Hello, all! Okay so I took a small break from writing, ::sing-song:: I know you missed me! Yea, right. Any-hoo, I'm back with a new one, that's technically been on my laptop for ages, I've just been too lazy to post. I was inspired by the song, "Then What" by Clay Walker, at least for this bit. Then it just took on a mind of its own. But, now I'm rambling so read and enjoy.
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Prologue
There was a crisp chill in the pre-dawn air. The surrounding forest was serenely quiet, the crickets having stopped their chirping and the birds not quite awake to start their song. The lake was as still as a pane of glass until the casting of his line broke its surface. He watched the ripples until they disappeared then sighed and shifted in his seat.
This was supposed to be his sanctuary. It was the one place that was his alone; where he could have peace and sort out his thoughts. For the last few weeks (or months if he was really honest) that sense of peace had eluded him. His thoughts and emotions were so jumbled he didn't even know where to begin to straighten it out. He felt that his life was out of his control, as though he had spun off his axis. His eyes lifted to the east, watching the blossoming sunrise. As he observed the sky morph from midnight blue to royal purple to warm pink to red-orange as the ball of fire finally crested over the horizon he figured he could at least be truthful with himself.
His life was indeed in a tailspin, but it was one he had set in motion. Here in the still of the dawn, with no witnesses aside from the trout ignoring his bait he could freely admit his mistakes. He ran a tired hand over his unshaven face. The grass had truly seemed so much greener on the other side. He knew what he had, what he had cherished for nearly half of his life. It was comfortable, familiar, he knew what to expect…most of the time. He smirked; of course she did have those moments when he felt like he was walking a tight rope over shark-infested waters. He knew everything there was to know about her and she him; they fit together like puzzle pieces. When they met it was as though each of them had found a part of themselves that they hadn't known was missing. His mother hated her, but his sisters had loved her from their first meeting, and later she was the obvious preference of their nieces and nephews. He had everything he had ever wanted, needed, or wished for. He was a neurosurgeon at one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country, he lived in a fantastic brownstone overlooking Central Park, and most importantly he had the love of his life, a beautiful intelligent woman, who could be hard as nails, call him on his crap, and go toe-to-toe with any man, yet he had the privilege of seeing her at her most caring, vulnerable, and passionate. He was the envy of every male and some of the female attendings in the hospital, but at some point it wasn't enough. He found himself wanting more.
Well I got a good friend who's got a good life
He's got [two pretty children] and a real nice wife
But he never seems quite satisfied
I said I know what's on your mind
But you better think about it before you cross that line
The grass aint always greener on the other side
He began to immerse himself more in his work, searching for what was missing. He was appointed head of neurosurgery and was invited to perform surgeries all over the world. He had multiple speaking engagements and was asked to lead various clinical trials. His wife was rapidly rising to the top of her field as well; they were the ultimate power couple; the ones everyone aspired to be. The only thing missing was the pitter patter of little feet, but the subject was thoroughly discussed and it was ultimately decided that they (she) simply weren't (wasn't) ready for that step yet.
So to pass the time until they (she) were (was) ready to take that plunge, he threw himself even more into his work. He listened with polite smiles to all the proud fathers raving about what geniuses their children were because they were granted early acceptance to Manhattan's most exclusive private schools. He would bite back the retort that any child of his and Addie's would make their child look like a dunce. Instead he congratulated the proud papas and scheduled another surgery.
He didn't notice exactly when he started withdrawing from his wife, he just noticed that things just weren't the same. He knew that he was having his best friend spend maybe a little too much time with his wife, but he wanted her occupied while he found whatever he was searching for. He provided her a place holder, if you will. Of course he didn't mean for him to take his place everywhere, especially not his OWN BED, but apparently he wasn't very clear.
But, on the bright side, it gave him his freedom, which is what he thought he wanted. He was free to find out what he was missing. So he moved across the country, and took up with an emotionally stunted girl who knew absolutely nothing about him. Someone who couldn't tell what he was thinking just by looking in his eyes. Someone who put him on a pedestal and felt he could do no wrong. Someone who took him home after a few well-chosen words as opposed to making him wait eight long, Long, LOOOOOONNG months. So he lost himself in the fantasy. He was the charming, yet quirky neurosurgeon without a past that lived in a trailer on an amazing piece of land, and had annoyingly loud sex with his intern. No wife. No brownstone overlooking Central Park. No dreams of curly-headed little boys with her eyes or a little red-head in pigtails with his smile.
