High Definition Wide Screen Television with a Satellite Dish and Pizza Maker into Kyoto to watch scary movies on! This whole story is pure, unadulterated crap!! ARRRGGHHHH!!!! *Ahem*. Sorry about that-forgot my medication today (ed. Note: I don't even take medication! Who writes this crap?! Oh, wait-I do.)
"You know that all of my malice and bitter hatred towards this world all stem from your very existence, right?" Hayashi-the demolition man of the group-asked.
"Yep." was Pochi's innocent response.
"Good. Now stop acting abnormal before I obliterate you."
"Understood."
The gang of ninjas, or ninpo, traveled for quite a while through a long strip of lush, green forest until they reached a place they thought looked rather familiar.
"Damn. Looks like we've been going in circles." declared Kaoru, the group's instructor (not Miss Kaoru of Kenshin fame-this one's a guy, and a really cool ninja one at that.)
"So what do we do now?" Yume-the soft-spoken sword wielder of the cadets-replied.
"Don't know. Any suggestions, Matsuri? You're a part of this group too, y'know." Kaoru stated in a very sarcastic manner.
"Hey, you don't have to get all cynical on me, Kaoru-I just haven't thought of anything yet!" Matsuri stomped off to sit on a log. Matsuri was the 'seductress' of the cadets.
"Women. Okay, cadets-I guess we'll just have to call for help."
"Umm… How?" Sakura replied, perplexed as to what Kaoru had I mind.
"Well, does anyone have any change?"
"I do." Hayashi said quietly, "I mugged some kid yesterday and left his lunch money in my pants." He handed Kaoru the pocket change.
"That's all fine and good-but how's that gonna help us?!" Sakura was becoming impatient.
"Well, I figure that we'll need some cash if we're gonna use that Phone Booth over there." Kaoru pointed to a small Phone Booth behind a tree covered in moss up ahead.
"What?!" Sakura looked to where Kaoru was pointing, and sure enough, there was an old looking Phone Booth sitting behind a tree. Sakura looked at Hayashi, who gave her a 'I have no frickin' clue' shrug and sat down, Indian style, on the cold, damp ground. She looked at the Booth again, and this time, she could swear she saw something moving inside it. She squinted.
"What in the…." Before she could finish her sentence, a fat little man in red, blue and yellow spandex fell out of the booth-seemingly having trouble putting his left shoe on. She held in a laugh, afraid of hurting his feelings.
"God… Mother.. Damn waistline… Can't see… Arghh!" The fat man wriggled around on the ground, not being able put on his left shoe still.
"Umm… Sir? Excuse me? I was just…" Sakura started.
"You were just what?! What the hell is it?! Got a problem?! Huh?! I don't think you wanna mess with me, missy! For I am… Supa Man!" He hollered.
"Super Man? You don't LOOK like Super Man." Pochi said, suspiciously.
"That's 'cause I'm not, moron-I said SUPA Man. Not SUPER. Get it? Got it? Good."
"You're really rude, y'know that?" Sakura stated.
"Really? Well… I DON'T CARE!!!" He yelled; making the veins in his neck grow to inhumane sizes.
"Now, I gotta go save people and crap for money-I don't EVER wanna see your faces again or I'll pulverize ya'!" He screeched before hopping off through the forest.
"Geez, what a crackpot!" Kaoru said, after the midget had left.
"I couldn't agree with you more." Sakura replied, watching in utter disgust as the fat little whacko's butt bounced like a pile of jelly whenever he jumped over a fallen tree, "Let's hope we never see THAT guy again."
Pochi walked over to the Phone Booth, inspecting it. Sakura watched, befuddled as to what Pochi was looking for. Hayashi just cocked his head back and let out a horrible sigh. Matsuri looked over.
"Something bothering you, Hayashi?" Matsuri questioned.
"None of your damned business, woman." Hayashi replied coldly.
"Why is everybody being so rude to me today? I was just being polite!"
"Sorry, it's just that… This is getting a little ridiculous. I mean, what are we even doing here? We never listened to Pochi before-why are we listening to him now? He's just leading us on a wild goose chase-one that doesn't even have a goose!"
"I don't know-I guess we should just wait it out. Kaoru seems to think Pochi's doing fine.
"Pochi, my man-find any clues?" Kaoru asked. Sakura's eyes became fiery with rage.
"What are you TALKING about?! What clues?! Where are we going and WHY?! THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!" She was now getting violent.
"Well, at least Sakura has kept her sanity throughout this escapade." Matsuri stated. Hayashi looked at Pochi, who had donned a trench coat and a spy glass now.
"We don't have escapades-we have fiascos."
By: Cam Kagerou! Ha-cha-cha! [Insert Gong noise here.]
"Pochi, could you please stop skipping? It's just that it's a little… Strange."
Sakura stated, trying to look away from an overly-joyous Pochi, who acted as if they were going to Disney Land to get wasted with Madonna on a Saturday morning. This, however, was not the case-I mean, why would it be? Does Disney Land even exist in the world of anime and all that is Ninja Cadets? I doubt it. So, basically, this whole paragraph has been one shamelessly ridiculous pop-culture reference. And not a very good one, at that. But I try. At least it's not my day job. Actually-I don't even have a day job. I go to school. Something should've stopped doing in 5th grade. That's right. FIFTH. Anyway, on to the story!
