Under this killing moon
Under this burning sky
The fire's shining groom
I hold my breath and close my eyes
–Under a Killing Moon, Thrice
"Things always happen for a reason, dear, it's called fate, mummy has to do this. dad will keep you safe, Remus." Caroline Lupin wrapped her arms around Remus' small, frail body.
Remus didn't understand. Mummy was going away? When would she come back? He looked up at her, and, despite his confusion, murmured in agreement.
Theodore Lupin was crying. Tears streamed down his face, gushing and flowing.
"Caroline."
"Teddy, my dear teddy, keep my baby safe. keep our baby safe."
Then she was out, her knife raised and slashing expertly.
The creature did not care. It didn't care that it was being slashed and cut. It cared only that this was fresh meat in front of it. Fresh meat. Blood. Food. Prey. The creature screeched and cried then launched itself at her. There was red and there were screams and then there was silence. Hunting time was over. Away. The creature was sorry. It didn't mean to be a monster.
Remus opened his eyes, blinking at the bright white surrounding him.
"Mummy?" he called out, but didn't get a reply.
"Daddy!" he cried out, insistently.
"Shh, remus, your mother is gone! gone!" Theodore shouted back, his voice rising towards the end of the sentence.
Remus was taken aback. Dad never shouted like that.
"You're not dad."
"Remus, listen, listen to me. You are not human anymore. You are a monster now, and there is nothing you can do about it. Do you remember the monster that your mother was fighting? You are it now. We have to go, before they find out." Theodore grabbed Remus' wrist and pulled him out of bed, then drew out his wand, looked around, and apparated back to the Lupin House. Remus wash sure he heard him whisper "this is all your fault," as they had left.
Remus was terrified. He didn't want to be a monster. He wanted his mummy.
5 years later, Lupin House
It was remus' 11th birthday today. he had foolishly hoped that maybe, just maybe, his father would remember this year. He had been stupid to think his father would even spare a thought for the useless occasion.
He remembered his father telling him, when he was much younger, that he had begun school at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at age 11. Remus would never be able to go. He had too many secrets, too much to hide. It was safer for everyone if he stayed where he was, attempted to live his life out as a muggle with monthly problems.
A bitter laugh escaped him at the thought of that. A monthly problem? A beast was unleashed inside him every time the moon shone full and there was nothing he could do to control it, except scratch and claw at himself, in an attempt to stop himself hurting others. He hated to think about it, he hated knowing that that was him, that always would be. He was glad when his father shouted for him, yanking him out of his reverie.
"F-father?" he asked quietly, praying he hadn't said it too annoyingly or quietly.
"Remus. I can't look after you, you know that. I can't patch you up after you give yourself those – not undeserved – cuts and scratches. An offer has been put forward by Albus Dumbledore and we both would be stupid to not accept. You're going to Hogwarts. They will let you monster in a place away from others every month, and no one shall be informed. You must not disclose your ailment to anyone, at all."
Theodore lupin proclaimed all this in one bored, expressionless breath.
Bewilderment took Remus over. hHe was going to Hogwarts. He was going to actual, real Hogwarts. What had he ever done to deserve such treatment? Certainly nothing good enough to be granted permission to go to Hogwarts.
"Y-yes, father," Remus stuttered, then walked off in a dazed stupor.
"I have already owled him with my consent, you will leave for the station on September 1st. I trust you can find your way," Theodore called after him.
No, he couldn't, but he had to find out. He had 2 days.
It was two days later, and Remus Lupin stood, mouth wide open in shock, on platform nine and three-quarters. He had two small suitcases with him, containing books and robes he had managed to rustle up and find in second hand shops and his father's attic.
He was already dressed in uniform, bar the robes, since he had been so desperate to wear them, much to his father's annoyance. He looked around and watched parents hugging and kissing their children, wishing them luck and telling them they loved them. Remus wondered why they were doing this. Affection showed you had weaknesses, father had always told him. He needed to be strong.
He took a deep breath and walked up to the scarlet steam train, squeezing his eyes shut and then opening them again. This was it. This was his chance to be normal. To be human.
