Letter from the Heart

Kate had just gotten home from a long day working on a case and a date with Detective Demming to find an envelope with the writing "To the Extraordinary KB" typed on the outside in her mail. She feels her heart start to race just a little but pushes the feeling into the back of her mind. She must be tired and in bad need of some wine and relaxing bath before bed. Curiosity gets the better of Kate though so she opens the envelope and finds this letter inside. Taking it out carefully, she starts to read.

To the Extraordinary KB.

They say that sometimes things are better left unsaid or not said all when it comes to matters of the heart. I say better now or miss my chance. I can just picture your brow being all scrunched in thought and probably thinking "What the hell Castle are you doing?". I am a writer and writing is what I do best or at least what I thought I did best until I met you.

Towards the end of my Derrick Storm series, I was getting bored and wanting something exciting. Not the same predictable life with the parties, the fake friends, the fake smiles and the pressure to put on the image of "Rick Castle". Like you KB, there are many layers to the Castle onion. There is more to me that what I show the "public" or let the "public" believe. From the first time I met you and you pushed me away in the interrogation room on the Flower for your grave case, you had me intrigued. I'd like to think I intrigued you at least a little bit. I wanted to know more about you so I came up w/ Nikki Heat so I could shadow you in the name of "research". While it was research in a way, it was also a way to get to know you, to see how tick and how to make you smile. You pushed away all my attempts at being charming and forced me to look at what is "real". As odd as it sounds, you turned my world upside down and for that I will for forever grateful.

As we started working together, it became my goal to make you laugh. You needed more "fun" in your life and while I know I could be an annoying man-child at times, I tried to give that to you. When we went undercover for the 1st time, I found out how truly beautiful you are, inside and out. You took my breath away on that case. Things were going well until I pushed too hard and looked into your mom's case without your permission. I should have been honored enough that you would share that part of your life with me. You need to know that the last thing I want to do in life is hurt you KB then and now.

I was lulled into a fake sense of security after I came back to shadow you and we just started to click on a deeper level. The light hearted banter between us excited me and the subtle flirting or not so subtle teasing seemed like a way to test the waters without getting hurt. You could match me tit for tat like no other person, could or was willing to yet you did. I took that for granted, I see that now. When the Dick Coonan case came into our lives, it ramped up the intensity between us. I am glad that you came to me after you met with your dad and leaned on me for strength. The thought has come to mind since then of "why me? Why not lean on Lanie?" but in the end I am glad you did. It gave me the chance to show you I can be "real" I could be your rock and yet still make you smile in tough times. I was trying to show you another layer of my onion Kate. The aftermath of that case furthered our burgeoning relationship. You laughing with me and sharing all that ridiculous food I brought for you will forever be a place in my heart. The flirtatious banter between us seemed to increase after that case. Even after we went on our respective dates, my mind was never far from you. I'll admit that I went on that date with bachelorette #3 just to try to make myself believe I didn't feel something stronger for you then friendship. Something changed on that date for me though. It was like I could not get you off my mind and it drove me crazy. The way you looked in your dress didn't help I'm sure. We went to Remy's after the case for burgers and shakes was the best way I could have thought to end the day. I was surprised you took my arm and was twirling your hair on the way to the elevator. It was like we were more than friends but were not willing to admit it to ourselves. I am willing to step up now though KB and admit those feelings are strong and so very there when I think about you.

Things always seem to go unspoken between us. The looks, the banter, invading each other's space all point to us getting together eventually. Then I had to go screw up the fragile trust we started building and sleep with Elle. I won't lie and insult you by saying I didn't find her attractive but in the end she wasn't "you". She wasn't genuine and didn't have your heart and she didn't have my heart either. I am afraid because of this situation I gave you the push you needed to go move towards Demming. If I am honest with you and myself, I don't blame you for wanting him. He is attractive and understands your world as a Detective. He is also a "safe" and would provide you happiness. Does he make you feel alive though? Does he make you laugh in the face of some gruesome murder or make you smile before you go into a rough interrogation? Does he notice that you bite your lower lip when you are trying to hold it together? Does he really understand why you wear your mother's ring or make the time to find out? If he does all those things and more, I will back off. I only want you to be happy. But please understand that I can be all these things for you and have been for you for a long time. Longer then either of us will probably admit. You are my one of my closest, if not the closest, friend I have right now. Our friendship has to account for something.

Lets be real with each other for once and drop all pretenses. I am scared of what I could be losing. I am scared of how deeply I care for you. I'm scared of how alive you make me feel. I am scared that you might feel these things too but are afraid to be hurt. I don't blame you for not wanting to take that risk but if anyone could make it work, we could. We make a good team Kate.

You have seen the side of me that acts like a 12 year old on a sugar rush, you have seen the side of me that will do anything for a friend. Let me show you the side of me that would give you the world. I meant what I said in my book dedication. You are the most extraordinary person I have ever met. The ball is in your court.

Rick