Disclaimer: I don't own FFXIII

-x-

On The Other Side Of the Mountain

-x-

In the beginning, I couldn't find any plausible reason in my mind as to why I kept coming back to her. Why did I allow myself, night after night, to always ...come back when I was trying to convince myself that I shouldn't? I always said I wasn't myself in those days. I didn't know why I couldn't deny myself.

It …this all started to happen right after we arrived on Pulse …or Gran Pulse. Don't say otherwise or she'll always be quick to correct you. After we had gotten settled, I claimed the first round of guard duty. She had insisted that she or Vanille were better suited for the job seeing as they were from Pulse, or if I wasn't up to that, we could work in pairs with the two of them. I wasn't going to relent no matter what she suggested. If we were supposed to be spending a significant amount of time in this land, it'd best I'd become acquainted with the wildlife as soon as possible.

The sooner, the better.

I'd been on my rounds that night checking to make sure the camp's perimeter was secure. Aside from the nature of Pulse being completely different from Cocoon, there wasn't much going on that needed my attention. An hour or two into my watch, she came waltzing my way. I suppose I should have known she was up to no good from the time I saw that glint in her eyes. That …obnoxious feral grin followed sooner.

That was the beginning of things.

Things had been building to that point, I knew this. The knowing looks she was always giving me, the tension, and her little snide comments. I suppose in our current position it was only fitting for things to happen as they did. I can see some desperation in my actions during those days.

We were all feeling it, I knew this, too.

From the time I boarded that train to save Serah from the Purge to finally seeing Pulse with my own two eyes. All this business of being l'Cie and obeying fal'Cie orders and everything that's happened… it's no wonder she was able to break through my walls like she was. It would be a first for me to say that I admit weakness.

She could see right through me …that's another thing that irritates me. She seems to have this notion in her mind that she's always right. She's been that way ever since I met her back in Palumpolum. At least she's not on the same level as Snow.

He just yells out what's on his mind without any regards to who his audience is. In her case, she knew exactly what she wanted to say or what she was talking about. That doesn't make it any less annoying. She knows what she's doing, too. Even when I make it known that I don't care to hear what she has to say, the makings of her signature smirk form in her eyes before it even makes its way to her mouth. I know she wants to challenge me.

Everything that she is? Everything that she stands for? It's everything that I'm not, and everything I don't want.

If I were to say that to the group, they would claim otherwise. They all seem to think we're alike, that we share some of the same traits. I don't see it. She's loud, cocky and arrogant. I can't fathom why she and Snow had such a hard time getting along in the beginning. He's the exact same way, the idiot. Perhaps it's because her entire cranial cavity isn't filled with rocks like his is. Of course, like him, she's not the most proficient with strategy. She seems to believe that one of the most efficient battle plans is to charge in, guns blazing. …Maybe, because in her case, she doesn't have to have someone casting curing spells on her the second she engages battle. I refuse to travel in a party with Snow for this reason alone.

Then there's always that issue of dominance that arises between the two of us. Somewhere in this whole mess I was appointed with a leadership role that I never wanted. Leading an idiot, two kids, an old man and …well, her around is no easy feat.

Just like everything else, she always makes it more difficult than need be.

She'll listen to my orders, but she won't follow them.

She'll ask my opinion on something, but she won't do it.

She'll pretend to be listening, but she's really not.

And the thing of it is, when she knows I'm getting angry or irritated, it's the same …damn grin. Again, and again and again. It's not like I asked for this role of leadership, it was just thrown on me. You would think she'd understand that and would cease all her wonderful, charming habits, but no, she doesn't. She doesn't do anything for anyone unless she wants to.

I guess …that's how the whole mess started. Even thinking about it now gives me …makes me … I don't know what it does to me. Rather, maybe I don't want to admit what it does to me. When you spend more than half your life detaching yourself from human contact, things that should come easily …don't. Attraction? Can't say I'd experienced it, much. Flirting? I knew what it was, but I wasn't well versed in it. Sometimes when this sort of thing ends up happening to you, you end up missing it completely. Or sometimes it happens and you don't want to believe it.

Me? I was a mess.

It was on that first night in Pulse that I discovered this. It was a stressful time for all of us and she thought that it might do me good if I 'had some company'. I knew what she was doing, disobeying orders once again. She never listened, I knew this, why should I have expected otherwise?

