This story begins during Season 1, Episode 22.

Breathe in. Fingers jutted nervously against the cover of the book he gripped tightly. One. Two. He swallowed with some difficulty, noting the dryness of his mouth. Three. Four. Five. Breathe out. One hand releasing its tight grip on his book, he reached up to push his hair back behind his ear. His hair was always in his way lately. Perhaps he should cut it, he thought. Mouth opened, tongue slightly jutting out to wet his lips.

"I heard a rumour you were here, Doctor Reid." He jumped at the sound of his name, wished he had just another moment to collect himself. He looked to see the young carer stood beside him, a warm smile on her face. Reid gulped.

"How's she doing?" He asked after a moment, his eyes moving away from the nurse and back towards his mother. He could hear the woman beside him explaining the details of his mother's current state but Reid wasn't listening. He knew it would be the same thing he always heard and he was tired of being told Schizophrenia was a 'lifetime illness'. He knew that. Of course he knew that.

"She'll be so excited you were finally able to get here, in person." Reid looked back towards the nurse and his mouth scrunched up, deliberating over his next move.

"Actually, I think I'll just let her rest today." Reid saw the woman's eyebrows rise for a moment before a look of disappointment washed over her.

"Rest?" She asked, her voice saddened. Reid gulped down his guilt and nodded quickly, mentally cursing as a strand of hair fell loose again from the movement.

"Yeah, I-I'll come back tomorrow." He rushed out as an explanation before he turned and began his retreat.

All he could see was his mother's drooped face, her eyebrows forever pushed together in a frown. He knew that he was the cause of most of her wrinkles and the guilt was drowning him. He had to leave, had to be anywhere but the place that made his mother so god damn miserable. He was too busy muttering to himself to notice the girl standing in front of him, of whom he ran into moments later.

Reid looked up in alarm at the sudden contact, his arms automatically reaching out to grab the woman's shoulders and steady her. He pretended not to notice when she flinched at the contact. The girl looked up at him with wide eyes, her mouth parted ever so slightly and her eyebrows furrowed in the subtlest of ways. Reid wasn't sure what it was exactly, but something in her eyes made it hard for him to look away.

And so, they stood frozen like that. She could feel her skin burning under where his hands were touching her and her chest was heaving as panic bubbled inside her. Reid could feel his chest erupting too, but with a different sensation. It was a sensation that he did not recognise and could not even begin to understand. Then, the girl blinked and the trance Reid had been under dissolved. He quickly pulled his hands back firmly to his sides and swallowed hard, his own eyes blinking in quick succession.

"I-I'm sorry." Reid forced the words out and her eyebrows furrowed further when she heard them, a prominent crease forming between her brows. She raised her hand and gripped to her shoulder, the same place his hand had been, her fingers pressing harshly into the skin.

She was still staring at him and he could feel himself sweating. Why was she staring at him? He swallowed again and realised the dry feeling had returned to his mouth. He licked his lips to help moisten them and noticed that as he did so, her gaze dropped to his mouth. He could feel his fingers tapping against the sides of his legs nervously and for once in his life, Reid couldn't think of anything to say. He felt the urge to keep walking, to walk past this girl and never look back. But his feet were locked into place and he couldn't for the life of him figure out what was keeping him there.

"Doctor Reid?" He heard the familiar voice from the nurse earlier but still, he couldn't bring himself to avert his gaze from the strange girl in front of him. He felt the nurse's presence beside him, heard her sigh.

"Dakota, you've been told about bothering visitors." The girl's eyes abruptly snapped to stare at the nurse, her gaze hardening into something Reid had to admit slightly scared him. It was hostile and extremely visceral and Reid wouldn't have been surprised if she had bared her teeth and growled.

"I'm not bothering anyone." Reid jumped slightly at the sound of her voice. It was timid and very soft, as though she was trying her best to stay out of everybody's way. The girl, Dakota, then looked back at Reid and he raised his eyebrows slightly, tensing under her gaze once again. "Am I? Doctor Reid."