As he boarded the train, Remus couldn't help but break into a wide grin. This was actually happening. He wandered along the aisle, looking in on compartments and waiting to come across an empty one. Don't get close to people, his father had said, you don't want them to see your monster.
He found one right at the end and gratefully chucked his luggage in and flopped down over two seats.
After taking a moment to collect himself, he shoved his cases on the rack and sat back down opening A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot. He had expected to be more behind than other children, so had spent the past two days reading every spare second he had. Consequently, he had barely had a wink of sleep and so fell asleep after reading for about 5 minutes.
"I expect we'll be arriving in about 15 minutes, i'd get up if i were you," said a voice, accompanied by a hand shaking his shoulder. Remus opened his eyes and shot up, startling the red-haired girl shaking him awake.
"Evans. Lily Evans," she said, holding out her hand.
"Remus Lupin," he responded quietly, taking her hand but dropping it after a second.
"Well, come along, Remus, you know you don't move at all when you're sleep? it's unsettling," she informed him.
"Oh," was all he said, reaching up to grab his cases.
She raised an eyebrow, "most 11 year olds can't lift a trunk with one hand– two trunks."
"I'm not most 11 year olds." And with that, Remus walked out of the compartment and made his way down the aisle, ready to leave the train.
After a short while, the train finally pulled to stop, very suddenly and with no warning. Subsequently, Remus was thrown right into someone.
"Watch where you're going, idiot," hissed the person who he'd bumped into. He had shoulder-length white hair, but not the sort you'd find on elderly people, more a very, very platinum blond.
"I- I'm so sorry," Remus managed to say, then ducked his head and stumbled away.
"3 ter' a boat, on ye' get, c'mon firsties!" came the loud, earth-shaking voice of Rubeus Hagrid, the gamekeeper.
"Hullo, son, you want to get on one the boats?" Hagrid asked Remus in a friendly voice.
"O-oh, y-yes, of course," Remus stuttered and hurried onto a boat with Lily Evans and a black-haired boy with glasses and hazel eyes.
"Hello!" said the boy, his hair sticking up at all angles.
"Hi," Remus replied, significantly more quietly.
"What's your name then? i'm James."
"Remus Lupin," he replied, with a small smile.
"Potter, James Potter."
Remus blinked in surprise. The Potters were a well-respected wizarding family and were not known to have such a scruffy atmosphere surrounding them.
"You both know me already, so no point introducing myself?" Lily put in, with a kind smile.
Remus smiled but it soon faded off his face when he remembered his father's words, don't get close to anyone, they're going to find out.
"You all right, lad? You've been looking a bit sickly the past 5 minutes," asked James, concerned.
"Oh y-yes, I'm quite al-alright," Remus replied, a weak smile gracing his face.
"Look!" Lily cried out, pointing, "Hogwarts," she whispered, awe in her voice.
Remus would have been lying if he said he wasn't equally as taken aback.
From their position, he could only see a small part of the castle, but still, it towered high above him, lit up in a warm, welcoming way. It had the atmosphere of the home Remus had always dreamed of. This is home, from now on. Remus almost audibly gasped when they turned a corner and the castle was exposed in its entirety. It was so majestic and magnificent, smiling almost patronisingly at them, the way a nurse might when they have a childish patient. Home. All around Remus, people were raving about the castle, but he heard none of the chatter, only focusing on how breathtakingly unreal the place looked. He lightly tapped his arm, this really was real, it was really happening. He had a home.
"Er, James? I have a question," Remus murmured as everyone got off the boats.
"Fire away," James replied with a toothy grin.
"Am I supposed to use people's surnames when talking to them?" He whispered, embarrassed that he'd had to ask.
James chuckled, "only if you're not friends with them, you're my friend so i'll call you Remus, yeah?"
"Yeah," Remus said, and in that moment he forgot meaningless promises and useless vows to stay away from others, because he had friends. He had friends and it felt amazing.
"First years, good evening! I will now take you on into the Great Hall. When you are there, you will be called to the stool in no particular order, and asked to place the Sorting Hat on your head. After some contemplation, the Hat will choose which house you will be in, and you must go sit at the designated table for that house. Good luck, and may the Hat have mercy," someone remus knew to be Professor McGonagall announced, eyes sweeping over the crowd.