Even after Sakura's unabashed comment on Pochi's… Jubilation-he continued to skip. And trot. And jump rope. But I guess it's okay, since he read ahead in the script. Yes, young Pochi is the only cadet that knows where they're going-to the setting of Rurouni Kenshin! Umm… Wait a minute… How is this possible? Ninjas and Samurai didn't even exist in the same time period. This doesn't make any sense! It's like having Sanosuke Sugara smuggle a High Definition Wide Screen Television with a Satellite Dish and Pizza Maker into Kyoto to watch scary movies on! This whole story is pure, unadulterated crap!! ARRRGGHHHH!!!! *Ahem*. Sorry about that-forgot my medication today (ed. Note: I don't even take medication! Who writes this crap?! Oh, wait-I do.)
"You know that all of my malice and bitter hatred towards this world all stem from your very existence, right?" Hayashi-the demolition man of the group-asked.
"Yep." was Pochi's innocent response.
"Good. Now stop acting abnormal before I obliterate you."
"Understood."
The gang of ninjas, or ninpo, traveled for quite a while through a long strip of lush, green forest until they reached a place they thought looked rather familiar.
"Damn. Looks like we've been going in circles." declared Kaoru, the group's instructor (not Miss Kaoru of Kenshin fame-this one's a guy, and a really cool ninja one at that.)
"So what do we do now?" Yume-the soft-spoken sword wielder of the cadets-replied.
"Don't know. Any suggestions, Matsuri? You're a part of this group too, y'know." Kaoru stated in a very sarcastic manner.
"Hey, you don't have to get all cynical on me, Kaoru-I just haven't thought of anything yet!" Matsuri stomped off to sit on a log. Matsuri was the 'seductress' of the cadets.
"Women. Okay, cadets-I guess we'll just have to call for help."
"Umm… How?" Sakura replied, perplexed as to what Kaoru had I mind.
"Well, does anyone have any change?"
"I do." Hayashi said quietly, "I mugged some kid yesterday and left his lunch money in my pants." He handed Kaoru the pocket change.
"That's all fine and good-but how's that gonna help us?!" Sakura was becoming impatient.
"Well, I figure that we'll need some cash if we're gonna use that Phone Booth over there." Kaoru pointed to a small Phone Booth behind a tree covered in moss up ahead.
"What?!" Sakura looked to where Kaoru was pointing, and sure enough, there was an old looking Phone Booth sitting behind a tree. Sakura looked at Hayashi, who gave her a 'I have no frickin' clue' shrug and sat down, Indian style, on the cold, damp ground. She looked at the Booth again, and this time, she could swear she saw something moving inside it. She squinted.
"What in the…." Before she could finish her sentence, a fat little man in red, blue and yellow spandex fell out of the booth-seemingly having trouble putting his left shoe on. She held in a laugh, afraid of hurting his feelings.
"God… Mother.. Damn waistline… Can't see… Arghh!" The fat man wriggled around on the ground, not being able put on his left shoe still.
"Umm… Sir? Excuse me? I was just…" Sakura started.
"You were just what?! What the hell is it?! Got a problem?! Huh?! I don't think you wanna mess with me, missy! For I am… Supa Man!" He hollered.
"Super Man? You don't LOOK like Super Man." Pochi said, suspiciously.
"That's 'cause I'm not, moron-I said SUPA Man. Not SUPER. Get it? Got it? Good."
"You're really rude, y'know that?" Sakura stated.
"Really? Well… I DON'T CARE!!!" He yelled; making the veins in his neck grow to inhumane sizes.
"Now, I gotta go save people and crap for money-I don't EVER wanna see your faces again or I'll pulverize ya'!" He screeched before hopping off through the forest.
"Geez, what a crackpot!" Kaoru said, after the midget had left.
"I couldn't agree with you more." Sakura replied, watching in utter disgust as the fat little whacko's butt bounced like a pile of jelly whenever he jumped over a fallen tree, "Let's hope we never see THAT guy again."
Pochi walked over to the Phone Booth, inspecting it. Sakura watched, befuddled as to what Pochi was looking for. Hayashi just cocked his head back and let out a horrible sigh. Matsuri looked over.
"Something bothering you, Hayashi?" Matsuri questioned.
"None of your damned business, woman." Hayashi replied coldly.
"Why is everybody being so rude to me today? I was just being polite!"
"Sorry, it's just that… This is getting a little ridiculous. I mean, what are we even doing here? We never listened to Pochi before-why are we listening to him now? He's just leading us on a wild goose chase-one that doesn't even have a goose!"
"I don't know-I guess we should just wait it out. Kaoru seems to think Pochi's doing fine.
"Pochi, my man-find any clues?" Kaoru asked. Sakura's eyes became fiery with rage.
"What are you TALKING about?! What clues?! Where are we going and WHY?! THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!" She was now getting violent.
"Well, at least Sakura has kept her sanity throughout this escapade." Matsuri stated. Hayashi looked at Pochi, who had donned a trench coat and a spy glass now.
"We don't have escapades-we have fiascos."