Logic
By Katia-chan
A/N: Hello, my name is Katia, and I have an addiction to Hatori angst…
Two fics in two days? I think this might be considered a disease.
This came out of nowhere, but for once I kind of like it. So if you guys pick this one to stop being amazing and nice and instead go and rip it apart, I'm going to be very very sad.
Kidding, feel free to rend asunder if you'd like. Anyway, it was very top of the moment, but I hope it's alright. I apologize ahead of time for the blaring overdrama…it clings to my fiction, and I can't seem to dislodge it.
Disclaimer: ha…you're funny…you really think I would be able to afford to own this?
Dedication: For my Windswift, who has been writing amazing fic after amazing fic lately, and has passed her scheming tendencies, if not her absolute genius and talent, onto me. A conversation with her was pretty much solely responsible for this fic.
Please review and feed my ego!
Enjoy!
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It had been a foolish decision.
No one said that now, no one dared, but before they had said it. Shigure and Ayame had even used it on him, during their talks which hovered so neatly on the edges of pleading. 'It won't go well,' 'She's going to take it badly,' they kept saying. He had gone anyway, and so they thought he had been ignoring them.
He hadn't been, of course.
Hatori had been careful all his life. He had watched the moods of their God like a carefully trained fortune teller. If he knew in advance, he still couldn't prepare for them, but he could be ready for damage control. He never did a thing without thinking it through. Maybe he didn't plan like Shigure, he could never tell what far reaching effects his actions would have on others, but he knew exactly what their consequences would be. He had never learned to use this talent, but it helped anyway. He was always ready.
Did he think he'd been ready for the events of that day? Looking back on it, he wasn't entirely sure. But, contrary to what everyone else thought, he had been fully aware of what he was doing.
It was simply the why of the matter that he wasn't certain of.
'I know I wasn't that short sighted because of love,' he had told himself repeatedly. It was true, he had loved Kana more than he ever thought possible. She had been his everything, but he could never let go quite that much to do something so…reckless. No, it couldn't have been love. If it had been love, he knew, he would have felt terror instead of the sick deadened resignation that had come over him when he had entered Akito's rooms that day.
And he was careful. It wasn't as if Akito's fury had caught him off guard. If that had been the only reason for the disaster, then he would have wasted away like Kana, fully able to take the blame and call himself a fool. Hatori had never been accused of true idiocy in his life, not in anything more than teasing from his friends.
So no, it wasn't love, or stupidity that had led him there that day. It wasn't any of those powerful emotions that had caused him to risk everything simply for protocol. Either one of those reasons would have made him think to run; to take Kana and go somewhere far away. He would have swept her off her feet and hidden her away. Passion and foolishness would have caused that, would have caused him to be surprised by Akito's reaction.
This…what had actually happened, had merely been the inevitable.
Admitting it hurt, stung and made him feel ashamed, but it was true. Of course he had known they would be discovered, and he must have known too that it would rip them apart. It was no mystery that their god guarded her possessions jealously. Kana never would have been allowed to remain.
'I've been as well trained as the rest,' he had thought bitterly to himself so many times. When children break things, sometimes they will bring their parents to see the damage. It's better that way, to control when they are discovered. Like a child,, he had gone running to Akito with his sin. He had shown her Kana, and had waited for punishment.
His only mistake had been that he truly had underestimated the weight of his crime. To him it was disobedience, but to Akito it was thievery.
And they had both been punished accordingly.
She had used Hatori's injury to steal him away from Kana, and she had used Kana's breakdown to bring Hatori back into the fold.
'You should erase her memories…What's hurting her right now is her memories of you. Her love for you. Isn't it your final duty to free her from that pain?'
A punishment…but one that she offered to him like a redemption.
That was the only thing he regretted. He knew that no matter what he thought he could have done, he would have gone to Akito in the end. That was just the way things were. He was obligated…no, he was bound. It would have happened sooner or later, no matter how he tried to delude himself that the consequences would be light.
But Kana had sworn no such blood oath. She hadn't signed the contract; he had never told her enough so that she could. He might have known that that could be their last day, but she didn't know that. It had been cruel, because there was no reason for her to suffer like that, with no forewarning; no chance to prepare herself.
He'd had a chance, somewhere deep in his subconscious he had been preparing for the end of the dream. That was why he was still here, and why she lived a happy life somewhere else, with almost two years of memories taken away so that they wouldn't kill her.
He had had a fighting chance to be strong, to survive…but he'd never given that to her. He had kept their doom a secret, because he loved her, and in the end that was how he had lost her.
So he didn't hate himself for going that day…but there were other things he would never forgive.
'It would have been better…if we had never met.'
XXX
TTFN
Katia-chan