If you've never heard of me before this story, you can skip the bold and head straight to the story. Hope you enjoy!
On this day, seven years ago, I published my first story on this site. It was a Teen Titans romance story. Seven years and a lot of growing up later, I present to you my 100th story. I thought about going back to Teen Titans, but that's done and I've got nothing more to say on the subject. Instead, I am writing (mostly) on writing, because if the past 100 stories have taught me anything, it is that I love writing and that is what I want to do for the rest of my life. It is where my passion is. And I hope you, dear reader, continue to stay with me. Because, while I write primarily for myself, I also want to do something for you, and I love and appreciate you all for letting me regale you with the stories in my head.
In some ways, writing Nikki Heat had been getting easier. He's been working with the police long enough that the procedure and protocol are becoming second nature. And his old fear that he would run out of realistic scenarios that couldn't be considered overdone is seeming more ridiculous by the case.
On the other hand, writing Nikki's character is becoming more difficult, because it is no longer as simple as copying every move Beckett makes. The line between fiction and reality is becoming bolder than ever. Fiction is the place he understands everything, where he can control every action and emotion. He knows where the relationships are, where the characters are, and what they're growing into.
But, in reality, Kate Beckett is not Nikki Heat, even if it started out that way, and Heat's relationship with Rook is not the same as the relationship her real-life counterpart has with the writer.
That, as it turns out, is good. Because if someone asks him to describe his relationship with Kate Beckett…he can't. Sure, he can make something up and spin it so it sounds believable and artistic. She is his friend, his inspiration, his muse. He is grateful for her help and he admires her skills and character.
But if he tries to honestly explain it…he can't. He just can't. He'd say he loves her, but he said that before. He was in love with Kyra. He used to love Meredith. At some time, he had loved Gina.
But things with Kate were different. Unlike with Gina, he wants her in Alexis' life. Unlike with Meredith, he wants to be with her all the time. And while he made the mistake of giving Kyra forever when she asked for time, he'd chase her down if he had to. Hell, if she hadn't come to that book signing, he'd have shown up at her apartment as soon as he heard she was back at work and wait as long as it took to get her to let him in.
He loves her, but it's more than that. He can never get her out of his head. He wants to protect her. Being too far away from her for too long makes him antsy.
He can write pages and pages detailing what they do together. He can describe the fire in her eyes and the butterflies in his stomach and he can even spin a tale about where he'd love to be with her in a few years.
But what seeing her does to him… how he feels every time she steps into a room or brushes against him, laughs or smiles or thanks him…how he feels when she reveals some new aspect of herself he never would have suspected or solves the mystery…
There are no words for that.
At least, none that he can think of.