"What?" out of the corner of his eye, he can see her shaking her head. Her big brown eyes are brimming with tears. Not now, he can't help but think, any other time but now. She hasn't even spoken yet and he can feel his resolve crumbling, "What is it? What?"
"Nothing," she says softly, blinking causing tears to fall from her eye and trickles down her face. He had been so sure, his mind so set in stone. He would do it, all over again, just so he wouldn't have to go through it alone. The guilt as the sky burned with the fire of Gallifrey, the torture of having to listen to the millions of people screaming for mercy and the endless years of self-hatred and wishing that he too had burned with them. But that was and would be the price he pays for this unforgivable act of destruction.
"No," he murmurs, casting a glance at the two incarnations of his past self. The War Doctor looks forwards determined to commit this crime while his tenth incarnation is too staring at Clara. He knows what it's like to live a life after this act of mass genocide; he'd do anything to find a way out, "It's something, tell me."
At this point he can't tell if he's stalling or not. But all he knows is that Clara can't bear to see what is going to happen, and that breaks his heart. He watches as she swallows before speaking again.
"You told me you wiped out your own people I just…I never pictured you doing it…that's all," her voice cracks slightly as she finishes the sentence. He feels all his will power turn to dust and he lets his hand slide of the button. It all seems so wrong and the guilt returns to the pit of his stomach.
She thinks I'm a monster; she can't stand the sight of me. Just look at her, she hates you. The poisonous thoughts cloud his mind. Suddenly the scene shifts, the room grows black before morphing itself into Gallifrey; Arcadia to be exact. Suddenly it seems so much more real, he doesn't remember this, and this isn't supposed to happen! He can't see the people he's about to kill, the lives he's about to take and the civilisation he's about to end.
There's children, oh god the children, two point four seven billion children to be exact. They have futures, infinite possibilities ahead of them and he's just going to take that away again.
"What's happening?" the frightened whisper comes from Clara; he wants to go comfort her but he's too transfixed on what's around him.
"Nothing," The War Doctor answers for him, he isn't as affected by this as his future selves. He's made for war, he's been fashioned into a soldier and he can stomach it. Whereas the sight of this is trying to bring The Eleventh Doctor to his knees, "It's a projection."
"I remember this," another horrified whisper from Clara. He blinks and his eyes find her in the damage standing only a few feet from him. Of course, how could he forget? When Clara entered his timestream one or more of her incarnations must've been involved in the time war. Her feelings must be similar to his, but god knows what it's doing to her right now, he's had centuries to forget the horrors and he's struggling to keep it together. Clara has had a mere matter of weeks and here she is being thrown right back into her worst nightmare, "Oh god I remember this."
"How can you remember this?" The Tenth Doctor asks bemused and perplexed. But his future self just ignores him and strides forward towards Clara. He placed his hand on her shoulder making her jump and spin around to face him. Her eyes are large and their pupils dilated, he can see her lips quivering and even though his touch is light she still trembles.
"I've been here before," Clara whimpered looking anywhere but the Doctor, "I f-fought in the war, I saw them die…everyone die and t-then there was the Dalek and i-it was just me I-I."
Waves of tears fall from her eyes and he reaches out and pulls her into his embrace, cradling her head against his chest as she sobs.
"It's gone, it wasn't real," he reminds her gently, stroking the hair on the back of her head.
"It was real," she says, her voice losing the wobbling edge, "So many people died in that war, my friends, children, and people with nothing and everything to live for."
She looks up at the Doctor, painfully voicing all of his concerns about his decision. Can't you see I hate what I'm about to do? Can't you see that it's killing me? He desperately wants to tell her but he can't say those things out loud. There is no other way.
"I died in that war Doctor," her voice is strained and it's paining him to hear it, giving him just another doubt to add to the countless others floating about in his head. Don't say it, please don't say it, he's begging her in his mind not to tell him the one thing that will change his heart completely, "You killed me."
He feels his heart sink, and he shook his head sadly looking down at her. She was still shaking under the weight of the memories that had resurface around them, they could all hear the screams, the children crying, the people begging to be spared.
"What do you mean you died in the time war?" The Tenth Doctor asks, having heard the whole exchange.
He expected Clara to answer but she was still staring at the Eleventh so it was up to him to explain.
"I…well we, had to go to Trenzalore. The place where we're buried, the place I'm never supposed to go," he turned away from Clara to face himself, "There was my grave and The Great Intelligence. He entered my timestream and began to stop every victory I'd ever made, destroy every world I'd ever saved and kill every life I'd ever preserved. I couldn't stop him, the paradox was too strong. Time was being rewritten and I couldn't stop it. Clara entered my timestream, stopping the Great Intelligence and saving me, us every time we needed."
Even though she's still shaking her reluctantly lets go and turns to face both look dumbstruck and slightly conflicted. The War Doctor's resolve holds though as he turns back to the button leaving his future selves confused as to what they should do.
"I can do it on my own its fine," he said is voice even more gruff than usual.
"You can't!" Clara exclaims taking a step forward her eyes still shining, "Look at them!"
Her eyes have filled with tears again, leaving the Doctor wanting to reach out but worried that she'll despise his actions and choices.
"There's no other way," The War Doctor growls, his hands positioned atop the button.
"He's right. There isn't another way there never was," the eleventh incarnation feels his own eyes stinging with unshed tears, "Either I destroy my own people or let the universe burn."
"We have to do this," the tenth agrees, even though his face looks disgusted at himself.
