AN: I was "working" on this for quite a while. I started back when I saw the prompt for the first time (at least a year ago), had a long writing break and now I finished it. I don't believe this is the sign that I'll start writing regularly again, but it's good to throw something out again. Don't ask me why Hellene and Desmond. I'm just fascinated by their horrible relationship.
Hellene of Aslaria, daughter of Lord Simon and Lady Sophie of Aslaria, knew from a young age that she would very probably not be allowed to choose her own husband. Her parents were connected to the Etrurian royal family so Hellene's marriage would be a political one.
Only during her short rebellious phase at sixteen did Hellene protest against her fate (she was enamoured with a young hunter at that time), but that didn't last long. Hellene was an obedient daughter. She soon made her peace with her fate and resolved that she would make it work with her future husband.
When it was decided that she would be wed to the prince of Bern, soon-to-crowned King Desmond, she fantasized about how her life would look like. She imagined them being awkward around each other at first, but then they would grow to like each other and then fall in love. She was called naïve and childish for her daydreaming. Hellene knew that it wasn't all that common that people in arranged marriages fell in love, but her distant cousin's life gave her hope. Louise had found love with her lord Pent and so could Hellene with Prince Desmond.
Hellene was not discouraged when she met Prince–, no, King Desmond on her wedding day. He was quiet and slightly cold, but Hellene figured that this reaction wasn't too strange. After all, she was also expected to promise to love and protect a person she had never met before for the rest of her life. Neither of them were even given the time to even say hello before the ceremony. They would have time for that tomorrow, Hellene assured herself then and smiled at her husband-to-be.
They didn't talk at all during the feast. After they were escorted to their shared bedroom, Hellene was immediately taken away by her maids to get ready for the night. She was very nervous about what was to come. Her mother had talked to her about it several days ago; the whole business hadn't seem so bad back then. Hellene had been sure that she would be able to talk to Desmond and that they would find a solution that was comfortable for both. But now that the moment had come and after Desmond's behaviour, she had to admit that she wasn't so confident anymore.
Her first time was short, painful and strangely lonely. Desmond didn't talk to her (only ordered her around rudely one time), didn't reassure or comfort her when she cried out in pain and he didn't hold her afterwards. He just pushed off her, turned his back to her and went to sleep.
Hellene spent the night trying to calm her racing heart and thoughts and ignore the throbbing pain in her groin. She tried to tell herself that this was normal and that she should just go to sleep; the world would look better tomorrow. Her mother had warned her that it could hurt. It had to be normal.
Hellene didn't speak about her first night with her husband or anyone else. When her mother or her friends asked her if she was alright, she smiled and assured them all was well. Even that she liked him and that they would work well together. Her mother seemed to believe her and Hellene was relieved for now. Surely it would only take some time. It would work out.
They didn't talk during the second night either. Nor any night after it until Hellene's family left for Etruria. Hellene cried when they left and cried again when she returned to her empty new home. Hours later, Desmond found her and snapped at her. She explained why she was crying and hoped that he would come and hug her. Or at least say some kind words.
"Clean up. We have to be at dinner in an hour" was the only thing he said and left her alone.
###
Hellene found out the reason for Desmond's cool treatment of her months later. She had just come back from an outing that was cut short because one of her ladies was thrown off her horse and had sprained her ankle. Hellene was in a bad mood when she stormed towards her rooms; her relationship with Desmond hadn't improved since the day of their marriage and it was wearing her down. She still tried to excuse his behaviour, especially since she could see that he could be nice – to everyone but her.
Hellene entered her room and threw her coat on a chair. Suddenly, she heard laughter from the library. It definitely was her husband and a woman. Dread gathered in Hellene's chest. She tiptoed over and very carefully opened the door to peek into the room.
There was Desmond, sitting on a low chair, and a woman on his lap. A cold shower ran over Hellene's back. She had never seen such a soft and loving look on her husband's face. The way he looked at her… as if he would give her the world if she just asked for it. And he even pulled her close and kissed her neck, hugged her close.
Hellene swallowed hard and almost pulled back. She shouldn't be here, she felt. But she was his wife. She straightened and blinked away her tears; he obviously loved that woman, but she had a right to being treated well. Or at least cordially.
The woman was laughing and as she pulled away from Hellene's husband, she whispered: "I love you."