Reid gulped when she spoke his name and before he had thought about it he was nodding his head, agreeing to whatever she had said. What had she said? He couldn't remember, could only remember the way she had said his name, Doctor, didn't dare imagine the way his first name would sound rolling off her tongue. He felt something surge through him, something filthy, and he clenched his hands into fists at the feeling.

"E-excuse me." He stumbled out, stepping around the small girl and walking as fast as he could out of the building. What was that feeling? What were those thoughts that had flooded his mind? His name on her lips had him excited in ways he didn't understand, didn't want to think about. He took a deep breath the moment he stepped out through the entryway and into fresh air. He needed to calm down his frazzled mind, regain a semblance of his composure.

Of course he'd experienced sexual desire before, but he'd never felt such a strong reaction to the way a woman had spoken to him. Even he, as sexually inexperienced as he might have been, needed more stimulation than that to get off. Or so he had thought. Reid pushed the train of thought from his mind completely, couldn't linger on the memory although he knew he would never forget it. That damn brain of his, Reid thought.

It wasn't until he was half way back to his hotel that Reid realised the book he was still holding. It was wrapped in brown paper, a last minute gift that he had intended to give to his mother. Reid cursed himself for forgetting about it, too concerned in his haste to get away that he hadn't given it to the nurse before he left.

Chewing absentmindedly on his bottom lip he glanced out the window of the cab he was in, noting that the sun was beginning to set. He knew visiting hours would be over by the time he returned and he was better off waiting until the following day, but something inside of him couldn't stop thinking about that girl. He wanted to see her again. She was an enigma in his brain and Reid never left a puzzle unsolved.

"Excuse me, sorry," Reid leant forward, earning the cab drivers attention. "Could you please turn around? I forgot something."

Shaking fingers lifted the cigarette to her lips and she inhaled deeply, a sense of calm washing over her almost immediately. She loosened her grip on the material of her skirt, looking down at the crinkled fabric and smoothing her hand over it. She let her eyes flutter closed as she exhaled and a flash of messy, blonde hair surged through her mind.

"It's almost 6pm. You need to come back inside, Dakota." Her eyes snapped open again and she looked behind her, towards the front of the Sanatorium, where a nurse was looking at her exasperatedly. Dakota raised the cigarette in the form of an explanation and the woman let out a sigh before her shoulders dropped in defeat. "5 minutes."

Dakota turned back towards the long driveway leading out to the road and took another puff, her focus drifting to the image of a taxi approaching the building. She watched curiously as it pulled up almost directly in front of her and, after an extended pause, the back door opened.

Lanky legs pulled a skinny body from the cab, and Dakota was affronted with the same blonde hair she had been seeing when she closed her eyes. Reid was surprised for a moment to see her standing outside the hospital but his question died the moment his eyes met hers. For a moment he was worried it would be a repeat of earlier, but then she blew a puff of smoke out of pursed lips and he cleared his throat quickly.

"You're back." She stated softly, her eyes trailing down his body slowly before she looked back to his eyes again. Her free hand had clenched up her skirt once again, wrinkles forming where they had previously been smoothed out.

"I forgot something." Reid explained, and Dakota looked down at the book he was holding between fidgeting fingers. "Margery Kempe…" Reid could feel his foot start to tap lightly against the ground and the urge to get back inside the cab and forget this ever happened was starting to sound better and better in his mind. She intimidated him.

And as if the universe had heard his silent plea, the cab driver ducked his head out the window and yelled, "Hey, are you getting back in or what?" Reid turned to look back at the man in the taxi and Dakota glanced momentarily at him before looking back at the book in Reid's hands.

"I love Margery Kempe." She all but whispered, and Reid turned back to her in surprise. The cab driver yelled again and Reid found himself shaking his head before he knew what he was doing. The driver muttered something under his breath before pulling off the curb and beginning his decent back down the long driveway.

Dakota's eyes slowly lifted back up to meet his and they stared at each other for a long moment, each searching the other for some sort of answer. Reid watched as her eyes widened suddenly and her gaze dropped back down towards the book. But she wasn't looking at the book, Reid could see. She was looking at… his watch?