Not too long after I'd left camp, she came trailing after me. She sat down on a rock not too far away from where I was standing, laying her spear across her lap and crossing her legs as she looked up at me with that piercing, wild and feral gaze of hers. I barely expended any sort of energy acknowledging her presence merely nodding at her as she came to settle in on my post.

Remain stoic and never give her an incentive to act accordingly, it was the best defense I had at that point. She returned my curt nod with that signature smirk, and seemed to wait awhile before she spoke. To be honest, the main reason I wanted guard duty alone was so I could think. The past week or so had involved a multitude of high and lows. So much so that I could barely define where everything began and where it would end. On Pulse, we were away from the insanity that had enveloped Cocoon. I could breathe down here. Was it so much to ask for a little of time alone?

As much as I tried to ignore her questions and statements, she seemed hell bent on trying to strike up a conversation with me.

It's all right if you talk, love. You know that, right?

And what did she mean? What was all right? All this craziness of running around and pretending we knew what we were doing? None of this was all right. I felt like every time I had solidified my decisions on something, I was going right back to questioning what I was doing. I was at conflict with myself in my every waking moment, what part of that was all right?

When she stopped talking, that's when she had my attention. She was looking at me expectantly, her question from earlier still hanging in the air. As much as I tried to deny her …or myself, I just couldn't. I'll always remember that smile she gave me when she patted down on the spot next to her and told me to sit down. That there was obviously no sign of danger for the minute and a bit of relaxation might be nice for once. She sighed, although unperturbed by my shortness with her. I was used to her annoyance, as she was used to my—what she called—tight ass ways.

I refused.

I found her standing by my side a few seconds later, and she merely grinned and said that if I wasn't going to come to her, she'd come to me. So there we stood, in what she called 'companionable silence', not saying a word to one another. It should have been okay; things should be all right, just standing there.

Ever since I lost my mother, and Serah became the only family I had, I've secluded myself into something of a social isolation. I don't interact with people because I want to, only when I need to or have to. This l'Cie thing changed all of that, and with her …it's just been. This …whole thing is different, and I'm …maybe that's why things ended up as they did for the entirety of us being on Pulse. We were so busy always pushing forward on Cocoon that we never took the time to just breathe. There was no time for it.

Being on Pulse brought a change of pace for all of us. …And she …was different when we were on Pulse. Don't get me wrong, she was still cocky, still loud, still …being Oerba Yun Fang. …But there was something else, something calmer about her exterior, like she was at ease. I think slowly, but surely, that was rubbing off on me. After we stood for some while in our 'companionable silence', she started with the questions again.

What are you afraid of, love?

Simple as that. Her expression showed she was curious, and I made a mental note to myself to give her no indication that her question had gotten to me. I told her that there was nothing to fear in all of this, we had a focus that we were fighting to the end. She laughed at my response, and told me she expected me to answer the question as such. I turned to look at her for perhaps the first time that night and frowned.

She was smiling …

And without another word, she left.

That was how things started for us. Over the next week, I …don't know what happened. Something between us just seemed to grow. Maybe it was being on Pulse that did it, but things were changing. Her body language around me changed and I began to see an increase in those smirks and grins intensified. Especially directed at me. She seemed to be more apt at trying to work with me rather than against me and trying to drive me insane. More often than none, the two of us usually ended up in a scouting group together. It was just …different.

And then …guard duty. Guard duty appeared to have become our meeting place away from everyone else. We'd sit at night either in silence, broken by spurts of conversation at times …other times we just sat around staring at the stars or on the lookout for danger near camp.

It was during one of those guard duties that she initiated our first kiss.

She was on duty that night, and I was the one that had come to her. We ended up talking as I kept her company for the night. As the conversation progressed, I noticed Fang slowly but surely moving closer to me. I'd move away, and she would follow. It was like a game of cat and mouse.

When it appeared that she finally had me cornered, she decided to lean in closer, extending her right arm behind me and leaned toward me so that our shoulders were brushing. I had a feeling where it was going before she said anything. My heart was beating irrationally fast. She mentioned something about Cocoon and wondering what was going on up there at the moment since we had left, and turned to me for input. I shrugged, turning to look up at the dark sky like she had.

Hey.

