[FORWARD]
I'm almost certain that the best way to start a story is with some amount of awkward, yet confusingly dry, bit of drama. ESPECIALLY if that story is fanfiction based on a highly censored children's show about card games. One with Mary Sues desperately clawing their way up from Weeb-Trash Hell. It should display it's Mary Sue proudly, picking her up, dusting off all her features in painfully specific details. Unless, of course, you're a good writer, then you'll absolutely undoubtedly have to push the envelope by make more than one Mary Sue. All the while utilizing your extreme intellect and mastery with words to detail her extremely important past, present, and future - all with god's gift to writing, exposition. Then remember to add sufficiently long and painfully specific world building in overly bulky paragraphs. If you are a GREAT writer, you'll remember to detail every blade of grass. Because we are all J.R.R. Tolkien.
Truly.
Of course, what's good writing advice without showing you exactly what to do? How exactly to start your story, all the time, every time. I'm your narrator. My name is "I Really, Really, Really Really [Really] Would Rather Be Anywhere Else Right Now Doing Literally Anything Else," but you can call me "the Narrator" for short. I'm not paid nearly enough for this job, and I don't care whether you fancy me or my name. Or my language. As if I cared whether any of my stylistically profane f-bombs, such as [4filter], or [4filter], or their other profane but not as controversial friends [4filter] and [4filter] offended you. One could even go as far to say my name is "the [4filter] Narrator" because I don't give a [4filter].
Tragically, I don't have a mirror to look into to tell you about my glossy hair, or perfectly plump lips that I hate because it makes me look like a model. And reflect on how I hate models. They're all shallow cardboard cutouts of each other, and I'm an individual. Or my bust that's too small or too big and make me feel painfully insecure. All the boys stare at it and I'm so uncomfortable with it because I'm not that kind of girl.
Even if I did have a mirror, I wouldn't be able to reiterate any of these things to you because I have none of these features. I'm not a girl at all. I am text. The words you are reading right now smashed eloquently into paragraphs, that's me. I also don't require a mirror to reflect on the fact that I hate you. And you hate me. And I wouldn't have it any other way. So, of course, I'm going to be rude and dryly sarcastic (assuming you haven't picked up on that little tidbit already). I'm going to say hateful things and even lie to you, or forget to tell you various background details of the story. In fact, I'll bring "the right to doubt the first person" to a whole new level. Why? Because it's [4filter] Monday, that's why, and I've got a hot case of the [4filter] Mondays.
EVERYDAY.
Of course, that would be a boring [4filter] way to start the story. Why would you, the audience with seemingly endless patience want to hear pages and pages about me? I'm not relevant to the story. I only dictate every aspect of the characters lives and your reading experience. Why worry about me when I've got those fabulously original Mary Sues to get to.