Hellene's stomach clenched. Desmond nuzzled her chest. "I love you too. Can you sneak away today?" Hellene couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"I don't know, love." The woman ran her fingers through his hair. "Last time the queen–"
He snorted dismissively. Hellene stiffened. An unfamiliar feeling of resentment shot through her chest. She peeked into the room again, studying this adulterer.
Hellene could only see her back. She was slim (just like Hellene) and had long dark hair. Her dress looked simple, but made from expensive cloth. She wore a silver bracelet with blue stones that Hellene recognised with a shock. She had seen Desmond handling it; he had hid it in a drawer when she had surprised him in her office. She had hoped then that it would be for her; that he would want to meet her halfway.
Hellene gnashed her teeth. Was he treating her so badly because Hellene wasn't her? Because he wished they would switch places?
"Queen." His harsh voice drew her attention away from her painful thoughts. "Father thought it would be good for us to ally ourselves with Etruria. But he chose a simpleton. Utterly disgusting."
Hellene had enough. She didn't hear the woman trying to admonish Desmond – anger was clouding her mind. She opened the door loudly and enjoyed the startled look from her husband and the woman. Now that she could see her, Hellene had to admit that she was pretty. Her eyes were big and blue, her nose small and her lips full. There was no visible blemish on her face, but overall she was nothing special. You could find girls like her in every town of Etruria.
"What are you doing here?" Desmond snapped at her after the surprise had worn off.
"I was curious what my husband was doing," Hellene answered, her voice shaking with anger and fear and tears.
"Leave us," he just growled and pointedly looked at her.
"Do they know?" Hellene asked before she could think about her actions.
"What are you talking about?"
"The court. Do they know about you… two." Hellene glanced at the woman. She was staring at Hellene with wide, terrified eyes. Hellene's stomach clenched again. The woman was looking so innocent and afraid. As if this situation was as uncomfortable for her as it was for Hellene. But she was an adulterer, Hellene had to remind herself. She didn't deserve much sympathy; she knew what they had been doing.
"It's none of their business," Desmond growled, but he didn't seem as confident as a few seconds ago.
"I won't tell if–" Hellene faltered, insecure and disgusted by her own words, "if you promise to treat me as your wife."
"What?" Desmond gently pushed the woman from his lap – she jumped up and tugged at her dress so that it wasn't too obvious that she had made out with the king – and stalked towards Hellene.
Hellene wanted nothing more than step back and hide in her room and forget anything ever happened in this room, but something in her refused to back down. "I want you to be polite to me. Stop snapping at me." She raised her chin and dared to look him in the eye, no matter how much his gaze intimidated her. "Stop ignoring me when I wish you good morning. Stop hurting me when– when we lie together."
The woman had come up and taken Desmond's hand, lacing her fingers with his. Hellene's eyes stung at this display of affection; the one time she had tried it (in public!), he had slapped her hand away. Her explanation for his behaviour to the lords and ladies had been ludicrous. They had looked at her strangely for the rest of the evening.
"Be civil in public. I'm not happy with this either." She looked at him beseechingly. She just wanted him to understand that she wasn't out to hurt him or destroy his life. "But we could at least make the best of it. I'm not asking you to love me." Her gaze shot to the woman at Desmond's side. "But couldn't we at least be friendly. I won't bother you when we are in private but at least in public… let us seem happy. Or friendly," Hellene quickly added as Desmond grimaced at 'happy'.
"Fine," he snapped and squeezed the woman's hand. "Only if you don't interrupt us again."
Hellene nodded quickly. "I won't stand between you. You don't even have to lie with me after we have an heir." She thought back at all the nights she had to fall asleep with a painfully throbbing groin.
"Obviously," Desmond answered with a disgusted look on his face. Hellene felt the blow, but chose to stay quiet. It wouldn't do any good, she felt. She only nodded at him, threw a weak smile at the woman and left the library.
She immediately walked back into her room and sat down in one of the comfy chairs at the window. For a moment, she watched the sky with empty eyes. Then she suddenly broke down and cried. The illusion was destroyed once and for all. She couldn't come with any excuses for Desmond's behaviour anymore. He hated her. She was not the woman he was in love with.
