So this is my first shot at an NCIS fic and I hope I did it justice :) In this story Tony and Kate were just friends and Tony is with Ziva. It's also my first time writing about one of my OTP's :) Hope you like it :)
*Tony P.O.V*
I slam back another vodka. God it burns! How many is that? I don't know, three? Four? Five? The one number that I wont forget, no matter how many vodkas I neck, is ten. Ten, that's how many years its been since Kate died. Ten years today. Somewhere in the background I hear my phone ringing but there is no way I'm answering it, I'll face Gibbs tomorrow but I can't right now. I spent the day 'doing paperwork', all I really did was think about Kate. Everyone was quiet all day, even Ziva, she didn't even know Kate but she could see how close she was to all of us. Abby was playing weird music, very un-Abby like music, Ducky didn't tell stories, McGee did more rambling and stuttering than usual an barely stopped typing even though we don't have an open case and Gibbs? He was nice again, the only time he gets like this is on this day every year. He still blames himself, he thinks he should've killed Ari long before he got to Kate but he only lets it show once a year. Truth is we're all to blame, we all let him get away.
A few more vodkas later and I hear the doorbell ring. God someone really wants to get in contact with me. Screw 'em, I don't want to face people tonight. Next I hear a key in the door. Ziva. Her calling and ringing the doorbell was to give me a warning it was her, I should've known. She knows what day today is. "Tony?" I hear her call out.
"In here!" I slur a little but she gets the jist of what I'm saying. Then she comes into sight, she really is stunning, how did it take me so long to notice? But I do have her now, we broke rule 12 and it's been amazing ever since, Gibbs was furious but he came round to the idea. Eventually.
"Oh Tony, look at you..."
*Ziva P.O.V*
He's a mess, I've seen him bad before but never this bad. He's been crying, a lot. He's eyes are all red and bloodshot. His hair is all over the place as if he's been running his hands through it a lot. There's blood all over his right hand and I quickly notice that he's punched the wall beside him. There's also a bottle of vodka on the table with a sizeable amount gone. He's nowhere near drunk but he is in a state.
"Let me look at your hand, clean it up for you." He's close to crying again so I grab some paper towels, wet them, sit in the chair next to him, take his hand and start to clean it. He'll talk when he's ready.
Maybe five minutes later he finally opens up "She was my sister Ziva. She really was. We definitely fought like brother and sister but we had each others backs, well she had mine, I let her die. Ziva I can still feel her blood on my face, hot and sticky. I wish you could've met her, she was amazing, I mean we fought constantly but we were best friends and she was like a sister to me, I've always wondered if she thought the same. I remember so much about her. You know the way I can't eat chinese with chopsticks? Well she kept a packet of plastic forks in her desk for when we got takeout because this one time I stuck my hands in her food and she thought it was 'disgusting'"
I look up an there are tears streaming down his face, I've never seen Tony cry. He gives a little laugh at the memory of eating Kate's food with his hands but his face turns serious again.
"That was just a little thing. Do you remember the time I got the plague and had to be put into isolation? She stayed with me in there even after she'd been told she didn't have it. She stayed even though she could have got it, she didn't want me to die alone. I never got to thank her for that 'cos two weeks later she was dead."
He's told me all these stories before but I let him tell me again, if it makes him feel better he can talk all night. How did I not anticipate he'd be this bad? Gibbs tried to warn me when I left work but I took no notice, I mean this is Tony! Now it makes sense why he asked me if I was going to Tony's and when I said I was he warned me how bad he'd be. Gibbs is the one who cleans him up every year.
"We always annoyed McGee, you think I'm bad now you should've seen me back then. Sometimes Kate would join me, that was when it was the most fun 'cos Probie trusted Kate. Hah, sucker. He's not a bad guy though, McGee. Mainly though we just annoyed and bullied each other, she had a mean elbow let me tell you!"
The tears are now racing down his tear-stained cheeks. I want to reach over and wipe them away. I want to hold him, he looks so fragile, vulnerable, broken. I never imagined Tony could look this broken but he does. My wonderful Tony who has changed my life. Helped me get away from Mossad, helped me see there's more to life than killing people. He may annoy me by correcting my diction all the time but he did save me.
"We were always getting on each others nerves. She would annoy me about my diet and my sleeping around and she would get annoyed by my constant movie references and my 'invasion of personal space'. Although, she was a very private person, I knew her for two years and was never at her house. Did you know that? Then there was the teasing. She would tease me about 'tonguing a transsexual' and before you ask, yes that did happen but I was taking one for the team! Then I went on spring break with the guys and I found that picture of her when she won the Wet T-Shirt Contest '94. She never heard the end of that one!"
He is starting to sob but holds it back to continue remembering his lost friend.
"It was definitely a love/hate relationship. I mean at one stage we had to use Ducky as a counsellor! But I felt like I had to protect her and I failed her, big time. I let Ari kill her, we all did. She was my little sister Ziva and big brothers protect their little sisters. Me snooping around to find out her boyfriends was so that I could make sure they were worthy. I really did care about her Ziva"
Saying the last line he looks into my eyes for the first time and I see true pain. He really did care about Caitlin Todd. So I stand up, walk over to him and cradle his head into my chest. "Oh Tony, I know you did."
"The night after she died I went down to the morgue to say goodbye to her, I don't know where I got the strength. Seeing her lying there on that slab, her skin pale and cold. It was horrible Ziva, horrible..."
He keeps repeating the word "horrible" over and over again as if it will change the meaning the more he says it. It kills me to see him like this. I realise, here in this moment, I love him.
*Tony P.O.V*
I feel Ziva's comforting hand rubbing circles on my back and I can hear her faintly whispering "Shh Tony, it's going to be O.K, don't worry" this is a big difference to usual. Usually I relive all these memories all on my own and around 1a.m Gibbs comes over, sits in the chair Ziva was just in, has a bourbon or two, listens to my cry and rant and rave then puts me to bed to sleep it off. The next day he doesn't mind when I come in late and looking like I've been dragged through a bush. He doesn't say anything and neither do I. But this year its all different. I have Ziva. She really has changed me. I don't want to sleep around anymore. She's beautiful, funny, smart, everything a guy could want. I'm a very lucky man. It's in this moment that I realise I don't want to do this without her every year, I don't want to do anything without her. I love her. So I compose myself and start talking again.
"Then you waltzed into my life. You were the first woman who wasn't my mother that intimidated me and it was Kate who spotted that. You were intimidating and beautiful but I'll admit it, at first I didn't like you. I didn't trust you because of who your Daddy is, then it felt like you were trying to take Kate's place but I was so wrong, you are a very different woman to Kate. When I finally realised that and got to know you, I really liked you. You are a wonderful, intelligent, smart, beautiful woman and Ziva David, I love you."
"I love you too Tony."
Thanks for reading, hoped you like it, please review :)