There was silence prior to her speech, so she began to lead them into the Hall, ushering them along.
There was a stool in the middle of the stage in front of a long table where all the staff sat, and an old, worn hat placed atop.
"Veness, Kerry," Professor McGonagall read out from the parchment in her hands.
A small, shaking figure made her way up to the stool, sitting down and placing the hat on her head. It was rather large and unfortunately slipped down over her eyes, obscuring her face.
After about 30 seconds, the hat cried out "HUFFLEPUFF!"
The girl looked relieved and rushed over to join the table with yellow banners.
"Black, Sirius," said Professor McGonagall.
From what Remus knew of that family, there was no chance the boy would end up anywhere but Slytherin.
The boy walked up to the stool confidently, his hair a bit longer and shaggier than the regular 11 year old boy's but still falling into his eyes in a picture-perfect way.
The hat must have sat on his head for about a minute and a half before it cried out "GRYFFINDOR!"
The entire hall fell into a stunned silence. A Black in Gryffindor? That really was quite a shock, but the Sorting Hat never misjudged.
"GOD IS REAL!" a Gryffindor yelled, and was replied to with much laughter.
After the hall recovered and a few more names were called, James Potter and Lily Evans, his new friends, were both sorted into Gryffindor, along with a slightly shorter than average boy with blond hair. Alas, McGonagall called out "Lupin, Remus!"
He made his way up to the stool, trying to act as confident as James and Lily– and even Sirius Black.
The Hat sat comfortably on his head.
"My oh my! Interesting one here! A werewolf?" said the Hat, inside Remus' head.
"I think i know exactly where to put you– no scratch that 'i think' because i know where you belong, my boy, and that is GRYFFINDOR!" the Hat said the last word out loud, allowing the whole hall to hear.
Remus was completely shocked. Utterly and completely taken aback. His father had made it clear that the Hat would place him in Slytherin, because he was a dark creature.
The Gryffindor table clapped and cheered and some clapped him in the back as he walked along the table, spotting a seat beside James and Lily.
"We're all Gryffindor, huh? That's pretty cool, we could be like, the ultimate friendship group!" James exclaimed excitedly,"The Amazing Trio!"
Before Remus could stop himself, he was laughing and smiling and having a good time. For perhaps the first time in his life that he could remember, he felt like he belonged somewhere.
After the sorting finished, none other than Albus Dumbledore stood up and called for attention.
"Hello students, and welcome to a new year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. To our old faces, welcome back. To our new faces, I hope you enjoy your stay here, as you will hopefully be staying for at least 6 years. Whilst you are here, you will spend most of your time with your house. Let them be your friends, let them act as your family, treat them well, but remember to do the same for other houses, as house respect and unity is one of our greatest goals for this school. However, I shall not keep you from your food a minute longer! Please, dine!"
A cheer echoed through the hall as food appeared on the gold and silver platters and plates set out.
Remus gasped and his eyes widened as he saw the large portions of food on all the silver platters. Lost in his amazement and wonder, Remus thoughtlessly picked up a serving spoon and tugged the platter towards him slightly.
The second his hand came in contact with the platter, Remus drew it back, hissing in pain. He had to remember to be more careful around the plates.
"Are you alright?" came a voice, which belonged to a boy with shaggy black hair, just past his ears, who Remus identified as Sirius Black.
"Yes, I'm fine," Remus chuckled nervously.
Black peered at him suspiciously and grabbed his hand, seeing the small burn mark immediately.
"The platters aren't that hot at all! How did you manage to burn yourself?" Black questioned, insistently.
"He's right, how did you do that?" James put in, noticing the small commotion.
Lily tentatively reached out her hand and quickly rested the back of her hand against the silver.
"Lukewarm at most," she supplied.
A small blond boy to the right of James with fascinatingly blue eyes informed them, "he probably touched it just before the cooling charms set in."
"Yeah must've been, what's your name?" Remus asked, eternally grateful to this boy.
"Peter. Peter Pettigrew."
"I'm Remus Lupin, nice to meet you." Remus continued serving his food after this short exchange.
