Author's Note: You may have wondered where I have been for the last couple of months and whether I'd ever write the next part of General Jack Year 4. Here is the reason. I was writing this story for the third annual Jack ficathon. Many thanks to Su, Jackie and Nutty for the betas and the support. The plot bunny I was given to write will be at the end of the story.
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Episode tag
Pairings: None (some mention of canon Jack/other)
Spoilers: Hathor, Brief Candle, Into the Fire, Foothold, A Hundred Days, Shades of Grey
Season: 3
Grey Dims to Black - Part 1
"We drew straws. I lost."
Jack stood, in the middle of the corridor, expecting his teammates to turn around and smile, laugh, anything – anything to show they were joking, but it didn't happen. They disappeared around the corner, heading for the elevators, and he just stood there – stunned, still with the ridiculous half-smile on his face as if waiting for the punch line.
Avoiding the curious eyes of a passing airman, he pushed his hands into his pockets and slowly turned in the same direction his team had taken, his thoughts returning to the brief conversation. He had told them it was all an act, but surely they had known that without him needing to explain? Their friendships were solid, nothing had changed.
Had it?
Perhaps it had. Perhaps this had been one undercover mission too many, especially so soon after being stranded on Edora for months. They hadn't had a chance to talk, for him to thank them for what they did to rescue him before he was thrust into the middle of the whole rogue NID mess.
The beginning of what he recognized as the headaches he'd been getting for days now sent a small spike of pain flying behind his eyes and he raised a hand to massage the back of his neck, grimacing at the high ridge of scar tissue that reached to below his collar.
It had been one hell of a crappy year.
There was no point trying to catch up with the others now – he had heard the elevator come and go again while he had been standing there. He had to get checked out by the Doc first anyway then he'd go home and get some rest.
Maybe he'd have a barbecue.
Yep, that was the best idea – invite a few people around and relax with his friends.
It'd be fine.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Cassie stretched, bent, touched her toes and spun, her arms flying out from her body. "Then we're going to do this." She stopped and stuck a pose reminiscent of a diver preparing to jump from a springboard. "Well, what do you think?"
"Looks good." Giving the girl a tired smile, Jack tried to muster some enthusiasm. "You'll be the hit of the talent contest."
"It isn't just me. I'm a member of the Foxy Flings."
"Don't say it, sir. I've already tried to explain how inappropriate the name is." Janet fixed her hat more firmly on her head and tipped her sunglasses down to glare at her daughter. "You have no idea ..."
With all the drama only a young teenage girl can produce, Cassie rolled her eyes. "I'm too young to be foxy and fling isn't a good word either. Give it a rest, Mom. We like the name. It's perfect."
Jack couldn't help smiling at the exasperated and very loud sigh Janet gave. It seemed Cassie wasn't the only one in his yard who was good at drama.
"Hey, Jack, the grill's hot and the steaks are waiting. When did Daniel and Sam say they were getting here?"
The momentary lightening of his mood was broken as Jack turned to look at Lou Ferretti. The other man gave him a look that would have done Teal'c proud, his eyebrow raised in enquiry. Jack felt a pang of disappointment that his alien friend wasn't there, helping with the cooking instead of offworld on some adventure with Bra'tac.
"They didn't, but I'm sure they won't be long." Jack strode towards the house. "I'm getting another beer. You throw the steaks on the grill."
He didn't stop until he reached his kitchen, but once there he turned his back to the window, resting it against the bench, and rubbed a hand wearily across his eyes. He stayed like that, his hand pressing into his closed eyelids for a minute, wishing he hadn't suggested the barbecue.
It was a stupid idea. As if some salads and steak could erase his team's anger at his actions.
Grabbing a beer from the refrigerator, he twisted off the top and took a long gulp, emptying a good portion of the bottle in one go before pulling some plates from a cupboard.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
"Where the hell are you?" Janet hissed the words into her cell, a hand concealing it from a casual glance through the kitchen window. "You told me you were coming."
Prodding a steak with the long barbecue fork, Lou listened, frowning as he kept a watch out for the colonel's return. He had seen the look that ghosted briefly across his friend's face just before he went back into the house and felt a cold chill down his spine. There had been a time Jack had sunk so low Lou had thought he would never be able to get up again. That look had become familiar then. That cold, hurt, despairing look, a look that said he was all too willing to pay the price for his actions.
"Listen Daniel, I don't give a shit about your excuses. You get over here. NOW!"
"Mom? What's going on?"
Lou saw Janet visibly rein in her temper as she put her cell back into her pocket and turned to her daughter.