"Look at you," Clara says softly as the Eleventh Doctor returns to stand with his other incarnations, "The warrior, the hero and you…my doctor."
His eyes flicker to the floor as a tear falls down his face, and he takes a step towards her.
"Have you forgotten what that means? A doctor is supposed to save people not kill them," her voice is quiet and thick with emotion.
"But what can I do Clara?" he pleads for an answer, wiping the tear from his cheek only for it to be replaced by another. He's desperate for a way out, can't she see that? I need you to tell me what to do.
"Anything, anything but this," she whispers, placing one hand on his cheek.
"There is nothing else, I'm meant to be alone in this universe. I wish there was something else," he croaks, feeling the hot tears rushing down his face.
And then she leans in and presses her lips to his. There's nothing but sadness and pain in the action but it conveys so much more. It's the forgiveness that he can never have from his people, the anguish they both feel for their destruction and the regret for his choices. It's quick and over before he can collect his thoughts and courage. The scene fades back into the dull and dusty shack and the moment is still present.
As subtly as he can, he dries his face and turns to face him again. Despite the situation the Tenth Doctor gives him a little smirk as if to say; well done! But under that mask the confliction and distress is still clear. The War Doctor is indifferent to what has just happened but still looks hesitant.
The Eleventh shrugs as though to say; well why not? But that's not received well.
"We can't just change our own history!" the Tenth Doctor objects incredulously.
"We change history all the time, this isn't just changing history. This…is far worse," the Eleventh frowns walking over to meet them.
"And what's that exactly?" The War Doctor looks up at him, a strand a hope woven into his voice. There's a pause as everyone looks on at him confused.
"Gentlemen, I've had four hundred years to think about this," a small smile spreads along his lips as he talks, "And…I change my mind."
He glances at Clara to see her nod and give a small smile of encouragement. With two very confused men watching he pulls out he sonic and makes the button re-enter the box it arrived in.
"But the whole universe is still going to burn, there's still a billion billion daleks out there attacking," The War Doctor complains as though his future selves are complete idiots.
But the Eleventh Doctor is two steps ahead as he begins to pace the length of the room.
"Oh yes there is, there is," he starts, a laughing tone entering his voice as he passes Clara who looks positively jubilant.
"But, there's something those billion billion daleks don't know," the Tenth incarnation finally catches on. However the War Doctor is still slow on the uptake.
"Because if they did they'd probably send for reinforcements!" he's excited now and there's no hiding it.
"What? What don't they know?" Clara hasn't quite grasped what they're talking about but there's no denying her joy that the Doctors have decided against committing genocide.
"This time there's three of us," the Eleventh Doctor gives a bark of amusement as he claps his hands together.
"Oh!" The War Doctor gives a cry as though he should have realised it earlier, "Of course! That is good, that is brilliant!"
"Yes! I'm getting that too!" the Tenth Doctor fits in the final piece of the puzzle and it all clicks into place.
Clara beams and runs to hug her Doctor, jumping into his arms and letting him spin her around.
"Fantastic!" she says when he puts her down, "Absolutely fantastic!"
"I've been thinking about it for centuries!" The Eleventh smiles, making an odd hand gesture as he revels in his success.
"She didn't just show me any old future! She showed me exactly the future I needed!" The War Doctor cries confusing the other three.
"Eh? Who showed you?" the Eleventh asks but he's still basking in glee.
"Bad Wolf girl I could kiss you!" he gestures to the sky, smiling all the while. But the other two doctors freeze.
"Sorry did you just say Bad Wolf?" the Tenth Doctor looks as though someone has it him in the face. And the Eleventh too is looking shocked but with a hint of wariness about it.
"So what are we doing what's the plan?" Clara asks choosing to ignore what the Tenth Doctor had just said.
"Bad Wolf?" the Eleventh Doctor murmurs, "Impossible."
His face returns back to the conversation while the Tenth Doctor's eyes are darting around as though he's looking for something.
"We're going to freeze Gallifrey in a single moment, a slice of time," The War Doctor explains.
"Just like a painting," the Eleventh Doctor finished.
"Bad Wolf? Are you sure it was Bad Wolf?" the Tenth Doctor interrupts.
"Sure as I'll ever be," The War Doctor is taken aback.
"Who said it?" the Tenth looks wild now and desperate as he advances on his part incarnation.
"Stop it," the Eleventh places his hand on the Tenth's chest to stop him, "Nothing good ever comes from those words you know that."
Despite looking the youngest, something in his voice and his eyes makes him sound ancient.
"Don't you want to tell her," through gritted teeth the Tenth speaks," Don't you want to say goodbye?"
"Every day. But it's impossible you know it is," he growled back, leaving Clara and the War Doctor trying to work out what their words meant. The Tenth Doctor looks defeated and steps down before slinking off back into his TARDIS.
"Might as well do this then," his voice is still determined as he shuts the door behind him but the happiness has left it.
"Come along Clara," the Eleventh grabs her hand and leads her into the TARDIS.
Once inside she turns to him.
"What was that about?" she asked, drying her face even though the tears had stopped long ago.
"Nothing," he was unsure whether she was referring to the kiss or the whole Bad Wolf situation, but thought it best to leave it at that.
There was a brief moment of silence as she stepped over to next to where he stood.
"I'm so proud of you," she said softly, entwining her hand in his.
"I didn't just do it for them Clara, I did it for you too," he smiled down at her before flicking a switch on the console and calling out;
"Geronimo!"