Hey there everyone! It's iMaximumSeddie, and this idea was in my head a while. It's just a Sam centered/Seddie one shot that I cooked up. It has some Seddie in it, but it's mostly based on Sam.
WARNING: Sam might seem a little OOC in this.
Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, but if I did, I would've been living the life in California. *Sighs*
April 17, 2000. 6 years old. 6 years old was, at the time, when everything crashed into pieces. The everlasting wonder that filled inside her heart and soul, faded into the mist of grief and sorrow. It was her birthday, and what is always a joyful time to look forward to, was not the case for Sam Puckett that year.
Sam, her mom, Pam, her dad, Melanie, and other family guests were having Sam's party at the Seattle Park. Tony was running a little bit late from work. It was a sunny day; the blue skies were turning into purple twilight as day has crept behind night. Sam felt like she was on top of the world.
Pam's mom went to set up everything, getting ready for her daughter's 6th birthday, full of happiness, because, well…she loves her daughter. Believe it or not, Pam used to be a loving mother who actually did care about her two daughters Sam and Melanie. Everything changed at 5:39 PM.
5:39 PM is Sam's worst time of her life-ever because from the corner of her eye, life just flashed by her in a second. There, in his work uniform, slowly taking off his jacket, having his hat fall off sideways and having his arms around another woman kissing her, and caressing her hair.
That should have been Sam's mom. Not some ugly looking slut. What Sam saw in her eyes was betrayal, and Sam's eyes weren't the only ones that saw betrayal.
"How the hell could you do this to me, Tony? Why?" Pam's face was flooding with anger, full of destruction, but what Sam saw was hurt, confusion, and sadness lie inside her face.
You're not the only one who's crying on the inside, mommy.
Tony rose up from his current position with the lady, and shooed the lady in her mid 20's, away and walked up to Pam, obviously annoyed and furious. It's funny how Tony is the one annoyed and furious, because he's the one who's causing the betrayal to exist and be concealed.
"Because I was getting tired of you! You know how hard it is to keep up with a lady who holds you in like a caged dog? VERY HARD! I need to be out in the open, be with a woman who understands me!"
Pam's hot tears were boiling down her cheeks, while Sam just stood there, trying not to cry. She had walls to protect, even at age 6, that can't crumble down, or else everything will explode.
Stop it, daddy.
She was shocked by all of this. By the time, all the other guests were leaving, while Melanie came to Sam and said, "Sammy, everything will be ok. Mommy and daddy are just having a little argument. That's all." Sam was shocked by all of this, how Melanie seemed so optimistic, thinking everything will turn out all right, but even at age 6, Sam knew, life's not fair. It never is.
She scoffed at her girly twin sister. "Don't call me Sammy. Leave me alone, you freak!"
She's brainwashed by daddy. She has to be.
Sam ran away, leaving everything behind her, even the happiness as it drifted away and was out of reach, as Pam's and Tony's screaming and yelling, turned into a fit, that one can't replace with peace at all. Peace was at war with destruction.
She ran far away, far away, so no one can see her. Seattle Park was one big park, but far away for her, was really on the other side of the park.
She tripped over a rock and almost hit her head on the top of something that was stone. "Ouch!" She got up to see what hit her, and it was a wishing well. She was quite curious to what a wishing well held, believing that at the time, it held 'magical powers to make dreams come true!' "Make a wish and it'll come true." That's what's always said in those movies. For once, Sam would want a life like that, just for her to snap her fingers, and all problems cease to exist, but like she always told Melanie when she wanted to be a princess, "Whoopee doo, Melanie. Life would be boring. We live in a world that has no endings."
Sam didn't wish for something in the washing well. Instead, she poured her tears out, letting the tears fall down the well, covering her face, so no one could see. "Washing well." She tried whispering "wishing well" but it came out wrong. Nevertheless, from that day, it was still Sam's favorite place to go to. It was her sanctuary.
Sam left later that day. Pam told her that, "Daddy's just taking a little vacation." but Sam shook her head, once her mom left, having tears coming down her eyes, trying to pretend she's okay and then Melanie went on the 'vacation' with dad.
Mommy, you should have gone to the washing well with me.
July 21, 2002. Two years later. Sam Puckett is 8 years old and has been 8 for 3 months so far.
Mom and dad's anniversary. She went to look at the caller ID but no calls from dad. Minutes what seemed like hours, continued to pass her by and then Pam noticed her by the phone, waiting for a call by Pam's ex husband.
