A/N - This was prompted by a sweet person on Tumblr, who wanted some cuddly Sebastian and comforting Kurt. I'm still not sure this is exactly what she wanted, but I struggled a bit with my first time writing "Sebastian with a heart". I mean, I know it's there, but he was good at hiding it from me ;)
Warnings: There is mention of a death, but it's not Sebastian or Kurt.
Kurt exited the subway in the 90 degree heat. New York in July was kind of a bitch, but he did his best to stay as put-together as he could. He treated the heat with a mind-over-matter attitude - if he didn't give in to it mentally, maybe his hair would follow suit and not droop over his forehead. He turned right upon exiting the stairs, breathing in the somewhat fresher air, and squaring his shoulders for the four block walk to Sebastian's apartment. Normally, Kurt would have gone home to change before their date, but things with Sebastian were kind of odd lately, and he felt an overwhelming need to head straight over there.
Upon his arrival to the Big Apple many months ago, Kurt hadn't exactly taken the city by storm as he had hoped, but he hadn't completely floundered either. More lucky in work than in love, he had succeeded at his new intern job, yet had struggled in the dating world. Sebastian – charming and intelligent, confident and cocky - was such an interesting challenge, and Kurt had felt a little bit apprehensive in the beginning. He had heard stories about Sebastian's social life before they began dating. No long term relationships, but there were plenty of men who at one time or another had Sebastian's number in their phone, and more than likely an item of their clothing on his bedroom floor.
Twenty-seven weeks. That's how long he and Sebastian had been dating. Kurt preferred to think of the span of time in weeks, because it made it seem longer and more established. The first six weeks of those 27 were spent finding their footing, stumbling over words like 'boyfriend' and 'relationship', and the next eight spent finding a rhythm with who paid for what, where a holiday would be spent, and how extravagant birthday presents would be. The question of whose apartment they slept in and who cooked dinner during their "staying in" nights was answered over the next five weeks, and for six of the last eight weeks, things had been nearly blissful.
The last two; however. Those were a bit troubling. Kurt had noted subtle changes in his boyfriend. He received more text messages than normal, and always managed to shield the screen from Kurt. Phone calls were taken in the other room with hushed voice. He canceled more dates with little or no explanation. There were even nights that he knew Sebastian's apartment sat empty until morning. Not that he had done a "drive by", except that he had. But over and above all that, Sebastian was different. For the last two weeks, he seemed distracted, moody, snappish, and snarky, but without the usual accompanying smirk that told Kurt there was affection behind the sass.
As Sebastian's apartment came into view, Kurt decided that maybe it was time to broach the subject with him. Denying that anything was different was just causing their communication gap to widen. Better to address it now, take the bull by the horns in true Hummel fashion, and get it all out on the table. Kurt had been dumped enough times to see the signs, and as much as he dreaded hearing the words and ultimately accepting the inevitable, he was tired of laying in bed awake wondering, playing out every scenario in his head to its heartbreaking conclusion.
His heart was racing as he entered the elevator, punched the button and waited for the doors to slip closed. Yes, this would be better. He felt relieved knowing that in a few short moments, he would be face to face with Sebastian, and right after that, face to face with the issue.
As he walked toward the door, dress shoes shuffling on the rich brown carpet of the hallway, he heard Sebastian's raised voice, obviously angry and speaking in rapid French. Kurt had a passing knowledge of the language, but Sebastian's words were coming so quickly, and the rise and fall of his speech muffled by the door prevented Kurt from translating. One word he kept hearing over and over caused the hair on the back of his neck to stand on end. "Henri". Kurt didn't know an Henri, but apparently Sebastian did. He felt a bit awkward listening at the door, so he knocked sharp and loud. Sebastian's voice dropped immediately, a few more muffled sounds and then silence. Kurt waited, breath held, and a worry line forming between his brows.
After what felt like several long moments, the door was quietly opened. He nearly gasped upon seeing Sebastian. Rumpled clothes, hair askew, face ashen and slack, his one hand propped on the side of the open door, the other loosely holding the phone. "Kurt, I thought you were coming over later, I wasn't expecting you this early". His voice came out scratchy and sluggish, his whole demeanor suggested exhausted.