Just as the topic of Remus' burn began to fade, a tall blonde girl with dark eyes leaned over and said, "you know, I've heard silver burns those who hide their true form, like a purity test. I bet he's a hag or something in disguise, though his disguise isn't that great!" she cackled, along with two other girls who she had seemingly already picked up as her sides.
"Nobody asked for your worthless opinion, mudblood," Remus hissed at her before anyone could get a word in.
Everyone who heard the remark fell silent.
"How dare you?" the girl shouted at him, anger echoing in her voice.
"Lupin, what the hell?" asked Black, astounded.
"You can talk, Sirius Black!" Remus replied, then got up and moved to an empty seat right at the end.
He hadn't meant to say any of that. The full moon was tomorrow and with someone mentioning him being associated with dark creatures, it had been too much.
Remus was angry with himself. His mother had been a muggle, for god's sake!
He picked at his food until the dinner was finally over, then sulkily ran to where he knew his dormitory would be. He had found a map of Hogwarts and made it his business to learn every corner of it.
As he made his way up the stairs to the first year boy's dorm, Remus reflected on how awfully his first day had gone. He was so stupid.
At least this way he wouldn't risk getting close to anyone, he thought bitterly.
"Oh wonderful! I have to share a room with the racist!" Pettigrew yelled in mock delight as he entered the dormitory, but he flushed and shut up immediately after saying it, then looked at Potter.
"I wonder if we can petition to kick him out? Maybe swap him with Longbottom, he seemed like a nice fellow!" Potter joined in, almost acting as if Remus wasn't there.
Black said nothing.
"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" Remus muttered, but he wasn't talking to the boys.
"Maybe you should've shut up when you used the m-word!" Potter said, glaring at him in contempt.
"Go away, go away, everything's fine!" Remus whisper-shouted to himself.
"What are you, crazy?" Potter taunted, and Pettigrew laughed in the background.
"Please, please, don't hurt them." Remus clenched his fists and squeezed his eyes shut. The wolf was awake, and not leaving.
"Woah–," Potter started, but Black interrupted him.
"Shut up, Potter!" Black said, looking at Remus with a concerned and slightly scared expression.
"Lupin, do you want to leave? There's a bathroom on the second floor," Black told him.
Remus ran out without a second thought.
"Black, why are you being nice to him?" Potter asked Sirius, confused.
"Yeah! He's racist and completely mad, by the looks of it," Pettigrew put in.
"He looked on the verge of a mental breakdown. I cut him some. He'll get it for the racism later," Sirius explained stonily.
"He's right though, you're one to talk, your family probably sacrifice muggles in their spare time!" Potter said.
"I am nothing like my family. They'll probably disown me when they find out my house, which delightful cousin Bellatrix has probably owled them about already," Sirius explained in one breath.
"Oh," was all Potter could say.
In the bathroom, Remus was panicking immensely. He couldn't afford to lose control this easily, he should never have come to Hogwarts. Everyone hated him, and that's before they've realised he's a monster.
His mother's words came to him as tears streamed down his face and he tugged at his hair.
"Sometimes people do bad things, but that doesn't always mean they're bad people."
I am not a bad person.
I will not become the monster my father says I am.
I am not a monster.
Remus did not agree with his thoughts, but he supposed he'd have to learn to. He'd have to learn to pretend he was human when he was around people, which he would be a lot of the time.
Peter lay down in his bed and drew the hangings.
I'm a Gryffindor, he thought, an actual Gryffindor.
I'll make you proud, mum and dad, I am not a coward. Peter smiled and drifted off to sleep with this thought. He had friends, people who cared about him. He had somewhere he just might belong, and he was not going to mess this up. He was not going to live up to his expectations.
I will stick by my friends and my house, I will be a Gryffindor, he thought.
That night, Peter dreamt of lions and snakes fighting to the death. That night, Peter dreamt of him fighting with his lions, protecting them. Peter dreamt of everything he'd ever wished for, and promised, when he awoke in the early hours of the morning, that he would make his dream a reality.
(a/n)
hi! i'm elijah. i'm really invested in the marauders era i lovE. so yeah cool hope u enjoy leave a vote and comment love u bye
alsoalsoalso at the start remus' mum had to fight a werewolf if you didn't get that bc it seems confusing am i talking to myself