Hellene cried for a long while, finally getting all that months-old, bottled up hurt off her chest. When she was finally able to dry her eyes for good, the world looked better again. At least they would be civil from now on, she assured herself. They had finally found a solution to their problem. They could be a content couple in court now. Hellene didn't have to lie anymore and there would be no more concerned letters from her cousin and sisters.
###
The next few months were awkward, but easier on Hellene. Desmond kept his side of the bargain; Hellene no longer felt like a spider he wanted to crush. She was more of an unwanted guest that the king unfortunately had an obligation towards. He would make small talk with her in public and feign interest in her hobbies. He actually called her "my wife" a few times and didn't seem to be pained by it. It was far from what Hellene had wished for, but she was patient. It wasn't like she could do much about it anyway.
To distract herself, Hellene immersed herself in bringing some Etrurian culture into Bern; she founded a small magical academy in the capital, filled its halls with rare tomes from her own family's library and invited Etrurian mages to teach there. The Bernese nobles weren't happy about this invasion and Hellene's standing quickly sank. It was obvious that Desmond disapproved of her actions as much as the nobles but he refrained from saying much. He was obviously glad that Hellene was out of his hair. His treatment of her grew colder again, but this time Hellene could stand it. She built her little Etruria, her little home, the place she could flee to when Bern rejected her again.
Surrounded by the familiar fashion, food and atmosphere, she flourished.
###
The weeks after the Royal Healer had announced that Hellene was pregnant were the best since she had come to Bern. The courtiers that had always sneered at her were grovelling and falling over their feet to congratulate the Queen of Bern. Desmond actually smiled at her every now and then. Hellene was given her own room so that she could rest properly during the night. It was almost bliss.
The first night alone, Hellene was lying on her bed, caressing her belly. No stressing about lying with Desmond anymore, no feeling of being out of place, no falling asleep with pain. Hellene sighed deeply. The only sound in the room was the rustle of fabric as she drew circles on her stomach.
Soon she would have someone to love. Someone who didn't push her away for loving them. This child would get all the love that Desmond didn't want.
Hellene blinked quickly; her eyes were smarting. She looked around. The room was empty and dead silent. The candle on her bedside table had burned out. The bright moonlight lengthened the shadows, making them climb the walls and tower over Hellene.
She sniffled and hid her face behind her hands. Why was she punished like this? It didn't have to be the perfectly happy family that she had dreamt of. She understood that she had been naïve. But why couldn't she have at least one person on her side? A person who would support her, who would be by her side and be happy with her.
Suddenly she heard laughing. She sat up, looking around confused. It was coming from the neighbouring room, Desmond's bedroom.
Hellene knew what she would see. She knew it would hurt. And yet, she still stood up, tears streaming down her cheeks, and peeked into her husband's room.
She was in his arms, laughing and smiling. He was caressing her, cherishing her as if she was the most precious thing in the world. As if they were the ones expecting the longed-for child – as if they were the happy perfect family.
Shaking with sobs, Hellene soundlessly closed the door. The cold silence in her own room bore down on her, sending shivers over her body. She hated them; she hated her because she was where Hellene was supposed to be. Hellene should be the one Desmond loved. She should be the one he caressed with sweet words. Why was she alone, without family and friends?
Pressing her lips close, she sank to her knees and cried until the laughter behind the door faded away.
###
As her child grew inside her, Desmond's pretence to love her became unbearable for Hellene. She couldn't forget that night when he and his lover had celebrated Hellene's moving-out. Hellene knew that that woman sometimes even stayed the night; she had seen the adulterer flee Desmond's room in the small morning hours.
Desmond had grown better at pretending because he was truly happy now that Hellene was out of his way. Hellene was the one who had trouble keeping up the facade. Her smiles grew strained and she often found herself frowning at her husband, despising him when he called her his wife. His small talk irritated her to no end and his sole presence made her feel sick to her stomach.
Every time she saw him she remembered that they would despise each other for the rest of their lives.
Sometimes, when she lay awake during the night because her child was moving and kicking her too much, she wondered how her life would've looked like if she had said "no" just once.
She had always obeyed her parents, but maybe they would've listened to her if she had tried hard enough. Maybe she would've been married to a nice man, someone like Louise's Lord Pent; someone who actually cared for Hellene. Maybe she would've lived in the Etrurian capitol, close to her friends from court. She would visit or be visited by friends every day and they would chat and gossip until dinner.