"5 minutes." She said suddenly, before she bit down harshly on her lip and dropped her cigarette to the ground beneath them, quickly stomping it out. She reached towards his hand but then paused, and Reid found himself holding his breath though he wasn't sure why. Dakota looked back up at him unsurely, a silent question in her gaze, of which Reid answered when he lifted his hand just enough for their fingers to brush.

The next moment she was lacing her bony fingers through his and pulling him with her back towards the building. She didn't go through the front entryway, instead leading him to the side of the building towards another door, much less conspicuous. Reid didn't question her actions, deducing that visitor hours were over and she knew that he would be asked to leave once he was seen. Why wasn't he leaving? Reid didn't even know who this girl was. Why was he letting her sneak him into a mental hospital?

Reid would admit that he had made some questionable choices during his time working at the BAU but he'd never done something this unexplainable. There was no logic behind his current actions, but he didn't try to stop her when she snuck him inside and past the nurse's office, nor did he argue when she gently opened a door marked 089 and pulled him inside.

Dakota closed the door quietly behind her, letting her fingers untangle from his as she did so. Reid immediately wiped his palm on the side of his pants, only just realising how sweaty it had gotten. When had that happened?

She turned slowly, her back leaning against the closed door, as she carefully surveyed him. Reid felt increasingly uncomfortable in this foreign room, frozen under this stranger's gaze. A moment later she pushed herself off of the door and walked past him, to her bed. She sat down on the side of the mattress and crossed one leg over the other, and Reid tried not to look at her thigh where her skirt had ridden up.

"What kind of doctor are you?" Dakota asked suddenly, and Reid felt extremely thrown off guard by the question.

"Uh, I-I have PhD's in Mathematics, Chemistry and Engineering… As well as BA's in Psychology and uh, Sociology…" He listed off his degrees robotically, having had to explain this a countless number of times before. He waited for the surprised raise of eyebrows, or maybe a look of disbelief. Nothing. Her gaze remained blank, her eyes narrowed ever so slightly as she looked at him.

"How smart are you?" She finally asked, and Reid was strangely relieved to be given a question he could easily answer.

"I have an IQ of 187." He watched as she slowly bit down on her lip again, his gaze automatically drawn to it. A moment later she averted her gaze as her fingers began playing with a loose thread on her skirt.

"That must be terribly lonely." Reid blinked at the statement, never having received such a response before. He was used to admiration or disbelief, not understanding. Never understanding.

"It…is. Sometimes." Dakota nodded her head solemnly before she looked back up at him, and Reid could see her lip was slightly redder from where she had sunk her teeth into it.

"So if you're so smart… Why did you follow me in here?" Reid couldn't keep up with her, couldn't get a grasp on her train of thought. He furrowed his eyebrows as he thought for an answer to her question, but came up empty handed. Why had he followed her inside?

"Not everything can be explained that easily." He finally settled on his answer, one side of his mouth scrunching slightly as he shrugged. She didn't respond to that, seemingly content with his explanation, and they stayed in silence for a long moment. Reid shifted his weight slightly and Dakota furrowed her eyebrows, noticing his discomfort.

"Would you… like to sit with me?" She asked hesitantly, and Reid paused a moment before he carefully walked to the side of the bed. He glanced at her for a prolonged moment, noting her fingers fidgeting and her averted gaze. She was clearly uncomfortable with contact, so he made sure to leave a considerable space between them on the mattress when he sat down.

Dakota stayed quiet for another moment before she lifted her feet off the floor and turned her body towards Reid, crossing her legs underneath herself. He continued looking at her from the corner of his eye, unsure what to do. He felt a soft nudge against the side of his leg and finally turned his head to look at her properly. She made a gesture with her hands and he slowly turned to face her as well, copying her cross-legged position on the bed.

