Prologue
Goodbye. I've heard it so many times yet it has never hurt me this much. I heard it from Charlie, my father, when I left Forks to move to Arizona with Renee, my mother and Phil, my step father, I also heard it from my best friend Alice and the rest of her family when I left. I also heard one feeble, choked up goodbye from Edward, my first love.
Edward who told me his heart beat only for me. Edward who told me we could try to have a long distance relationship. Edward whose face, when I told him it wouldn't work is permanently etched in my mind. It's there in class, at the dinner table, at the mall, it's everywhere. It's in my dreams once they become nightmares.
I will never forgive myself for what I did to him. We lost touch after that day. We didn't put any effort into trying to stay in touch. I had told him it wouldn't work because I truly believed it wouldn't, though I do not regret it. I kept in touch with Alice at first. Our conversations consisted of how we both were doing, then how Edward was doing, who was quickly deteriorating, as were mine and Alice's conversations. We eventually lost touch. It saddened me that I lost my best friend, but I learned to deal with it. I found new friends, and I was certain she did too.
My last goodbyes are what make my current goodbye so painful. My mother and Phil are the ones saying it. They want to travel to pursue Phil's "career" as a baseball player, so I have to go live with my father now, in Forks. Forks, where Alice the best friend I forgot, and Edward the boy whose heart I broke, both live. I need to leave so my mother will be happy, but I cannot prepare myself to face those who I once hurt. I hope I can befriend Alice again, but I don't think I will be so lucky with Edward.
When I left, Edward sunk into a dark hole. He secluded himself to his room and threw himself into his music. I could sometimes hear his piano in the background of the phone calls between Alice and I. They were low and sad, but at the same time they were sharp and angry. I knew they were meant for me. I hate myself for being the cause of his hatred and depression.
I just hope that he has moved on. I'm seventeen now and have grown much since I was the small fourteen year old who was hopelessly in love, even if I didn't fully understand what it was at the time. I have grown into my body and broke out of my shell. I am now confident and gutsy. I hope that Edward has grown too and my return won't re-ignite the anger and sadness in which he lived.
There's only one year until I am eighteen and can leave Forks again. If Alice and I cannot be friends, one year is not long to suffer. I believe I deserve any pain inflicted on me. I know first hand that other have hurt and suffered longer and harder because of me. I hope that this time I can leave knowing I haven't hurt anyone, and without the sad goodbyes.