If only she had said "no" with conviction for once.
Tears rolled down over her cheeks and ears. It tickled but she couldn't raise her arm to wipe them away. Hellene's hands gripped the blanket over her stomach. "Please love me," she whispered hoarsely, drawing up her legs to cradle her child, "please love me."
###
It was a boy, a beautiful little baby boy and for the first time in a long while, Hellene felt love. Her boy wasn't fussy and the nurses always praised him because he rarely cried. She could barely stand to give him up to his wet-nurse or let him have his naps; she wanted to keep him close to her heart every second. As if he would leave her if she didn't hold him and showered him with love.
For the first time, the nobles seemed to earnestly look up to her. They were still disgruntled for the magic academy, but she had provided them with an heir on her first try. Their acceptance boosted Hellene's confidence into unknown heights; she often strolled through the castle with her son in her arms, lapping up praise from the visiting nobles.
Desmond was drawing back; he sometimes visited his son, but mostly kept away from Hellene. A part of her was hurt, but she consoled herself with the thought that he was jealous. Jealous that she had no interest in him anymore. Jealous that she, Hellene, had born such a perfect little prince and not his little harlot. She had Zephiel; she didn't need Desmond's love anymore.
###
As her boy grew, Hellene found less and less time to think about the situation with Desmond. She spent all her time on providing Zephiel with the best education Bern and Etruria could give him. With glee, Zephiel's teachers and Hellene discovered that the prince was an exceptionally talented student and quickly excelled at the tasks given to him.
Hellene hosted a private party almost every fortnight to celebrate one or another of Zephiel's accomplishments. She paraded him around whenever she could. The lords and ladies showered her with compliments about how her son would one day be the perfect king.
As Hellene's confidence soared into unknown heights, Desmond's growing aversion towards her and her son began to gall her. While at the beginning Desmond had regarded Zephiel with something like friendly disinterest, their relationship had soon taken a turn for the worst. Desmond began to belittle his son's achievements, criticising him loudly and unfairly in front of his peers. Almost every time Zephiel was in his presence, he found a flaw in his son.
After eight years of their sort-of truce, the animosity between Hellene and her husband revived. Zephiel was her pride, her soul, and anyone who dared to insult him would feel Hellene's wrath.
For every slight towards her son, Hellene would prove Desmond false with a lot of fuss. Everyone in Bern should know that King Desmond was wrong. When Desmond claimed that Zephiel's knowledge had obvious gaps, Hellene invited experts who had to test her son's knowledge. When Desmond spread doubts about Zephiel's health, Hellene summoned the best doctor of Bern and let Zephiel do physical drills aimed at adults. Zephiel always proved his father a liar.
The knowledge that Hellene was on top now and that Desmond was the shamed one, slinking into the background, filled Hellene with perverse glee.
###
All that happiness and confidence shattered when Desmond's harlot became pregnant. Something snapped in both Desmond and Hellene. After nine years of barely suppressed anger, disappointed expectations and hurt feelings, the facade of a friendly marriage shattered for good.
Desmond no longer kept his mistress secret; his happiness about her pregnancy was exaggerated and sometimes even embarrassing. The way he spoilt her and treated as if she was the true queen of Bern galled even the nobles who celebrated every slight against their Etrurian queen. With his declaration to make his mistress' child his heir, he divided the court; unrest grew between the Bernese nobles who still stood with their king, regardless of his behaviour, and the nobles who supported Zephiel as the true heir. An alliance of liberal nobles and merchant lords formed around the young prince and fought for his right in the courts.
At first, Hellene was left out. Even the most liberal nobles disliked her, an Etrurian woman. In the fight about inheritance, she was an unimportant player. She was just the rightful, cheated-on wife, a pitiful woman – a propaganda tool.
Hellene did not stand for that. For too long she had yielded, for too long she had suffered. Desmond had made her feel powerless, useless, unworthy. And now he tried to rob her of the last thing that gave her life worth; her title as the Queen of Bern and the right to birth the heir to the throne. If he took this as well, Hellene was nothing.
He had taken her hope, her happiness, and her confidence. She would not let him take her last right away from her as well. She was done playing nice. It was time to fight with any means necessary.