I turned to look at her. That arm was moving closer, her fingers toying with the edge of my jacket. I felt my voice catch. She had the same look in her eyes when she 'checked' my brand out. And then she leaned down and pressed into me. It … wasn't quick …but it wasn't all that long. Yet, it was enough to cause my face to flush and look away from her when we parted. She was looking rather smug and pleased with herself. My hands touched my lips as I tried to register what had just happened. She didn't say anything, but I knew she was watching me. I slapped her and stormed off.

Two nights later, she kissed me again.

…And a couple of more times.

…I didn't freak out again.

Towards the end of our journey through Pulse, my mood began to deteriorate rapidly. I had had an exchange with Snow about Serah that day had left me feeling a little worse for wear, and my thoughts were starting to get the better of me. We set up camp early, and I left as soon as guard duty had been established.

I just walked. I didn't know where I was going; I just knew that I had to be by myself that day. Away from everyone else and just take some time for me.

I had probably been away from camp for too long because she came to find me when night had fallen. There were no smiles on her face when she found me, but she merely joined me in the space I occupied. She took one look at me, and in an instant, her arms were wrapped around me and she was pulling me in close. She said three words, and with that I was gone.

Let it out.

For the first time, I allowed myself to do just that. Wrapped in her arms, I whispered, I screamed, I cried … I simply allowed myself to fall apart in her arms. I was breaking down, and she was the one that was trying to hold me together. After I had calmed down, she stayed with me and the two of us just sat in silence, her stroking my hair with me pressed against her chest.

It …that was also the night that … she and I … I've always seen her tear into our enemies with such vigor and unrestraint that I would have never thought … that she would be …surprisingly gentle. I didn't think she was capable of such … hmph.

For the last few years of my life, I've always shied away from social relationships. To have something like this was new, welcomed, in some respects. She …took things slow that night, making sure not to pressure me into anything that I didn't want to do. For the first time in years, I actually felt vulnerable for once …but I wasn't afraid. Knowing that I was doing this with her …I was all right, I suppose.

Our relationship flourished after that night. She wanted to keep me close, closer than she had been. Kind of like her way of watching after Vanille …but still different in its own way. On the surface she was still the same Fang as she had been since I first met her in Palumpolum, but …when we were alone, she was someone completely different. I think it kept us both stable in some ways.

It didn't take long for the group to notice that there was something going on between us. Snow knew he wouldn't get a straight answer out of me, so he tried to get it out of Fang. In typical Fang fashion, she decided to play with his mind and was vague with her words. In typical Snow fashion, he was left dumbfounded as he tried to figure out what she meant and stupidly turned to me in hopes of figuring her out. I ignored him. Sahz didn't really care too much. He stated that 'what I did with the lady' was up to me. He wasn't playing babysitter. Hope … well, it went right over Hope's head. The only one in the group that really knew the truth about what was really going on with us was Vanille …because nothing ever passes by that girl—especially if it involves Fang. She was almost as bad as Fang with the little smiles and grins when she caught the two of us together.

Upon our return to Cocoon, after we did all that we could on Pulse; I could feel her pulling away from me. There was something she had to do, and she wasn't telling me because she knew that I would try and talk her out of it. In our final moments after the battle with Orphan, all I could do was watch her fade away. I knew when her mind was made up; there was no way that you could possibly change it. She wanted to protect Cocoon, us …me. She would sacrifice herself if it meant that the rest of us would be safe.

If I were to ask myself again why I couldn't deny her? The answer is simple. It's because I never wanted to.

What started off as a relationship of annoyance turned into something completely different …something I hadn't experienced in so long. She broke down my walls, she told me it was okay if I wasn't strong all the time, I was only human. It was everything that I knew, but never wanted to acknowledge …that is until she put it right in front of my face.

I loved her… I can say that now.

As we look forward to building a new future of Cocoon …I won't give up on the notion that she could possibly awaken from crystal stasis again. If we're all here today, then I know it's possible that she'll awaken again. She has to. There's no point in keeping her or Vanille sealed up as they are. I have Serah back …and there's Snow, Sahz and Hope …but what type of future can we hope to achieve without the two of them here with us?

If there's one thing I learned through this whole thing is, that's to never give up hope. I'll see her again. I know I will. And when I do, I'll be ready for her to join me once again.