cause I'm sick of losing soulmates
so where do we begin?
In the middle of a session, Linda's phone starts to go mental (she understands how awful this pun is taking in consideration what the person in front of her is narrating). She gets anxious; God knows (funny!) what is; it could be anything from Hercules changing earth's route or Jesus being a new contestant in a culinary show – this is what her life has become, a box of Pandora of celestial beings.
When the session is over, Linda reaches for her phone and there are waiting for her attention dozens of messages with the same variant: Maze, arrested, murder. While in the beginning of her friendship, Linda was scared of waking up to something like this; that Maze would loose her temper and hurt somebody deathly, deciding that she had enough of the human lifestyle, fragile bodies and stupid ethics and social rules.
But then Linda had got the chance to see some glimpses of how human Maze could be – dancing openly to the rhythm of a song, laughing so badly she couldn't breathe at a particularly bad joke; still the most human Maze's moment Linda had the chance to witness was in her office, with the demon losing all her composure, looking scared and lost, making promises that she couldn't keep, just because Linda was bleeding a little (ok, it was not nothing, she had a big hole made by a celestial being – ah! sometimes it looks like her life revolves around angels and demons).
After reading all the messages, Linda's first instinct is to run to get the fastest possible to Maze's side to try (delicately) to knock some sense in the demon's head (she knows is a lost battle, but it's a war Linda will never give up on) but mostly to be close (and to be a part) of Maze's orbit again.
Since the feud between her, Maze and Amenadiel, Linda has been feeling like a shadow – the world becoming dull and monochromatic around her, not as vivid, unpredictable and ablaze as since Maze's (and her army of knifes) entered her life. Sometimes Linda likes to pretend that she misses her old life, before it had turned into a comics script, but as a therapist, she tries to always be honest with herself and not dwell in deceptions, and so in the end she easily admits that she wouldn't trade her new life over safety and calmness. She really misses Maze and all it comes with her: the danger, the crazy but also the tenderness, the passion and the freedom. Because that is what Maze is: a flame burning intensity, chilly and ferocity, and Linda misses that warm.
For a while now, Linda has known that there is more than just friendship between them. She has already spent enough time thinking, analyzing and then overanalyzing the shift in her emotions – from annoyance and fear to curiosity and comfort to affection and want. Unfortunately she only got the pieces together after the mess with Amenadiel.
In the moment she had to decide between Amenadiel and Maze, Linda knew there was no choice at all. She hadn't lied when she said she had cared for Amenadiel like she hadn't cared for a man for a while, but caring didn't even start to cover what Maze meant to her: joy, confusion, peace, agitation, passion, a thrill she never felt before; she felt protected and treasured. But in the end Linda had played on defense, Amenadiel looking as a safer bet, something she couldn't have with Maze – Maze who had run away after the Linda as a doughnut incident and after that she had come back like nothing had happened, like nothing had changed when Linda's world had been shattered and rearranged.
When Linda arrives at the precinct, Dan is the first to notice her. Quickly he brings it up to date about what had happened. There was a body and footage of Maze near the crime scene. Then he goes and knocks on the interrogation room's door and Chloe emerges, looking frustrated.
Unsure of her role there, Linda asks, "can I talk to her?"
"She is all yours," grunts the detective making her way to the vending machine, letting an exasperated sigh. Dan whispers good luck.
Linda enters the interrogation room and she is greeted by the breathtaking creature that is Maze – the ferocity trapped in that small body, the mischief in her eyes, the power she exhales without even trying. The demon might be the one being interrogated but she looks at ease, with her feet propped up on the desk, owning the room, and a smug smile on her face.
Most people wouldn't notice the way Maze tenses up when Linda is the one who enters the room, not Chloe. But Linda is not most people, and she feels it coming it like waves, the way Maze puts her guards up; and that makes Linda miss Maze even more. She used to be the one person Maze would open up about anything and everything.
"So Chloe called the good doctor, hum? Are you here to evaluate my mental state?", Maze asks dryly.
"No, I am here because I was worried about you, because I am your friend," counter-attacks Linda, aching to touch Maze, to make her understand "what happened, Maze?"
"I killed a dude," Maze answers nonchalantly, "I want to go back to hell, so I thought I would get my reputation back, you know? I don't want them to think I got soft."
For the thousandth time, Linda wishes she could turn the clock back, before she had hurt Maze and wrecked the most important relationship in her life.
"You didn't kill that man and I really doubt you want to go back to hell. I know you better than that, Maze." replies Linda, trying to remain calm.
"You know nothing, Jon Snow," Maze laughs ironically, "Stop pretending you care because we both know it's too late."
Linda snaps, hitting the desk with her hands. The metallic sound of her rings reverberates through the room. She is so tired, tired of being rational, tired of explaining to someone who doesn't want to listen, tired of rearranging her life because of others and only getting pain in return, but mostly she is tired of being so damn alone and pretending that everything is okay. She is tired of fighting when all she wants is Maze's arms around her, embracing her.
Maze is surprised by Linda's outburst, but quickly hides it, "look at the doctor, showing her claws".
A broken laugh leaves Linda's mouth and she can feel her eyes getting watery, "I am tired, Maze, I am tired of running after you and asking for forgiveness," Linda hesitates, "I am tired, I am tired of missing you." she whispers, "If you don't want to talk with me, fine, I get it, but you have to talk to someone."
Linda gets up and when she turns around, getting ready to leave Maze behind, she hears her, "You hurt me like no one ever did. I don't like people to have that control over me," when Maze talks again, it's only a whisper, "It scares me."
Without turning around, Linda answers, "Well, I think you have to decide if it's worth it. And then this might be a start or might be an ending," she chuckles, "I hope it is a start, but it's your decision now, Maze."
Linda leaves but for the first time in weeks she feels better. She has done everything she could and now she only can wait patiently for Maze to take her own steps. But she can't stop hoping for a start.