Tumnus reached over and gently touched Lucy's face, her cheeks warm and rosy from the fire. She was so gorgeous, so incredibly perfect.
Lucy had fallen asleep hours before, leaving Tumnus to contemplate their relationship. He loved her, that much he knew, but did she love him? Sometimes he thought she might, when she smiled at him in a certain way, or when her eyes followed him across the room. Was her loving him even possible? Oh, how Tumnus hoped it was.
He longed to tell her so that she might know the truth. His greatest wish was that he could find the courage to tell Lucy how he felt and that she, in return, might say she loved him also. But it was just a foolish wish, a dream. Nothing more.
There were many chances Tumnus could tell Lucy how he felt, for they spent a great amount of time together, but each time he thought he could his stomach immediately twisted into a knot and he became afraid. What if she rejected him? All he wanted was her love but perhaps he wasn't good enough for her. No, not perhaps. He knew he wasn't good enough for her.
After all, he was a simple faun as she was a queen. One of the four rulers of Narnia, destined to marry a dashing prince and be carried off, a wonderful life given to her.
Even if she could love Tumnus, he couldn't possibly give her the life she deserved. He lived in Cair Paravel because the Pevensie's were kind, caring people. He had no job, no way to pay for a home for her. He couldn't take her to some large castle where they were to spend the rest of their days.
He didn't deserve her. That was the truth, and Tumnus had to learn how to accept it.
Pushing all thoughts of despair out of his mind, he turned and looked once more at Lucy. Everything about her made his heart sing. The way her hands were clasped over her lap, her hair falling down in a veil across her neck. Peaceful.
Tumnus' eyes went back to the fire and he remained that way for nearly an hour. He didn't move until he heard rain pattering against the window. When a clap of thunder echoed about the castle, Lucy jumped awake, her eyes flying open.
She blinked a few times before saying, "I never can sleep during a storm."
Tumnus smiled, "Nor I."
"How long have I been sleeping?" Lucy asked of the faun.
"A little over an hour."
"And you stayed here the entire time, you needn't have done that."
Tumnus nodded, "I know, but I was enjoying the warmth and solitude." He realized his words and said, "Not that I didn't enjoy talking to you earlier."
Lucy smiled, "Sure you did."
"No, I'm serious!" Tumnus protested.
"I'm just teasing you Tumnus." Lucy said playfully as she sat up in her chair, having curled up into a sort of lying position when she was asleep.
Looking towards the window she watched the rain, now pouring wildly down, for a few meager moments before saying, "We haven't had a storm like this for a long time."
It rained every now and then, especially during the spring when it drizzled more often than not, but it was very rare they had downpours like this.
"I think it will be raining all of tomorrow." Tumnus remarked, as he too watched the storm.
"Come on." Lucy said, standing up.
"Where are you going?"
Instead of answering him, Lucy reached down and took his hand in hers, sending a shiver up the faun's spine. She forced him out of the chair, though she didn't try hard for he willingly stood up.
Tumnus followed her over to the doors that led out the balcony, where she started to reach for the handle before he said, "You're not thinking of going outside, are you?"
"Why of course. It's just a little water, are you afraid it's going to hurt you?"
The look in her eyes was teasing, as was the tone in her voice.
"Well no..."
She started to open the door but stopped once more when Tumnus said, "No wait, can we talk Lucy?"
Lucy looked somewhat surprised, probably wondering why he wanted to talk after the hours they had spent earlier talking.
"Of course we can."
"Come, sit back down." Tumnus directed, leading her back to their chairs.
He didn't know what was worse, not telling Lucy how he felt, or actually having to tell her. He'd never been a very brave faun, yes, he stood up and fought when he had to but he was by no means, a confrontational faun.
"There is something I need to tell you."
"What is it Tumnus? You looked positively sick, is everything all right?"
Tumnus nodded quickly, "Everything s fine, there is just something I need to speak to you about."
Lucy was silent, looking relieved but anxious.
"I...I...I don't know how to say this." He stuttered, his gaze going to the fire in embarrassment. He was so terrified to tell her how he felt that he couldn't even get the words out.
Lucy, being the compassionate person that she was, leaned forward and took Tumnus' hand, saying, "Whatever it is, you can tell me Tumnus."
She was right, he knew that. In the past he had always been able to tell her exactly what he was thinking, so why couldn't he now?
"I love you Lucy Pevensie." He whispered fearfully.
Lucy hadn't heard him. "What did you say?"
He looked up, worry in his eyes and repeated, "I love you."
This time his words were loud, clear, there was no mistaking the fact that Lucy had heard him. Her jaw dropped open and her eyes were wide, her hand was clenching his tightly.
"Are you alright?" Tumnus asked, when she didn't move after a few minutes.
Slowly, a smile started to spread across her face. "I'm fine, just fine."
After a hurried moment of silence, Lucy asked, "Do you really mean that?"
"Yes, I do. I've loved you for so long Lucy, my entire heart belongs to you."
Please don't break it. He thought desperately.
Tumnus didn't understand the look on Lucy's face, her expression held hope, confusion, and a hint of joy. Could it be? Perhaps he wasn't asking for too much.
"Please say something."
Lucy shook her head gently. "I can't." She whispered. "I have nothing to say."
The faun's heart sank, and he looked away sadly, assuming the worse. Lucy reached over and cradled her hand against Tumnus' cheek. She turned his head back so that he was looking at her and said, "Tumnus, don't be sad, please. I didn't mean that in a bad way, I meant...I have nothing to say because I'm so happy."
Tumnus whipped his head up to look at her, not quite believing the words he was hearing.
"Really?"
Lucy smiled and nodded, before leaning forward to kiss Tumnus, her lips landing on the corner of his mouth. His eyes closed as he savored the moment, and when she pulled away Tumnus felt like a wonderful moment was ending. But he was sure there were many more of those moments to come.
"I love you Tumnus." Lucy smiled. "I've wanted to say so for so long, and how I've fought with myself over it."
"I felt the same way. I always thought I was being ridiculous." Tumnus paused briefly before continuing. "I still think I'm being so, Lucy, I'm naught but a simple faun. I don't deserve you."
His last few words came out in a whisper, afraid to be spoken but needing to be heard.
"Oh Tumnus, I don't care about that. I wouldn't care if you were the poorest faun in Narnia, or the richest. I love you for you."
Tumnus smiled, "I love you Lucy. I can finally say those words."
Lucy's eyes teared up at his words, and, leaning forward once more, she wrapped her arms about the faun's neck. "You are so dear to me Tumnus." She spoke in his ear, reinforcing his love for her.
All his worrying, all the nights he had stayed up feeling sick to his stomach due to cowardices, all had been a complete waste. He'd had nothing to fear, she had been in love with him as long as he had her. If only they had found the courage to tell each other sooner. Now though, that their secrets were out they could lead a wonderful life together, filled with affection and love. Two things they had never before been able to share.
Tumnus' heart brimmed with happiness, in a way he couldn't believe all that transpired but at the same time, it felt natural, like confessing your love to one was as easy as breathing.
And as he whispered those three words we all long to hear, he felt his heavy load of secrecy drop from his shoulders like a pack after a long hike. He left it behind him, allowing the road ahead to be easy to travel, and so much more enjoyable.