Kurt's eyes raked Sebastian up and down, and while he first wondered if his boyfriend was ill, he remembered the man's name from the phone call and felt his spine stiffen.
"Obviously. You look like something the cat dragged in, are you sick?" Kurt said, trying to school his expression into one of concern, rather than giving in to the slowly building anxiety.
Leaning his head against his hand on the door, Sebastian sighed deeply, "No, I'm not sick. Listen Kurt, I honestly can't remember exactly what we had planned for tonight, but I'm going to have to get a rain check..."
Kurt cut him off, crossing his arms across his chest, "Yes, we did have plans, nothing concrete but we were going to spend the evening together." Sebastian's expression remained blank and far-away. "Look Sebastian," Kurt paused here, drawing in a breath and hoping to draw strength with it, "I know something is going on, for the past few weeks you've been distant, and I'm not an idiot, I know something is bothering you. I had hoped you would share it with me, but obviously twenty-seven weeks of dating still isn't enough for you to be honest about things. Maybe you'll have better luck with the guy you're leaving me for."
Sebastian's head, which had drooped as Kurt started speaking, snapped up, his eyes wide, "Kurt? What in holy hell are you talking about? What guy?"
Kurt held his head higher, jutting his chin out defiantly. "I heard you on the phone just now, I know that you have been texting and talking with someone, and I know there have been nights when you haven't come home. Now would you like to come clean about Henri, or shall we continue this charade that you seem so fond of?"
Sebastian throat bobbed as he swallowed. Lowering his head and his hand from for door, he opened it wider silently giving Kurt permission to enter, as he turned and walked toward the couch.
Kurt's head reeled. This was really happening. He had asked and had hoped beyond hope for a denial. But this, the slumped shoulders, the way Sebastian's feet shuffled across the carpet as if he didn't have the strength to lift them, every fiber of him spoke of guilt and shame. And Kurt felt a cold fist clench his heart. There was a buzzing in his ears, that seemed to match the vibration he was feeling in his fingers and toes. But his face showed no trace of the turmoil. Sebastian silently walked to the couch, turned and sat on the edge, legs spread, elbows on his knees with his head in his hands. Kurt stood a few feet away from him, making no move to join him. He figured what Sebastian had to say (when he finally said it) would only take moments, and he didn't want to be too far from the door when he stormed out. Because he was going to storm out, he figured he was entitled to that. Twenty-seven weeks was ample time invested for a good storm-out. Hurt bubbled inside of him, but anger was giving it a run for its money.
As Sebastian rubbed his palms slowly over his cheeks, breathing deeply, Kurt waited. Finally he spoke, "How did you know about Henri?"
Kurt's voice betrayed him, only having enough force behind it to come out on a whisper, "So, you don't deny it?"
"Kurt, please sit down," Sebastian pleaded, sounding so far away to Kurt's ears.
"I don't think this is going to take very long, just be done with it, Seb, for both our sakes, just say it." Kurt spoke through gritted teeth.
Sebastian looked up then, eyes filled with hurt and sadness, and Kurt's breath caught in his throat.
If it was possible, Sebastian's body slumped even further. "Henri was my dog, Kurt...my parents had to have him put to sleep earlier today."
Kurt felt the room spin a little bit, his head was still trying to catch up, his heart expecting to hear one thing, and then hearing something totally different gave him a sense of near-vertigo. His hands flew to cover his mouth, and without thinking he moved forward and dropped to his knees in front of Sebastian. "Oh my god, 'Bas...I didn't know..." He laid his palms on Sebastian's thighs and applied a gentle pressure, just letting his boyfriend know that he was here.
Minutes passed. Kurt's breathing returned to normal, his pounding heart slowing down. He noticed dark spots dotting his dress pants as the tears fell silently from Sebastian's eyes. Kurt let them fall, and listened to his boyfriend's quiet, broken half-sobs. Slowly, Sebastian's breathing became more steady and even, and he finally raised his head and wiped his eyes, snuffling and working on regaining his composure. He cleared his throat once and finally met Kurt's eyes. He began to speak.
"He wasn't really my dog, or at least he didn't start out that way. My older sister, Marianne, convinced my parents that she just had to have a dog, and they, of course, relented and she brought him home when he was just a fluff of a pup." Kurt noticed the small half-smile on Sebastian's lips and he brought his hand up to brush a thumb over the bottom one. Kurt returned the small smile and whispered, "I'd like to hear all about him if you want to talk."