"Listen here, missy! Don't you dare stay by the phone waiting for the call from your dad, you piece of work!" and she slapped Sam hard on the cheek, causing red to swell up. What swelled up, was the intimacy of the pain that was brought to her by her dad a year ago on Sam's birthday. Her mom's carrying that burden from her dad onto Sam. Ever since that day two years ago, life has been hard for her mom, and Pam slapping her was the worst she ever conceived.
Darkness.
She ran out, escaping the clutches of her mother. The darkness is taking her away. It was raining, pouring hard, but she didn't care. She needed to escape her life, hoping where she's going will give her answers to everything she ever wanted. She went to the phone booth, placed a quarter in, and dialed the nubmer of the man who she lost all respect for.
The phone was ringing and she heard it being answered from the other line. All hope was saved. Maybe she could get lucky for once.
"Hi, daddy. It's Sam." From the other line, she heard her dad's laughter turn into something evil.
"What do you want, you piece of scum? Don't you see that I don't want you and your mother? You're worthless pieces of trash." And Tony hung up the phone on Sam. The words that slipped into Sam's mind have played the movie of murder. What it has murder, is the love and the tears that shed in her heart, is something that can't be fixed because it's killed. Dead. She's never forgiving him, but Sam can't cry here. She still can't let anyone see her walls break down. She'll be weak.
The sad part of all of this is that Sam's father didn't even mean all of this. He loved his little girl so much. He just wants to hold her hand and promise her that he won't make any more mistakes and will be a fully committed man to Pam and won't hurt her ever again.
The thing is he's not sure Sam even trusts him ever again. He can't let her know. He'll be hurt. He lied through his teeth to what he thinks is doing, is 'protecting' Sam.
But what he really is doing is destroying her.
Sam ran to the only place where she could let her emotions escape from inside of her. The sacred place: the "washing" well. It's been about 2 weeks since she went there, but it still is meaningful. She could call it the wishing well now, but she chooses to call it the "washing well" because all this time for two years, it's been washing away the tears that escape from her eyes, and watching them form into puddles, sliding down, going into the well where all the other lost soul of tears are. It washes away all her tears and fades away into the mist, just like her happiness.
The wet raindrops could come down so quickly that you couldn't see it and in a second, all you'll see is an 8 year old, tough girl, but for the little glimpse, what you see is a girl that's put through her pain.
Sam closed her eyes. "Please let life be good for once. It hurts me, for chizz's sake." One final tear trailed down, and Sam left, pretending nothing happened and even got a hot dog along the way.
When she got home, her mom slapped her, even harder for running away. Sam just nodded, muttering, "Crazy lady" and went upstairs to her room, to just lay down and go to her slumber land, drifting off, forgetting what's ever happened, and replace it with the everlasting dreams that fill her sorrow.
September 26, 2007. 13 years old. For once, this day isn't a sad day like all the other days Sam has remembered. Life has changed since 5 years ago, and for once, life is taking a turn and making everything alright for her. She became best friends for Carly the same year in 2002 when her dad called her a "scum". Sam transferred to Ridgeway that year and became best friends with Carly after arguing over a sandwich and three years later from that day, she met Freddie Benson, and boy, they weren't that great of friends when they first met. Sam's mother was still hurting a little bit, but not that bad. For once, she was finally getting better, dating a new guy named Jack.
Happiness.
Sam, Carly, and Freddie were walking down the Seattle Park, with Sam and Freddie's bickering was continuing, and Carly covered her face with her palm. "You guys are hopeless."
Freddie snarled. "Tell that to the animal here." He pointed to Sam.
"You know what dork, shut your pothole up!" and Sam saw it. Shocked filled her. The last time she's been there has December 23, 2002. The day before Christmas Eve. Sam ran out and ran to the "washing well" after Pam hit her. Pam found her there, holding tightly to herself, staring down at the wishing well, letting a scream come out of her mouth, instead of the usual tears. Pam was disappointed where Sam went, to the area of the crime scene that destroyed their family. So Pam did the only thing she could, to get her daughter to stop coming here. She slapped her really hard, continuously slapping her, with the cries of Sam that were being held in.
"I should have kept Melanie instead of you!" and with those words, Sam shut up, just staring at her mother.
Betrayed.
