Title: There's Just Something
Author:AlexCabotIsQueen
Summary: Goren's thoughts on everyone's favorite villain.
A/N: This is my first CI fanfic...so be gentle. And uh, it's a little unusual.
Goren POV
She always gets away. Dammit all to hell! How? How on Earth does she always slip through my fingers like the sand. And yet...she stays with me. I think that. I don't know what to think.
I remember first meeting her. Calling herself Elizabeth. I should have seen right through it. But I was taken in by her smile. I should have known that this one. This one was going to be trouble.
And that first interrogation, when we first engaged in the familiar dance we now share. The give and take. The truth and nothing but. She found my deepest secret and tried to manipulate me. Just like I do to every other person that's sat across the table. It was unreal how formidable an opponent she was. I thought...going to be a shame that she's going to prison. She hated being confronted with the truth. She tried to deny who she was but. I knew that woman was and is Nicole Wallace.
Turns out I was wrong, at least about the going to prison part. Doesn't happened to me very often. She got away with it. Walked away, presumably never to be heard from again. That would have been the smart thing to do.
I tried to let her out of my mind. But in the stray moments, my mind would find her. I could hear her voice...asking about my mother...telling her what I wanted. Then hearing the fear in her voice when I asked about her father. The uneasy tone as she tried to lie about being a victim. To be honest, some part of me wanted to find that little girl that had lost her innocence and tell her it wasn't her fault. Maybe that would have saved a few lives.
I knew I wouldn't be able to forget her. So, in what spare time I had. I found out all I could about her. Who she was, what she had done...which in and of itself is pretty terrifying. And just when I thought my thirst for her was quenched, she reappeared.
I was just eating dinner after the most embarrassing days of my life, then all of a sudden, I heard her say hello. And there say was, standing in front of me. Rubbing it in my face that she was free and had found someone. I followed her outside. I had to see it.
That man would have done anything for her. No matter what we told him; he wouldn't stop protecting her. Even though she was a murderer. I knew we had to catch her in this scheme. Then, there we were again. Just she and I. Locked into the dance again. And then, I made the big gamble. With our little deception.
I remember her smile when I had her warm hand in mine.
"Is it everything you hoped for and more?"
I pushed her advances out of the way. I got her. I made her say she was Nicole. Finally. Hopefully, we could stop her this time. And again, she slipped away.
I think I knew she would come back. If for nothing else, for me. I don't know why she's formed this attachment. Maybe it's an obsession. A man she can't control. She's intrigued by what she can't control.
We continued on. And then, out of the blue. There she was again. Deceiving. Manipulating. Just for her own personal gain.
She even asked for a truce. Wanted me to back off of her lover. Because she had changed.
I saw through it. I knew what she was. What I needed to find out is what she was up to...
Unfortunately, it was at the cost of another life. They thought Nicole was dead this time. I knew better. I knew she had to have known that we were trying to trap her with her lover. And she did whatever she had to do to prove that she was dead.
She faked her own death in an effort to make me forget about her. Like that would be the only way I could.
This last encounter with her. It was, unexpected to say the least. There she was. Working as a librarian, which I think was a cheap shot. Ready and willing to answer any and all questions.
She was pretending to be a mother to this child. She's not capable. She killed her own daughter. A person like that doesn't change. She was still a murderer. And she still had her victims over a barrel, convinced that she was the kindest, most caring person they had ever met.
Turns out she was only playing a small part but still. She was guilty. And then, she vanished...with that little girl in tow. I thought for sure that she would kill her. Because she is Nicole after all. A cold hearted, maniacal villainous woman.
And then, she surprised me. She did the right thing. She left the girl somewhere safe. And then, she called.
She knew what I would think. And what to let me know that I was wrong about her.
As I sit here in this park on a sunny afternoon, I scan the crowd. Hoping for just a glance. To see her. For her to see me.
As much as I want to hate her, I can't. I'm drawn to her. I feel her eat away at me each time we lock into that familiar dance, and yet, I'm not afraid of it. She knowing all my demons. Doens't scare me away. I know all the dark things from her past. I even know all the crimes she committed. And she doesn't run from me either.
I can't seem to stop thinking about her. I can hear her voice. I'm haunted by the sensation of her skin against mine. I would give anything to feel her hand in mine again...to feel her lips pressed against mine just once...no matter what the consequence. To be with her; to know her.
I love her. God only knows why. I most certainly don't. I think...deep down. Maybe she loves me too. I know that's what this is.I know I want her.
I want her in that intergation room and to be an inch from her face and tell her that I love her. I want her to grab my face in her soft hands and press her lips against mine. That's what I want. For both of us to know. And be done with it.
But here we are...Her Moriarty to my Holmes. Destined to always play opposite sides of the game. If I told her that I loved her, she would put me in a position. I know she would set herself up...to where I would have to shoot her. And she would know, because I love her, that I wouldn't be able to. And she would have the upper hand.
So, I'll keep this to myself. Knowing that love is the only thing that keeps her here. In this city. In my mind. But...how's that go...if you really love someone, let them go.
Maybe that's what I need to do...but, wait.
I walk over to this woman. Then she turns to face me.
"Hello Bobby. You wanted to meet me?"