"Daniel's running late. He said he had a lot of work and needed to catch up, but I told him lunch was almost ready. He'll be here soon."
"What about Sam?"
"I couldn't get hold of her – just her voicemail. Maybe she's on her way." She gave a bright smile. "How about you go see if Uncle Jack needs help carrying anything out? The salad we brought is in the refrigerator, you could bring that."
"Okay. I'm getting hungry."
Both adults watched as Cassie headed for the house, seemingly oblivious to the undercurrents running beneath the surface of their pleasant afternoon.
"Do you think that's a good idea – sending her in?"
The doctor nodded. "Jack won't let anything affect his friendship with Cassie. She might just force him to cheer up."
"He hasn't got much to be cheerful about right now."
"No, he hasn't. Daniel doesn't think Sam is going to come."
"Ouch!"
"Ouch is right."
"Ever want to hit their heads together and tell them to grow up, Doc? It wasn't like Jack had a real choice in the matter."
"I know," Janet agreed, "But it isn't so much what he did as how he did it."
Lou sighed and turned another steak, watching as a few drops of blood fell sizzling onto the hot metal of the grill.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
"Sorry I'm late." Daniel gave an apologetic smile. "I got caught up in some translations and didn't realize what time it was."
"That's okay," Jack said as he came forward to take the cans Daniel carried. "We were just about to eat. Beer?"
"No thanks, I'll have a coke." Daniel gestured to the drinks Jack now held. "I brought extra if anyone else wants one."
"Oh, great! A coke for me too please."
Janet frowned at Cassie's eager request. "You've already had two."
"Aww …"
Before Cassie could do more than begin her complaint, Janet threw up her hands. "Okay, have one. I'm not in the mood for another argument."
An uncomfortable silence fell over the group. Daniel picked up a can from where Jack had put them on the end of the table and popped the top, the fizz from the slightly shaken drink sounding loud in the quiet.
"Who wants their steak well done?" Ferretti's cheerful question broke the impasse. "Let me know and I'll leave it on a bit longer. These ones were ready ages ago." He gestured to a foil wrapped bundle sitting on the very edge of the grill, the smell of cooked meat rising from it enticingly.
"Ah, I do," Cassie said in a subdued voice, raising her hand as if in class. "And Sam likes hers well done, so leave another one."
"Sam can't make it, Cassie." Daniel moved to one of the vacant chairs, uncomfortably aware of the dismay his words had caused. Jack paused in the process of handing a coke to the girl, frozen for a brief moment, his face unreadable.
"Why?" Cassie protested, "I thought she was coming. I haven't seen her for ages!"
"She has something else on. I'm not sure what," he replied.
Everything had seemed fine when Jack first arrived back from his undercover mission, even though Daniel had only been half joking about drawing straws to go visit him. They had all been reluctant to beard the lion in his den after Jack had done such an excellent job of acting. Finally, after much discussion, Daniel agreed to be the sacrificial lamb – an experience he wouldn't forget in a hurry despite finding out it had all been an act for the listening devices.
Then Jack had been sent home to rest, given a few days off, and Teal'c had been called away the next day. Daniel found himself left with no one to talk the whole thing over with but Sam and together they had talked it round and about until all the simmering resentment over what Jack had said and done had been admitted. He had chosen the worse possible things to say to push them away, hurtful words that couldn't just be forgotten. Together they agreed to not let him off the hook so easily, that they needed more than a half-baked apology in the SGC corridor.
The barbecue should have been the perfect opportunity to clear the air and explain how they felt, but Sam had balked at the last minute – chickening out and deciding not to come. Daniel might understand Sam's motives but a part of him was selfishly annoyed at having to be here without her support and he wasn't prepared to lie to cover her absence. He wasn't comfortable with lying – unlike Jack who seemed to have elevated it to an art form.
His exasperation had him standing again, unable to just sit. Going around the table on the opposite side to where Jack sat, he gave Lou a smile.
"You need a hand?"
Ferretti nodded. "Thanks." He gestured to the foil enclosed steaks. "Those are done. Could you put them on the table? I'll leave the others for a little longer."
Glad for something to do, Daniel soon had the meat on a serving dish and carried it over to place it in the middle of the table. Janet and Cassie were busy positioning salads and bread within easy reach of each chair, while Jack dumped a handful of knives, forks and serving tongs in a heap beside the steak.
The noisy clatter of the cutlery banging together had Daniel grimacing with annoyance, but he didn't say anything. There was no point spoiling the day for the others just because he was in a foul mood.
"Carter's not coming, then?" Jack's voice was lowered and he didn't meet Daniel's eyes, keeping his head down while he put the tongs and serving spoons with the food.