Sam hated feeling second best and she knows that's where she stands. Even to this day, September 26, 2007, that's where she stands. Freddie always has his attention on Carly, not even focusing on Sam. Everything was Carly, her sweet angelic friend that everyone loved, but Sam can't blame them. Carly earns what she gets, while Sam has to put up everything with a fight. She even has to put her friendship with the friend she "hates" with a fight.
Now, September 26, 2007 was a sad day. Not only did it reveal about Sam, but it revealed her fears. The fears turned into reality. "Hang on, guys. I dropped my PearPod by here." Sam went by the "washing well" but didn't say anything, because she knows that the washing well can't wash away all the fears, sneaking up on Sam.
She was trapped.
September 26, 2009. 15 years old. Two years later from this day, was possibly one of the worst days that ever happened. Samantha Puckett has seen her best friend and her crush dancing together.
Yes, it's true. She has developed feelings for Freddie sometime after their kiss. What she felt, was something no guy could ever give her. A lot can happen in two years. Freddie has valued Sam as a friend, even both sharing their kiss on January 3, 2009. For that night, the washing well didn't hate me.
When she saw the dance, she just stood there, shocked, staring at them for what seemed like the longest time. It was like watching her dad kiss that lady, 9 years ago. The guy she loves is with another girl.
Sam was about to cry, but held it in, and slowly ran out. The rainstorm was staring and the rain wasn't going to do the washing. The washing well was supposed to help Sam vent out what no one else can, but Sam couldn't held it in. She shed one tear, right before she got to the washing well in the park, by her house.
She let the tears come out, as they dripped down to the water in the washing well. Face it, she's still second best to Carly, to anyone. The rain increased and so did the storm, but Sam didn't care. She just stood there. She wished that she could be lost in the wind, taking her away, and disappearing along with her depression, but she can't. Life's not a fairy tale.
It was raining harder, and lightning came, but Sam didn't care. She just sat there, on the cold wet ground, as her hair became wet, and everything inside her, was an ocean flowing up through her veins and evaporating from her eyes.
She's starting to break. The tough girl image is finally being washed away-for the worst.
The next day, she saw a sign that said her washing well is going to be taken away that day, and replaced with a little bridge where kids can walk across the pond.
She cried. She cried all day inside of her, not letting anything out, instead, when her mom told her about it, she just shrugged. The washing well was the only place where her walls fell down, but they can be fixed again, right after it hits her breaking point.
But now, she can't. Now, she has to remain strong. She has to be committed. She can't let any danger come to her. She can't let anyone know or else she'll be weak. A weak person, who's never going to make it, in life.
She had everything inside that washing well. She stored her secrets, fears, problems, but the one thing she never stored in it was her happiness. She never gave it the happiness that she felt.
She threw a dead flower she took from some kid, and threw the white-almost dead flower right next to the washing later.
An hour later, the washing well was gone, and Sam cried harder inside.
Deember 29, 2012. 18 years old. Today was Carly and Freddie's one year anniversary together as a couple. On the outside, Sam was smiling at them. "I'm happy for you guys. I mean, I didn't think a nub like him would even have a girlfriend for a month!" and a fake giggle voiced out of her mouth. Carly and Freddie looked up at her, and Freddie knew something was off about her, but he ignored it.
Worst mistake.
On the inside, it was killing Sam. On the inside, the monotone that was playing was the counter of the ending of her happiness. It never existed when she thought it did.
And she can't go to her beautiful washing well, because it's been destroyed 3 years, two months, and two days later from that day.
The guy she loved is never going to love her back. He already loved Carly and Sam's never once crossed her mind, and that's what's killing her. He'll always be on her mind, but without a doubt, she won't cross his mind. She thought for sure they'll break up after a month, but she was wrong.
He never knew about her love for him, but she shields it so no one sees. She shields her walls, because now, without the washing well, life is like a bottomless pit, continuing and continuing, falling down into darkness, with no one there to catch her.
The shield is the only thing protecting her, from everything exploding inside of her.
She went home, to the bathroom, and took out a razor where it shredded her arm.
June 30, 2017. 23 years old. 4 years, 6 months, and a day later. It was warm outside, sunny, blue skies, and twilight creeping in through the air. Just like when I was 6.
Sam was entering the church, dreading this. She was wearing a purple dress, as it flowed down elegantly, down to her legs. She was Carly's maid of honor. Something else she hated besides wearing a dress was the fact that she would have to watch Carly and Freddie getting married, with the rest of their lives changing from this day.
