Everything starts to change when she starts Glee. When she meets her. You can smell the vanilla and coffee bean on her shirts when she gets home. You know that's the perfume that she wears. She tells you that she loves you but she doesn't look you in the eyes. When you go to Lea's birthday party she doesn't drag you onto the dance floor like usual. Instead, you watch her with her. They hold each other close, their bodies pressed tightly up against one another. You can hear her whisper I want you into her ear, her lips ghosting the side of her face. They disappear for an hour and when you find them again, Heather's neck is dark with hickeys. You don't ask her what happened because you're too afraid of losing her, even though you know you already have.
As the months go by, you and Heather turns into you and them. She is always over. You disappear in her presence, the two of them oblivious to anything but each other. They sit cuddled up on your and Heather's couch as she strokes Heather's hair and whispers in her ear. You can feel their love enveloping you whole and the stronger theirs grows the more yours dies. You know she stays with you because she is afraid of being alone. Because she is terrified of what the world will think of their relationship. But you're afraid too. Your love for her is so big that you will stick with her no matter how much she hurts you. No matter how much she loves her. You try to touch her but she pulls away. Only she can touch her now. Sometimes at night you imagine them together. You know that they're all soft kisses and tender touches.
When you go to set to tell her how proud of her you are, the whole cast looks at you with sympathy. They know just as well as you do. You find them in her trailer, the two of them sprawled on her sofa. Their legs are intertwined and Heather's head rests in between her breasts. They don't even bother to move when you come in. You had planned a whole speech but watching them lay there, the room filled with their love, you can't even speak. Instead you just say congratulations and leave. On the drive home you tell yourself it's over, that you're going to end it tonight. When she comes home crying you wrap yourself around her instead.
The next couple months are better. Although she seems sad and distant, at least she isn't around anymore. She tells you that she's sorry for pulling away, that she wants to be an us again. It still isn't the same though. She's different and you know that every time you're together she's thinking about her. You want her so badly and it kills you that she doesn't feel the same.
When she goes on tour after the second season she never even calls you. You spend hours scouring the web for information about where she is. Watching videos of her perform only make it worse. You watch them interact during 'Valerie' and 'Lucky'. You keep pressing replay and each time you re-watch it, it rips your heart in two. You thought they were over. When they kiss on stage you want to throw your computer against the wall. You know thousands of people are celebrating. Instead you're mourning the loss of her again.
When she comes back she promises that it will be different. It isn't. The Brittana storyline only makes it worse. She is so excited when she reads that Santana and Brittany will have their first on-screen kiss. You know it's just an excuse to kiss her. She invites her over for the first time in months to watch the episode. They eye each other shyly, but you can still feel their hunger for one another. It's as palpable as the on screen chemistry between Brittany and Santana. When she leaves you hover awkwardly by the door. You can hear Heather whispering I miss this. I miss us. You walk away as they hug goodbye, their hug lasting several seconds too long.
It's starting all over again and you know that there's nothing you can do to stop it. They're each other's soul mates. You think that maybe in a different life you and Heather could have worked out. But then you know that's not true. In every life Heather would end up with her. Because the truth is, while she may be with you in public, in private she belongs to Naya. And she always will.