Now, he's not sure exactly how long he thought the fantasy would last, but he knew it wasn't over. She was not the kind of woman to let things end as they had. He knew she was coming. So when he looked up that night and saw her standing there in head-to-toe black with her head slightly tipped to the side, her eyebrow arched and looking bold as sin (an apt description for her), he wasn't surprised. He was pissed, but not surprised. He felt his breath catch in his throat but the reasons were two-fold. One: He knew his happy charade had just been blown to smithereens and Two: She looked mouth-wateringly good. After fifteen years his body was trained to respond to hers and it was all he could do during their banter to keep from dragging her to the nearest room with a flat surface and a lock and having his way with her. Of course looking at her face and seeing flashes of the back of his best friend's head provided the same effect as taking a leap in the Arctic Sea, which allowed him to keep his composure.
It was a given that he would take her back; it was the right thing to do. He would selflessly sacrifice his own happiness to take back his adulterous satanic bitch of a wife who betrayed him with his best friend since kindergarten and broke his heart. Because he was THAT guy. He was McDreamy. And, you know, everyone ignored the part where he drug her through the mud, called her names and treated her like shit, but of course that was only when he wasn't ignoring her to openly flirt with his mistress in front of the entire hospital. And she being who she was she took it all with perfect grace. Even tried to be friends with the girl.
What surprised him though was that the girl still wanted anything to do with him. He completely neglected to tell her about his WIFE and made her the dirty mistress, but after about two days, she was okay with it. She even begged him to pick her. Which admittedly he found a bit flattering because the red-head? She would never beg. Yet, even after he picked the wife, the girl was still there, with the lost, longing, and pleading looks. The other side of the fence looked better and greener with each passing day, especially compared to the rocky, uneven field he was currently plowing. To be honest prom was really only a matter of time.
Then he had done it. He had broken himself completely free of the bonds that held him. She didn't give him a choice this time, she just filed. And he was ecstatic he had finally jumped the fence. No more leash choking him. He was free to play and frolic in bathtubs and on-call rooms. The bastard flew out and began to pursue the red-head, but he really wasn't worried. He knew they wouldn't work out. And when the ex-best friend came and nearly brokenly confessed that she had cheated on him it was all he could do not to laugh in his face. It seemed karma was restoring balance to the world. The next thing he knew, she was gone for good. Looking for sunnier pastures.
Well I aint saying that looking's a crime
Well I've done my share from time to time
It dont mean that you gotta take that leap
When you're standin' on the brink
Before you jump you gotta step back and think
There's price for ever promise you dont keep
Unfortunately he began to examine his new surroundings more closely and learned it wasn't actually as green as it looked. He also found hidden roots that tripped him and land mines that blew in his face every time he thought they were making progress. Their relationship was nowhere near the smooth sail he had imagined. She seemed to fight him at every turn, and it was nothing like the sexy banter he was used to, but instead frustratingly drawn-out spats that didn't seem to have a point. The relationship, if it could be called that, was sucking him dry. He was bending over backwards for her, including turning down his dream position. The one he had worked so hard to achieve. The only bright point was the sex.
But, they persevered. She sought therapy and eventually gave into him. The girl was certainly no church-goer, so they decided on a simple outdoor ceremony, one worlds away from his first nuptials. As he looked into those pale blue eyes surrounded by flat blonde hair and repeated after the minister a flash of red caught his eye. There she sat in the very last row. Though he had personally mailed the invitation to LA, he never expected her to come. He knew he certainly couldn't watch her marry another, but he constantly underestimated her. As he locked eyes with her despite her oversized dark sunglasses, he felt his heart clench and his stomach drop as he watched a single, solitary tear roll down her porcelain face. He had always hated to see her cry and felt an urge to comfort her. That was the moment they were pronounced husband and wife, and the waifish blonde jumped into his arms enthusiastically kissing him. When he was able to glance back at her chair he found it empty.
Empty.
That's how he'd been feeling ever since. They had been married six months, but were still living in the house with the other interns turned residents, because she wasn't ready to move. The blueprints which had been created with someone else in mind were gathering dust in his desk. His ring was dull, without any engravings and felt heavy on his hand. He felt as though he was suffocating, even the sex had become routine. He missed the connection, being able to express his thoughts with just a look. To have some one give him what he needed without having to ask for it. As he thought over the past four years he realized he had given away everything that he had to step through the looking glass and now, all he wanted to do was go back.
Do what you want, do what you wish
It's your life but remember this
There's bound to be some consequences
Sneaking under other fences
Then what, what you gonna do
When the new wears off and the old shines through
And it aint really love and it aint really lust
You aint anybody anyone's gonna trust
Then what, where you gonna turn
When you cant turn back for the bridges you burn
And fate can't wait to kick you in the butt
Then what
Alright, so there's the prologue. I promise I'm going somewhere with this. So now you review and then I post more. That's how this relationship works; it's a give-and-take. ;-D