Chapter 1: Home Sweet Something
They said this would help. They said that coming home to something familiar, coming back to District 12, would help.
Maybe they need psychiatric evaluations every few weeks. Maybe they need to wear the band that labels them as "mentally disoriented."
I think that this is worse than being a mental avox. And much worse than spending eternity in a padded cell for all of the things that I have done.
I smile at the thought of myself in a white padded room, my dark hair falling out in clumps and my chapped lips in constant motion.
My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am from District 12. There is no District 12. I was in the Hunger Games. Twice. I went to District 13. Peeta was hijacked. It was my fault. I killed Snow. I killed Coin. The Capitol hates me. My sister is dead. I should be dead. Why am I not dead? Why am I not dead?
I enter my home in the Victor's Village. It is spotless, clean, safe. It is so much better than the ash that billows through the streets outside.
I shiver. The house is empty. There is no smell, no color, no people. Only me. I take a minute, closing the door and moving further in to the house. I then catch a whiff of it.
The rose.
I dash up to my bedroom and see it. The damned thing managed to survive through the fire bombings and evacuations. It managed to survive through the two years before I came back here.
The perfect white petals seem to glimmer in the noon sunlight that is streaming through the windows. I just stare at it, trying to decide what to do with it.
Throw it away.
Keep it.
Burn it.
Destroy it.
Keep it.
I don't know what to do. So, I rip the pungent petals off of the stem and toss them out the window. The stem I leave in the vase though, I honestly don't know why. I'm just going to leave it though. Leave it to live. To die. To bloom. To wither. I don't care.
I decide to walk through the house a bit to get my mind off of the memories and pain that the rose has managed to fill me with.
My mother's room is filled with odds and ends of fabric. She was trying to make something, though I don't know what. Prim's room is filled with drawings and news clippings that hang messily from the wall. All of them surround a photograph of us with our dad. The clippings on the desk are puckered with what I assume were once fresh tears.
In my extra closet at the end of the hall are the wedding dresses Cinna made for me along with several other outfits that I was supposed to wear about town and such but never did. I reach in and run my hands along the soft and cool silk and cotton fabrics.
Downstairs, in the kitchen, I find some of my things have been returned to the house. My father's jacket, my mother's book and a small bowl have been placed on the kitchen island. Then I hear it.
Meow.
Buttercup walks through the kitchen door and hisses at me. The damn cat survived. Too bad I won't take care of him and Prim is gone.
Prim.
I start to tear up as I glare at that stupid cat. I'm about to break down all together when I grab my father's jacket and dart out the door and head for the Seam, to the forest.
I am disgusted as I walk down the main drag of town. The ash from buildings and people alike and being imprinted under my feet and swirling in thin tendrils into the air.
I continue through the town as fast as I can. I notice that people are starting to return to 12. Like me though, they are cautious and don't take notice to any other people, just themselves.
I reach the fence and pass through easily. There is no more electricity pulsing though the chain link. There is rarely electricity in 12 in general, for now at least. I follow my old trails once I cross the meadow and walk until I reach the ledge.
Memories flash before my eyes as I look at the slab of rock. My father teaching me how to use a bow and how to hunt. Meeting Gale. That last Reaping Day before my first Games. The kiss we shared.
I suck in a sharp breath. I'm trying, and failing miserably, to control myself. I can't stay here.
I keep walking until I reach the lake where my father taught me to swim. I look at the glimmering waters that reflect the sun like little diamonds. For a moment I let the calmness and serenity of the moment take me over and I day dream.
Peeta's blonde curls move slightly in the breeze as he sits on the edge of the lake. His feet just barely touch the water. In his arms he holds a little girl with dark curls. They are laughing and looking out towards the water.
A little boy with straight blonde hair is trying to pull up some katniss from the muddy bottom of the lake. I'm close by, showing him what to do. He finally gets the roots and we head back to Peeta and the girl.
On the shore, we all let the sun dry us. The girl and the boy run around in the small meadow and Peeta and I hold each other under a tree as we watch happily. We murmur things to each other and kiss.
I shake my head. That could never happen. Will never happen.
I strip out of my clothes and lay them in the sun.
The water is cold against my skin as I walk out into deeper waters. So much colder than the wind and snow in the Capitol that day. It's summer though so the frigidness is welcomed.
I submerge under the water and pretend that the water is washing my scars away. My dark hair flies about my and swirls above my head. I consider staying below the surface of the water.
Drowning myself.
Affixation.
I don't have nightlock anymore but any of these forms of death would suffice.
I don't stay under though. I'm too strong for this. The need for air is stinging my lungs so I surface. I open my eyes, take a deep breath and see it in the sky.
A hovercraft.
It is heading for the town.
I rush out of the water and dress quickly before running as fast as I can though the woods and into town.
When I reach the center of 12, the few people who live there have hidden, affraid of another fire bombing. I run even faster to the Victor's Village.
The hovercraft landed beside the homes in the Village, disturbing the ashes of the district.
I slow as I reach my own door, its open. There are people, people from the Capitol, in my home. I slowly enter, preparing for the worst.
"Hello Katniss." someone says as I shut the door.
"Hello." I say, getting a look at who spoke. I determine that the speaker is a man, a doctor actually.
"Hello Katniss." says another voice from behind me, I know it well. I don't believe it though. I turn and face him.
"Pe-Peeta?" I whisper. I truly don't believe that he is here. He nods though, his blonde curls shaking.
"Yes Katniss, it's me." he looks at me and I look back at him.
His eyes are back to normal, a blue that puts the sky to shame. He is a tad burned in places, like me.
He pulls me into a hug. I, for the first time in a long while, feel safe. Safe in my surroundings, safe in his arms. Safe.
I melt into him and feel him tighten his grip on me protectively.
"Ah-hem." the doctor coughs, breaking us apart.
"Miss Everdeen, we need to talk."
I let out a sigh.
It is time for my evaluation.