They were playing the music and that was Sam's cue to walk down the aisle. She quickly walked down, avoiding eye contact, and walked to the side, with the other bridesmaids, and she looked up for a glimpse, and saw Freddie's eyes traveling to hers, smiling.
He must be SO happy to be marrying Carly.
But that wasn't the reason why he was smiling at Sam.
Carly started walking down the aisle, with the gown flowing perfectly, and making her figure glow. Freddie was smiling, about to be with his future-wife forever.
The priest was talking, as Carly and Freddie were holding hands, and Sam was on the verge of the explosions coming out.
Don't lose your cool, Puckett. Not now. Your walls can't fall down now.
The priest finally said, "Speak now, or forever hold your peace." This was it. Sam' can't say anything. If she says anything, it'll wreck the friendship she shares with Freddie and Carly. Just pretend to be happy.
They finally got married. Sam didn't say anything. She just put on her fake smile for the show and then left an hour later, but before she left…
"Sam, are you happy for me and Carly?" Freddie's voice rang through Sam's ears. Time to get back in the show.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I, nub? You and her are perfect together." Sam left. Too perfect together, though.
Sam went to the Seattle Park. Many times, she played with Freddie here, you know, after, September 26, 2007, this was their hangout area, but Freddie has forgotten about it, while Sam still remembers it every day. Sam walked by where the washing well was, and the flower was still there, and someone planted it, and it was growing more than ever.
June 30, 2020. 26 years old. Carly and Freddie's 3rd year anniversary. Another dreadful day for Sam as she, Carly, Freddie, Spencer, and Gibby had to come for Carly and Freddie's romantic dinner. He saw the way Freddie looked into Carly's eyes with love. Sam hated it so much. She wished it was her he was staring at, not Carly. She'll never be Carly. Carly earned what she got, but Sam had to put everything with a fight, and her washing well was there to protect her, but it was gone.
When they got to the Shay loft, (where Freddie lives now), Carly smiled excitedly. "Guys, I have a special surprise to tell you." Everyone became alert, ready to hear what happened.
"I'm…pregnant." Spencer and Gibby clapped, even though Sam could see right through them what they're really feeling and it wasn't a happy feeling, either. Sam was shocked, and now this was the day everything crashed into pieces. When she was 6 on her birthday, that's when she thought everything was at its worst, but that was just the beginning of the end.
Sam just said, "Um…I'm happy for you guys!" She left after a while. She went to sit at the bench in the Seattle Park. Now she knows her life was coming to an end with happiness, the dark hole has taken the happiness right out of her hands and put it on Carly's hands. Now they're going to start a family. They're going to be very happy, and she's going to die alone.
Why wait till then? Her voice said.
Sam went to her house, and got the razor. She cut herself for weeks, and weeks then turned into months, and as the razor was cutting, it was cutting off the pain and it was just like the washing well she used to go to.
One day, on a Tuesday, she was 29 years old. It was 2023, and it was her last year, till she reaches the freedom of happiness. She was by where the washing well used to be, and the flower has grown, almost reaching her waist. She shed a tear, and one final cut came, and blood splattered out all over. The cut was painful, but at least, once she's gone, she'll be feeling happy. Nothing will hurt her anymore. Nothing will hurt her in this world at least, but only one thing did.
She fell down, on the cold ground as Carly and Freddie were walking and playing with their 3 year old son, John, and saw Sam collapsed on the ground.
"Sam!" Freddie ran up to her, astonished, scared, and full of terror, formed in his face, because he knew the answer and that was it. He couldn't do anything about it, and instead, gently caressed her cheek and kissed the top of her forehead.
Even when the washing well wasn't there, it was still somewhere inside of her. Maybe if she lived, the tears would've just flowed down inside of her and reach the well.
She called it the washing well, because it washed away all her tears-even if it meant dying in front of the one person she loved forever, her whole life. She didn't care if he was crying over her. She died right in the arms of the man she loved.
I'm sorry the characters were out of character, but I really put a lot of effort into this! This was the most I ever wrote, and yes, it's angst, but, I tried hard, and it would mean very well to me if I had constructive criticism from you guys. Again, I'm sorry for the characters being OOC, but I tried really hard on this story. And remember,
Reviews keep me alive.
~iMaximumSeddie