Yahoo. First chapter of first lone fanfic! Huge thanks to Emo, Sabby the usual. Major acclaim to dork-with-glasses, read her fanfics, you will not regret it!

J.K owns all, can't be bothered to think up an interesting disclaimer.

Enjoy!

Well hello there ladies- oh, and I can see a few gents at the back too, don't worry; you will be called forward when needed.

Yes, even though Voldemort and his 'posse' have bee banished (thanks Uncle Harry and all who fought), there are still those whose sole purpose is to make our (the heterosexual females and homosexual males of Hogwarts) lives hell.

Yes my friends, boys.

More specifically Weasley boys.

Well, I say Weasley boys, but 4 out of the 9 specimens examined today are not technically related to the Weasley/Potter family. However any man, women or child who has spent any prolonged period of time with the Weasleys can be counted in this category. Spending time with Weasleys leaves its own mark.

I have made this, not only because of peer/not-so-peer pressure. But I wish to save you ungrateful fools from many ordeals I have had to face in my time. I hope to impart years of trial and error knowledge in a short guide.

For this is first, and foremost a guide (although even if you aren't using it as one I highly recommend reading for amusement factor alone) and I have sacrificed some of my precious free time during which I could be reading or yelling at Al and Scorp eh…doing awesome stuff and being nice to everybody..?

I will take you through the family history (very important!), the likes and dislikes, the greatest traits and the fatal flaws, the obsessions, the Quidditch positions, the semi-acceptable personalities and (by popular demand, I assure you- I would not do this out of free will!) the sex appeal (someone please help me!) for all you who wish to…ah…know this sort of thing. (Sluts and perverts the lot of you!) I will go from Teddy, easily the most noticeable boy anywhere; through James and Al, sons of the famous Harry Potter; through Fred and Hugo, with multiple tricks and treats; to Louis, if you haven't fallen for him at some time I will assume you are blind and to the Scammander twins, so weird and the only Ravenclaws in our little collection.

Just something for you to note: HURTING ANY OF THESE BOYS WILL RESULT IN GREIVOUS HARM, PHYSICAL OR OTHERWISE.

Hurting any of them will not only set on you the girls who favour them, but the whole Potter/Weasley/any of the other boys family onto you. Try fighting when you have half of Gryffindor on killing you in the most imaginative ways possible.

I hate to break it to you all but you will have crushed on at least one of these guys during your Hogwarts career. The brighter among you will have realised when this particular unfortunate accordance happened and tried to squish these feelings IMMEDIATELY. The rest of you…how have you stayed alive this long?

Any way, the show must go on (yes I have seen 'Moulin Rouge' which I enjoyed even though I found the characters phenomenally stupid) and I will strive to get you out alive (hopefully) and (if you are lucky) slightly more knowledgeable than before.

So hold on my intrepid explorers, please keep all limbs inside the vehicle (unless you want to lose them), you exits incase of a fire (or in fact any kind of emergency) are here, here and here. Every woman (sorry) and man for themselves!

Good luck, get ready, and let's go!

Rose Minerva Weasley

Hope you enjoyed it. First Weasley boy coming soon…

Please R&R