Smiling lightly, Dakota relaxed her posture and Reid had to try to ignore the feeling of utter content that was washing over him. He shouldn't have felt this comfortable sitting on a bed inside a mental hospital, with a girl he knew absolutely nothing about. So why did he?

"I'm not crazy." She said suddenly, the words seeming rushed as they fell from her lips. Reid looked at her questioningly and she tilted her head slightly, her eyes locking with his. "Much." She shrugged.

Reid gulped, one side of his mouth lifting into a smile for a fraction of a second before he pushed it back down again. He fingered the material of the bed sheet as he profiled her, trying to understand more about this girl.

He could see that her fingers shook lightly when they weren't clenched into fists, though he remembered that they had been steady earlier when she was smoking. He thought that must have been due to some sort of anxiety, and she seemed to rely on nicotine as a means to calm herself. He could also see that the bottom of her hair was cut unevenly where it rested just above her shoulders and he deduced she must have done it herself, perhaps recently. That meant she was impulsive and probably reckless.

He noticed she was biting her lip again and thought that must have been a nervous tendency. The bones of her knees and elbows jutted out at awkward angles and he knew she was definitely underweight. He could also see small cuts littered about her body, some longer than others, some definitively angrier than others.

He could more or less deduce that she had been committed after a suicide attempt of some sort – he thought pills maybe, because she wouldn't have wanted to be a hassle – but Reid did not know why she was still here. Usually, suicidal patients would be committed for a short period of time and then released back into the care of a guardian. Unless… Ah, that was it. She did not have a strong parental figure in her life. That probably explained her hesitance towards human contact – she had been denied it for a long time.

"How long have you been here?" Reid asked her softly and Dakota let out an inaudible sigh, one hand reaching up to scratch at her head.

"One year… four months… eighteen days." She wasn't looking at him anymore, her eyes out of focus. He was quiet for a long moment, deliberating whether or not to ask his next question.

"Why don't you leave?" Her eyes suddenly focused back on him, her eyebrows furrowing together.

"Leave?" She repeated, as if she did not understand the meaning of the word. Reid opened his mouth but then closed it again, trying to make sense of his thoughts before he spoke tactlessly. He had a terrible habit of doing that.

"You're clearly not… ill. A simple psych evaluation and you would be released." Reid explained slowly, and Dakota lowered her eyes again. He noted that she was staring at his hands, which were still fidgeting with the bed sheet. She looked back up after a moment, done thinking, and smiled what Reid thought was the saddest smile he had ever seen.

"I have nowhere to go." She shrugged, the smile dropping from her lips. "This is my home." Reid furrowed his brow at her answer, his head shaking slightly.

"No, it's not. This is a mental institution…" He could see that her words were affecting her, though he wasn't sure it was in the way he had hoped. She seemed to be tensing up, invisible walls rising at a rapid speed, closing her off more than she already was. "You don't belong here." Reid said the words quietly, tried to be soothing, leant into her slightly in what he hoped was a comforting way.

She was biting harshly on her lip, releasing it every few seconds just to bite down on it again. Reid could see he had made her panic, and he could see that it was getting worse as each moment passed. He racked his brain for what to do as he watched her fingernails dig harshly into the palms of her hands as she clenched her fists. A self-destructive habit, Reid noted.

Without thinking, he reached out his hand and gently took hold of the fingers on one of her hands, pulling them away from her palm. She let out a small gasp at the contact, the panic clearing from her eyes as she looked at him in surprise and concern.

"It's okay…" He whispered carefully, reaching out his free hand and taking hold of her other hand. He watched her carefully, ready to pull away if she reacted badly. When he saw only an unsure look in her eyes, he decided he was allowed to gently lace his fingers through hers, much like she had done earlier with him.

She breathed out an uneven breath but made no move to pull away. The feeling, although foreign, was not unpleasant and she did not want it to stop just yet. He noticed her inch closer to him on the bed and he lowered his head slightly, his eyes dropping from her face to their entwined hands. Reid ran his thumb gently over her skin and heard her inhale lightly, her fingers gripping to him slightly tighter.