"No." He was going to leave it at that, but the slight, unfamiliar edge of hurt in Jack's voice had him trying to make excuses. "She said she was really busy."
Even to his own ears the words sounded exactly what they were – a flimsy excuse - and he wasn't surprised when Jack merely muttered an 'okay' and turned to reach for another beer.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
"We're staying right there, so we'll be able to spend hours and hours on the rides."
Cassie's gleeful words had even Jack smiling. He was happy for the young teenager. She and Janet deserved some time to themselves after the stress of the last few months. The alien incursion of the SGC had especially taken a huge toll on the doctor. The personnel whose memories and appearance had been used by the aliens had spent time with Doctor MacKenzie, and Jack knew Janet had the added burden of responsibility for the physical injuries sustained by the base personnel. There hadn't been a week recently when the infirmary wasn't occupied by at least one member of an SGC team.
Yes, Janet could do with a break, even if she would be the first to deny it.
Cassie's excitement at the prospect of visiting Disney World was a joy to see and he felt his mood lift a little.
"Are you spending the whole time there, Doc?" Ferretti asked, digging his spoon into his bowl of ice cream.
Jack listened with half an ear, already knowing the answer. His own ice cream was slowly melting as he idly stirred it, watching the swirling patterns.
"No, we're staying the first week with my cousin in Macon then we're hiring a car and driving to Florida. We spend a week there, with four days at Disney World."
"And we leave tomorrow. But I don't see why we can't go to Disney World first."
Janet gave a small laugh as she answered her daughter. "You know why. My cousin Annabelle can take a few days off work to show us around, but not later in the month. Disney World will keep."
"But I won't!"
"You'll have a great time with Annabelle and Greg's kids. Helen is only a few months younger than you and the boys are so cute!"
Jack looked up in time to catch Cassie's rolling eyes, an expression she seemed to be trying to perfect with lots of practice.
"Okay, we have an early start in the morning." Janet started to get up, ignoring her daughter. "Can we give you a hand to clear up before we go, sir?"
Jack managed to swallow down a laugh at Cassie's antics as she once again rolled her eyes, behind her mother's back, and shook her head vigorously.
"No, it's all right. You probably still have some packing to do."
"If we leave now, we'll have time to call in and say goodbye to Sam, won't we, Mom?"
The doctor hesitated before answering. "She may not be home."
"But we can try, can't we? I want to say goodbye to her. I don't want to miss her as well as Teal'c." Cassie's voice had the whining tone that every adult hated, and Janet's wince was obvious.
"Why don't you call her now and see if she's home?" Jack suggested, standing to gather up the dessert bowls. "I'm sure she'd like to see you." He strove hard to keep his tone unemotional, concentrating on the task of clearing the table.
"No, that's okay, sir. We have to practically go past Sam's place anyway." Janet paused, causing Jack to look at her. She gave him a long, hard look as if debating her next words, and O'Neill felt a twinge of worry and the need to stop her before she said anything more.
He smiled and put the bowls down, opening his arms wide. "Come here and give me a hug goodbye, kiddo." Enfolding the willing teenager in his embrace he saw the doc's face clear, and gave an inward sigh of relief at the danger of some sort of emotional confrontation being over. "Don't forget to bring me back something."
"As if!" Cassie gave a final squeeze and stepped back, her hands still on his arms. "And don't go getting into trouble while we're gone. You won't have Mom here to fix you."
"I'll try not to."
Jack waited as Janet and Cassie said their goodbyes to the others then walked them to their car.
The doctor stopped as she opened the door. "Damn, I forgot my salad bowl."
"Good excuse to come by as soon as you get back. That way I won't have too long to wait for my present."
Laughing, he waved them off, returning to the house. Before going back outside, he made a detour to the kitchen, getting some more beer to take with him.
If their posture was any indication, Lou and Daniel seemed to be having a rather intense conversation. Jack waved the bottles.
"I brought some cold ones."
Lou nodded and held out his hand, but Daniel shook his head.
"No thanks. I'll stick to coke."
"Not even one?"
"I said no." This time the annoyance was unmistakable. "What's hard to understand about that?" It was as if Janet and Cassie's leaving had set his tongue free. "I don't feel the need to consume beer after beer to enjoy myself.
"And I do?" Jack knew he shouldn't react but he couldn't help it.
Daniel waved a hand. "I'll let the evidence speak for itself."
