Peasants on the Tree
by channeld
written for: the NFA Test challenge. The challenges requires that a character take a test.
rating: K plus
genre: humor
characters: Ziva mostly; some Tim and Tony
setting: December 2010
disclaimer: I still own nothing of NCIS, nor of any of the songs mentioned here.
Christmas was always something that had sailed past Ziva's mind. It did not trouble her that so many people around her here in America celebrated it, even though she did not. She was happy that they were happy. For her first few years here, she mostly ignored the trappings, telling herself that eventually she would be back in Israel, surrounded by people who shared her faith.
Then, she became an American, and so Israel was no longer her home.
No longer could she tune out Christmas. Well, she could try to, she knew. However, the secular aspects of the holiday were part of the American cultural consciousness, and she decided she would do well, as an American, to make herself a little more aware of them. She decided she could do that without losing any part of her faith and its traditions.
How best to do this? The answer came one December day when, on her morning coffee break, she was reading a news article online. A sidebar asked, How well do you know your Christmas songs?
Probably not very well, she thought, and was uncertain about taking the test. Actually, I probably do know them, she then thought. I have heard them in the stores and on the radio and TV, and…seemingly everywhere. You cannot escape them!
So she decided to take the test, and then she would be able to proudly say to her teammates…particularly Tony!...Look; I stand with Americans who know the songs of Christmas! At the moment, Tony and Tim were out on an assignment. They should be back soon, and she could present them with a printed copy of her successful score.
Let the test begin! She clicked on the start button.
Question 1.
In the song, "I'll be Home for Christmas", which of these phrases will you find?
a) and you'll be there for me
b) you can plan on me
c) and peasants on the tree
Americans were a quirky group, Ziva knew. The first two phrases sounded too innocent. Besides, wasn't there a song about a peasant in a pear tree? Or a pair of trees? Maybe this peasant thing was a holdover from the pre-Revolutionary days. Yes! You cannot fool me. With a smile, she clicked on 'c'.
Question 2.
In the song "Winter Wonderland", what is snow doing in the lane?
a) It's enjoying the winter sunshine.
b) It's glistening.
c) It's waiting to be plowed, for that is the traditional end of snow on roadways.
Another obviously sensible answer, that 'c'. 'A' was too cute; 'b' seemed to go nowhere. She pressed 'c'.
Question 3.
"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" was written for which movie?
a) Tron
b) Independence Day
c) Meet Me in St. Louis
Ziva hadn't seen any of those, but Independence Day, she thought she knew, was at least about a holiday. That must be the one. 'B' was the button she selected.
Question 4.
What does the vocalist in "Santa Baby" ask Santa to bring?
a) a handsome guy
b) a sable
c) nothing; donate her presents to the needy
Ziva nodded, heavily. 'C'. Who could doubt a noble spirit?
Question 5.
In "The Twelve Days of Christmas", we have 10 lords a-leaping, 9 ladies dancing…what comes next?
a) 8 fullbacks fumbling
b) 8 maids a-milking
c) 8 Mounties hunting
Hmmm. None seemed too terribly likely, but knowing that Americans loved their football, she selected 'a'.
Question 11.
"What a laugh it would have been if Daddy had only seen…" …what?
a) Mommy kissing Santa Claus
b) Rudolph leading Santa's sleigh
c) toy soldiers attacking Santa's village
'C' again. American fathers and their strange sense of humor.
She was getting tired now, but the test was nearing the end.
Question 19.
In "Home for the Holidays", I "met a man who lived in Tennessee and he was heading for Pennsylvania" and what?
a) and a long stay in jail
b) and then on to New York
c) and some homemade pumpkin pie
Americans really had a lot of troubled, troubled songs. But nonetheless, they put on brave faces and pretended to be happy at Christmas, even though their hearts were breaking. 'A' was her selection.
Question 20.
In "Do You Hear What I Hear?", what does the night wind say to the little lamb?
a) "Why aren't you asleep, little lamb?"
b) "Do you hear what I hear, ringing through the skies?"
c) nothing…the wind can't talk.
Another trick question. 'C'. And she was done.
She hit the Submit button, to tally her responses.
Her eyes popped when she saw the results.
I got…every question wrong?
"Woof! It's good to be back inside where it's warm!" Tim remarked, coming out of the elevator.
"It's all of 6 degrees outside," Tony agreed. "Anything higher than that in here will feel nice. Particularly if it's around 70 degrees."
"Ziva?" Tim asked, noticing she was quiet and red-faced. "Is anything wrong?"
"No," she said in a small voice.
Tony joined Tim at Ziva's desk. "You can't fool us. We're trained investigators."
"So am I, Tony," she said, curtly.
"Ignore him," Tim suggested. "I always do. Did something happen?"
"I…it is silly. Never mind."
"But whatever it is, it has you upset."
"…I took an online quiz, on my break. I, uh, missed a question or two. I should have gotten them all right. It is…embarrassing. Now that I am an American citizen, I should know these things."
"You learn from your mistakes," Tim said kindly. "Don't feel bad."
Gibbs was not around to tell them to get to work. "Give me the url of the quiz," said Tony, sitting down at his own desk. "Let's see how I do."
Ziva told him, and he chuckled as the site loaded. Simultaneously, the print-out of the test questions with her wrong answers.
"Christmas songs?" said Tony. "Too easy! Question 1 is, uh…" he looked thoughtful, as if singing in his mind. " 'Peasants on the tree,' That sounds right. Now for number 2…"
Ziva and Tim looked at each other, and smiled. "That's right, Tony! Keep on going," Tim called.
-END-