If he couldn't explain the sensation he had felt earlier, he sure as hell couldn't explain what it was he was feeling now. All he knew was that it felt like his lungs were too full and his ribs were ready to break free of his body, felt like his chest would explode with every heaving breath, felt like he could melt. What was happening to him?

His hair fell forward again from the angle his head was at and Reid let out a sigh, carefully pulling one of his hands away from hers. Before he could reach up and push it back he felt her fingers on the side of his face, gently pushing the hair away. He looked up in surprise, not having expected it from her, and saw that she looked just as uncertain as he felt.

"I… need to cut my hair." Reid spoke softly, the words seemingly coming from his mouth without his permission. He hadn't even realised that particular thought was in his mind but he had told her anyway, wanted to tell her anything, everything. Wanted to know everything.

"No. Don't do that." Dakota responded, her fingers still buried in his mess of hair although his face was no long obscured. He could feel her fingers gently pull at the strands before she ran her hand through the mess, stopping at the ends and gripping them lightly. "It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful." He had done it again – speaking without thinking. Why did he keep doing that around her? She looked at him with sad eyes before her hand dropped back down to the bed. She immediately reached for his hand again and Reid watched as she hesitated, lingering just out of his reach, before she reached out fully and laced their fingers back together. Reid gulped down the bubbling in the back of his throat. He felt like he was going to throw up. Was he sick?

"Doctor Reid-,"

"Spencer." He interrupted her before he could stop himself. He couldn't stand hearing her calling him doctor, it made his stomach clench and made his blood rush and he didn't think he could bear it.

"…Spencer." His stomach dropped even further when his name floated from her lips. Oh, that was definitely worse. "Is that okay?" She asked, and Reid noted that she was referring to her using his name. He nodded immediately because oh god, it was so much more than okay. He wondered what she would think if he asked her to never stop saying his name. He wanted to hear it on repeat, because he'd just realised that no one had ever said it right until now.

She opened her mouth again to speak but was abruptly cut off by her door opening, the light from the hall outside pulling both of them out of whatever sort of moment they had been sharing. A surprised looking nurse stood in the doorway, her eyes wide and her eyebrows raised. She gathered herself after a moment, adjusting the clipboard she held in her arms.

"Uh, I'm sorry but visiting hours were over quite some time ago. You'll need to leave, sir." Reid cleared his throat, hesitated a long moment before reluctantly untangling their hands and pulling himself off of her bed. The nurse's eyes widened for a second time upon realising who he was, apparently surprised to find him of all people in Dakota's room.

"Doctor Reid…" She stated in surprise. Reid nodded once before he walked past her, pausing in the doorway to glance back at the girl sitting on the bed. Her head was lowered and Reid could see her hands were clenched into fists again. He hoped she wasn't digging her nails into her palms but thought she probably was. He wanted to tell her to stop, wanted to tell her never to hurt herself, but his mouth was dry again and his words were stuck at the back of his throat.

He waited for a long moment, hoped desperately that she would say something, that she would just look at him one more time. But then the nurse coughed in an unsubtle way and Reid had to force his legs to begin walking and just like that, she disappeared from his sight. He could hear the nurse saying something to him but he wasn't listening. The only thing on his mind was her voice, and the way her lips had looked when she'd said his name. Spencer.

a/n

...Wow! Hi there! Long time no see! I'm back, and this time with a Criminal Minds fanfiction! I've spent the last few weeks shamelessly fantasising about Reid and finally decided I should write a story about him!

So, about this story... It's going to jump through time periods pretty quickly, it won't be a typical story that carries on one day after another, so I hope you'll enjoy that! I also hope you enjoyed this first chapter... If you did, please take a minute to leave me a review! Any critique or advice you have will be appreciated as well, so don't be shy!

I'm a pretty self conscious person so if I don't get a good reception on this first chapter I'll probably not continue this and pretend it never happened... So even if you're not someone who reviews, give it a favourite and let me know you're interested in continuing to read! Thank you to anyone who supports me and this story! xx