"Yeah, okay...maybe it will help, come up here with me okay?"
Kurt scrambled off the floor, toeing off his shoes and settling himself into the opposite corner of the couch. Spreading his legs, he patted the couch in between his thighs and cocked his head questioningly. Sebastian smiled a full smile now, still a bit wistful, but more present, and moved in between Kurt's legs, leaning back against his chest. Kurt let him get settled, and then wrapped his hands around holding Sebastian close. Resting his chin on Sebastian's shoulder, he said, "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, tell me everything."
Sebastian began to speak, haltingly at first, then more freely. Kurt felt Sebastian start to relax, growing heavier, and the warmth spread into his own chest, soothing his still slightly frayed nerves. He closed his eyes and tried to picture Henri.
"He was just a scruffy looking thing. My parents were not pleased, said he looked like a mutt – which he did to be honest – but my sister insisted that he was a pure bred and that the "scruffy" look was part of his ancestry. He may have looked like a mongrel, but he was smart as a whip, Kurt...he learned to fetch and sit and stay. He was a quick study. Marianne fixed him up a fancy, frilly bed at the base of the armoire in her room, and he would stay there until everyone was asleep, and then he'd come to my room. I'd never had a dog, and frankly, didn't want anything to do with him at first. Dogs chewed things up, and pissed everywhere, and barked all night, at least that's what the boys at school had said. But, he'd stand at the end of my bed and stare at me with those big soulful eyes, and lay his chin on my blankets and it would drive me crazy. Eventually, the force of that stare was too much for me and I caved. I got to where I'd look forward to the little scamp coming to visit. Sometimes I'd still be up reading comic books..." Kurt laughed out loud at that confession.
"Sebastian Smythe...you read comic books? My image of you is irrevocably shattered!" Sebastian turned his body toward Kurt and spoke sharply, "Hey, the Flash was the coolest, and have you seen that ass in spandex? I was a 10-year-old kid, don't judge! My parents almost caught me once. I stashed it back under my mattress so fast and looked so guilty, I guess they assumed it was porn. They seemed kind of pleased with that. Guess they thought I had finally come to my senses and started liking girls." He made a face and Kurt leaned in and kissed the pout off. "Go on..." he prompted.
Sebastian turned again and settled into his former position, bringing his hands up to grasp Kurt's wrists, holding on loosely and running his thumbs back and forth over Kurt's warm skin.
"Anyway, as Marianne got older and more into the social circle with her peers, Henri became more my dog, I walked him, I fed him, I continued his training, teaching him a few more tricks. Eventually, she moved his bed out into the hallway to make room for a new chair she just HAD to have, and Henri officially/unofficially became my dog."
Sebastian was quiet for a long time then, and Kurt let him be. Kurt could hear the clock on the wall tick-tocking and the air conditioner clicking in the distance. Eventually Sebastian spoke again, "About a month ago, my mother called and in the course of the conversation she mentioned that Henri didn't seem to be himself and they were going to take him to see the vet that afternoon." She called back that night with less than good news. The doctor said the disease was painless, but rapidly progressing. Maman told me then that I should probably come home more often. They were in the New York townhouse for the summer, and Henri was with them. I have been traveling up there some nights and just sitting with him, taking him for walks when he felt up to it, and on a few really good days, we played fetch. And sometimes, we'd just stay in my old room, just like no time had passed at all. He'd come in and lay his chin on the bed and give me that face."
Kurt could feel Sebastian's chest hitch and knew that more tears were coming. He just held him tighter and gently kissed his neck, giving him as much comfort as he could.
Through his tightly closed throat, Sebastian spoke again, "I was in meetings all day today, I couldn't get away. He took a turn for the worse, my father said, and they had to make the decision without me. I didn't want him to feel pain or suffer, and they knew that. I'm thankful that they did what they did, he deserved a pain-free death. I just feel so guilty that I wasn't there."