Jack looked at the empty cans and bottles stacked ready for recycling. The fact that they were several weeks' worth hadn't seemed to occur to the other man. He'd missed so many trash days that he'd had to make a special trip to the tip to dispose of the stinky bags before his guests arrived, but the cans, bottles and papers weren't dirty and hadn't seemed quite as important. He opened his mouth to tell Daniel how wrong he was then closed it again, not wanting to get into an argument. Instead he just shrugged.
"So, can I get you a soda instead?"
Daniel shook his head, looking at his watch. "No, I can't stay much longer anyway."
"How long will Teal'c be gone, Jack?" Ferretti had settled back in his chair after moving it to follow the late afternoon sun.
"I'm not sure. I didn't get a chance to speak to him before he left. According to General Hammond the request from Bra'tac didn't have any details. I'm sure he'll report in soon though." He turned to Daniel. "Did he say anything to you?"
"Just that Bra'tac had asked for him. I don't think he knew anything more than that himself."
Lou leaned forward to grab a handful of nuts from the bowl on the table. "I hope everything's okay."
"If it isn't, Teal'c will let us know," Daniel replied, adding in a low mutter, "He'd trust us to help."
Jack paused in the process of sitting, his temper flaring at the comment. "Unlike me, you mean?"
"I'm sure he didn't mean anything, right Daniel?"
Holding his hand up, Jack interrupted. "No, Lou, let him answer for himself. Let's get this out in the open – get it over with. I'm tired of pussyfooting around the issue."
"You're the one who ran off, Jack, not us. It's been five days and this is the first time you've bothered trying to speak to me. We were there if you wanted to apologize."
"First of all – I didn't 'run off'. Hammond ordered me to have some rather long sessions with MacKenzie, as per protocol after working undercover. And he's put me on ..." He raised his fingers in the air, making quotation mark signs. "... 'stress' leave – again protocol. And what do I have to apologize for? Doing my job? Obeying orders? What?"
"For being a bastard!" Daniel's voice rose to match his own. "Not for doing your job, but for the way you did it. Did you think you could say those things and expect us to forget about them?"
"This isn't a game, Daniel. There aren't any rules. I did what I had to do to get the job done."
"The worst thing is that you can't see what you did wrong," Daniel snapped back.
Jack was equally quick with his reply. "No, the worst thing is you don't understand why I did it!"
"I didn't come here to have an argument. I had hoped we'd have a chance to talk before you came back to work and that maybe you'd see it from my point of view."
"Any chance of you seeing it from mine?" Jack couldn't keep the bitter rejoinder from flying out.
Standing, Daniel took a few steps back from the table, hands clenched. His tone, when he spoke, was icy. "Can't say I didn't try." And with those few brief words, he turned and left without a backward glance.
"That was unexpected."
Jack started as if coming out of a daze. He had completely forgotten Ferretti was there. Gathering his thoughts, he replied.
"Not really. Daniel's always had a tendency to jump into things he shouldn't." He stood, going over to the now warm beer already on the table and taking one. He had drunk half the bottle before he continued, the angry tone having softened a little. "I suppose he's got reason to be annoyed, but I would have thought he'd realize it was an act. I couldn't afford for them to get involved. It was my way of warning them off."
"Here." Lou nodded in understanding and thrust another bottle at him, taking the one he already had. "This one's cold."
"Thanks." Jack took a long swig from the already open bottle, grimacing a little at the slightly bitter taste. "What's this? It's not one of mine." He glanced down at the label, unable to identify it.
"No, it's one of the ones I brought. Part of my tour of the world via beer. This one is from Greece." Lou pulled an insulated bag from beneath the table, opening the zipper. "I've got a couple more of those, four from Vietnam, and six from New Zealand. Thought we'd sample them after the others had left."
"I'm not sure that I'm in the best mood to be getting drunk, Lou." Jack put the bottle on the table.
With one finger, Ferretti nudged the bottle toward him. "I'd say it's exactly the best mood to be getting drunk, Jack. Forget about the SGC for a while. Remember that time in Afghanistan? When Charlie found that stash some jarhead had hidden?"
Laughing a little, Jack picked up the bottle and took another long mouthful. He sure did remember that night – up to a point. After that everything got sort of fuzzy, but he was damned sure he'd enjoyed every moment.
He tipped the bottle in salute to the other man.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
He was tied up, somewhere dark and hot, so damn hot that the perspiration dripped from his body. Heart pounding as if it was trying to escape his chest, he struggled to sit, but he couldn't move. The bands around his body were too tight, crushing him, eating into him, digging into his flesh. Except they weren't resting on his skin, they were within him, eating him away from the inside out.
In the blackness he heard nothing, nothing except his own frantic gasps.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
TBC