Finally, the tears came faster, and Kurt knew the story-telling was at an end. Kurt sat up awkwardly and turned Sebastian into his chest, rubbing circles into his back as he felt the front of his short grow wet with tears. He closed his eyes and imagined a little boy with a smattering of freckles everywhere, too long legs, and outrageous unkempt hair, one who was probably expected to dress for dinner and mind his manners, one who back then was quicker to smile and quicker to trust. Kurt then thought of that boy growing up in a house with too many rules and too little understanding. And in the midst of that, there was Henri, the one presence in that house who came to Sebastian unbidden, who was full of love without limits, trust in abundance, and who wanted nothing in return but friendship.
Long minutes passed and the snuffling gradually came to an end...Sebastian's breathing evened out, and still Kurt stayed still, shhh'ing him and kissing the top of his head every few minutes, Kurt stilled his hands and just pressed them flat into Sebastian's back, covering as much of his torso as he could with his palms, gentle pressure, hoping to convey to Sebastian that he was there for him...
Sebastian reached up a hand and wiped his eyes, then slid his fingertips inside the front of Kurt's button-down. "Kurt?" Sebastian croaked, voice thick. "Mmmmm?" Kurt replied. "I may have ruined this shirt, and honestly, I can't feel sorry about that...can we talk about this color?" Kurt snorted and lightly popped Sebastian on the back of the head, stopping his soft chuckles. When he raised his head from Kurt's chest, he had a genuine smile on his face, tear-stained eyes and red nose, hair an absolute mess and still so gorgeous. He seemed much more "present" to Kurt than he had been in weeks, as if a weight had been lifted, and Kurt supposed it had been.
Sebastian stared so deeply into Kurt's eyes, face growing serious again, fingers now gripping his shirt front, almost desperation in his voice, "Kurt..."
"Shhh, I know...it's okay." He leaned in and softly touched Sebastian's lips with his. "Henri was lucky to have you to love him and care for him. I'm sorry that you didn't tell me about him before now, I would've liked to have met him. Perhaps with my guidance, a stylish collar would have helped him dispel his mutt-like reputation. Even dogs needs fashion, 'Bas" Sebastian smiled again, nodded his head and laid it back down on Kurt's chest, snuggling in tighter, breathing deeply.
The apartment was growing darker with the setting sun, and still they lay there together, neither moving. Finally Kurt's stomach let out a low rumble and Sebastian's body vibrated with a barely held-in chuckle. Kurt wanted to make a snarky comment, had one (or three) at the tip of his tongue, but he didn't want to let it pass his lips, because then Sebastian would counter, and while that was always so much fun, tonight he didn't want to change the mood and make it lighter. Instead he leaned down and brushed his lips over Sebastian's forehead and whispered, "Why don't I go and see what I can find in the kitchen for dinner, do you feel like eating?"
Sebastian sat up, completely turning in Kurt's space then, wrapping his arms around Kurt tightly. "I think I owe you dinner for the turmoil I've put you through these last few weeks." Kurt squeezed him back, "Yes, honey, you certainly do...I'm not entirely sure that just dinner will do the trick." Kurt couldn't help but tease Sebastian just a little.
"Well, then I'll prepare myself for many nights of making it up to you...it will be a burden, but I'll try and muddle through." Sebastian said with a mock serious expression. Kurt managed to extricate himself not too ungracefully from behind Sebastian, standing up and straightening his mussed clothes and turning to head into the kitchen. Before he took a step, Sebastian's reached out to grasp his wrist, holding him there. Kurt glanced at Sebastian's long lovely fingers where they encircled his wrist and then looked up at his face. The serious expression was back, but this time it was genuine. Their eyes locked and neither of them spoke. Kurt felt the gentle tug on his wrist pulling him closer, pulling him down. He blinked slowly seeing the determination in Sebastian's eyes, as Kurt leaned close . He felt more than heard the soft murmur against his lips, "Thank you, Kurt..."
He softly touched his lips to Sebastian's for a moment, knowing that it was difficult for him to have let Kurt in like this, knowing that even this small touch meant so much more, said so much more than Sebastian was able to say with words. Kurt pulled back just enough to stare into his boyfriend's eyes, "You're welcome, Sebastian..." With a glint in his eye he continued, "How about the next dog we get, we name him Rascal or Killer or Scruffy...no BOY's names – less confusing that way..." Sebastian returned Kurt's smile, pulling him in for just one more kiss, "Mr. Hummel, you have yourself a deal."